GUYS N GALS HELP ME PLEASE, is she worth the wait???
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My gf and i have been together for 1 yr while now (her parents know i'm with her) she is in Aust studying for her degree. Along with her are 2 guys from her poly tagging along with her. (staying under 1 roof). 1 of them has been waiting for her for the past 5 years. (sorry guys/gals if u heard this b4)
Just last week something bad happen. M guy (Starts with his surname) fell off the balcony from the 3rd level where they stay together in the hostel. Ever since my gf Y has been blaming herself for his accident. My gf didn't tell M's family abt it until the next day when M needed to have an operation (in Aust). She called them, soon enough M's family flew from S'pore to Aust. M's family blame her (indirectly) for not informing them earlier. But from wht i heard from my gf is tht it is M who doesn't wish to inform his parents. And yet when M's family saw him lying in the hospital, he did not clarify with his parents abt the reason behind the delay. (R maybe he wasn't aware) Anyway now my gf withdrew herself in self pity. Micheal another guy who tag along with them for studies, didn't help out with the registration of hospital and ambulance during tht day of incident. (What an asshole) My gf did the procedure of registration, calling the ambulance, inform M's parents and guide them around from hospital to their hostel and back. All this while she didn't have the time to study for her papers which is due 2 weeks later. We spoke on the phone yesterday (i called her after she msg me, she in Aust, we spoke for 1 hr. My hp bills gonna be damn ex) She was crying on the other line telling me she was stress up, can't focus, can't concentrate to study... My plan to her was to cut short her studies and cum to S'pore to study. She can stay in my house if her parents starts to nag at her. Am i being to selfish to ask her to stop studying in Aust since she is so stress up with studies there and cum back to Spore to work n study with me? She get to stay in my room if she wants. At least in S'pore i m here to support her, a shoulder to cry on, help her in her studies. Provide physical n emotional support. She said no.
Her reason, her parent paid $40 000 for her studies, she would be letting them down if she were to quit now and study in Spore. She told me i wouldn't understand of the consequences lies ahead if she were to quit her studies in Aust to study in Spore. She couldn't stand the pressure tht her parents would gif her if she cums back. Would her parents forced her to study without knowing it could lead her to commit suicide? Would her parents allow this to happen?
Instead of the 1 1/2 year in Aust now she is dropping a few modules which could mean 2 years in Aust to study. Wht the fuck the more time she spend in Aust the more $$ she would hve to spend to stay there. And yet her parents support tht.
My gf told me to be prepare if I didn't hear any news from her no more. She told me she would commit suicide if she feels to stress up and pressurise. What am i as a bf ought to do? I working 4 jobs to study my degree next year hopping she would be back by the time i get enough $$ to study. I told her to think b4 i hang up, i would sacrifice anything for u to cum back to study with me. But if u wish to sacrifice everything to see God earlier, by all means go ahead. I told her to think abt it.
Guys u tell me, if u were in my situation wht would u do. Abandon her to her own downfall r stay by her hopping she would turn round and be back with me? Gals u tell me would u sacrifice ur studies and ur parents to be with ur bf who is willing to support u n b by ur side throughout working n studying together? R would u face the death, running away from studies and ur parent's face. Would u go ahead and study n force urself to study to save ur parents face?
I
'm actually quite pissed with her thinking abt going to die as an easy way out. Is it so hard for her to drop her studies in Aust to cum n join me working n studying in Spore. She told me i'm being immature and it wouldn't work out. But wht would? Me working n studying and she forcing herself to study under pressure from parents and her trauma seeing M falling off the balcony, in time she would commit sucide? Help me i felt like breaking up with her, I'm taking 4 jobs is hard enough for me physically and now this emotional drag by her. I'M GOING CRAZY!!!! -
does her parents know that you are her boyfriend?
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hmm i think ur gf really needs support nw...things around her had make her out of control....she might be too helpless n commit suicide......she mus be independent.......y don't u fly over and look after her for a while...then when she's stable liao then ok...but also wont work out.....nw is depend on herself....do wat your heart says...if u think is right.......but for her 1.5 yrs shld be quite alrite for her....
she so gd can go oversees to study still wana commit suicide....u tell her...over sg..so many ppl no money to go study....and some don't even have qualification , work as toilet cleaner...but aso lead happily....if her parents stress on her...i think shes big to make her own decision...in the end they will sure still support her.. -
hmm
true love never waits...
treasure it before it passes you by...
regret is but a short pain...
the memory thereafter, will last a lifetime....
hold on to what you believe...
but spare some thought for your loved one...
protect what you really want to protect..
before it is lost to you... -
find the answer in ur heart...
to love is to suffer, that's the risk every lovers take...
if u give up, then give up, no turn back, no regrets...
if u can do that, than do that.
if u can't than dont ever think about it..........
.....................
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You've got 2 simple choices. Drop or keep her.
Drop her? Erase her from your memories forever and try to get over with the emotional torment that she might be giving to you now possibly in exchange for the torment of your love (?) for her....
If you really want her so much, KEEP HER. I don't know much about your current finance situation and commitment now which might require you to take up 4 jobs...
1st suggestion, which I think is quite unlikely from SURFACE DEDUCTION of your case is to JOIN her over there (whether you're studying with her there or just working there..) This might act as a very good moral and emotional support for her... But be careful and realistic if you know you're not gonna make it there like that due to your financial insufficiency or local commitment(s) as that would only add to more troubles....
2nd suggestion. Do a countdown? Giving her LOTS of mental and spiritual support... See a BIGGER PICTURE? How many years down the line before she complete her studies? Ask her to pin her vision on that day to come.... Just like a 3 years NS might seems FOREVER to a Singaporean male, the ORD day would come one day? During this period of time shower her with your LOVE and CONCERN... Mails, e-mails, virtual flowers, virtual cards, virtual gifts, REAL overseas gift for special (or non-special just to show you care) occasions... Phone calls... Short trips to visit her? (If you can afford the $ and time...) Do things which are financially feasible in your case... The KEY is YOUR GENUINE care and concern... SINCERITY...
But I also have to warn you at this point that, a few years down the line sometimes things can just change... (Either you or her... Or maybe sometimes new situations come into interfere...) From the way you've described her, her response don't seems quite keen..? I'm not sure if that's due to her low spirit over there.. (You talk about 4 jobs and the emotional burden of her... She's studying, overseas by herself, pressure from parents and emotional burden of this relationship...) It's your choice to make...?
3rd suggestion is kinda blend in..? If you find that maintaining an overseas relationship is taxing on both your stands, suggest a mutual stand point with her? Just maintain as friends for now or something like that (perhaps a 'low tone down key' for the relationship so that the both of you can concentrate on your own career 1st..?)... Try to make it a no obligation 'stress-free' thing so that the both of you won't be pressurised by this choice... But note that the both of you would got to have quite good mentality to mutually comes to such an agreement.... If LOVE is TRUE between both of you, TRUST ME this won't be a hindrance but quite a good choice for the both of you.... (No offence, if you're not up to the mentality, don't try this...)
Good luck...? -
i like ur avatar icon....Originally posted by Devil1976:You've got 2 simple choices. Drop or keep her.
Drop her? Erase her from your memories forever and try to get over with the emotional torment that she might be giving to you now possibly in exchange for the torment of your love (?) for her....
If you really want her so much, KEEP HER. I don't know much about your current finance situation and commitment now which might require you to take up 4 jobs...
1st suggestion, which I think is quite unlikely from SURFACE DEDUCTION of your case is to JOIN her over there (whether you're studying with her there or just working there..) This might act as a very good moral and emotional support for her... But be careful and realistic if you know you're not gonna make it there like that due to your financial insufficiency or local commitment(s) as that would only add to more troubles....
2nd suggestion. Do a countdown? Giving her LOTS of mental and spiritual support... See a BIGGER PICTURE? How many years down the line before she complete her studies? Ask her to pin her vision on that day to come.... Just like a 3 years NS might seems FOREVER to a Singaporean male, the ORD day would come one day? During this period of time shower her with your LOVE and CONCERN... Mails, e-mails, virtual flowers, virtual cards, virtual gifts, REAL overseas gift for special (or non-special just to show you care) occasions... Phone calls... Short trips to visit her? (If you can afford the $ and time...) Do things which are financially feasible in your case... The KEY is YOUR GENUINE care and concern... SINCERITY...
But I also have to warn you at this point that, a few years down the line sometimes things can just change... (Either you or her... Or maybe sometimes new situations come into interfere...) From the way you've described her, her response don't seems quite keen..? I'm not sure if that's due to her low spirit over there.. (You talk about 4 jobs and the emotional burden of her... She's studying, overseas by herself, pressure from parents and emotional burden of this relationship...) It's your choice to make...?
3rd suggestion is kinda blend in..? If you find that maintaining an overseas relationship is taxing on both your stands, suggest a mutual stand point with her? Just maintain as friends for now or something like that (perhaps a 'low tone down key' for the relationship so that the both of you can concentrate on your own career 1st..?)... Try to make it a no obligation 'stress-free' thing so that the both of you won't be pressurised by this choice... But note that the both of you would got to have quite good mentality to mutually comes to such an agreement.... If LOVE is TRUE between both of you, TRUST ME this won't be a hindrance but quite a good choice for the both of you.... (No offence, if you're not up to the mentality, don't try this...)
Good luck...?
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Usually, gals who keep saying they are damn stressed out and feeling like life has no other meaning just need a sympathy ear. a ear that just LISTENS to her and not to give any form of solution. They felt lost, so the last thing they want to do is make a decision.
IMHO, be it you wish to wait for her or not is another issue. juz lend a listening ear and emphatize with what they are going thru, so that they can feel heard and understood.
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in my opinion, u shld keep her...
if u truly love her, u shldnt be runnin away,
i know u r stress urself, esp 4 jobs, its really taxing..
i believe if u r without ur work, u might be thinking in a clearer view, not tat i m askin u to quit, but dun mix ur work n her toghether..
y not u ask her for her opinions ? does she want to carry on there ?
of coz at this point of time, is not to ask too much, offer her suggestions, let her know u r there
if she truly loves u, leaving her at this point will surely cause more hurt upon -
abit out of topic, to cut down on ur hp, can try those international calling cards,
she is the most vulnerable at this time n u r not wif her, so maybe can try to be more watchful of the pple around her -
hhmm...listen to me boy...in times like this you should not be complaining...ur gr is stressed...emotionally and physically...
now is not the time to say or think whether to leave her to her death or downfall...more like you should be comforting her and encouraging her to move on and take it easy...
yes...she would not listen...but you muz know both of you are speaking through a phone..there is some communication barrier...
in such short time she will not be able to take or comprehend any advice...take it slow...talk to her often...make her feel relaxed...
that is your responsibility now as a bf...and not run away from it...what u were suggesting abt leaving her blah blah is unacceptable unless and only unless she initiates a breakup...if not do ur job as a bf..good luck and cheerz... -
i'm sorry to hear such a thing...
since such a thing happened to ur gf...
u should understand the pressure ur gf is facing...
the pressure that M's parents is giving her...
it's the pressure that makes ur gf feels depress which in turn make her turn to self pity...
i think at this time u shouldn't pressure her anymore to make a decision on returning to s'pore...
coz u wouldn't know how much pressure would her parents give her if she drop her studies there to come back...
of course at the same time u should tell her that by committing suicide doesn't do an help...
ask her to weigh both situations...
2 yrs is a long time for the both of u... but if the relationship can be strengthen, why not???
if there's no ups & downs in a relationship, would it still be a relationship???
but of course, all this is only my part of advise...
and the decision's ur's... -
i agree.. i think maybe you should try your best to talk to her as often as you can... lend her an ear.. try to make her happy... send her some flowers or some stuff to cheer her up... all this goin to cost you, but if you think she's worth it then, cost shouldn't be a problem.
i mean this kinda problems happen all the time to a lot of people, though not as extreme as this... you must understand that if she does come back, her parents are going to be EXTREMELY pissed with her, i mean it would be totally irresponsible of her to just drop her studies halfway and come back, rite?
so let her finish her studies, but in the meantime, you should give her strong emotional support, call her more etc etc ...
just my 5 cents worth...
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As much as i wish to call her n comfort her i dun hve tht much $$ to spend $300 every month to tok to her. M i being selfish? I hve my own reasons as i need to earn money for a degree in just 1 year. I need 10-20k in just 1 year. Thts y i work.Originally posted by simple-thinker:Usually, gals who keep saying they are damn stressed out and feeling like life has no other meaning just need a sympathy ear. a ear that just LISTENS to her and not to give any form of solution. They felt lost, so the last thing they want to do is make a decision.
IMHO, be it you wish to wait for her or not is another issue. juz lend a listening ear and emphatize with what they are going thru, so that they can feel heard and understood. -
things will be easier if you can get her parents to help.Originally posted by karter:As much as i wish to call her n comfort her i dun hve tht much $$ to spend $300 every month to tok to her. M i being selfish? I hve my own reasons as i need to earn money for a degree in just 1 year. I need 10-20k in just 1 year. Thts y i work.
no offence but i dont see that you can solve this problem alone. you have enough problems for yourself already.
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Originally posted by ]A[na-FennY:hhmm...listen to me boy...in times like this you should not be complaining...ur gr is stressed...emotionally and physically...
now is not the time to say or think whether to leave her to her death or downfall...more like you should be comforting her and encouraging her to move on and take it easy...
yes...she would not listen...but you muz know both of you are speaking through a phone..there is some communication barrier...
in such short time she will not be able to take or comprehend any advice...take it slow...talk to her often...make her feel relaxed...
that is your responsibility now as a bf...and not run away from it...what u were suggesting abt leaving her blah blah is unacceptable unless and only unless she initiates a breakup...if not do ur job as a bf..good luck and cheerz... As much as i wish to do wht my heart told me to do. We are living in a cruel and realistic world. N my situation doesn't allow me to listen to her as much as i wish. Always on the phone she would just blah blah blah and cry. I know she needs a listening ear but i can't afford tht. I'm saving $$ for my degree. I would like to elaborate abt our relationship bt i dun think u guys will be interested. Deep down inside i still blames her for leaving me to pursue her studies. I'm being selfish bt if a ger can leave u for her studies i believe she would do the same for pursuing her career as well. She have no confidence in pursuing her degree abroad thts y she ask her polymate, M (who has been waiting for her for 5 year now) to support her thru her studies. I hve no confidence in this relationship at all, we dun click even though when together we just wish to enjoy our moments. ALways when we have a big arguement. We dun speak for a week after she would call and we would jus date as normal. She betrayed my turst b4, she went out wif her old flame when i'm still her bf. for almost 1/2 a yr i was kept in the dark abt her old flame n her and she would side with her old flame and she would never tell me anything abt her old flame. HELP ME i'm conjested with her n her problems. Shld i do away with wht i'm planning to do with the money, takes longer time for me to earn my degree n invest my money on IDD calls and on her. -
hey karter, you've said it yourself. you dun even click when togehter. so what's the point?
love can dun consider right or wrong, but at least, it should touching and happy. -
Sorry if i have accidentally implied that you are being selfish. I assure you that i do not think that you are not in any way selfish at all. Toking over the fone does cost a bomb when u call overseas. How about other form of communication such as icq? It helps a lot when u dun hav to hear her sad tone and easier for you to sound concern.Originally posted by karter:As much as i wish to call her n comfort her i dun hve tht much $$ to spend $300 every month to tok to her. M i being selfish? I hve my own reasons as i need to earn money for a degree in just 1 year. I need 10-20k in just 1 year. Thts y i work. -
so troublesome..think so much for what..just ask yourself...do u love her???
if not, then break lor......or else in future sure gt more problems. -
why not buy world card???
issit cheaper to call oversea using it or is IDD cheaper???
juz choose a cheaper way to call...
at least u'll be saving abit here and there... -
if i am u i would :Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:so troublesome..think so much for what..just ask yourself...do u love her???
if not, then break lor......or else in future sure gt more problems.
I would consider if she is worth my time & money.............
a) she is............
b) she is not.............
Case A:
You are in uni now rite.....i belive you can put a hold to the studies and visit her to help her tide over this crisi.......
Case B:
Then forget her ........chop chop
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Dun noe leh. She rarely gone on net. And i can't schedule a time as i almost working for 12 hrs a day.Originally posted by simple-thinker:Sorry if i have accidentally implied that you are being selfish. I assure you that i do not think that you are not in any way selfish at all. Toking over the fone does cost a bomb when u call overseas. How about other form of communication such as icq? It helps a lot when u dun hav to hear her sad tone and easier for you to sound concern. -
Nope, i earning my $$ to go to privte u. Me slow not smart enough to be in local uni.Originally posted by john hunter:if i am u i would :
I would consider if she is worth my time & money.............
a) she is............
b) she is not.............
Case A:
You are in uni now rite.....i belive you can put a hold to the studies and visit her to help her tide over this crisi.......
Case B:
Then forget her ........chop chop -
You can get one too if ya become a premier member...?Originally posted by skycrawler:i like ur avatar icon.... -
ur gf must be those type of very caring type.. heehee good gal..
but u are selfish by telling her to come back.. 40000 leh not small amount..
and study is not that difficult..
hehehe ok wad u can do is console lor.. or make calls over the net like msn or icq calls which is cheaper..
try to tok her out of it.. dun always tell her to come back to u , u must have trust in her that she wun give her heart to anyone else..
usually ppl say they wanna suicide they wun suicide one ... those who din say then will suicide