Was it my fault? Or my friend's?
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I had a quarrel with my friend yesterday.
My friends and I arranged to meet for dinner last night at a certain buffet restaurant. I was the one who suggested going there,but i really didn't know what time the restaurant closes. 1 of my friends(let's call her A) was at work and her knockoff time was about 7pm. She said she would be going for the dinner and when i called her at around 6.30pm to tell her that the other friends and i were already there,she told us to wait for her and she would reach probably before 8pm.
However,it was almost 8pm but there was no sign of A. I called her hp but she did not pick up. After a while,she called back and said that she was held up at work. I did not know how to handle the situation(as in,asked her to rush there or gave the dinner gathering a miss),so i passed the phone to my other friend,B. B told A that the restaurant will close at 9.30pm and asked her if she could finish her food in an hr if she could reach by 8.30. A said that since it's too much of a rush for her so she decided not to come anymore. After they hung up the phone,B commented that since A last minute knew that she had overtime work to do,she should have given us a call to inform us. The rest of us had been waiting for her.....and we were so hungry. In the end,she chose not to come?
Anyway,later A smsed me,saying that I should have informed her that the restaurant closes at 9.30pm. Apparently,she used a harsh tone in her sms. She said i made her think that it closes very late(she herself assume 10pm)and hence,she was trying to rush her work in order to make it for the dinner. In the end,i made her rush her work for nothing! i was so angry at what she said. i seriously did not know the restaurant's closing time and i only found out abt it when i reached the restaurant. How was i supposed to know that she would be held up at work suddenly? And cause of that, i had to tell her that it's 9.30pm??? How was i supposed to know??????
i felt so wronged.....but she thinks it's my fault. And the rest of us felt that no matter how busy she was,she could have at least called us to inform us that she was held up.....made us wait for nothing too.
Was it my fault for not telling her?????? -
it is your fault, not checking up, the closing time of the restaurant, and furthermore, you don't have to wait for her to start the dinner, if she can't pick up the phone, just send her a sms, and tell her that you are starting the dinner without her
if you want to organise anything, you must be well prepare of everything -
If you want to attribute fault, then both are at fault. You being faulted for not checking the closing time. Your friend being faulted for not informing you gals she had to do OT.
However, I think the main issue here is not to find fault, but to take a step back and resolve this case peacefully.
If I were in your shoes, I will meet her and tell my part of the story. I will apologise on my part and explain the situation that time. If she is understanding enough, she will know it as well.
My concern with doing so is to resolve any misunderstanding we may have. No small issues should come imbetween any friendship.
So what would you do? -
both have fault. just sae sorry to each other even if u feel not fair. happy ending.
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it takes two hands to clap...
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It no fault of anyone. It's a miscomm.
You did your part in calling her when she didn't show up.
You could have check with the resturant when is the last order and sms her that since she didn't answer the call.
She assumed that you guys will stay late.
perhaps its a lesson learn. Next time can ask the operation hours. -
Gee....Thanks for the advices.
I did visit the restaurant's website but it did not state the closing time. And when i called the restaurant to make reservations,i don't know was it miscommunication or what,the staff only replied,"can eat till very late." So i conveyed this to A. Ok,now i have to admit,i should have asked "eat till very late" means what time. My fault here.
I don't think i will apologise(and i know neither will she),cause in fact after A and B finished the conversation,i was a bit pissed off at A(i will say why later)and contemplated smsing her to sort of "scold" her for keeping us waiting. (Btw,we decided to wait for her as it would be awkward for her to eat alone while we already finished our food. And,she did NOT ask us to start eating first. We did have some appetizers though.) However,i did not want to kick off another quarrel again as we had some misunderstandings recently. And we have been talking abt going overseas for tour too,so it's bad to quarrel at this time. So,in the end i did not sms her. Who would know that she was the one to start a quarrel first?
As to why i was pissed off,that's because this was the 2nd time she did not inform me earlier that she was preoccupied with stuff. Not long ago,she was the one who asked me out at the last minute and wanted me to reach the destination in half an hr. I told her to give me time to prepare since i was not ready to leave home. Half an hr later,i was ready and called her hp to see where she was,so that we could meet,but she did not pick up the phone! I called several times within the next half an hr but to no avail. Finally,45mins after the previously scheduled time,she called me and said that she was talking to someone,so she could not pick up the phone. How could she? I do understand that she was busy talking and it might be something impt. But she knew that she had already asked me out and was expecting me,since she knew she would be held up,why couldn't she just ask the person to excuse her while she picked up my call? She had already asked me to go to that destination and what if,at the last minute,she could not come? Or would be very late? Wouldn't she make me go there or wait there or nothing?
I think i will just let yesterday's matter cool by itself......after all,we still have to settle the tour stuff. -
knn, lesson learnt, operation hours, mis comm...Originally posted by X-men:It no fault of anyone. It's a miscomm.
You did your part in calling her when she didn't show up.
You could have check with the resturant when is the last order and sms her that since she didn't answer the call.
She assumed that you guys will stay late.
perhaps its a lesson learn. Next time can ask the operation hours.
all the familiar words
except "It no fault of anyone"... usually its, "your fault" -
Originally posted by mikki:
Hmm... ok, but do remember to talk to her. You may never know if she is one who remembers and harbours contempt so she may bring this matter out and use as a weapon.
Gee....Thanks for the advices.
I did visit the restaurant's website but it did not state the closing time. And when i called the restaurant to make reservations,i don't know was it miscommunication or what,the staff only replied,"can eat till very late." So i conveyed this to A. Ok,now i have to admit,i should have asked "eat till very late" means what time. My fault here.
I don't think i will apologise(and i know neither will she),cause in fact after A and B finished the conversation,i was a bit pissed off at A(i will say why later)and contemplated smsing her to sort of "scold" her for keeping us waiting. (Btw,we decided to wait for her as it would be awkward for her to eat alone while we already finished our food. And,she did NOT ask us to start eating first. We did have some appetizers though.) However,i did not want to kick off another quarrel again as we had some misunderstandings recently. And we have been talking abt going overseas for tour too,so it's bad to quarrel at this time. So,in the end i did not sms her. Who would know that she was the one to start a quarrel first?
As to why i was pissed off,that's because this was the 2nd time she did not inform me earlier that she was preoccupied with stuff. Not long ago,she was the one who asked me out [b]at the last minute and wanted me to reach the destination in half an hr. I told her to give me time to prepare since i was not ready to leave home. Half an hr later,i was ready and called her hp to see where she was,so that we could meet,but she did not pick up the phone! I called several times within the next half an hr but to no avail. Finally,45mins after the previously scheduled time,she called me and said that she was talking to someone,so she could not pick up the phone. How could she? I do understand that she was busy talking and it might be something impt. But she knew that she had already asked me out and was expecting me,since she knew she would be held up,why couldn't she just ask the person to excuse her while she picked up my call? She had already asked me to go to that destination and what if,at the last minute,she could not come? Or would be very late? Wouldn't she make me go there or wait there or nothing?
I think i will just let yesterday's matter cool by itself......after all,we still have to settle the tour stuff.
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dinner outing only, why so serious. Cannot join dinner can still join the coffee later mah.
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Originally posted by mikki:
Of course it is not your fault. Are you supposed to prepare for all eventualities? It is a simple dinner. Set a time for everyone to meet and that's it. Those that cannot make it, don't come.
I had a quarrel with my friend yesterday.
My friends and I arranged to meet for dinner last night at a certain buffet restaurant. I was the one who suggested going there,but i really didn't know what time the restaurant closes. 1 of my friends(let's call her A) was at work and her knockoff time was about 7pm. She said she would be going for the dinner and when i called her at around 6.30pm to tell her that the other friends and i were already there,she told us to wait for her and she would reach probably before 8pm.
However,it was almost 8pm but there was no sign of A. I called her hp but she did not pick up. After a while,she called back and said that she was held up at work. I did not know how to handle the situation(as in,asked her to rush there or gave the dinner gathering a miss),so i passed the phone to my other friend,B. B told A that the restaurant will close at 9.30pm and asked her if she could finish her food in an hr if she could reach by 8.30. A said that since it's too much of a rush for her so she decided not to come anymore. After they hung up the phone,B commented that since A last minute knew that she had overtime work to do,she should have given us a call to inform us. The rest of us had been waiting for her.....and we were so hungry. In the end,she chose not to come?
Anyway,later A smsed me,saying that I should have informed her that the restaurant closes at 9.30pm. Apparently,she used a harsh tone in her sms. She said [b]i made her think that it closes very late(she herself assume 10pm)and hence,she was trying to rush her work in order to make it for the dinner. In the end,i made her rush her work for nothing! i was so angry at what she said. i seriously did not know the restaurant's closing time and i only found out abt it when i reached the restaurant. How was i supposed to know that she would be held up at work suddenly? And cause of that, i had to tell her that it's 9.30pm??? How was i supposed to know??????
i felt so wronged.....but she thinks it's my fault. And the rest of us felt that no matter how busy she was,she could have at least called us to inform us that she was held up.....made us wait for nothing too.
Was it my fault for not telling her?????? [/b]
It is not a problem if she has to work late or over time. Just inform the others. You and the other friends were already very kind to wait for her. She has the cheek to call again to postpone further and want people to wait for her even longer. She should have said... "So sorry, why don't you carry on. I feel bad making all of you wait."
What kind of inconsiderate person is that?
That is bad enough and she has the cheek to say you did not inform her the closing time....
The issue is not the closing time. The issue is making people wait so long for her.
SMS her and asked her, "Don't you feel bad making people wait so long for you? Is this kind of inconsiderate behavior to be expected from you all the time?" -
If good friends can seperate because of trivial issues like this, then screw that friend, I say.
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wah lao eh, next time check properly what time the restaurant closes la. and ur friend also, last minute then say can't make it cos of work. if she knows got to work OT tt day, then should tell u in advance mah.
but then, small matter la. so hot over such trival matters...??
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What time did you tell your friend to meet ?
You only mentioned her knockoff time.
Did you tell her " We will meet at 8pm at XXXX"?
Or did you allow her to come meet anytime after 7pm ???
The reason why I ask is this.
As the organizer, you must be specific and provide relevant info to your attendees.
If you are vague in the instructions, people will just do what they want to do and proceed at their own discretion. -
It just a common scenio for me..
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the resturant's fault...cos tey make u guys quarrel
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To me i think its one sided, mikki did no wrong really. Mikki don be sad anw, its just dinner also. There is no right or wrong just that we can always find ways to do things better. As aforementioned i stated that mikki did no wrong but that doesnt mean that ur friend is wrong.
No use pondering about it, you got to move on. And yes mikki when u checked the restaurant about closing time it is possible to eat beyond 930.
SOP is that restaurant will stop serving and take any last orders at 930 and kitchen will normally close at 10 but the front staff or the waiter and waitress will wait.. wait.. till customer wants to pay the bill. Of course front staff will present the bill if time is way beyond 10. In the case of Cafe Cartel or starbucks or other ''middle class'' restaurant they will present the bill before 1130 or as wad their respective bosses had instructed. So its really not your fault that A missed dinner. What A should have done is give u guys a call and not not picking up calls (probably feeling of guilt) and den come and give u a sms dressing down. What does it show? Putting the blame solely on u, making u feel like everythin its ur fault even though u did proper planning.
Also you should have started dinner with your other friends its no problem. Dont feel as if like sympathize with the 1 person who cant make it on time and he or she will not really feel nice. Its actually okay. Why? simple. if u are A and u come to the restaurant seeing that everyone is waiting for u how would u feel. U would have a feeling of guilt and ask many questions on yourself why u make ppl wait for u. That kind of feeling is even worse than gg to the restaurant seeing ur frens start eating. In fact when u come into the restaurant when ur friends are eating ppl actually welcome u! Most of the case is like that one la..
And that A fren of urs askin u to come down to have a meal in 30 mins is really ridiculous.
Feel that that fren of urs is just plain ridiculous the way A handles things. If me i can wait.. I even waited for my fren who was 30 mins late. Its no prob. Its all about mutual respect! And after 45 mins she tells u that she is talking to someone. Why not u just scold her ? Hmmm. but i think u are also good to just ignore her and move on get on with the tour thingy.
One thing i learnt is that when u get scolding or lecturing from ppl make ur stand dun stand there and take blows and let the other person feel superior while u , inferior. that feeling really sucks.
Big picture, just a dinner and a few gathering or tour outings. Chin zhai la.. As long as everyone is having fun making new frens can alr. Those who don seemed to have fun and complain just leave them be.
That A also really inconsiderate wanting ppl to wait for her.. Yea..i agree with both of u all. Inconsiderate, not telling ppl that she cant make it. wah lau. and really if that fren smth so small want to make so big by scolding u... screw the friend i say !
p.s. dun go to the tour with her if not im sure she'll miss the departure and blame u =) -
The dinner gathering was for 4 people. 2 of us(A and B)had to work that day while another friend and i were free. I made reservations for 6pm as i thought even if A and B could not make it at that time,at least there were still 2 of us. Initially after i booked the table for 6pm,the rest commented that it's a bit early,so i decided to turn up at the restaurant at 6 to ask if i could change to 7pm. However,after shopping,my friend and i were hungry so we decided to have some appetizers and not postpone the timing after all. In the first place,A has already said that no matter what time we arranged to meet(6 or 7pm),she would be the last one to reach since her knockoff time is 7pm. She had said she would reach latest by 8pm. And when i called her at ard 6.30,she did not know she would have extra work to do. (i guess her OT is really last minute notice) So she only told us to "eat slowly".(for the 2 of us who were having appetizers) Yup,so our meeting time was 6pm but since it was a buffet dinner,anyone of us who couldn't meet at that time,could arrive late. It was ok for the 2 of us who were early.Originally posted by jojobeach:What time did you tell your friend to meet ?
You only mentioned her knockoff time.
Did you tell her " We will meet at 8pm at XXXX"?
Or did you allow her to come meet anytime after 7pm ???
The reason why I ask is this.
As the organizer, you must be specific and provide relevant info to your attendees.
If you are vague in the instructions, people will just do what they want to do and proceed at their own discretion.
Anyway,really thank everyone here for your quick responses. A just smsed me in the morning to enquire abt the tour thingy. Haha. I asked her(in a sarcastic tone,i must admit)was she angry. She replied that she was just disappointed that she rushed her work that evening and yet could not make it for the dinner. Ok,i can understand that. I can also understand that it might be due to her disappointment that she "scolded" me. Sometimes,i get angry with people when i'm disappointed with them too. So,yeah~
Btw,again she mentioned just now that she was "angry" that day cause we knew the closing time but did not inform her. And i replied that did she ask us abt it when we called her at 6.30 and how were we supposed to know that we must tell her that??? She did not rebutt after that.
Well,we are alright now. LOL. -
Happy ending! But please remind her it is very impolite to make people wait. Last time my friend hor... broke up with one girl... (they were not very serious yet) because she always make him wait long long when he go to her house to pick her up... so tell your friend if she does not change...
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i think it was her fault for not informing u tat she has to work OT, and its your fault to make all ur friends wait for her.
is she someone impt to u?? -
There is no point blaming each other. The situation arose due to unexpected circumstances.
If time allows, you could have gone to another place to wait for her. That could have made everyone happy.
Just give and take. No need to get angry over such a small matter. -
it true for some jobs that always last min got something ;cock; up and need to OT or meeting.
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both are at fault.
u are not being understanding. I duno whether u are still schooling or what.. but when it comes to work, sometimes things juz cropped up.. even my job also.. when im busy, i'll be very very busy, no time to even get a drink or go to the washroom. I experienced the worst thing today.. hanged up the phone, next second another call comes in. One task haven't finish, another one comes in. Worst still, I still have to make long distance calls, reply to emails and get things done etc. At the end of the day, I got my work piling up...and I was too tired to continue.. I really have to stop and continue on the next working day.
No one likes to work till late de. I believe she din want to stood you up. And I'm sure there's a misunderstanding, that she thought u know the restaurant closes at 9.30pm and din inform her earlier. She could be very frustrated for working till late liao yet she could not have a nice dinner.
What I always do is, if I can foresee that it will be a busy day for me, I usually tell my frens to go ahead with the dinner, I'll join them after i finished my work, for a drink or something. -
Playing the blame game is so useless.
Next time just stress on the punctuality. If there's any hint of being late, just inform the other party. -
Sometimes, we just tend to "assume" things. It happens to all of us.
If you ask me, both were at fault. Seriously, this is such a small matter, at least to me! Maybe you gals are too young!