a woman's lament
-
Just writing in here hoping to feel better after pouring it out.
A little less than 2 years ago, I chanced upon Mr G through a shared project at work. Though there were no sparks and we hardly made conversation initially, one encounter probably initiated what carried on and happened the next 2 years. Things began rather strangely, I've never looked upon him as someone who might be my type. He is older and the sort who communicated more with mandarin and dialect, I am younger, and what you would call, the "ang moh type."
I was going through a difficult period of my life back then, having to cope with family and financial difficulties plus looking after my then bed ridden father who was passing from terminal cancer. That was when I started going out with Mr G.
I have no clear idea why I enjoyed going out with him, it was probably the annonymity of being with a person who didn't understand me or was very far apart from the realities of life that were hanging over me... I considered our dates momentary escapism. For a few hours each time, I left everything behind and went around a Mr G I didn't care for. He didn't care for me. And I found myself lured to this company. It was easy. There were no heavy discussions about life and problems, just conversation about the simpler things and some laughter.
A month or so later, we slept together. A few months later, my father passed. And Mr G left for work overseas. I have no idea really what things meant back then but I assumed it was over. My problems were over. And Mr G was gone. And so the affair ended.
Between the 3 months we dated and slept together, the relationship between us was a push and pull. I suppose. Initially, I'd been nicer. Sometimes asking him out for a movie but he didn't sound interested so I assumed we are hanging around each other for the sex. Soon afterwards he began calling me in the after noons, sometimes everyday, sometimes making a meal, sometimes wishing I stayed over and sometimes wanting to go out the same day even after we parted. Then he left. But found me a job with him overseas. I chose not to join him. And left traveling by myself. I didn't know why he wanted me to join him back then. The cynical side of me imagined he wanted a free bed partner and he wanted my company due to the loneliness overseas. When he called me during my backpacking days and asked why I couldn't seem to share the adventurous things I did with him, the better part of me believed he had feelings. Nothing happened in the end. He came back to Singapore. And so did I. And we carried on. We borrow our company; an occasional visit or drink. Momentarily leaving the realities of our separate lives behind and simply laughing about unimportant things.
We carried on behaving like friends in public. Other times intimate in private. Things were complicated because we ran in the similar public circles. Even after a year of sleeping with each other repeatedly every week, he was nervous, sometimes shy when we are out together. In private, he drank a lot. We bumped into each other at work and were formally introduced as colleagues. The irony of being asked if we knew each other before hand at the office when a few days before the introduction we'd been fucking each other's brains out was a little too dramatic for me to handle. Not knowing how to behave around him at work, I threw in the towel and left before the project began.
I left traveling again. The new year passed. I had no idea exactly what I was running from. I probably liked Mr G a plenty but had no idea how to reconciliate my liking with all that has happened. The same thing happened. He was alright, sometimes offering to pick me up or send me off, other times calling and saying he misses me. I came back. We started again. After a year of being strangers, he suddenly held my hand one time. I had no idea what that meant but he was quiet when he did it and so was I. We did nothing but slept with each other. Often nothing was being said since I told him he doesn't have to feel obliged to make conversation after sex if he didnt want to.
Because nothing was being said, I rarely knew what Mr G feels most of the time. Only recently after I came back from a last trip, he was often quieter but doting. Many times holding me very tightly throughout the night until I fell asleep. Other times he would sleep away on a couch, quiet, by himself old music humming in the background.
I realise at times that Mr G, is ultimately a loner at his best, solo from the view he loves. His private, desolate appeal was probably what kept me going back. Or perhaps it was the night, and a city in deep slumber that rustles a certain lonely quality, elusive and hollow, that brought me back to the same circle again and again. Sleeplessness from working erratic hours and probably loneliness. The need for closeness. Physical intimacy. I have no idea.
I don't know if he has anyone else in another country or if we were nothing. The pleasures of having experienced whatever encounter we had, was always deterred by spontaneous dates with others. When I would drive out into the same kind of night, with another someone, in search of filling the void left behind by Mr G whenever he wasn't around. I am beyond wanting relationships. Or the fun filled conventions of being in one. It tires me. It is exhausting. I have seen friends going through disappointments and anguish all for nothing in the end. And I do not want to go through it again. I have nothing to offer in a relationship neither do I know how to behave in one.
I don't know why I do it if Mr G meant anything at all. I'm not expecting him to consider anything serious with me because I am probably not worth his time. The last time we were out, he took my phone and saw the messages from my previous date. He didn't say anything. If he called and I was out with friends, he would coolly tell me to go keep my friend company. But continue sending me messages till I was home. He never asked me out on Valentines. Just wishing me happy valentines day the day before and sends me messages asking if I was home on Valentines.
Today he is back overseas. There wasn't difficult leaving and he'd given me the news after he arrived over there though I knew he was making a trip for work.
A few weeks before, I'd asked him what this was all about. He told me we are more than close and he wanted to mean something to me. But couldn't ask me for more because I do not want a relationship. He'd said the same thing a year ago, that he didn't want a relationship. (That is man speak for not wanting a relationship with me. I understand.)
And he asked why I never seemed to call him. That he wanted surprises. He was right about that. I never once called him or initiated contact throughout the time we spent together. Even if I were to cancel on him last minute, he had no temper. Just wishing me goodnight and to enjoy my evening, have my fun. It felt like I meant nothing to him because he was so unaffected. Afterwards he said there was nothing he could do because he isn't the type of person to keep pestering me if I didn't want to go out.
So now he is away. And I have no idea what would happen next. Probably a looming knowing this has finally ended. The last time we met, for the first time in my entire life, I'd been left alone on the bed while he slept on his couch. Afterwards ignoring me when I said goodbye. I'm not blaming anybody much less him. For a woman who has closed his doors repeatedly, I probably deserved it.
We will probably come and go in each otherÂ’s lives without warning. These intermittent encounters will continue leaving me with a hint of longing until the day I stop seeing him.
Just wondering what any of you would've done if you were in my shoes. -
Hmm, perhaps it would be easiler if your take this relationship as a memorable chapter in your life.
Life moves on and so do you, what's important is where you decided to go from here.
Wish you all the best, and smooth journey in life. -
Side track abit. Your English is very good.
-
You are as complicated as my ex and the guy is as complicated as I am.
Believe me. It will never end. Not even after you are married. -
What do I do now.
-
in my humble opinion, Mr G is taking the passive approach towards love. he himself must be quite uncertain of how u feel towards him too, thus the on and off pulling effect.
if u truly love him and believe he would be the one sharing your goals and ambitions, u should confess to him and stop waiting for him in agony, thinking abt wad he'll do next. even if u face rejection, u shld be glad that u can finally pull ur horses and stop seeing him. -
Tell him you love him. If you can tell him face to face, you'll know what he thinks about you. If he's quiet then he don't really love you. Or maybe he loves himself more than he loves you. Or maybe it's actually you who love yourself more than you love him.
-
i think he's being straightforward enough. leaving for work without saying goodbye. that itself is an good answer.
mid9sun is right. life goes on. thanks all. -
I concur with your observation here and you are wise to see it yourself. You sounded pretty sensible and level minded all these while.Originally posted by jackdaniels:i think he's being straightforward enough. leaving for work without saying goodbye. that itself is an good answer. except I'm disappointed when he came back saying he misses me. he doesn't. he thinks he is being kind by letting me down easy. it's just selfishness from wanting to keep me around from time to time whenever he needed to be close to someone.
mid9sun is right. life goes on. thanks all.
So be proud and be nice to yaself
Many cheers and many better tomorrows
-
wa...drama...Originally posted by jackdaniels:Just writing in here hoping to feel better after pouring it out.
A little less than 2 years ago, I chanced upon Mr G through a shared project at work. Though there were no sparks and we hardly made conversation initially, one encounter probably initiated what carried on and happened the next 2 years. Things began rather strangely, I've never looked upon him as someone who might be my type. He is older and the sort who communicated more with mandarin and dialect, I am younger, and what you would call, the "ang moh type."
I was going through a difficult period of my life back then, having to cope with family and financial difficulties plus looking after my then bed ridden father who was passing from terminal cancer. That was when I started going out with Mr G.
I have no clear idea why I enjoyed going out with him, it was probably the annonymity of being with a person who didn't understand me or was very far apart from the realities of life that were hanging over me... I considered our dates momentary escapism. For a few hours each time, I left everything behind and went around a Mr G I didn't care for. He didn't care for me. And I found myself lured to this company. It was easy. There were no heavy discussions about life and problems, just conversation about the simpler things and some laughter.
A month or so later, we slept together. A few months later, my father passed. And Mr G left for work overseas. I have no idea really what things meant back then but I assumed it was over. My problems were over. And Mr G was gone. And so the affair ended.
Between the 3 months we dated and slept together, the relationship between us was a push and pull. I suppose. Initially, I'd been nicer. Sometimes asking him out for a movie but he didn't sound interested so I assumed we are hanging around each other for the sex. Soon afterwards he began calling me in the after noons, sometimes everyday, sometimes making a meal, sometimes wishing I stayed over and sometimes wanting to go out the same day even after we parted. Then he left. But found me a job with him overseas. I chose not to join him. And left traveling by myself. I didn't know why he wanted me to join him back then. The cynical side of me imagined he wanted a free bed partner and he wanted my company due to the loneliness overseas. When he called me during my backpacking days and asked why I couldn't seem to share the adventurous things I did with him, the better part of me believed he had feelings. Nothing happened in the end. He came back to Singapore. And so did I. And we carried on. We borrow our company; an occasional visit or drink. Momentarily leaving the realities of our separate lives behind and simply laughing about unimportant things.
We carried on behaving like friends in public. Other times intimate in private. Things were complicated because we ran in the similar public circles. Even after a year of sleeping with each other repeatedly every week, he was nervous, sometimes shy when we are out together. In private, he drank a lot. We bumped into each other at work and were formally introduced as colleagues. The irony of being asked if we knew each other before hand at the office when a few days before the introduction we'd been fucking each other's brains out was a little too dramatic for me to handle. Not knowing how to behave around him at work, I threw in the towel and left before the project began.
I left traveling again. The new year passed. I had no idea exactly what I was running from. I probably liked Mr G a plenty but had no idea how to reconciliate my liking with all that has happened. The same thing happened. He was alright, sometimes offering to pick me up or send me off, other times calling and saying he misses me. I came back. We started again. After a year of being strangers, he suddenly held my hand one time. I had no idea what that meant but he was quiet when he did it and so was I. We did nothing but slept with each other. Often nothing was being said since I told him he doesn't have to feel obliged to make conversation after sex if he didnt want to.
Because nothing was being said, I rarely knew what Mr G feels most of the time. Only recently after I came back from a last trip, he was often quieter but doting. Many times holding me very tightly throughout the night until I fell asleep. Other times he would sleep away on a couch, quiet, by himself old music humming in the background.
I realise at times that Mr G, is ultimately a loner at his best, solo from the view he loves. His private, desolate appeal was probably what kept me going back. Or perhaps it was the night, and a city in deep slumber that rustles a certain lonely quality, elusive and hollow, that brought me back to the same circle again and again. Sleeplessness from working erratic hours and probably loneliness. The need for closeness. Physical intimacy. I have no idea.
I don't know if he has anyone else in another country or if we were nothing. The pleasures of having experienced whatever encounter we had, was always deterred by spontaneous dates with others. When I would drive out into the same kind of night, with another someone, in search of filling the void left behind by Mr G whenever he wasn't around. I am beyond wanting relationships. Or the fun filled conventions of being in one. It tires me. It is exhausting. I have seen friends going through disappointments and anguish all for nothing in the end. And I do not want to go through it again. I have nothing to offer in a relationship neither do I know how to behave in one.
I don't know why I do it if Mr G meant anything at all. I'm not expecting him to consider anything serious with me because I am probably not worth his time. The last time we were out, he took my phone and saw the messages from my previous date. He didn't say anything. If he called and I was out with friends, he would coolly tell me to go keep my friend company. But continue sending me messages till I was home. He never asked me out on Valentines. Just wishing me happy valentines day the day before and sends me messages asking if I was home on Valentines.
Today he is back overseas. There wasn't difficult leaving and he'd given me the news after he arrived over there though I knew he was making a trip for work.
A few weeks before, I'd asked him what this was all about. He told me we are more than close and he wanted to mean something to me. But couldn't ask me for more because I do not want a relationship. He'd said the same thing a year ago, that he didn't want a relationship. (That is man speak for not wanting a relationship with me. I understand.)
And he asked why I never seemed to call him. That he wanted surprises. He was right about that. I never once called him or initiated contact throughout the time we spent together. Even if I were to cancel on him last minute, he had no temper. Just wishing me goodnight and to enjoy my evening, have my fun. It felt like I meant nothing to him because he was so unaffected. Afterwards he said there was nothing he could do because he isn't the type of person to keep pestering me if I didn't want to go out.
So now he is away. And I have no idea what would happen next. Probably a looming knowing this has finally ended. The last time we met, for the first time in my entire life, I'd been left alone on the bed while he slept on his couch. Afterwards ignoring me when I said goodbye. I'm not blaming anybody much less him. For a woman who has closed his doors repeatedly, I probably deserved it.
We will probably come and go in each otherÂ’s lives without warning. These intermittent encounters will continue leaving me with a hint of longing until the day I stop seeing him.
Just wondering what any of you would've done if you were in my shoes. -
I cannot understand your situation with Mr G in the sex partner issue, but I can feel your need for comfort and pillar of support that time when you are burdened and stressed out by your family and finance. Mr G happens to enter into the picture and you found a form of solace in him.
This perhaps could be a 'wrong move?' for you as you can see now where you are as a result of what you did earlier. Or maybe the 'right move?', depending on how you see the whole situation and from what angle.
Since you are asking what would any of us do in your shoes, I assume you want to see what possible options could be seen here. Let me give you a word of caution: what we would do will not affect you in any way. Ultimately you have to decide for yourself what you want to do.
Back to your question. I am a guy. You can brand me MCP if you like, but I do not like the idea of leaving a woman after I had sex with her. Even though we both may agree on 'sex and no romantic feelings involved' mutually, I cannot help but feel a sense of responsibility towards her. I respect her and all the more I feel responsible for what I did.
Understanding my stand in this relationship with her (Can I reverse the role abit? Miss G to Mr G and me to you?
) is important to what do I want. Can I make a relationship out of this 'on and off' case? Where does she stand in my heart? Mere sex partner? Or potential mate? What do I see in her? Should I get to her? Or I wait and see what happens? Maybe another person comes into the frame?
I will make an effort to give both of us a chance to see if this relationship could blossom. Of course I will ask for her view on this. An open discussion can help me garner some points to note. Like why is she so 'solo' or independant to me? What is her lifestyle like considering she goes overseas alot? What are the attributes that attracted me to her, if any? Would she consider a relationship with me if possible?
I noticed that you cannot seem to let him go or consider any other relationship until he is totally gone from your life. You have some attraction towards him and likewise. Which is all the more I am reinforcing my stand in 'thrashing' it out with the person, in your shoes.
I hope through my 'analogy' (if there is any...
), you can see some points worth considering. You are a strong and rather independant woman, so I believe whatever you have decided would probably mean the best in both of yours and his interests.
Beers! (Its a counter to the usual phrase 'cheers') -
Consider this.
If a man needs you, he'll use all he got to get you back to him.
But if e doesn't need you, most prpbably he's not worth your time either. -
Originally posted by jackdaniels:When he called me during my backpacking days and asked why I couldn't seem to share the adventurous things I did with him, the better part of me believed he had feelings.Originally posted by jackdaniels:Only recently after I came back from a last trip, he was often quieter but doting. Many times holding me very tightly throughout the night until I fell asleep. Other times he would sleep away on a couch, quiet, by himself old music humming in the background.Originally posted by jackdaniels:And he asked why I never seemed to call him. That he wanted surprises. He was right about that. I never once called him or initiated contact throughout the time we spent together.
Did he actually say that he didn’t want a relationship or did you simply assume that it’s “man speak”?Originally posted by jackdaniels:A few weeks before, I'd asked him what this was all about. ]He told me we are more than close and he wanted to mean something to me. But couldn't ask me for more because I do not want a relationship. He'd said the same thing a year ago, that he didn't want a relationship. (That is man speak for not wanting a relationship with me. I understand.)
It seems like all he said was he will not ask for more because you donÂ’t want a relationship (you have to admit, he is right).
From his actions (read what you wrote above), I feel that he actually likes you a lot, more than he dares to admit.
He seems to be detached recently. My interpretation is that he can no longer view you as merely a bed partner. The feelings that have accumulated in him are becoming too difficult to ignore.
At the same time, he didnÂ’t know whether he should risk leaving his comfort zone.
So I do agree that he has some reservations about starting a new relationship. In this aspect, he is similar to you.
He seems to be waiting for you to prove to him that it is worth the risk.
Then again, it is useless to speculate what he is thinking when you yourself are terrified of leaving your comfort zone.Originally posted by jackdaniels:I am beyond wanting relationships. Or the fun filled conventions of being in one. It tires me. It is exhausting. I have seen friends going through disappointments and anguish all for nothing in the end. And I do not want to go through it again. I have nothing to offer in a relationship neither do I know how to behave in one.
No one knows exactly what to do in a relationship and how to behave!
We simply go with the flow.
Tomorrow is an uncertainty. You yourself are changing everyday.
Changes bring you disappointment and anguish.
Changes bring you fun, joy and excitement.
It is the essence of truly living a life. DonÂ’t be afraid of changes.
Tomorrow will come and somewhere in the future, it will end. Nothing can last forever. The only thing we can do is accept this. So spend the time you are given well. When it ends, give it up and move on.
Take care. -
ok TS
your situation now is that despite your intimate relation with Mr G, you are unsure (maybe) of your real feelings for him and his for you?
hmmm... ask yourself now, If he were to really wanna start something with a prospect of future with you, will you be interested? Will you be willing to take the risks?
if the answers are yes, pls sit down with him and talk, see if you can work it out.
if the answer are yes but he is strictly interested in physical only, then you are better off distanting yourself and let yourself move on.
I don't know about you, but i find that as a woman, I don't think i can ever seperate physical intamacy with lovey dovey feelings!
sometimes when things happen in life, we just follow along,
when this happen we do this, when that happens we do that.
when he calls, you go meet him, when he initiates, you react...
but sometimes when we let things flow, the outcome may not be healthy for you.
and most often then not, we have to wake up, and take action. to take pains in making your life better.. -
You are blind.
Blinded by your uncertainty.
Him, blinded by fear.
Fear of losing something so precious.
Fear of losing something which he is perhaps unworthy of.
The relationship is shrouded with uncertainty.
You dream..... of floating endlessly on a vast ocean, surrounded by the big , mysterious, beautiful and haunting sea.
This ocean of blue... sometimes calm, sometimes choppy, sometimes playful, sometimes uncertain, sometimes so forbidden.
Tonight, you seek solid ground.
The comfort of certainty.
That is the universal truth.
Ask and you may get.
Ask him, tell him.
Should it be unrequited, so be it. -
I think most people, wo/man would like to have a long term relationship... I am just surprised that you did not find someone else while you were with him... since he was not "the one" but "the convenient one".Originally posted by jackdaniels:Just writing in here hoping to feel better after pouring it out....
Just wondering what any of you would've done if you were in my shoes.
Could it be that because you had a "convenient one", you never really tried to find "the one"?
Could it be that because you had a "convenient one", you missed it when "the one" came into your life briefly? That if you did not have the "convenient one", you might have been with "the one" now?
That might be the price you pay/paid for "convenience sake".
I would suggest that you start looking for "the one" to have a long term relationship with... and not dwell on the past. -
Thanks for all for your thoughts and opinion. ItÂ’s baffling and funny observing how different male and female responses can be.
I’d rather not believe in possibilities of a single one out there for each of us. There may be several ‘the one’ out there. Although I didn’t stop dating other people the whole time nor did I quit on living my life and doing the things I love, there were times when I feel guilty. Especially when he calls or sends messages and I’m in the middle of other company. I’ve had my fair share dating around, even shared more about my life with these people than I ever did with Mr G. But I didn’t enjoy them. Not as much as Mr G’s company. I have no idea why.
Perhaps this is just false pride from wanting a person I never cared to have. Perhaps I am expecting him to care in return for nothing from me. Perhaps he feels I am not good enough for him. The list goes on.
For instance when he once cried, I didnÂ’t know if I should let him be or give him comfort. We are worlds apart. It could be a lack of understanding or a strange sense of distance keeping it going.
Actually I once asked him how long we have been doing this. All he said was every time feels like the first. When I needed some honesty because this could have gone on as long as the line was drawn (either we were only physical or nothing) he insisted there was more than and he didnÂ’t want to be alone. Then he said it was difficult to ask me to stay and to share. Then he refused to talk about it. Just wanted me to say it was all right between us. That everything was still fine.
This post can go on and on but even I am sick of myself. Much less you guys. I dislike the person I have become. Intense and confused. I'd rather be out in the sun and traveling again too, and laughing a lot while at it. Perhaps this was why I enjoyed Mr G in the first place. For who he is. Private, lonely and at times foot loose and fancy free.
Perhaps this is just a channel for me to pour out some thoughts. I appreciate all the advice but will go with mid9sun. Life goes easy. -
Is he a scorpio? Are you a sagi ? Not related to your problem, just curious.Originally posted by jackdaniels:Thanks to all for your thoughts and opinion. ItÂ’s baffling and funny observing how different male and female responses can be.
I’d rather not believe in possibilities of a single one out there for each of us. There may be several ‘the one’ out there. Although I didn’t stop dating other people throughout this time nor did I quit on living my life and doing the things I love, there were times when I feel guilty. Especially when he calls or sends messages and I’m in the middle of other company. I’ve had my fair share dating around, even shared more about my life with these people than I ever did with Mr G. But I didn’t enjoy them. Not as much as Mr G’s. I have no idea why.
Perhaps this is just false pride from wanting a person I never cared to have. Perhaps I am expecting him to care in return for nothing from me. Perhaps he feels I am not good enough for him. The list goes on.
For instance when he once cried, I didnÂ’t know if I should let him be or give him comfort. We are worlds apart. It could be a lack of understanding or a strange sense of distance keeping it going.
Actually I once asked him how long we have been doing this. All he said was every time feels like the first. When I needed some honesty because this could have gone on as long as the line was drawn (either we are only physical or nothing) he insisted there was more than and he didnÂ’t want to be alone. Then he said it was difficult to ask me to stay and to share. Then he refused to talk about it. Just wanted me to say it was all right between us. That everything is still fine.
This post can go on and on but even I am sick of myself. Much less you guys. I dislike the person I have become. Intense and confused. I'd rather be out in the sun and traveling again too, and laughing a lot while at it. Perhaps this was why I enjoyed Mr G in the first place. For who he is. Private, lonely and at times foot loose and fancy free. Perhaps this is just a channel for me to pour out some thoughts. I appreciate all the advice but will go with mid9sun. Life goes easy.
Thank you all.
Life goes easy...provided you can really make a decision and act on the decision (move on).
Otherwise, the cycle repeats itself.
goodluck. -
Hi curiousorange.
Mr G is capricorn. I am sagittarian. -
You are a free spirit and loves to discover new things and new ideas. No wonder you love travelling around.Originally posted by jackdaniels:Hi curiousorange.
Mr G is capricorn. I am sagittarian.
99% (yeah...I lied) of the sagi women around avoid commitment like a plague.
He is a down to earth person.
He might not as attuned to your feelings as you like. But he is someone who loves to have a stable family once he is successful.
His career and ambitions must come first. Like the mountain goat, he will aim for the top.
Not the perfect match up, but this will not be the end.
Capricon men are very determined to get what they want. -
I'd go with mid9sun.. sounds like both of you are better off moving on. I doubt either one of you are willing to risk spoiling what you have / had with the other party.. if u were to enter a r/ship with him, I see alot of disappointments and unspoken sentiments along the way. Perhaps deep inside you also know that he cannot give you what you want or need.. and vice versa.
-
One conclusion!
U have not met someone better!
Give yrself more space and opportunity and the real ONE will come!
I believe u are still young.. -
TS has a good foundation of the languages...
I just hope that you can put yourself in her shoes...
End the relationship if you are cold to him...
-
one question:
why u got so much money can go travelling for so many times...then so long somemore?
-
Hi Ms Intense and Confused,Originally posted by jackdaniels:I dislike the person I have become. Intense and confused. I'd rather be out in the sun and traveling again too, and laughing a lot while at it. Perhaps this was why I enjoyed Mr G in the first place. For who he is. Private, lonely and at times foot loose and fancy free.
This is probably my last post in your thread. Sorry for this long reply. IÂ’ve been thinking a lot about your post today.
I feel that to a certain extent, you chose the easiest way out by running away from the problem. ItÂ’s ok to take the most convenient way out but when he calls again, he will probably leave you as confused as ever.
“Does he have someone else in another country?”
“Why does he keep leaving and coming back?”
“He comes back when he wants sex, he leaves when he feels I’m not good enough for him?”
I donÂ’t want to sound gay but I think I understand him from the emotional aspect.
G is a cautious and serious person by nature. He doesnÂ’t have a lot of real friends around him. Like what you said, he is more like a loner.
But at the end of the day, he desperately needs to find a balance somewhere.
Then he met you.
You who can make him forget the commitments he impose on himself and simply indulge in a carefree lifestyle.
He looked at the exciting adventures you experienced every time you travel.
He asked himself, “Why can’t I be like her?!”
You are complete opposite of him.
You are the perfect balance for him.
That is why he kept leaving and coming backÂ…he needs you but he donÂ’t believe he can live in your world.
Your attraction to him works on the same principle.
His aloofness and seriousness attracts youÂ…and repels you.
At the end of the day, Cupid played a cruel game that left both him and you confused and bewildered and unsure whether to proceed.
ItÂ’s not all doom and gloom. If both of you are willing to teach and be receptive of what the other party can offer.
In each other, you will see reflections of what you like to improve on in your lives.
You can teach him how to kick up his heels and live for the moment
He can offer some stability that you eventually will like.
I think you should take a breather right now and clear your thoughts. DonÂ’t make a rash decision when you are feeling confused.
But at the end of the day, donÂ’t escape. Make a choice and be truly happy with it.
Goodbye.