Should i ask him or not?

• TinySue

  19 Jun 07, 17:52

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  Your so called dilemma is rather similar to World Peace. Has he ever hinted to you in anyway that he wanted more than just what you two are having now? Did he have the tendency to hold your hand when crossing the road? (Take note, sometimes my single male colleagues hold my hand or elbow when crossing road because they are just being gentlemen. So, even if he does that, it really doesn't mean anything special too. Some do it spontaneously because it is in their nature to care). Did he took special care of you as what a guy should do for a special girlfriend? If not, then there is no case. He only wants a friend, a platonic friendship.
  
  For those who said your friend is irresponsible, I really don't see what so irresponsible about his attittude or behavior when all he wanted was a close friend of a different sex to have just a non commital relationship.
  
  It was you who develop a different feelings for him. Just because you both go out as friends and you started to think of something else, which I wouldn't say was wrong too since you are single and wants a relationship badly.
  
  Sure, if you want to ask him to have a committed relationship by all means but are you prepare to face the embarrassment if he said he only wanted friendship and nothing else. Are you willing to continue with the platonic relationship after being rejected outrightly? Can you face the rejection?
  
  Ask yourself all these first before you take the plunge and then embarrass yourself for nothing and on top of that lose a close friend
• Darkness_hacker99

  19 Jun 07, 17:53

  Where is TS?
• rainee

  19 Jun 07, 18:27

  Maybe she should explain what she means by "non-committed relationship"...
• nanren4ever

  19 Jun 07, 21:46

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  There's no harm trying to get hints from him as to how he finds u as a person. But of course, u have to convince urself that u are ready to accept whatever answer he gives, and also the possibility that ur friendship may no longer be the same. If u can get past that, then go for it.
  
  After all, u only live once, and its rare that a person can find someone he/she likes. Not telling a person u like him is easy, but its the regret part that will be difficult. So go ahead and make ur life free of regrets
  
• Devil1976

  19 Jun 07, 22:34

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  You'll still have to face it one day....?
  
  Unless you don't mind having a non-committed relationship, that would be your freedom....?
• browniebaobao

  19 Jun 07, 23:13

  Originally posted by Ferret:

  "Never seek to tell thy love, for love that never told could be..."

  wah.. Ferret chim leh..
  
  but then hor..
  
  tho it's lomantic not to 'seek the truth'
  
  but sometimes, it's better to make things clear.
• MyNickisZ

  19 Jun 07, 23:25

  well i tink u shud, at least u noe u have done it n will have no regrets.. if u did not ask him, u will keep on thinkin wat will happen if u asked him.. at least there is a definite ans
• royale9

  20 Jun 07, 20:19

  Originally posted by Ferret:

  "Never seek to tell thy love, for love that never told could be..."

  Pls explain
• Cullen[10]

  20 Jun 07, 20:36

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  If u dun ask, u won get to go out with him.
  If u ask, at least u tried.
  If cant, u feel a burden lifted anyway by telling him ur feelings.
  If its me i can go out with you anytime anywhere.
• Ke_Xin

  21 Jun 07, 01:25

  thanks for all the suggustions. actually wat i meant by non committed relationship is we does everything bf/gf does just that it is not confirm as he does not want ay committment.
• Your_Father

  21 Jun 07, 01:47

  Eh like that buay sai la. He must make decision cannot on the fence. Hurt u even more
• beavan

  21 Jun 07, 02:16

  yes why not.
• TinySue

  21 Jun 07, 18:27

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  thanks for all the suggustions. actually wat i meant by non committed relationship is we does everything bf/gf does just that it is not confirm as he does not want ay committment.

  When you said does everything a bf/gf do, does that include kissing and hugging? Please be more specific. Going to movies, dinner or even just simply holding hands doesn't qualify as bf/gf. Some guys are more physical that includes holding hands but that doesn't mean he is treating you as someone special that he wants in his life. Don't make the same blunder as World Peace and give us the run around. Clarify your stance clearly.
• kalach

  21 Jun 07, 19:27

  Ask your heart. It tells you everything.
• Ke_Xin

  21 Jun 07, 21:14

  Our relation seems like friendship yet we r much more closer in term of physical touch. Sometimes i felt that it seems more like a fling yet after that we still can chat like usual. I really dont know how he feels.
• TinySue

  21 Jun 07, 23:20

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  Our relation seems like friendship yet we r much more closer in term of physical touch. Sometimes i felt that it seems more like a fling yet after that we still can chat like usual. I really dont know how he feels.

  So, are you saying you two actually engage in sexual intimacy? Let's get this straight. Even if you two engage in sex doesn't mean he wants you as someone special in his life. It may sound harsh what i'm going to say next but you were just being stupid for giving in to him without clarifying your own stance in the first place. Some guys only want a sex partner, an outlet for their sexual desire and when he initiated sex with you and you didn't object he would have mistaken that you don't mind having sex with no string attach with him.
  
  As a woman, we must make clear our intention and position. You cannot just take for granted 'oh, if he have sex with me that means he must be treating me as his gf'. WRONG thinking! And do you know how much unnecessary problems you have created for yourself?
  
  If you ask him about your status in his life now and he said he only wants you as a confidante and an occasional intimate partner, how are you going to react? Feel angry, sad, frustrated, cheated? You wouldn't have to feel all these if you have lay down all rules beforehand. But if he said 'oklah, then we be togatherloh' like very reluctantly and unsurely then it's not truly what he wants because you have force him into a corner now and he has no choice but go along since now he feel obligated to you. Do you know an obligated relationship ends up nowhere and may spiral into even bigger problems?
  
  Either way I think you are screwed. Be wiser next time sister.
• chin36

  22 Jun 07, 01:34

  write, sms, call, meet - choose 1
• FBI

  22 Jun 07, 01:36

  Originally posted by club18:

  care to elaborate more on ur "non-commited relationship"?
  
  advice: just do it..

  yes do it tthe nike way
• AndrewPKYap

  22 Jun 07, 06:03

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  I think you should ask... no wait, better don't ask...
  
  On the other hand asking is better... but if you ask then... and if you don't ask then...
  
  If you just forget about it then...
  
  Ai yah... asking or not asking is not life and death...
  
  Just understand the consequences of asking and the consequences of not asking and live with the consequences.... of your actions and make the best of it...
  
  The only certainty about life is that it is uncertain.
• gerrykoh

  22 Jun 07, 09:49

  Be direct & just ask.
  At least you know where you stand & don't waste time if he doesn't want to commit.
• watermelon seller

  22 Jun 07, 09:49

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• stevelim@tuas

  22 Jun 07, 16:14

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  Get the answer if just want your body then move on lah find someone better loh .... quite easy ... if you wanna carry on , no one can stop u also mah
• yihao93

  22 Jun 07, 20:40

  its plain stupid givin ur body to a guy who doesnt like u
  
• binarynwitz

  22 Jun 07, 21:00

  An uncommitted relationship? Or a friendship with physical intimacy?
  
  Think of it this way:
  
  Would you rather spend the time with someone whom you love and also loves you?
  
  It is within your rights to ask him for his stand. Why are you hesitating to even verify your position in his heart?
  
  You are afraid of the answer. Yet is this state of uncertainty better?
  
  If all that you are to him is a toy, you will be discarded by him anyway, sooner or later.
  
  If you aren't, then congratulations.
  
  Isn't this finality better than mindless guessing while he continues to enjoy the physical intimacy without any stirngs attached?
• Xcert

  22 Jun 07, 21:42

  Originally posted by Ke_Xin:

  There is this guy whom i really like alot. We have been having a non committed relationship for awhile. My friend feel that i should have a talk to him ask him where i stand. Although i really hope to get a confirm answer but i am also afraid of the answer
  
  What should i do?

  "so U are the spare tyre lar!"
  
  dun like the statement?then ask and get ur answer...then see if U still want to be the spare tyre.