Depressed.. Advice Needed
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Hi there... Hope you could offer me some advice.
I have some problems which have been bothering me for several years but I can't seem to solve them. The problems are making me feeling very depressed.
I recently graduated with a business related degree. However, I felt lost as to what kind of jobs I am really interested in. This problem makes it difficult for me to plan my career path. I keep asking myself countless times "what kind of jobs do I really like?"... but the answer seems to be that I dislike desk-bound admin jobs. Moreover, I think that marketing and sales jobs are defintely not suitable for me as I am a quiet and shy person. Until now, I am still pondering over this job problem.
Another thing is that being a quiet and shy person, I do not have a lot of friends. I really wish to widen my circle of friends but I always felt uncomfortable in large groups or social functions. I really dun know how I am going to open up myself.
Then, there's another problem. There's a guy whom I have known since 1999 and he has been asking me out every week. He expressed his feelings for me last year but I always decline going out with him as I treat him as a friend and do not wish to give him the wrong idea. I was wondering whether should I avoid him totally? Is it bad of me to do that? He seems to be a devoted kind of guy and I do not wish to hurt him.
I know I sound silly but I really get depressed over these problems. Do you think I should see a psychiatrist? But I worry that the fees charged by the psychiatrist might be expensive. -
can get advise thru fren, ppl like us in the net and so on...Originally posted by autumn:Hi there... Hope you could offer me some advice.
I have some problems which have been bothering me for several years but I can't seem to solve them. The problems are making me feeling very depressed.
I recently graduated with a business related degree. However, I felt lost as to what kind of jobs I am really interested in. This problem makes it difficult for me to plan my career path. I keep asking myself countless times "what kind of jobs do I really like?"... but the answer seems to be that I dislike desk-bound admin jobs. Moreover, I think that marketing and sales jobs are defintely not suitable for me as I am a quiet and shy person. Until now, I am still pondering over this job problem.
Another thing is that being a quiet and shy person, I do not have a lot of friends. I really wish to widen my circle of friends but I always felt uncomfortable in large groups or social functions. I really dun know how I am going to open up myself.
Then, there's another problem. There's a guy whom I have known since 1999 and he has been asking me out every week. He expressed his feelings for me last year but I always decline going out with him as I treat him as a friend and do not wish to give him the wrong idea. I was wondering whether should I avoid him totally? Is it bad of me to do that? He seems to be a devoted kind of guy and I do not wish to hurt him.
I know I sound silly but I really get depressed over these problems. Do you think I should see a psychiatrist? But I worry that the fees charged by the psychiatrist might be expensive.
y dun u try out all short of diff job thru agency and someday
somehow u will find one job u really like...
u should be straight forward n tell the guy wat u feel..tats better for both of u...
no pt going to psychiatrist unless ur suituation turn worst..
my piece of shit advise =x
Givache 
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Hello autumn,
For you first problem, take some time off and think what you like to do most? What really interest you? Many times, we are bounded by the way of life society gives to us. Think this way, a career is going to be with you for the rest of life, do you want to dread of working, or every morning you wake up, you are looking forward for a new challenge? What's there to perform if you can't find any job satisfaction? You are just merely working for the sake of working. Technically speaking, if you find interest and passion in your career, you are actually working for yourself, not the boss. The dole is just a bonus to you. Make a wise choice, and most importantly stay happy always.
You can always start expanding your circle of friends, by meeting one person of your same sex. Do not rush, be patient, and once you at a more comfortable situation, then proceed to know more in a group. Learn to smile and watch your body language...don't project negative signs that prohibit further conversation. And learn to accept rejection in social life, don't take it personal, and always remember that being rejected doesn't reflect about your personality or characteristics.
You didnt do anything wrong at all. Try reminding him again in a nice and gentle way. Make it clear to him that you feel comfortable only as a friend, nothing more. Find out more about this reaction and from there, make a decision whether to avoid him or not. You don't want to lose another friend afterall. Hope that he understands that he still can be a friend to you, instead of lovers.
Cheers. -
hi autumn,
your "career" problem appears to be two-fold to me. one would be having no idea what you wanna do, and the other would be being depressed over it. these two could fuel each other forming a vicious cycle. let's tackle this one by one shall we?
firstly, congrats on getting ur business degree. if anything, at least this degree is general enuff to give u a wide range of jobs/industries that u can work in.
you seem to need to know wat u really like before u'll even attempt to do it. many of us aren't that lucky. it's rather like the chicken and egg, do u do something first then discover you like it, or do u like it first and then go find that thing to do?
there's no real answer to that question. different pple attack it differently. being in sg, most of us would think on the practical side. for some, no income = dead. so the answer to that above question for most would be to bite it and go look for a job, and hope that from there something will come out of it. joy, satisfaction, passion. i'm sure we all would rather do something we enjoy, but often wat we enjoy doing may not provide us with a decent living. so i suggest you start from there. just go apply for business related jobs, and get a job and "see how". if worse comes to worst, and u really HATE the job at least u will really know wat u dislike. of course hopping thru many jobs just to find out wat u hate is hardly good advice.
the second part of ur career problem would be ur unhappiness or even depression. i fear it may cloud ur mind making u ask urself too man "ifs" and "buts". you mentioned and i quote "the answer seems to be that I dislike desk-bound admin jobs" to me that tells me you don't even know whether u dislike it or not! i'm not trying to discredit your statements about urself. wat i'm trying to say is that u being depressed about it would cloud ur judgement. u'll make excuses for yourself; a job offer may look good, but upon further thought, u think otherwise.
maybe i'm coming across with the attitude of "too bad wat choice do you have but to go get a job even if u dun think u'll like it". life is about taking chances, there's no way u can say u'll hate the job until u try it. (within reason of course! i wouldn't say that about collecting garbage, but i won't be surprised if there are pple out there who enjoy that job)
give urself a chance to learn to like a job. if u go in with an attitude that u have no choice and that u'll hate it but u have to do it, then u will never like it. it's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. if u tell urself something often enuff, u'll start believing it. so keep telling urself u can't do it, and after a while u definitely won't be able to. try not to get urself into that trap.
as for ur quiet and shy personality, and feeling uncomfortable in large groups, i'd say just get out there more. seriously, humans are extremely adaptable creatures! u can always go with a friend u trust and if all else fails u'll have a back-up to talk to
about that guy, if u treat him as just a friend and he knows that, then why do u have to decline going out with him? maybe it'll be a little arkward being with him becos u know he likes u, but if he's a decent guy he'll know where to draw the line and just go out as frens. maybe u could (if u haven't already) talk to him about these problems of yours and see wat he has to offer. as long as u make it clear to him that u rather be just friends with him and he's cool with that, then i dun see a problem in seeing him once in a while.
i dunno the extent of ur depression, so i wouldn't know if u should seek professional help. but for now, be wary of a vicious cycle that could make u sink deeper and deeper into it.
hope i've helped....
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i guess if u go to a polyclinic to get a recommendation letter first the fees for subsequent psychiatric sessions would be considerably lower.
maybe u like to like to explore ur own interests a bit? try everything u r interested in and see what goes on from there. through activities u get to know more pple too (even 2 more is still more, and r also new sources of whole new networks of pple and so on right)
being shy is not that big a problem, i guess most of us r to a certain extent shy but actually if u really want to know people or do new things, being slightly "shameless" is not that big a price to pay right.
being utterly "shameless" has let me learn some things, though not all are that important, but i wouldnt have known if i hadnt been "shameless". anyway i have been embarrassed so many times already, what the heck!
in fact i think when we have time to brood we r already quite fortunate pple. i brood quite often too, dun worry -
Hi autumn,
How are you? Are you back in Singapore? Do you still remember me?
Regarding job, since you not sure what kind of job you like, just get any job to gain experience first and also to pick up new skills. Or you may like to work as temp staff for the time being?
Regarding frens, I used to have the same problem as you. Always think that I am shy and introvert and need to widen my circle of frens. So I make a lot of frens in IRC and forums only then to realise that I am a loner and dun really need a lot of frens. A few true frens is already enuff for me. So as for you, if you wanna widen your circle of frens, I can only suggest you go to IRC and forums (I can introduce my group of forum frens to you) to make more frens.
Regarding that guy, I dunno how to advise you as I myself have chosen the avoiding option which until today, I still dunno is it a wise choice.
About seeing psychiatrist, if you seriously think you need to see one, I would suggest you seeing a professional counsellor first (I can give you the contact number). I am seeing both the counsellor and the psychiatrist and my psychiatrist fee is very cheap. Think that's bcos that time I am seriously ill and I went to the emergency dept, that's why I am charge at a subsidised rate.
If you still need other info, can email me, ok? We can talk about it. -
hi autumn
hmm....ur problem isnt tt big lah....trying breaking down the things tt bother u. U've identified ur problems n tt's a gd start...btw, congrats to u on getting ur Biz degree
Identifying wat jobs u'd like is defintely knowing wat u dun like....it seems to me tt u r plainly 'toking' abt disliking desk-bound jobs(hee....me too.i HATE it!)....rejecting marketing or sales(ohhh! I LOVE tt!) bcoz u r too quiet or shy. Well.....u cant be assuming tt ur "Not Suitable Jobs" list includes desk-bound & marketing/sales jobs since u havent tried any of them yet...
"desk-bound" or "marketing/sales" r terms too generalised....try to elaborate. If u feel tt at the moment, u r not kinda hard up for cash...how abt exploring some of the jobs 1st? abit of trial n error thinggy... Probably, u'll be able to know wat exactly suits u by then. Wish u the best in finding ur ideal job
u may like to consider which is more impt: Interest in the job or gaining recognition by excelling in ur expertise?....some impt factors to further determine the job u'll be landing.
As for being shy & quiet....i cant offer better advices except suggesting:TALK MORE. I've got a fren who used to be like wat u've described.....shy & quiet(to the extent whenever we have any gatherings, we cant sense her presence at all!) Can u imagine? but soon she is way too TALKATIVE after joining a sales-related job....Therefore, i can conclude here tt being shy or quiet r like habits...u can get rid of them
Start by getting used to talking alot more to pple u r comfortable with so tt it bcums a habit. In conversations, u can try giving comments or expressing ur feelings, tt shld get rid of ur shyness...Overcome ur shyness 1st so tt widening ur circle of frenz can be easier.
Communication is a very impt tool, not juz in pple-oriented jobs but also when it cums to research-related jobs which may need u to u/stand a problem/situation better by asking questions. U cant be keeping to urself by then or assuming the results U can even reject this guy tt u dun like in the best way with immediate effect! let me guess....maybe he thinks tt u have an interest in him except tt u r too shy to express ur feelings....on top of tt, as u r not able to express urself well, so he din get ur meaning as u din speak ur mind.
Gd luck! All can be done. It's up to U!!!
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And just how are ya doing my babe?Originally posted by raingal:Hi autumn,
How are you? Are you back in Singapore? Do you still remember me?
Regarding job, since you not sure what kind of job you like, just get any job to gain experience first and also to pick up new skills. Or you may like to work as temp staff for the time being?
Regarding frens, I used to have the same problem as you. Always think that I am shy and introvert and need to widen my circle of frens. So I make a lot of frens in IRC and forums only then to realise that I am a loner and dun really need a lot of frens. A few true frens is already enuff for me. So as for you, if you wanna widen your circle of frens, I can only suggest you go to IRC and forums (I can introduce my group of forum frens to you) to make more frens.
Regarding that guy, I dunno how to advise you as I myself have chosen the avoiding option which until today, I still dunno is it a wise choice.
About seeing psychiatrist, if you seriously think you need to see one, I would suggest you seeing a professional counsellor first (I can give you the contact number). I am seeing both the counsellor and the psychiatrist and my psychiatrist fee is very cheap. Think that's bcos that time I am seriously ill and I went to the emergency dept, that's why I am charge at a subsidised rate.
If you still need other info, can email me, ok? We can talk about it. -
Originally posted by autumn:
Hi there... Hope you could offer me some advice.
I have some problems which have been bothering me for several years but I can't seem to solve them. The problems are making me feeling very depressed.
1st thing you've got to learn.... Take Life easy and Life would go easy on you....
I recently graduated with a business related degree. However, I felt lost as to what kind of jobs I am really interested in. This problem makes it difficult for me to plan my career path. I keep asking myself countless times "what kind of jobs do I really like?"... but the answer seems to be that I dislike desk-bound admin jobs. Moreover, I think that marketing and sales jobs are defintely not suitable for me as I am a quiet and shy person. Until now, I am still pondering over this job problem.
No offence, but PRACTICAL SENSE.... Of course MOST (if not all) of us would like to have that IDEAL job just as much as we would like to have that ideal man or woman of our life to be with us... May it be the salary, the satisfaction, the interest... Whatever.... Nothing is really PERFECT in this world.... I think to start off with, why not you just find yourself a job which you don't feel too bad with...? As you work along, you can then find out the pros and cons of your then current job and learn to weigh out what you really want before ya hunt for your next job?
Another thing is that being a quiet and shy person, I do not have a lot of friends. I really wish to widen my circle of friends but I always felt uncomfortable in large groups or social functions. I really dun know how I am going to open up myself.
Try chatrooms, forums, e-mailings and phone chats as starters if you're not comfortable with meeting up.... And when you do start to meet up with people, you might like to start with the similar gender 1st...?
If you're thinking about social functions and large group outings, usually going out in a real large group (that type which is kinda chaos would make your 'performance' less significant, and hence make you less nervous about it...) Alternatively, you can also try going out with the more 'quiet' groups for a start or people you're quite familar and comfortable with (people you get to know well within a forum or charoom) as a starter....
Another approach if to start with a smaller group (of say 3?) which you're comfortable with... And then proceed to go out with their friends in small groups before proceeding to the large group outings (with these people you probably know and is comfortable with by then...)....
Then, there's another problem. There's a guy whom I have known since 1999 and he has been asking me out every week. He expressed his feelings for me last year but I always decline going out with him as I treat him as a friend and do not wish to give him the wrong idea. I was wondering whether should I avoid him totally? Is it bad of me to do that? He seems to be a devoted kind of guy and I do not wish to hurt him.
Depends on what kind of guy he is? If you feel that you stay would like to keep him just as a friend, you can try telling him straight in the face or by a milder approach eg. hinting, advising him out of the idea etc. But if he shows to be persistent (and you're not comfortable with that?)... You might like to 'issue' him a 'warning' before a total cutoff if he persist in his drastic actions or response?
I know I sound silly but I really get depressed over these problems. Do you think I should see a psychiatrist? But I worry that the fees charged by the psychiatrist might be expensive.
Seeing a psychiatrist can be expensive or cheap depending on your 'financial status' or background.... But if you feel that it's troubling you alot and after seeing a psychiatrist you do get much better, it's just like saying some treatment better than nothing at all?
Alternatively, you can try talking with your friend(s) over things and learn some relaxation techniques (or take up a hobby you like) to reduce the pressure... Try to maintain an optimistic view in Life and in your discussions with your friend(s).... Remember your discussions are suppose to help make you feel better... Not worse? -
don't worry about job... try, dun like it, move on... stay too long and you will not dare to 'break away'
shy... hmmm... not quite... many of us... me as well, have problems addressing crowds... personally, i relate better on a 1 to 1... so i try not to get into a crowd... try observing yourself a little... you might notice that you can talk on 1 to 1 but when there is a crowd... you might become 'reserved' or 'listener/observer'... relac lah
as for the guy... tell him straight would be better... but there are some people who would hope that their persistence would 'pay off'
so... i can't tell you anything to get around that -
chuan dao qiao tou zhi rang zhi
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so touched......
if you still pondering & not try...I think you will retire b4 start any job.
There is alway a good experience to pick-up at any job. Even working at McDonalds. -
I can AGREE with that...Originally posted by euphratis:There is alway a good experience to pick-up at any job. Even working at McDonalds. -
hey i used to have the same situation with u no friend.. but too bad i am a guy to gals chasing me sob...Originally posted by autumn:Hi there... Hope you could offer me some advice.
I have some problems which have been bothering me for several years but I can't seem to solve them. The problems are making me feeling very depressed.
I recently graduated with a business related degree. However, I felt lost as to what kind of jobs I am really interested in. This problem makes it difficult for me to plan my career path. I keep asking myself countless times "what kind of jobs do I really like?"... but the answer seems to be that I dislike desk-bound admin jobs. Moreover, I think that marketing and sales jobs are defintely not suitable for me as I am a quiet and shy person. Until now, I am still pondering over this job problem.
Another thing is that being a quiet and shy person, I do not have a lot of friends. I really wish to widen my circle of friends but I always felt uncomfortable in large groups or social functions. I really dun know how I am going to open up myself.
Then, there's another problem. There's a guy whom I have known since 1999 and he has been asking me out every week. He expressed his feelings for me last year but I always decline going out with him as I treat him as a friend and do not wish to give him the wrong idea. I was wondering whether should I avoid him totally? Is it bad of me to do that? He seems to be a devoted kind of guy and I do not wish to hurt him.
I know I sound silly but I really get depressed over these problems. Do you think I should see a psychiatrist? But I worry that the fees charged by the psychiatrist might be expensive.
wanna know more friends hehe go church lor haha all ppl there super friendly..
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Hi Raingal,Originally posted by raingal:Hi autumn,
How are you? Are you back in Singapore? Do you still remember me?
Regarding job, since you not sure what kind of job you like, just get any job to gain experience first and also to pick up new skills. Or you may like to work as temp staff for the time being?
Regarding frens, I used to have the same problem as you. Always think that I am shy and introvert and need to widen my circle of frens. So I make a lot of frens in IRC and forums only then to realise that I am a loner and dun really need a lot of frens. A few true frens is already enuff for me. So as for you, if you wanna widen your circle of frens, I can only suggest you go to IRC and forums (I can introduce my group of forum frens to you) to make more frens.
Regarding that guy, I dunno how to advise you as I myself have chosen the avoiding option which until today, I still dunno is it a wise choice.
About seeing psychiatrist, if you seriously think you need to see one, I would suggest you seeing a professional counsellor first (I can give you the contact number). I am seeing both the counsellor and the psychiatrist and my psychiatrist fee is very cheap. Think that's bcos that time I am seriously ill and I went to the emergency dept, that's why I am charge at a subsidised rate.
If you still need other info, can email me, ok? We can talk about it.
Nice to hear from you Of course I remember you. I have returned to Singapore already... hehe, maybe one day we can have a drink if you like to
I still duno whether I should see a psychiatrist or not... May I know how much does your psychiatrist charge you per session? Can I have your email address so that I can contact you one day? -
Hi pple,
Thanks for your advice... I really appreciate it. I have tried emailing a few companies my resume since last week but there's still no response from any of them yet. I guess maybe the reason could be that my business degree is too general and I only have 2 years experience in the admin sector... but no experience in other sectors
I hope to find a job in the bank but I think they prefer Accounting graduates instead... So I see how it goes lor. On one hand, I am interested in the job scope of a police inspector, but I duno whether the police force will accept me or not as I m not that phsically fit to pass the fitness test.. so I guess being in the police force maybe out for me.
As for my shy character, I had thought naively that my character will change to become more outgoing and confident after studying overseas for 1.5 years. But I was wrong, my character is still very much the same, shy and quiet.
I went with one of my guy friends to a dinner outing last night with his friends - some of whom I hv seen b4, but I guess I m still a bit quiet although I tried to smile when possible... Haiii, I just duno how to improve myself... I always get uptight when meeting new pple. Although I can talk more easily on a one to one basis, but in a larger group, I will become a listener and will be more quiet
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haha cock lah u can solve the problem by getting to know me..hehe
no lah just joking.. cheer up man! dont scrutinise yrself this way. take things easy.. perhaps taking up a temp job or something will be good to make yrself busy, get a little allowance, flush yr brain of this nonsensical stuff while finding out more abt wat u want to do. -
Hi Autumn,Originally posted by autumn:Hi Raingal,
Nice to hear from you Of course I remember you. I have returned to Singapore already... hehe, maybe one day we can have a drink if you like to
I still duno whether I should see a psychiatrist or not... May I know how much does your psychiatrist charge you per session? Can I have your email address so that I can contact you one day?
Glad you finally reply. Have been waiting. Yup, may I suggest we meet next week? Since I am jobless too, I would be free. I have your email add, I'll email you my contact no. Take care and cya! -
Then, there's another problem. There's a guy whom I have known since 1999 and he has been asking me out every week. He expressed his feelings for me last year but I always decline going out with him as I treat him as a friend and do not wish to give him the wrong idea. I was wondering whether should I avoid him totally? Is it bad of me to do that? He seems to be a devoted kind of guy and I do not wish to hurt him.
I know I sound silly but I really get depressed over these problems. Do you think I should see a psychiatrist? But I worry that the fees charged by the psychiatrist might be expensive. [/b][/quote]
I just don't know why some gals are this way, o.k you don't like the guy n want to remain as ordinary friends with him. Since remain as ordinary friends, why need to avoid him? Or decline his date. Doesn't mean going out for a date whether group or couple, the guy or gal has to accept each other as steady partners or even husband n wife! By all mean you can tell the other party, you just want to remain as friend.. go ahead! but y later u need to avoid/decline his outing? -
Responding to your forum topic.
I hope I don't wanna end up like you. I'm a lost business student too. -
I am real SICK of those gals that don't even give a chance for the guy to after her!!!!!! If you don't know much about this guy (colleague, friend's friend...), o.k what wrong with that!!! Going out with him or chatting longer.. not asking u to be instant gf!!
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Join us for outing next time round?Originally posted by autumn:Hi pple,
Thanks for your advice... I really appreciate it. I have tried emailing a few companies my resume since last week but there's still no response from any of them yet. I guess maybe the reason could be that my business degree is too general and I only have 2 years experience in the admin sector... but no experience in other sectors
I hope to find a job in the bank but I think they prefer Accounting graduates instead... So I see how it goes lor. On one hand, I am interested in the job scope of a police inspector, but I duno whether the police force will accept me or not as I m not that phsically fit to pass the fitness test.. so I guess being in the police force maybe out for me.
As for my shy character, I had thought naively that my character will change to become more outgoing and confident after studying overseas for 1.5 years. But I was wrong, my character is still very much the same, shy and quiet.
I went with one of my guy friends to a dinner outing last night with his friends - some of whom I hv seen b4, but I guess I m still a bit quiet although I tried to smile when possible... Haiii, I just duno how to improve myself... I always get uptight when meeting new pple. Although I can talk more easily on a one to one basis, but in a larger group, I will become a listener and will be more quiet -
misleading guys is not gdOriginally posted by tonytan77:I am real SICK of those gals that don't even give a chance for the guy to after her!!!!!! If you don't know much about this guy (colleague, friend's friend...), o.k what wrong with that!!! Going out with him or chatting longer.. not asking u to be instant gf!! -
Hi Raingal,Originally posted by raingal:Hi Autumn,
Glad you finally reply. Have been waiting. Yup, may I suggest we meet next week? Since I am jobless too, I would be free. I have your email add, I'll email you my contact no. Take care and cya!
I hv read your email and hv replied to u already Btw, are u currently looking for a job now?... -
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