When one party wants to get married but the other does not..
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Story goes like...
Girl has a boyfriend of 2 years. She would like to get married before she turns 28, but her boyfriend thinks that is too early. He only wants to marry after he turns 35. It's a problem, because she wants to have a kid, and she doesn't want to have a kid without marriage.
What would you do in this situation? -
Complicated.
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how old r they ?
I am assuming guy is like under 30s lah.
so if he wants to make her wait 5 years, a bit too much loh. -
Ummmmm they're both 22!Originally posted by Ferret:how old r they ?
I am assuming guy is like under 30s lah.
so if he wants to make her wait 5 years, a bit too much loh.
Maybe his view will change... but maybe it won't... And you know how females have an expiry date... and past a certain age, pregnancy will be a risk. -
then they are too young to be thinking liddat.Originally posted by MooKu:Ummmmm they're both 22!
usually people go thru some major life changes ard age 25.
Plan after that bah
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oy, people mature early ma.Originally posted by Ferret:then they are too young to be thinking liddat.
usually people go thru some major life changes ard age 25.
Plan after that bah
Maybe the guy's thinking will change, but what if the girl cannot wait! -
but a lotta things will change between the 6 years till she wants to get married wor. not saying 22yrs old cant be thinking abt marriage lah.Originally posted by MooKu:oy, people mature early ma.
Maybe the guy's thinking will change, but what if the girl cannot wait!
if two ppl commited to each other and really want to get married, why not ?
but if one want, one dont want, liddat how to sustain a few years, let alone 13 more years (till he's 35) -
If they cannot work out a compromise... it is better to find themselves new partners... major issues like that cannot solve... I doubt that it will be a happy relationship...Originally posted by MooKu:Story goes like...
Girl has a boyfriend of 2 years. She would like to get married before she turns 28, but her boyfriend thinks that is too early. He only wants to marry after he turns 35. It's a problem, because she wants to have a kid, and she doesn't want to have a kid without marriage.
What would you do in this situation? -
thy will break before 25. now talk abt married. i will say wtf
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i seriously doubt the man can be trusted.
what if he says, "i dont love you anymore.", when he reaches 34?
its better for the lady to find someone else.
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It's for the couple to work things out and compromise. If they can't, they'll have to each go their separate ways. Love will ultimately decide - if they really love each other enough, they'll find a way. If not, there's insufficient love to see them through the test......
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the question that should be asked is: why 35? and for that matter, why 28?
complications aside, there is also a matter of medical science these days.. it's quite safe...
but the fundamental issue is this: if they cannot figure out these things, communications are a problem between the couple...
i would suggest they figure these things out first and foremost before there can be any talk of marriage and babies...
communications between a couple is something which cannot be taken for granted and there must be a lot of effort put in it.. else a relationship will be on rocky ground...
fix that bit first... it is most important...
and once that is figured out, the question of why he wants to be wed only after 35 should be understood by both... and then maybe a compromise or if he has any insecurities, to be made known and figured out...
her wish to be wed by 28 is also to be understood.. although the reason seems clear, there could be other reasons and insecurities too...
i hope they will find some common ground as it is tough enough these days to find someone to be with
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mooku so fast want a kid le?Originally posted by MooKu:Story goes like...
Girl has a boyfriend of 2 years. She would like to get married before she turns 28, but her boyfriend thinks that is too early. He only wants to marry after he turns 35. It's a problem, because she wants to have a kid, and she doesn't want to have a kid without marriage.
What would you do in this situation? -
If cannot agree, then break off.
Girl cannot wait too long, else harder to find eligible partner.
Also if wait too long, guy can change his mind & replace her with younger girl. -
The girl should ask the bf why he wants to marry at the age of 35. Why that specific age, any significance? Or is it possible to maybe make it a few years earlier?Originally posted by MooKu:Story goes like...
Girl has a boyfriend of 2 years. She would like to get married before she turns 28, but her boyfriend thinks that is too early. He only wants to marry after he turns 35. It's a problem, because she wants to have a kid, and she doesn't want to have a kid without marriage.
What would you do in this situation?
I think many guys are reluctant to marry early because they put their career first, they would want to establish their career and stabilize their financial situation before getting into a marriage. Getting married is not an easy decision, it concerns two parties and the guy will be thinking if he is able to provide for the girl. So maybe the reason why he sets it at 35 is because he thinks by then he should be able to support the girl and the kids when they come.
So if it is possible for his career to take off before then, there might be a possibility he can make it a few years faster. The guy should understand the girl's concern and try to find a way to compromise with her. Maybe get them to ROM first? -
I think lots of things happen between 22 - 25
that can change the mind and hearts of a lot of people
In the meantime, rather than think of marriage and kids
perhaps it is better to spend the time to understand partner better
and build a stronger relationship
cos even if the guy agrees with the girl he wants to get married at 28
and wants to have kids
there is no guarantee is there for the next 6 years. -
the girl shld move onOriginally posted by MooKu:Ummmmm they're both 22!
Maybe his view will change... but maybe it won't... And you know how females have an expiry date... and past a certain age, pregnancy will be a risk.
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22 only.
cross the bridge when you get to it. -
Well ah... some people tend to worry, and some people want solutions NOW - they don't want to wait. It sounds so... not so nice... to suggest ending it...
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this one sounds goodOriginally posted by ShrodingersCat:I think lots of things happen between 22 - 25
that can change the mind and hearts of a lot of people
In the meantime, rather than think of marriage and kids
perhaps it is better to spend the time to understand partner better
and build a stronger relationship
cos even if the guy agrees with the girl he wants to get married at 28
and wants to have kids
there is no guarantee is there for the next 6 years.
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Actually both of them are still very young and have a very long way to go...Originally posted by MooKu:Well ah... some people tend to worry, and some people want solutions NOW - they don't want to wait. It sounds so... not so nice... to suggest ending it... -
Yeah, but sometimes with a combination of factors... and the environment... there is reason for panic. But I just didn't know what to say to make her feel better.Originally posted by rainee:Actually both of them are still very young and have a very long way to go...
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this is a tough one, both are young and 22yr old man and a 23-24yr man's thinking can be very different depending on if he is still schooling or working ......
He may think that he wants to get married at 35 now but might change his mind later there is no way to know now. I guess it all depends on the girl if she thinks its safe to give him some time, after all she should know him better than anyone of us here. -
what shro-cat said..
explore and learn to know each other a lot better first before thinking of marriage and childrenOriginally posted by MooKu:Yeah, but sometimes with a combination of factors... and the environment... there is reason for panic. But I just didn't know what to say to make her feel better. -
aiyah you so young. its still a good 6 years down the road.
but hor, if the guy really doesn't want maybe it might be wise to think about breaking. unless one side willing to compromise, dun waste time