Attached but in love with another guy
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1st thing 1st, being with him 5 years does not prove anything & whether you should continue on. Not that i'm trying to break you guys up. Ask yourself whether is this the man you want to be with for the rest of your life or you want to know better ones out there. Tolerating isn't going to last forever so he needs to understand you and is he doing it at all?Originally posted by Vampire X:well, thanks for your advise. I did thought to do that. But somehow i don't want to quarrel over these tiny small things with him. He is stubborn & always think he is right.
Sometimes, its really pointless to talk to him. He will always think I still did not correct my mistake & think I am right whenever I tried to reason out with him. And also I do not want to spoil the years of relationship with him. No one is perfect anyway. I just have to tolerate with him. He is very nice most of the time just that temper bad only.
There's once happened 2 years ago, when I accidentally fell down a block of stairs & roll down. My legs were bleeding & so pain till I cannot walk properly, he scolded me for not paying attention & did not walk properly. He even added that I totally throw his face in public.
He walk off rapidly & I just lipping my leg following him. I am angry but still I tolerate. I apologise to him saying I should have walk carefully next time. I also don't know how long can I stand him. I can always advise my girlfriends this kind of man don't want suak suak ki, but when happen to myself, I really don't know how to handle. Actually I am quite afraid one day I may let off everything & ignore him, then it will really be the end of our relationship.
Next, never ever shit where you eat. Believe me, always check your surroundings & the colleagues that you have. Somethimes office environment & comments passed can be very unfriendly. Guys normally dun bother so its you who need to make that concious effort to observe 1st.
Best of luck
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To Vampire X.
Only After 5 yrs together, u think this way?
Tat is becz some new guy come and tackle u and u felt very good about it.
And ur current bf give u too stable life for u to worry tat u might lose him to some gal.
The guy Y definitely is an asshole, as a guy, i won't sms a gal tat already attached no matter how interested she is. I think he just desperate and try to find his luck... he might strike one don't him ? pretend to be a good listener good guy, good advicer and slowly he become part of it hahahaha a classic idiot style.
Personally, i think u both match very well... y don't u just dump ur bf and go ahead with him. Don't think to much... just go do it.
And remember give me ur bf's no. I'll make sure he survive and be more happy without u.
All the best
To Jojobeach
I think u also a classic example... the beach sound quite familiar right?
I definitely know that your ex will be really happy nowsday
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No point advising you cos I know the end result alreadyOriginally posted by Vampire X:well, thanks for your advise. I did thought to do that. But somehow i don't want to quarrel over these tiny small things with him. He is stubborn & always think he is right.
Sometimes, its really pointless to talk to him. He will always think I still did not correct my mistake & think I am right whenever I tried to reason out with him. And also I do not want to spoil the years of relationship with him. No one is perfect anyway. I just have to tolerate with him. He is very nice most of the time just that temper bad only.
There's once happened 2 years ago, when I accidentally fell down a block of stairs & roll down. My legs were bleeding & so pain till I cannot walk properly, he scolded me for not paying attention & did not walk properly. He even added that I totally throw his face in public.
He walk off rapidly & I just lipping my leg following him. I am angry but still I tolerate. I apologise to him saying I should have walk carefully next time. I also don't know how long can I stand him. I can always advise my girlfriends this kind of man don't want suak suak ki, but when happen to myself, I really don't know how to handle. Actually I am quite afraid one day I may let off everything & ignore him, then it will really be the end of our relationship.
Mark my words and see if it really happens.
Deep in your heart, you love your bf more than yourself. You give in so much to him but is scared to leave him cos you already together with him for 5 years.
He can abuse you in anyway he please but is you who refused to leave.
Whats the point of me saying so much knowing in the end you will still stick to him.
If you do not believe my words, lets do a test then.
Ask your colleague Y out for a dinner alone as a friend without telling your bf at all. After a nice dinner with Y, are you willing or even dare to say it to your bf?
This test will show how much you put him in the first place cos even going out with another guy alone as a friend is so tough on you. -
Sounds similar to meOriginally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?
My ex always puts me down and shattered my confidence
Then I met my hubby when I was still with my ex who always encouraged me and never put me down
I was with my ex for 4 yrs. Yes I was growing resentful on how he treated me and he never ever wanted to talk about it.
I was in my comfort zone. I wanted to leave him before but coz of the comfort zone I didn't. Anyway I finally decided to leave him for my hubby coz I was sick and tired of all the arguments and being treated like shit and feeling unappreciated.
Anyway, I'm glad I made the decision to leave my ex
I am not sure what is your situation like as I believe there will be differences. Ultimately it is up to you to search within your heart if you still love your bf and if the happy memories in the past worth the effort to try salvage the relationship. I believe I have tried my best to salvage it but it came to a point where I gave up and moved on.
However right now in my books guys who use emotional blackmail and plays pyschological games or verbally abuse their partners are as bad as guys who beat their gfs or wives coz this leaves scars and marks that cannot be seen. -
Btw you should not use the words love with someone else cos you do not love him at all. You just love his action and his encouragment thats all.Originally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me? -
temptation...........
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Certain parts sounds similar to me too... I meant certain part of the guys part...
Sometimes at the heat of the moment, during an argument, I always think I'm right and my gf wrong. But in the end, I still give in. Why? Because she's my gf. And sometimes when I remember, I try to give in at the very start to prevent an argument if possible.
However, about the part which he blames u for accidents, u shud sit down and talk to him abt it. It's definitely embarassing, for u, and not for him. If I see that situation and the bf just walks away, I think I will "mock" more at the gal than at the guy. However, if the guy helps the gf up, I will think it sweet.
Your bf is a little bit too chauvinistic. Try to talk him over on that part, with both soft and hard tactics. I'm sure u know him well enough to know what kinds of tactics can make him listen and submit to u.
=D -
hmm.. sound to me many forumer gals here, always 1 leg steps 2 boat.
Start complain their bf when get a new target.
And when the new target is stabilize, dump their current bf.
hahaha... so tat is singaporean gals style hmm...
poor singaporean man
current bf ~ get dump - heartbreak la wat ever la...
new guy ~ ^^ so happy his luck get to his side able to hook the gal over from their bfs ( but think properly still use tyre wat) aihh...
hahaha...
Zeny,
U such an assh* teach ppl gf go dinner alone with other guy (somemore the guy is interest to her one). wat go around come around u take care -
How old are you? How old is your bf? There are lots of background information which you have not shared with us to enable us to study your case leh.......
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Wrong. It's already complaining and have lots of unhappiness with bf and another guy happens to come along.Originally posted by vivasg:hmm.. sound to me many forumer gals here, always 1 leg steps 2 boat.
Start complain their bf when get a new target.
And when the new target is stabilize, dump their current bf.
If he was even willing to talk about it and straighten it out things would be fine. But, he chose to stuff the skeleton into the closet till it burst.
Anyway, as a guy, would you stay if your gf abuses you verbally, puts you down, don't appreciate you, don't show you concern, and takes you for granted? Sure you might stay a while in the name of love but I believe there is a breaking point for everyone. Mine was 2 years. -
Trust me, your current boyfriend doesn't worth your love. No boyfriend will do this to his girl lor. I think he just treat you too badly. This is no way a boyfriend will do.
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Still, I think they should talk and sort this out sooner or later if the relationship is to be salvaged.Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:Trust me, your current boyfriend doesn't worth your love. No boyfriend will do this to his girl lor. I think he just treat you too badly. This is no way a boyfriend will do. -
Elindra,
Don't mis-use the name of love. Do u know wat love is?
I dunno should i categorize u to be too stupid or too clever
too stupid ~ abuse for 2 yrs? then u only realize u cannot stand?
too clever ~ endure and waiting for a chance where a new target come in and then start to complain been abuse?
if the TS already dump his current bf. then only talk she start have interest with her collegue then is a different story.
Put ur eye BIG to see the actual situation, the TS already put in the title 'Attached but in love with another guy' somemore in the intial start she mentioned her bf is nice chap...
there will be always an excuse to justify the action.
No wonder u are same category with her. -
Yar. Although this could be one of the way to salvage this relationship, and I feel that he should be given a 2nd chance.Originally posted by eagle:Still, I think they should talk and sort this out sooner or later if the relationship is to be salvaged.
I think TS should hint him first before giving him death sentence. -
Since u are in love with the other guy, then go with ur heart. But dun regret...
It is better to disscue the issue of what is bothering u and him. If he does not care, or dun bother and the problem is still there. Then u must see the situationa and decide urself...
Do u still love ur bf or it is for the sake of being together for __ years?
Are you sure about ur love for another guy?
There is some questions u need to ask urself before coming to a decision.
Wish u all the best
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i point out my hubby's wrong. He doesn't like it mostly, and he doesn't think he is wrong.Originally posted by mystee:p.s. i tink ur bf sound a little like me.. i will point out any wrong abt my bf etc.. but that doesnt mean i treat others better than him. instead, i treat him better than anyone..
He doesn't think I treat him better just because I point out his wrongs.
He would think I treat him better if I keep mum. -
Please do not talk as if you know it all and even know the situation I was in. I was speaking in reference to my situation on yr general statement on SG girls stepping on 2 boats at the same time. In no way was it a reference to the TS.Originally posted by vivasg:Elindra,
Don't mis-use the name of love. Do u know wat love is?
I dunno should i categorize u to be too stupid or too clever
too stupid ~ abuse for 2 yrs? then u only realize u cannot stand?
too clever ~ endure and waiting for a chance where a new target come in and then start to complain been abuse?
if the TS already dump his current bf. then only talk she start have interest with her collegue then is a different story.
Put ur eye BIG to see the actual situation, the TS already put in the title 'Attached but in love with another guy' somemore in the intial start she mentioned her bf is nice chap...
there will be always an excuse to justify the action.
No wonder u are same category with her.
You have a very immature view of things by stereotyping everything together and think you know alot about love from what you have written to be able to be so critical of others
I know what love is, that was why I gave him chance after chance hoping that he will change for the better.
It did not take me 2 yrs to realise that I cannot take the abuse. But every time I tried to leave he will cry and beg and my heart will soften.
The sad thing is after time, it became a habit and I reflect back now and did think why was I stupid to waste so much of my time. Humans are afterall creatures of habit and by that point of time my self-confidence have already dropped to a big fat zero. In the end I believed what he said how useless I was and how no guy will ever want me and accept me for who I am. That was how bad it got and how my self-confidence dropped.
Then I met my husband. He was everything my ex was not. He never once put me down and encouraged and supported me and I was lucky to meet my ex-boss who advised me and pointed out that the relationship I was in was not normal. Finally I made up my mind to break it off once and for all cleanly. You have no idea the hell I had to go through coz he turned into a stalker and hounded me everyday cried and begged and turn up at my house and called me at weird hours in the night.
I can tell you that everyone is a nice chap at the beginning in a relationship. It is only when you are in it for a while then things start to change past the honeymoon period. Sure she will also try to justify why she should remain in the relationship like I did in the past like me finding excuses on why he is nice when everything nice he did before was like months or yrs ago even before we became bf n gf.
What I want to tell the TS is that the ultimate decision lies with her but if a guy is abusive verbally and breaks down your self-confidence it is really time to move on because no man does that to a woman he truely loves. -
Do you still love him despite all these? Examine your love , is it still there?Originally posted by Vampire X:well, thanks for your advise. I did thought to do that. But somehow i don't want to quarrel over these tiny small things with him. He is stubborn & always think he is right.
Sometimes, its really pointless to talk to him. He will always think I still did not correct my mistake & think I am right whenever I tried to reason out with him. And also I do not want to spoil the years of relationship with him. No one is perfect anyway. I just have to tolerate with him. He is very nice most of the time just that temper bad only.
There's once happened 2 years ago, when I accidentally fell down a block of stairs & roll down. My legs were bleeding & so pain till I cannot walk properly, he scolded me for not paying attention & did not walk properly. He even added that I totally throw his face in public.
He walk off rapidly & I just lipping my leg following him. I am angry but still I tolerate. I apologise to him saying I should have walk carefully next time. I also don't know how long can I stand him. I can always advise my girlfriends this kind of man don't want suak suak ki, but when happen to myself, I really don't know how to handle. Actually I am quite afraid one day I may let off everything & ignore him, then it will really be the end of our relationship.
You are not tied down yet, not married to him, no children. You still have time to think through carefully. -
After 5 yrs in a relationship, if my girl keep mum, I will feel that I'm not treating her good, although it may lead to arguments if she didn't keep mum.Originally posted by Xiaozzhen:i point out my hubby's wrong. He doesn't like it mostly, and he doesn't think he is wrong.
He doesn't think I treat him better just because I point out his wrongs.
He would think I treat him better if I keep mum.
What's important is u talk a lot to each other. Complains or talking sweet nothings or making plans for something. These are all necessary and essential for a successful relationship.
5 yrs in a relationship also means the bgr is not due to a short term crush. There must be something that attracts u to one another in the first place. Now, it's may be just that u r undergoing a phase which u keep thinking whether u shud bring the relationship further. Even if the nice guy did not appear, u may still wonder whether u wan to continue.
My advice: Sort out your thoughts properly, and a good talk with ur bf (and please, totally nothing abt the guy; it's most likely just a short term crush, if u see it that way). -
I wonder what your definition of 'love' is.Originally posted by vivasg:Elindra,
Don't mis-use the name of love. Do u know wat love is?
I dunno should i categorize u to be too stupid or too clever
too stupid ~ abuse for 2 yrs? then u only realize u cannot stand?
too clever ~ endure and waiting for a chance where a new target come in and then start to complain been abuse?
if the TS already dump his current bf. then only talk she start have interest with her collegue then is a different story.
Put ur eye BIG to see the actual situation, the TS already put in the title 'Attached but in love with another guy' somemore in the intial start she mentioned her bf is nice chap...
there will be always an excuse to justify the action.
No wonder u are same category with her.
I think this is not so much a case of whether TS is interested in another guy and trying to find some justification to break up with him. I find many ppl who say she is trying to step on 2 boats at one go is not looking at the deeper issue of how she is being treated by her current bf.
I believe TS should search deep in her heart and ask herself some questions. I am sure she has her share of good times with her bf before, especially in the beginning. However, TS needs to ask herself whether she loves her bf more or her bf loves her more or whether she is reluctant to give up her current relationship because it is what she is comfortable and familiar with. To me at least, the definition of love is to put the other person's interest before one's self, irregardless of what others will view you. I won't really call constantly being put down by her bf when he should be the one at her side supporting her a good definition of 'love'.
Well TS, just ask yourself whether your current relationship is going anywhere. For most ppl I know, they will probably be married by now after 2-3 years of dating. Also, ask you yourself whether you are able to live with a guy for 10-30 years who is constantly more concerned about how ppl view him than supporting you. -
I agree. Your decision to leave or not, must lie with your bf. Not the other guy.Originally posted by eagle:My advice: Sort out your thoughts properly, and a good talk with ur bf (and please, totally nothing abt the guy; it's most likely just a short term crush, if u see it that way).
If you truly feel your bf is no good for you and you don't love him any more, then make a break and explore other loves... not necessarily with this other guy. -
2-3 years of dating before marriage? I think TS is still young, and perhaps still/was a student. Hence, this does not really apply yet.Originally posted by fioni:Well TS, just ask yourself whether your current relationship is going anywhere. For most ppl I know, they will probably be married by now after 2-3 years of dating. Also, ask you yourself whether you are able to live with a guy for 10-30 years who is constantly more concerned about how ppl view him than supporting you.
Me for example, even if I were to marry my gf immediately upon graduation (when i still hv no money), we would hv been together for 6 yrs. -
I see...sorry was assuming that TS is around 20++.Originally posted by eagle:2-3 years of dating before marriage? I think TS is still young, and perhaps still/was a student. Hence, this does not really apply yet.
Me for example, even if I were to marry my gf immediately upon graduation (when i still hv no money), we would hv been together for 6 yrs. -
TS was born in 1982. That makes her 25.Originally posted by fioni:I see...sorry was assuming that TS is around 20++. -
which means u started with her bf when she was 20, and most likely was a student then (assuming she in a uni student)Originally posted by Xiaozzhen:TS was born in 1982. That makes her 25.