Can anyone Advise? Thanks alot
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thanks alot.... -
since u know ur already married, i think its best to share what u plan to do with ur husband. And as most asians would think, since ur married, its not very wise to travel with ur tt finland friend especially when he is a male, it will raise a lot of misunderstandings. I think your husband is not that reasonable to get mad. All partners would want to know whats going on with their other half. If not, it just spoils the meaning of marriage.
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Looking at your post I just think its kind of funny, you're married, you dun get to see each other that much becos u work nite shifts but during your off days instead of spending quality time with your husband you choose to go travelling with your friends. If its once in awhile its ok but seems like you're doing it everytime.
I believe that when we get married the so call "Own Time" is not as important as "Family Time". Married life is about spending the rest of your life with your partner, if your own time is so important to you, then you should not get married in the first place. Put yourself in his shoes for a change, ask yourself this question, will you feel happy if he is doing the same thing to you ?
And whats this deal about not leting your husband know any of your friends ? Are you ashame to be married to him ? If not then why won't you let him go out with you and your friends. -
hmm.... should i call u aunty?
er... nvm..
Put yourself in the other shoes.
think, think and think..
finaly,
ask the girl on the mirror is tht ok...
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If your husband wants to divorce you, it is understandable.
Marrying you is as good as not marrying you.
Your own time, means time you do things alone.
Not, time you do what you want to do irregardless of how he thinks.
I think you need to go for some counseling about what exactly married life is about.
Anyway, if you want to be so selfish, your marriage will not last very long. -
thanks
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One word to describe you, Selfish
You din't spare a thoughts for your husband.
What you mean by you don't want your husband to know any of your frens or let him join you together with your frens.
Is your husband that disgraceful to you?
if yes, why bother to married him at the first place.
Your already working and married, please think and handle things in a mature way.
If i'm your husband. i think i will have gone ki-siao sonner later.
The way your telling us is like your having another affair outside.
I won't be least surprised should your husband feel unsecure now.
Please go think carefully.
No offence. -
Irresponsible.
Now i'm sure more guys will come to see the light of ugly singaporean gals. -
Since u think u have gotten married too early, why not divorce with him? You are just being self-centered and angonising him. You should not have even married him in the first place, poor guy....
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btw, this week i going to sammi concert at genting, wanna join?
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Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):btw, this week i going to sammi concert at genting, wanna join?
U pay for me? -
i'm not asking u my dearOriginally posted by TYING:
U pay for me?
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In the first place did anyone put a gun to your head and force your to get married ? you are as what most people say, selfish ........ Your husband has every right to be mad at you. The day you say "I Do" is as good as saying "I'm giving up my own time"Originally posted by mikki1980:I feel I married too early, after I complete my U, I married to him at 24.
I feel that I "miss" alot of things in life. Now I can "support" myself, so I wanted to catch up someting that I miss.
I still have this feeling of my "own time", "my world".
So my friends are "my world"....
My husband love me, he will let me do what I wanted.
But I just cannot stand that he get "mad".....
You dun respect your husband's feelings at all cos if you do, your "own time" and "your world" will not be as important "our time" and "our world"
If you keep thinking this way ...... you're heading for trouble ........ end of your marriage ........ then you'll have all the time for your "own time" and "your world" -
Bcos of his work.. he also very busy. His off day, he may not accompany me too. I have to get used to shop alone and watch movies alone.
I like the beach, sea, natural...... he dont really like....
of cos, he sometime also follow me la.
BTW, I just travel alone to KL with Finland friend, then we will join a group of friends over there. I will not do "anything" behide my husband's back. -
When you are married, you need to learn to get rid of the "I, me and myself" but learn the new words "we, our and ourselves".Originally posted by mikki1980:cos i small build, my age coming 27. but look at me only 22.
I feel I married too early, after I complete my U, I married to him at 24.
He is 34, we r 7 yrs apart.
I feel that I "miss" alot of things in life. Now I can "support" myself, so I wanted to catch up someting that I miss.
I still have this feeling of my "own time", "my world".
So my friends are "my world"....
My husband love me, he will let me do what I wanted.
But I just cannot stand that he get "mad".....
Based on what you said "My husband love me, he will let me do what I wanted", you're not only taking your hubby's love for granted but also using it to manipulate him.
You can't stand him getting mad probably because you are too used to getting your own way and can't see what you did was wrong in a normal married relationship (for not even discussing with him about your trip with your friends before making the decision). -
young marriage i see.... regarding tis issue.... he is wrong, so are u... he should not get mad at u as u sure can hv ur personal time... BUT u need to understand tat he might feel insecure abt tis... yes he trust u everytime when u go travel alone but then can he trust the fin guy??? maybe u might not feel anything wrong but can u also fully trust ur fren? yes u r married but u wun know wat might happen after some drinks right....? u should at least intro the fin guy to him instead jz say he dun know ur frens... its all abt security... u met danger then who can he look for??? tink from his shoes... all he know is u got fin fren then u tink who can he call? n how will u feel if ur husband is gng bintan with a hot babe?Originally posted by mikki1980:this is embarrassing to say because i have never actually made public in forums about my married life...i hope some of you can advise me quite reasonably and sensibly to the following situation.
I'm married 27, bcos of my work. I usually have 4 to 5 days off continous for each 2 week. I'm someone that like to travel, so usually I will take short trip around, eg. Phuket, Malaysia...etc. Bocs of busy work, my husband will not join me and he allow me to travel alone. I will travel alone or with friends.
I always wanted my "own time", so my husband will take it that travelling is my own time. Something happened this week. One of my guy friend from Finland come to SIN, last tuesday. Cos of my off day, I accompany him around SIN everyday, everynite, we will party till 3 or 4am. Then a group of my friends sugguested that we go to Batam over the weekends. Due to every nite also party till so late. When I back home, my husband already sleep. So I only told him that I will be leaving to Batam on sat. morning, when I will be leaving on sat. nite. I wil be back on sunday nite. When I told him, I can feel that he is not happy.
I have 4 days off again this thursday, that is 2morow. I already get bus ticket to travel up to KL with this Finland friend. Cos of me working night shift, I have not "seen" my husband after I return from Batam. We only sms each other. When we are on MSN last nite, he asked me am I travelling again this thursday cos of my off day. I told him, I will go to KL with Finland friend and already get bus ticket, returning on sunday morning. I told him, I planned to meet him after his work before I go to bus station. And only when I meet him then inform him. After hear this, he gone "mad"....... he said that I dont respect him.... etc......
I told him it's my own time, I get to decide what I want to do... then he said I should at least inform him or "discuss" with him.....etc
I told him, my friends r my friends. So I never introduce any of my friends to him. He know non of my friends. And I will never let him go out with me to any of my "own" function.
He is quite upset over this. And cos of this whole week, he never get to see me, he suddenly gone crazy.
I feel that he keep saying all this things to make me feel guilty, I m only doing my OWN things, so why should I let him know?
Can all of u "help" me......
He is correct to be "mad" about me? I m doing my OWN things in my OWN time.
Those are my friends, I dont want him to know any of my friends, cos it's my own life, dont want him to join us. Is it wrong?
What's wrong with traveling with a guy alone to another country? I already married.
Can any care to share some views? I wish to see this in a 3rd party view.
Thanks alot.
the fren issue aside... u might wan to improve ur communication with ur husband since u hardly even meet.... n gng on trips during ur rest days is not helping ur marriage.... since u know u r married then u should continue to shower ur husband with love when possible lo... u got ur own time but u cant take it all n leave ur marriage n husband with none right??? marriage life is not jz signing a paper so better cherish it while things are still around... btw how long u married liao??? -
So now your trying to said your regreting marrying your husband?
Your having the mindset whereby your telling yourself your not wrong in doing whatever your doing now.
Please spare a thoughts for your husband.
if you really feel very upset over this, perhaps you could try getting you and your husband to talk about it in a mature manner.
i'm sure there time for you both to spend quality time together. -
Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):i'm not asking u my dear
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who the hell is sammiOriginally posted by kiss_my (_i_):btw, this week i going to sammi concert at genting, wanna join? 
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i find it funny, how he doesn't eevn know any of your friends?
by partying and not letting him know? could u be indirectly doing some unfaithful things to him behind his back? -
Originally posted by Honeybear1990:who the hell is sammi
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tink both of u need to go marriage counselling... seriously how both of u ended up married in the 1st place??? he dun accompany u then u also do the same to him??? ask urself if tat is right... its like both of u r walking different directions n sooner or later sure will seperate.... or both of u might even stray outside....Originally posted by mikki1980:Bcos of his work.. he also very busy. His off day, he may not accompany me too. I have to get used to shop alone and watch movies alone.
I like the beach, sea, natural...... he dont really like....
of cos, he sometime also follow me la. -
Well love is mad.
You should really share some of your time with you. Why MSN or SMS? Why not call and listen to the voice? Its more intimate than pure text I think.
Not that you're in the wrong to be busy. But it might be way too much.
But remember in a marriage, as much as you're an individual and needed your own time. Remember your vows that both of you belong together and to each other.
Imagine you're in his shoes and you love your wife, but you can't see him, talk face to face etc.
Not saying you're in the total wrong, but I guess he's still crazy about you becos' he loves you.
1) Talk to him. Ask him what is he thinking and understand.
2) Tell him about your situation and then make sure he understands too.
{Please don't do (2) and then do (1). Follow order.}
3) Both of you try scheduling your time to make time out for each other. Please do something which you have common in him.
4) Seriously, you're making him really insecure by not allowing him into your "personal" life with your friends. Remember you're married and you should share each others' lives now.
If you don't really want him to be around you with his friends, at least talk to him about the activities you did with your friends. He might become interested and want to join you all.
By denying all information, you're really on you own. And seriously, this marriage is doom to fail 99.99%.
5) Go travelling with another guy should be okay. But which man would want to see his wife go travelling with another man when most of the time he can't be with his wife? It would be very upsetting for any guy, even for a woman in a vice versa situation.
Do you ever talk to him what you do when you travel with the guy? Chat with your hubby over phone when you're overseas during that time? If you did none of that, its really a dissappointment.
I kind of pity your husband.
You might say your husband should trust you as a husband. But trust is nothing without proper communication. Don't let your partner guess all the time what you're doing. It'll only drive him crazy, cos' he as a husband would want to trust you, but no information from you meant he could think of other things.
I hope all these advices help and I hope you would do something about it.
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Some people think that it is still good to have their own space after they get married. I think when two gets married, their lives overlap, their personal space gets a bit smaller.
If you recollect the events before your husband blew his top, it seems that this "right" to have your own space had reached its limit. It is understandable to your husband went ballistic because of his "right" to know what you have been doing.
Both of you have your "rights" but it is more important be accountable to each other. Perhaps telling him more would ease the tension. Letting him know your friends would allow him trust them more. I am sure he trusts you. It's the "mysterious" friends he is worried about.
Perhaps your husband chose to respect your need to have some of your own time. This time maybe he felt that you have crossed the line.
You probably feel that you have some "regrets" in life for marrying early and not having experienced life enough. Since you already made the choice to get married, and if you want to stay married, you probably need to rethink about reliving the things you missed out.
Additionally, do you there is a lack of communication between the both of you? -
agree, I wouldn't marry a girl if I don't know any of her friends ..... its as good as not knowing her at all ...........Originally posted by stellazio:i find it funny, how he doesn't eevn know any of your friends?
by partying and not letting him know? could u be indirectly doing some unfaithful things to him behind his back?