When one party wants to get married but the other does not..
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What if they're both 30, or 35?
I mean what if lah. Such things should be quite... common right?
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again, i figure marriage is one of the most important things in life..
do all you can to get it right.. even if it means taking the time..Originally posted by MooKu:What if they're both 30, or 35?
I mean what if lah. Such things should be quite... common right? -
If they are now already 30 ++ and have been dating for years, definitely it is common to bring up the topic of marriage.Originally posted by MooKu:What if they're both 30, or 35?
I mean what if lah. Such things should be quite... common right?
I would be worried if I date a guy for more than 5 years and the talk of wedding has never been mentioned
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in this case maybe the girl should tell the guy her worries ....... guys know that its going to be a risk for a girl to give birth after a certain age but sometimes we need to be reminded again.
Unless he dosen't want any kids ....... I hope thats not the reason ........ -
Yea take time is okie, but at least the guy has to show that he is not afraid about planning for the future, and that he is interested in a future with the girl.Originally posted by the Bear:again, i figure marriage is one of the most important things in life..
do all you can to get it right.. even if it means taking the time..
If he keeps pushing off the issue of marriage, then I think slowly the girl will start to question... -
anything and everything in life is uncertain... and the only certainty is the certainty of "now".Originally posted by MooKu:Well ah... some people tend to worry, and some people want solutions NOW - they don't want to wait. It sounds so... not so nice... to suggest ending it...
Now, at this moment, point of time, the girl wants to settle down by 28.
The guy does not.
Sure, the situation could change and the guy ends up wanting to settle down next year. We don't know. We can only know what the girl wants and what the guy wants now, at this moment.
This is not, you prefer ice cream or chocolates?
This has vast consequences. This is fundamental.
Considering how strategic and fundamental this issue is, it is better that they both seek more suitable partners that share the same time lines as themselves.
Those that share the same time lines, they might not like. A relationship is more than having the same time lines.
So it is up to them as nobody can predict the future and people change all the time... -
What would I do... hmm......Originally posted by MooKu:Story goes like...
Girl has a boyfriend of 2 years. She would like to get married before she turns 28, but her boyfriend thinks that is too early. He only wants to marry after he turns 35. It's a problem, because she wants to have a kid, and she doesn't want to have a kid without marriage.
What would you do in this situation?
I remember when I was 22, I was rather 'gong gong'... No intention of getting married early... or is it the other way?
Anyway, I should seek advice and consultation from families and friends. Also I should seek to explore more of my gal's character and behaviours and giving her the chance to know me more as well.
Building a career is also important if I want to provide for her well. It don't have to be CEO standard but well enough to assure her I offer stability.
I will discuss more with her to see in 1 or 2 years time what will happen. We will pen down our current issues and keep check (she want to settle down by 28, I want to settle it by 35) and then after 1 year, we cross reference the points again and our own reflections to see if our values have changed. Then another year to further check.
BUT ultimately we both have to help each other to be more faithful and accountable to each other while we work towards a solution whereby we can come to a consensus.
That is what I would do bah... It may change...
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Tell her the best-laid plans of mice and men go oft astray.
And that there are no easy answers and guarantees in life.
Why give up present happiness for an uncertain future? -
Errrmmmmm...some people hor.
Above 30s hor....still arent financially secure.
So whats the big deal about what age to have babies?
Knew a female, 40 years single, has a good enough job and proceeded to have a baby with her married lover.
Whats to say that ages are the deciding factor in relationship?
Is she looking to have a child or looking for a relationship for life? -
Meet half-way for a compromise - cohabit!
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Possible solution for the girl :
The girl can set a 2 yr time frame to try to understand the guy and set a challenge to convince the guy to marry early. To be frank, few guys that really love a girl will want to marry 1 at 35yrs old. In fact, to my opinion, I feel that no guys will want to marry 1 at 35 yrs old. There is a reason behind on the intention for the guy to marry 1 at 35 yrs old. And the girl has to find out and share the problems with him...
If 2 yrs failed, the girl can decide to leave the guy. Anyway, the 2 yr time frame can also use to judge if the girl really love the guy... So, it is not a bad idea...
Possible solution for the guy who truly love the girl:
Socialise more, gain more experience from those who married and blah blah to widen yr view in marriage and career. After which think for a while, present yr plans or ideas to yr gf. Or give some "if" statement to her, to test her reaction. If she doesnt understand, then there's nothing u can do abt it... Just put the burden on yr shoulder... :p If she understand and willing to share the problem with u, good for u ...
Anyway, to sumarise.... it is just abt talking and understanding each other... If both of them cant even pass this stage, I think both of them do not even need to think about marriage... Coz, in marriage, u need even more understanding... -
I thought late marriages is now the trend? And kids are not exactly very popular among the weds. Maybe he did not like to have kids?
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1) How much is the girl earning ?Originally posted by MooKu:Ummmmm they're both 22!
Maybe his view will change... but maybe it won't... And you know how females have an expiry date... and past a certain age, pregnancy will be a risk.
2) How much is the boy earning?
3) IF they are getting married who pays the bill?
4) When they go for dates who pays the bill most of the time? -
Thank you all for being so kind to take time to reply.
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Hmm u might also like to remind ur friend...
not to let a comment like this
become an 'insecurity blanket'
that will colour the tone of the relationship
people change. men change. sometimes for the good even
but when insecurity enters the relationship,
then the pressure within it can become insufferable