Attached but in love with another guy
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Excuse me, It is she, not u.Originally posted by eagle:which means u started with her bf when she was 20, and most likely was a student then (assuming she in a uni student) -
oops... sry... in lecture at the same time...Originally posted by Xiaozzhen:Excuse me, It is she, not u.
I'm multi tasking -
Elindra,
Are you taking an opportunity here to justify wat u did is right?
I talk based on what the TS had written only.
Ermm... but i don't talk about ur situation so if u want to felt I talk as i know ur situation, tat don't seems to be relate. Please don't be so sensitive.
Who u think you are to say i have immature view? u have no right to say so. go home and tell ur hubby k.
You really know wat love is? I believe till today u still do not know wat love is.
You gave him chance? I don't think u need to explain here, cz we are talking about TS issue, if u have some problem please start a new thread.
'Then I met my husband. He was everything my ex was not. He never once put me down and encouraged and supported me and I was lucky to meet my ex-boss who advised me and pointed out that the relationship I was in was not normal. Finally I made up my mind to break it off once and for all cleanly. You have no idea the hell I had to go through coz he turned into a stalker and hounded me everyday cried and begged and turn up at my house and called me at weird hours in the night. '
But at least u admit here that u met ur husband and dump ur ex right ?
Pardon me but u sound like a Sl*t to me.
You also know that every relationship started, everyone is nice.
What is honeymoon? wat is not honeymoon?
U think you have no fault in ur previous relationship?
Don't find lame excuse to justify ur action K. -
Fioni,
This the meaning of Love. Share this to u
Those who are still single may learn something from here....
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are
good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a
few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE
RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it
takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling. -
If there is always a temptation and while you're attached, and you submitted to it, you will not survive any marriages.
Always think of the good things your boyfriend did, but of course, understand why he did things.
But first of all, before even we reprimand any other person, even for your boyfriend, we all should learn to reflect.
At the moment of situations, of course, we cannot consider all factors to make the best decision at spot most of the times, but we'll have to reflect, correct, forgive and move on.
The best thing is not to bear grudges. -
Originally posted by vivasg:
You know I really wonder why do you think you have the right to judge what I do
Elindra,
Are you taking an opportunity here to justify wat u did is right?
I talk based on what the TS had written only.
Ermm... but i don't talk about ur situation so if u want to felt I talk as i know ur situation, tat don't seems to be relate. Please don't be so sensitive.
Who u think you are to say i have immature view? u have no right to say so. go home and tell ur hubby k.
You really know wat love is? I believe till today u still do not know wat love is.
You gave him chance? I don't think u need to explain here, cz we are talking about TS issue, if u have some problem please start a new thread.
'[b]Then I met my husband. He was everything my ex was not. He never once put me down and encouraged and supported me and I was lucky to meet my ex-boss who advised me and pointed out that the relationship I was in was not normal. Finally I made up my mind to break it off once and for all cleanly. You have no idea the hell I had to go through coz he turned into a stalker and hounded me everyday cried and begged and turn up at my house and called me at weird hours in the night. '
But at least u admit here that u met ur husband and dump ur ex right ?
Pardon me but u sound like a Sl*t to me.
You also know that every relationship started, everyone is nice.
What is honeymoon? wat is not honeymoon?
U think you have no fault in ur previous relationship?
Don't find lame excuse to justify ur action K.
[/b]
Doesn't matter what you think of me. If you think that I'm a sl*t for pursuing my own happiness so be it. I do not have issues with this anymore at least on myself on a personal level. I'm married to a wonderful guy and I love him. Just thought I will share my personal experience with the TS.
I'm not justifying why I did it. And I wonder what makes you think you have the god-given right to push your judgement on people and what you think or define love, is the right answer. (I'm not talking about my posts only)
I think you just answered it yourself on what is the honeymoon period.
Lame excuse to justify my actions? What is there to justify? I pursued my own happiness and I did what I think is right. What I did was clarify what happened. I don't need to justify to anyone here in this forums.
If staying on in a bad abusive relationship is what you term as love and sacrificing all for love that you put yr own self-esteem on the line so be it, but don't force your ideals and principles on what you think is right on others. -
TS, so you are in love with 2 guys?
-
THANKSOriginally posted by vivasg:Fioni,
This the meaning of Love. Share this to u
Those who are still single may learn something from here....
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are
good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a
few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE
RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it
takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling. -
Elindra,
Did I judge? I just comment only.
Yes I think u a sl*t. Of cz u no issue otherwise u wouldn't have do tat.
Sharing ur personal experience to TS? u want to share and teach her how to be a sl*t? Please have some moral ok...
Did I ever said mine defination is the right answer? I think u are paranoid.
Go and read all ur previous posting, dare me to say u not justifying.
yes u pursue ur own happiness and be a sl*t (i think) and match with a gf stealer. A Heavenly match... wat go around comes around
Don't give more excuse. if u break clean with ur ex before found ur new target it would have been different story. U just a sl*t that don't wish to get lonely before found a new life boat. But there no sympathy to ur husband of ur's since he such a cheap chap to snatch a use tyre.
Xiaozzhen,
No problem, is my pleasure to share a good article. I personally felt is very meaningful and give a new insight of love
Just one more personal thought to share.
Simplicity of love is happiness. -
Pls kindly stop arguing in this thread and let TS decide peacefully
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errmmmm....Originally posted by elindra:You know I really wonder why do you think you have the right to judge what I do
Doesn't matter what you think of me. If you think that I'm a sl*t for pursuing my own happiness so be it. I do not have issues with this anymore at least on myself on a personal level. I'm married to a wonderful guy and I love him. Just thought I will share my personal experience with the TS.
I'm not justifying why I did it. And I wonder what makes you think you have the god-given right to push your judgement on people and what you think or define love, is the right answer. (I'm not talking about my posts only)
I think you just answered it yourself on what is the honeymoon period.
Lame excuse to justify my actions? What is there to justify? I pursued my own happiness and I did what I think is right. What I did was clarify what happened. I don't need to justify to anyone here in this forums.
If staying on in a bad abusive relationship is what you term as love and sacrificing all for love that you put yr own self-esteem on the line so be it, but don't force your ideals and principles on what you think is right on others.
Don't bother arguing with vivasg. From his/her/it's posts, He/she/it obviously has some very serious emtional baggage/mental health issues that he/she/it needs to work out. -
At the end of five years, you can only tell us one good point about your current boyfriend.Originally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
He is a nice chap.
Is that a good enough reason for you to stay?
At the end of five years, you have told us so many things you dislike about him in your posts.
Doesn't it mean that your mind is already more or less decided?
It is not a matter whether you should or should not.Originally posted by Vampire X:But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?
Staying for the sake of sentimental reason is a foolish thing to do.
Your boyfriend is like a hamper. In the hamper, you will find things that you like and dislike.
If you have calmed down and gave a fair and honest assessment to the hamper and realised that there are too many things you dislike in it, you should give it up as there will someone else who will appreciate it better.
When you finally decide to step out from your comfort zone,
Please do that with a neat and clean jump.
Don't leave one of your legs dangling in the zone while you test the water with the other.
The pain of betrayal and disloyalty could be unbearable for a proud person like him.
Take care. -
How come nowadays got more n more ppl advice like me ar..
speech tone , Capitol letters... the 'wisdom' and 'commitment'
U guys need to finish things of with a little bit of humour.
Anyways....
carry on~
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wah. nvr even help u up? if this were to happen to my gf the first thing i will do is to carry her on my back and put her down in some place where i can seek more help. scolding only comes later lo. coz similar incident happened to my gf and the first thing i did was to carry her back(lucky she is light weight) to somewhere else to treat her injuries.Originally posted by Vampire X:well, thanks for your advise. I did thought to do that. But somehow i don't want to quarrel over these tiny small things with him. He is stubborn & always think he is right.
Sometimes, its really pointless to talk to him. He will always think I still did not correct my mistake & think I am right whenever I tried to reason out with him. And also I do not want to spoil the years of relationship with him. No one is perfect anyway. I just have to tolerate with him. He is very nice most of the time just that temper bad only.
There's once happened 2 years ago, when I accidentally fell down a block of stairs & roll down. My legs were bleeding & so pain till I cannot walk properly, he scolded me for not paying attention & did not walk properly. He even added that I totally throw his face in public.
He walk off rapidly & I just lipping my leg following him. I am angry but still I tolerate. I apologise to him saying I should have walk carefully next time. I also don't know how long can I stand him. I can always advise my girlfriends this kind of man don't want suak suak ki, but when happen to myself, I really don't know how to handle. Actually I am quite afraid one day I may let off everything & ignore him, then it will really be the end of our relationship.
i think he is more concerned abt his face den u. consider carefully whether do u still wan him or nt. a nice guy doesnt mean he is gd. some guys can treat u v nice but when u are in trouble or needs help, dey simply walk off and leave u in lurch. such guys are bastards, in my opinion. i dunnoe abt u. 5 years VS rest of ur life. choose one.
sure, some guys have high ego but doesnt mean dey can do anything dey wan. =) -
Different forumers have different experiences before, thus leading to the different views that are inputed here.
At the end of the day, you will have to decide for yourself. Let's not talk about Y at moment. You just pretend he never existed. Let's talk about X instead. Do you think you can tolerate his behaviour in the long term? If the answer is "yes", then, everything is settled. If the answer is "no", then you will have to consider the relationship carefully. You can either dump him straight away or trash out with him face-to-face. Let him do the thinking. If all still fails despite his effort, then, you should know what to do.
This is your life, this is your relationship. Consider wisely. -
nice reply lolOriginally posted by Vampire X:Hee! Why are you saying so bad about yourself one ? do not look down on yourself okay!
hmm..well....poor thing. . Take Care Eric.
eric is pwn... haha -
i didnt really read what others have write cus,
so many and so long! haha, guess you might have an answer what to do already...
But still, time will be your answer... but the problem is, time don't wait also... chances may just past by...
so take control of time and relised every single detail you know about your feeling... Only 2 things you need to get ready to catch, chances and your real feeling...
follow your feeling... you will know it one day... but, dun let that day be after your chance ^^ -
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i tink u have to stop the liking for your colleague. its just not right to like another guy when u are attached. normal sms and conversations will do.. but not anything more than that
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See which one you are happier with lor. Romances and crushes are always beautiful in the beginning (the truth hurts) and tend to fade as time goes by (just like you and your bf relationship). Will this also happen if you choose your colleage and dump your boyfriend? So, think twice before you really think he is the one and not your boyfriend. Anyway, you are not married, and you can still choose.
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i have a different opinion.Originally posted by WiNtEr'SkiLL:i tink u have to stop the liking for your colleague. its just not right to like another guy when u are attached. normal sms and conversations will do.. but not anything more than that
she need to follow her heart and even if attach, there is something call break althought not advice...
most importantly, follow the heart... yup love is selfish... -
Hi all, I am so touched by all your advices, no matter is good or bad . Thanks for scolding or encouraging me. After reading all your replies, I got many thinking from different directions. Really thanks !Different people give different opinion.
Sorry I started the topic without thinking what topic to put as I am too concentrate to write the content so just anyhow type "in love with another guy" , actually i treat him like my colleague only or maybe just a friend . Y is a popular guy in my company and he encourages me in my studies & my work. We contact through email & sms mostly. We sometimes went for lunch but not often. Really a good friend. Me like his character not love lar. He ever date me out but I rejected. As I got a bf already, how can I go out with other guys on a date. I cannot be unloyal to my bf anyway.
I agree my bf is a MCP. he can be very nice. he is very friendly and fillal , always help his friends or others and even strangers. He can't stand rudeness especially he see kids nowadays behaving so badly. He is caring but is not mushy type and not romantic. When he went overseas to work, he will not contact with me much, maybe 1 or 2 phone calls over 2 months & he will not say "I miss you" those kind of words. when he is back,I realise he often buy back alot things for me. He always care about me but does not show out. He will often say I am troublesome but in the end still will give in to me at times when he knows my heart.
He is those cool cool type not those sticky kinda guys. But I am disappointed with him when there was once I asked him if he can be without gf. and he say he can be alone even without gf. Its okay to him. So i am quite sad about this.
Of course, other things like many times he will scold me when I did not use my brain to think before asking him questions. one example is when he already told me he is meeting his friend and I later ask him if he wana go his home for dinner. He will scold me for not using my brain like he already told me why I still ask somemore. Sometimes I really forget. I think of what I ask what. seems like I tend to make him angry easily.
Zeny mentioned some things which i agree. Maybe that's why I still tolerating him is because I love him more than anything. by the way, i am 25 my bf is 29. i always hear people says that guys are career minded. I guess my bf is trying his best in his career.
Everyone has a temper i guess. Sometimes he did go out to karaoke with his colleague girls and I used to nag at him saying how come he's the only guy. He will reply me saying that its all about trust and we should have mature thinking. If I kept restrict him like this means that I don't trust him. Later I did not question him as I thought I should trust him. and yes so far he never betray me before.
I like him as he give me a security feeling he shows no interest in other girls , his normal hobbies is watching soccer & playing playstation just like normal guys. I would say only thing bad about him is his temper. Whenever he cannot stand my action, he will turn suddenly from smiling to an angry face telling me what i did wrong & I am always apologising to him. He can also scold me in front of his relatives & never give me face also. He always want me to socialise with his relatives but I often smile & did not talk much things.
for his temper, actually everyone always say I am patient but nowadays I start to wonder how long can I be . Yes can I tolerate this kinda behaviour for 10 more years? I really don't know. -
i really advise u against breaking up with your bf just because the other guy is nicer.
i think u should settle the issue with your bf 1st b4 bringing the other guy into your consideration.
And no point comparing how nice your friend is and how !@@!$ your bf is.
the friend could just be a classic "nice to all girls for the sake of u noe wat"
and when he successfully wooed u and after u 2 are together for 5 years, he might just be worse than your current bf man. -
yes i agree. Y is actually out of picture. Even without him, my issue with my bf already exist. I will try to talk to my bf on this but my bf is often very busy at work only during weekends can I really talk to him.Originally posted by Drizzit:i really advise u against breaking up with your bf just because the other guy is nicer.
i think u should settle the issue with your bf 1st b4 bringing the other guy into your consideration.
And no point comparing how nice your friend is and how !@@!$ your bf is.
the friend could just be a classic "nice to all girls for the sake of u noe wat"
and when he successfully wooed u and after u 2 are together for 5 years, he might just be worse than your current bf man. -
Hello Vampire X,
A healthy relationship is one that gives each other room to grow. Maybe your boyfriend's intention is good, but he is indirectly hurting you.
Be sure to tell him how you feel when he berates you.
If you have given this relationship enough chance and it's going nowhere, then you should consider moving on.