Cancelled ROM
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Seems like in some way, twomen live in phases.... ie when younger, they look for guys who can give them thrills and excitement..... and then when they are slightly more mature ..they want someone who is more mature and but still can tingle and romance them. When they reach 30s or older, they want someone who is most stable and someone to lead in the r/s so that they can kinda lay back abit.
So during these transitional phases usually its the poor guy that will be the sacrificial lamb because the guy cannot/did not change to suit the girls' current needs.
This is not women bashing, its just based on what I have read in forums and also observation among my lady friends... -
In a relationship, both parties should grow and change in the same direction. and hey, everyone grows and changes everyday, this is not about men or women.Originally posted by Mid9Sun:Seems like in some way, twomen live in phases.... ie when younger, they look for guys who can give them thrills and excitement..... and then when they are slightly more mature ..they want someone who is more mature and but still can tingle and romance them. When they reach 30s or older, they want someone who is most stable and someone to lead in the r/s so that they can kinda lay back abit.
So during these transitional phases usually its the poor guy that will be the sacrificial lamb because the guy cannot/did not change to suit the girls' current needs.
This is not women bashing, its just based on what I have read in forums and also observation among my lady friends... -
i second this, blu_sky!Originally posted by blu_sky:In a relationship, when both parties should grow and change in the same direction. and hey, everyone grows and changes everyday, this is not about men or women.
it cant be that women are maturing, yet men remain unchanged rite? -
Tis is exactly wat women r lookin for..sense of maturity & security. How a man provide tat to his beloved depend on how deep he can sense her heart, her innermost feelings or even fears.Originally posted by joanne:u guys got quite a fair bit of your guesses rite.
ex is a laid back, indecisive man.. obliging and doesnt make decisions. i was leading the whole r/s and gradually got sick of it. when i highlight to him on his character that could be improved, he just laugh it off and dont take me seriously. yeah, he could be the 'goody' boy in other ppl's eyes.
my current bf is 6 yrs older than me, matured, thinks for the future, plans, is decisive, and provides me with sound advices whenever i need it.he is also more caring and sensitive, and it's all these that add up and made me go gaga over him.. -
hey joanne, i apologise if asking this question is too direct:Originally posted by joanne:u guys got quite a fair bit of your guesses rite.
ex is a laid back, indecisive man.. obliging and doesnt make decisions. i was leading the whole r/s and gradually got sick of it. when i highlight to him on his character that could be improved, he just laugh it off and dont take me seriously. yeah, he could be the 'goody' boy in other ppl's eyes.
btw magnus, my previous r/s didnt last for 4 yrs. it lasted for 6.. it was the last 4 yrs that were too smooth sailing with no quarrels nothing.. initially still okie..
the last 4 yrs was smooth sailing with no quarrels. however, u pointed out several flaws of your bf. (indecisive, laid back etc) why haven't these issues lead to a quarrel during the last 4 yrs?
have u been keeping everything bottled up for the last 4 yrs? if so then i think you are partly at fault! or did these issues surface only after 6 yrs? if so then i think you are also at fault too for not putting in effort to understand the kind of person your bf is sooner!
maybe u should have ended it sooner rather than let it drag 6 yrs? if i were your bf i'll be very sad that i wasted 6 years. i would wonder why my gf did not seriously bring out all these issues and allow me at least stop putting in so much time, effort and money on a futile venture.
likewise, i wonder why the TS's gf allow the TS to waste his resources on her for 5 long years when she had enough reason to seek greener pastures all along.
to the TS: Really sympathize with you bro. May God bless you with a quick recovery and future happiness! -
[quote]Originally posted by GoodBook:
[b]
hey joanne, i apologise if asking this question is too direct:
the last 4 yrs was smooth sailing with no quarrels. however, u pointed out several flaws of your bf. (indecisive, laid back etc) why haven't these issues lead to a quarrel during the last 4 yrs? [color=red]we don't quarrel, we talk things out. i did highlight to him that he shd change, and he did.. eg. cos my education level is higher, (though i swear i dun mind abit abt it) he went on to do part time degree studies. but as i mentioned, he was too laid bk. in the end he failed like more den half and wasted over 20K of $ in the studies.. and i know, he can do it if he wants to, just that he doesnt want to study n only wait till the last min. i did my part, i always remind him to study, and whatever i know, i'll coach him. but it's his character u see, n there's limited thigns i can do. [/color]
have u been keeping everything bottled up for the last 4 yrs? if so then i think you are partly at fault! or did these issues surface only after 6 yrs? if so then i think you are also at fault too for not putting in effort to understand the kind of person your bf is sooner! [color=olive]yes, i totally agree that i am at fault. i have not blamed but blame myself for this failed r/s. i bottled up, because apparently although we talked almost daily, but we dont usually share our innermost thots. he don't share with me his thoughts, and i always haf to guess! only after our breakup, then i realised that we have communication breakdown over all the years, just that we realised it far too late! can u imagine, 6 yrs together and we have never discussed abt our future properly? he don't take such initiative, though i know he might have plans.. he just dont share wif me. and even if i raise the topic, he doesnt say much..[/color]
maybe u should have ended it sooner rather than let it drag 6 yrs? if i were your bf i'll be very sad that i wasted 6 years. i would wonder why my gf did not seriously bring out all these issues and allow me at least stop putting in so much time, effort and money on a futile venture. [color=blue]yup, i should have ended it earlier.. my realisation that i feel like breaking off and break free only come around the 5th yr. i felt v terrible, bt to me, he's really a v nice and sweet bf. i did try to rekindle the r/s by suggesting gg on holidays, spending lotsa time together.. trust me, i did what i can. but i did somethign v wrong. i hide my thoughts from him, becos i am afraid tt if i let him know that i no longer feel the same as before for him, he might get terribly upset and hurt our r/s (if we still decide to be together). i was focusing on the wrong pt. i was trying to prevent him from being hurt by me, so i hide from me that i no longer have feelings for him.. i hide from him that i wish to break free.. but i was really feeling terrible at that time. guilty, guilty and guilty. it is after the whole r/s, reflecting bk, i know what i've done wrong and know that i WILL NEVER make the same mistake to my current r/s. [/color] -
The problem is, we are not mind readers.Originally posted by RedizAlertz:Tis is exactly wat women r lookin for..sense of maturity & security. How a man provide tat to his beloved depend on how deep he can sense her heart, her innermost feelings or even fears.
We can't sense her heart if it remains closed. With that one key, the only key, deliberately hidden from you. -
I can see now.
It happened when both dont look in the same direction. Spiritually refused to grow together. Given up encouraging each other.
What's worse is, one remains always open, the other always closed. -
Thanks for sharing! It was quite interesting to see it from your point of view and a female point of view to boot. Kinda scary that he didn't see this coming throughout the years though. Makes me wonder if it will happen to me in the future...*shudders*.Originally posted by joanne:[quote]Originally posted by GoodBook:
[b]
hey joanne, i apologise if asking this question is too direct:
the last 4 yrs was smooth sailing with no quarrels. however, u pointed out several flaws of your bf. (indecisive, laid back etc) why haven't these issues lead to a quarrel during the last 4 yrs? [color=red]we don't quarrel, we talk things out. i did highlight to him that he shd change, and he did.. eg. cos my education level is higher, (though i swear i dun mind abit abt it) he went on to do part time degree studies. but as i mentioned, he was too laid bk. in the end he failed like more den half and wasted over 20K of $ in the studies.. and i know, he can do it if he wants to, just that he doesnt want to study n only wait till the last min. i did my part, i always remind him to study, and whatever i know, i'll coach him. but it's his character u see, n there's limited thigns i can do. [/color]
have u been keeping everything bottled up for the last 4 yrs? if so then i think you are partly at fault! or did these issues surface only after 6 yrs? if so then i think you are also at fault too for not putting in effort to understand the kind of person your bf is sooner! [color=olive]yes, i totally agree that i am at fault. i have not blamed but blame myself for this failed r/s. i bottled up, because apparently although we talked almost daily, but we dont usually share our innermost thots. he don't share with me his thoughts, and i always haf to guess! only after our breakup, then i realised that we have communication breakdown over all the years, just that we realised it far too late! can u imagine, 6 yrs together and we have never discussed abt our future properly? he don't take such initiative, though i know he might have plans.. he just dont share wif me. and even if i raise the topic, he doesnt say much..[/color]
maybe u should have ended it sooner rather than let it drag 6 yrs? if i were your bf i'll be very sad that i wasted 6 years. i would wonder why my gf did not seriously bring out all these issues and allow me at least stop putting in so much time, effort and money on a futile venture. [color=blue]yup, i should have ended it earlier.. my realisation that i feel like breaking off and break free only come around the 5th yr. i felt v terrible, bt to me, he's really a v nice and sweet bf. i did try to rekindle the r/s by suggesting gg on holidays, spending lotsa time together.. trust me, i did what i can. but i did somethign v wrong. i hide my thoughts from him, becos i am afraid tt if i let him know that i no longer feel the same as before for him, he might get terribly upset and hurt our r/s (if we still decide to be together). i was focusing on the wrong pt. i was trying to prevent him from being hurt by me, so i hide from me that i no longer have feelings for him.. i hide from him that i wish to break free.. but i was really feeling terrible at that time. guilty, guilty and guilty. it is after the whole r/s, reflecting bk, i know what i've done wrong and know that i WILL NEVER make the same mistake to my current r/s. [/color]
Best of luck with your current r/s, wish you have a happy ending this time round! Jia you!
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Think i had been through this too. not that we want to waste the guy's time, but it does take some time for ourselves to realise what is going on, and another some time for us to try to make things work. Pity that it didnt work, but we did try.Originally posted by joanne:[quote]Originally posted by GoodBook:
[b]
maybe u should have ended it sooner rather than let it drag 6 yrs? if i were your bf i'll be very sad that i wasted 6 years. i would wonder why my gf did not seriously bring out all these issues and allow me at least stop putting in so much time, effort and money on a futile venture. [color=blue]yup, i should have ended it earlier.. my realisation that i feel like breaking off and break free only come around the 5th yr. i felt v terrible, bt to me, he's really a v nice and sweet bf. i did try to rekindle the r/s by suggesting gg on holidays, spending lotsa time together.. trust me, i did what i can. but i did somethign v wrong. i hide my thoughts from him, becos i am afraid tt if i let him know that i no longer feel the same as before for him, he might get terribly upset and hurt our r/s (if we still decide to be together). i was focusing on the wrong pt. i was trying to prevent him from being hurt by me, so i hide from me that i no longer have feelings for him.. i hide from him that i wish to break free.. but i was really feeling terrible at that time. guilty, guilty and guilty. it is after the whole r/s, reflecting bk, i know what i've done wrong and know that i WILL NEVER make the same mistake to my current r/s. [/color]
And we are not just wasting the guys' time, our time is wasted along the process, and women's youth is so limited. -
Initially when i was reading your story, I have this thought in mind that she is out with another guy. After going thru your post, confirm that she is seeing another guy..Originally posted by oakley1976:2 months passed. She just sms me that she has moved on... she is seeing another guy. Asked me to move on too... All this while I have been trying to make things right. Hoping and waiting for us to get back again... But all in vain.
Keep telling myself... As long she is happy, I will be. She will always be a part of me.
I understand how you feel cos I'm also a victim before. These type of girls are not worthy of your love.
Seriously, I would definitely cursed and swear at them. I hate them to the core!!! WTF!!! Dun take things seriously!!! Go GEYLANG stand better la idiot!!! -
Hmmm...true true. Thanks for sharing.Originally posted by blu_sky:Think i had been through this too. not that we want to waste the guy's time, but it does take some time for ourselves to realise what is going on, and another some time for us to try to make things work. Pity that it didnt work, but we did try.
And we are not just wasting the guys' time, our time is wasted along the process, and women's youth is so limited. -
It has been almost 4 months and i still have not moved on... and yet I still miss her alot...
Saw this MTV this afternoon... I cried after watching it... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81mm0x-XBlE -
We can only be a listening ear and to some extent console you. However, most importantly, you have to gain a control on your emotions and move on without thinking much about her.Originally posted by oakley1976:It has been almost 4 months and i still have not moved on... and yet I still miss her alot...
Saw this MTV this afternoon... I cried after watching it... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81mm0x-XBlE
You can move on by not really getting into another relationship immediately. Focus your attention in your career and your family members. I guess your parents also do not want to see you in this state. Spare a thought for them. Your friends support is also important but they will also get tired if you keep harping on the same issue. Dun look back.
If you have contacted her these past few weeks, it would have aggravated your opportunity to move on. For guys like us, you are still young and establishing your career and confidence is the most important.
I myself have been taking courses for my CPA and also taking CFA Level 1 exams this dec and also solely concentrate on my career. I also spend more time talking to my folks and visited my sister in Australia and her family. It was really a joy to see them there. Also got more opportunities to meet some of my friends that I have not kept in contact and also the current ones and that took a load of my mind.....
I am also moving on from a miss opportunity 6 months back and I admit it has not been smooth sailing but at least I am progressing to my objective.
The most important is to be accountable to your own mental well being, confidence and self esteem. She will not pity you if you are in your current state. In the first place, it was not meant to be and so please move on. -
its difficult but u still gotta face reality... she left cos she dun wan to be wif u...Originally posted by oakley1976:It has been almost 4 months and i still have not moved on... and yet I still miss her alot...
Saw this MTV this afternoon... I cried after watching it... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81mm0x-XBlE -
Sad story...
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oakley1976,
look at the bright side. she decision to meet another gentleman was perhaps she just didn't want to feel obliged to be STILL with you. one of the easiest ways to get off the status-quo is by focusing on someone/somewhere else.
as mature a guy as you're, considering the fact that you planned for the marriage, wanted to start a new family, you know better what you're seeking after right this moment. perhaps you should just refocus your priority now.
i really think you may just do some scenarios planning now to get yourself off your misery, or so you think. let start with just one here:
work your a$$ off now even harder than before, imagine you just have to make $500k in the shortest time frame so she will come back to you. it really doesnt matter if she does or not. the idea is to put the energy of feeling upset on somewhere else.
or if $$$ is something less interesting to you now, try a new sport, pick up a new course, or etc. i strongly advise you not to DATE anybody as you will only feel more sad. you may act like you're in nirvana with the new gal, but you know deep down inside you will still miss her. that's not a good move as it may end up like the same circumstances in 5 years. just that your position may be the opposite.
do think positively and try to change the misery into someplace more valuable to you at this point of time. after all, you're 30's and i am sure you feel a little mid-life crisis, no?
do come back here to tell us your recent stage of mind so we will know you have been moving on well. perhaps you may just start by telling us jokes in here first?
take it ez, dude! -
Honestly, the only difference between a couple married and another couple married is just that darn piece of paper after a simple solemnization ceremony. There is no tangible difference in reality though under the law, there're quite a few.....
Not getting married doesn't stop you two from continuing to share the love and affection for each other, does it?
I think it's better for both parties to get married voluntarily with eyes wide open than to go through it , regret then divorce. Divorce is common but it's messy and a hassle to go through..... not to mention expensive too.
Being married is only a status. Being able to share your love with the girl is a far more important consideration than any other.....
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Yup, TS! Look at the bright side. Isn't it good to realise this problem and end it quickly rather than after marriage then witness it?Originally posted by :Honestly, the only difference between a couple married and another couple married is just that darn piece of paper after a simple solemnization ceremony. There is no tangible difference in reality though under the law, there're quite a few.....
Not getting married doesn't stop you two from continuing to share the love and affection for each other, does it?
I think it's better for both parties to get married voluntarily with eyes wide open than to go through it , regret then divorce. Divorce is common but it's messy and a hassle to go through..... not to mention expensive too.
Being married is only a status. Being able to share your love with the girl is a far more important consideration than any other..... -
sorry to say she dun love u. Having sex doesnt means equal to love you.
Women have their needs. Treating a women well doesnt means she will love you from the heart. You did not do thing that moved her or love you with her heart throughout those year. That why man should test ur girl whether she love you or just need company only. So you would not invest much time on a person that dun love u. Anyway u have her body but not soul. Dun worry, at least u got the body right ^^ Move on and dun waste ur time on her. -
Most important is being loved is better than love someone. Either u treat her too good to her make her slack in relationship. A person wont cherish a thing when the thing is not earn through hardship. So why not make her chased u instead. SO GUYS DUN BE STUPID AND TREAT A GIRL TOO WELL. NO USE DE. U GUYS SHOULD READ UP SOME RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL LA NABEI
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take it as a blessing in disguise. it may be better to call it off now that divorce with a baby on hand.
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xcloud23x,Originally posted by xcloud23x:Most important is being loved is better than love someone. Either u treat her too good to her make her slack in relationship. A person wont cherish a thing when the thing is not earn through hardship. So why not make her chased u instead. SO GUYS DUN BE STUPID AND TREAT A GIRL TOO WELL. NO USE DE. U GUYS SHOULD READ UP SOME RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL LA NABEI
If you don't treat your woman well.
You'd end up with no woman to tell.
Most relationship doesn't last, because the men don't know how to handle their woman.
If you want to ride a horse and not get flung off, you need to understand it's temperament and the way it wants to be handled, plus lots tender loving care. -
yea i say dun treat a women too well doesnt mean treat them badly ok? Just treat them normal la. Show ur trueself
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Would you blame your woman for running off with another man who treats her really well ?Originally posted by xcloud23x:yea i say dun treat a women too well doesnt mean treat them badly ok? Just treat them normal la. Show ur trueself