Hurt and confused, Need advise pls
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Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls -
hello masked
pls help my friend here 
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If the bitterness is from our selfish foolishness, repent and let it go. If the bitterness is from someone's mistake. we learn grace and forgive - Detached
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Give up or change for the better. Both suggestions i offer you are strictly impossible due to your personality, but it seems to be the only option. You can try to sit down and think about it, what you really need to do and stuff. It seems like that she has already moved on after you and not surprised that she has found another SO. In the first place, your anger might be the sole reason why she wanted time-out as she doesn't want a husband to yell at her... She might have had enough of it already after 11 months and cannot take it in anymore. Both of you need to sort it out face to face, try to talk things out and hope for the best.
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you have to change yr attitude. If you really love her,you change yr attitude and talk to her nicely. Buy some gift. She may reject. it is your fate already.Originally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls -
Yeah, thnks bro, i forgot to add, i've changed alot more for the better since the relationship started to rock. My intentions were never to hurt her. Forgive me.Originally posted by akinos:Give up or change for the better. Both suggestions i offer you are strictly impossible due to your personality, but it seems to be the only option. You can try to sit down and think about it, what you really need to do and stuff. It seems like that she has already moved on after you and not surprised that she has found another SO. At the first place, your anger might be the sole reason why she wanted time-out as she doesn't want a husband to yell at her... She might have had enough of it already after 11 months and cannot take it in anymore. Both of you need to sort it out face to face, try to talk things out and hope for the best. -
Since you have changed for the better, it's time to show that you are SINCERE enough to take her back. Show it to her that you will never be what you were last time anymore. Well.. about methods to do so, i can't help you much. Think about something original though and make sure you stick to being sincere once and for all. Don't repeat past mistakes.Originally posted by maskedangel:Yeah, thnks bro, i forgot to add, i've changed alot more for the better since the relationship started to rock. My intentions were never to hurt her. Forgive me. -
so young in life n u start to throw temper... u must learn to control ur anger... n further more u msut know the hard way does not work against everyone... u will continue to fail in r/s if u dun change... u also need to be more 'da fang'.. not every gal likes to be controlled so u jz cant stop her... but wats ur reason for not allowing her to go? she sure made the right move to leave u cos u certainly is not the guy she would wan... no use contacting her liao so u better give up, learn ur mistakes n move on...Originally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls -
Change your filthy atittute before even talking about substaining her.Originally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls -
You coaxed her into the cage with offering of love.
You kept her a prisoner in the love cage you guarded so closely.
Despite her plead to give her some freedom.
You chose to tighten the grips and suffocate her heart.
Now she has found a way to fly away.
Away from your binding cage and selfish torments.
A fly away bird, who sees the sky again.
A fly away bird... will she come back ?
Come back my love, to the cage I so desire.
I offer you my love.. I am your eternal sire. -
Originally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls
I can't teach you how to win in love unless you first guide yourself to win over your personality.
Ill temper and lost of emotional control is a bad excuse for such behaviour. If you are going to persist in such immaturity, this will probably afflict your future relationships until you have the wisdom to evolve yourself.
Your suffering is very much due to the fact that she is able to get on with life much better without your presence - a self absorbed quality of love. Like a scoring a blatant victory over a screwed relationship; if she has found happiness outside you, perhaps you, being the source of her great misery, might just want to take some time off to introspect and decide how you want to improve your inner qualities.
If you claim love, but she is very much better off without the framework of this relationship - perhaps, letting go might demonstrate more strength than clinging on.
Cheers -
A short post by Yunhan!!
*feels shortchanged*
/leaves thread -
Originally posted by maskedangel:everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up.
2 big problems you have to solve yourselfOriginally posted by maskedangel:After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare
You can't forget, but you have destroyed it by your own misdoings. You have hurt her, and in her opinion, she will be afraid of you hurting her again.Originally posted by maskedangel:i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her
Yun is right about you suffering because she feels happy without you; it is like a blow to you that you did not bring her enough happiness. This is fair enough, given how you have treated her. -
Right, attitude is important.
After so much have been said here, I believed that now you know that the right attitude can make all the difference.
Girls prefer guys who are patient and big hearted.
Being a guy means,
Protective but not tying a string over the neck of your love
Patience and stand by her, listen to her
Understanding, offer your advice when possible
Affectionate, give her your love when she need it
Big Heart, think wider.
If you still love her, just go for it, show her all the right values that a girl find in a guy. Hope its not too late -
If you are looking for a simpleOriginally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls
1. do this
2. do that
3. do this and that
to solve your problem... I think you should know that it does not work that way....
you know your problem but you do not seem to realise it or know what to do about it.
Your problems are:
1. I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well.
2. i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason.
3. After the camp, we had a big quarrel,
The solutions are:
1. Change yourself... it might take years.... to be able to control your anger
2. You cannot try to control others... even if she is married to you, you cannot stop her from going where she wants and doing things she likes. You can say, "I rather you not go because of this and that (it is important you say why), but if you want to go, then go lor...
3. You had a quarrel after the camp because of problems 1 and 2... -
obirgood!!!
everything is LATE NOW...
she anjoy her life now while u suffering...
aberden u expect she suffer with u together?
tell u , da na ren zhu yi de man will end up with nothing...
unless ur gf is dumb -
TS, from ur thread, i can only conclude one thing --- you are too possessive and you are self-centered.
First, ask yourself these qns
1) do you like to be control
2) do u like do be flared at by someone u loved
3) do u ever want to do something u really enjoy but being constantly discouraged and reprimanded by someone whom u really care
I think the only resolution now is none other than sending her an sms to apologise about ur past action. Be it she reply a not, at least she knows u repent. Maybe u can try to follow up by asking her whether u and her can be friend again.
U are the one who caused all this and so dun blamed her for being oblivious to all ur actions. U must learn to give and take... not always u are the one taking everything but given nothing. Love is mutual if she doesn't like u anymore, give her ur blessing --- be a gentleman
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Throughout your post you mentioned little of what she feels about the relationship, it takes two hands to clap.
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You are just too immature to handle a relationship. Period.
Can't even handle yourself want to have a girlfriend.......!
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from your situation,Originally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls
i think you have tied up her freedom too much and you simply don't trust her.she, as a girl,must have tink the same thing too....if you love her that much,the only way is to change your thinking and approach her with your new character.
it is quite hard now as she is avoiding you totally.btw,u still schooling right?let go and concentrate on your studies is more important,there are better ones out there.take it as a lesson to you and move on.
Terence -
ur so bad...Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):obirgood!!!
everything is LATE NOW...
she anjoy her life now while u suffering...
aberden u expect she suffer with u together?
tell u , da na ren zhu yi de man will end up with nothing...
unless ur gf is dumb -
By Losing is actually wining.Originally posted by maskedangel:Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.
Here's my story.
I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.
I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.
Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.
3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.
It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .
Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls
Hope you understand.
Bte what are you suffering from?
From not being able to control your gf?
Or from not being able to flex your big ego? -
yeah, thnks all for the comment and advise. i noe its my fault and all. I'm trying hard, even though it may be too late.
Maybe letting go is the best for the both of us. She gets her freedom, and i learn my hard lesson.
thnks alot guys . I guess its a lesson learnt, don hold too tight, cos instead of keeping it, i lose it. Guess there's no point in holding on already.
and its not a matter of ego or anithing. I've even begged in public, on my knees. yeah, its pathetic, but it was too much too let go den.
Thnks once again -
Maybe this break-up is a really good lesson for you. It lets u realise that maybe, u should have kept ur temper in check, rather than flaring up unnecessarily. I guess that's what could have caused the break-up in the first place.
But like u said, u have changed for the better, than maybe just move on. Continue to be friends with her, and let her see the new u. Let her see how different u are, and maybe that could be the catalyst for u two getting back together again. -
ya.. remember : If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it's yours. If it never, it never was.. - can't remember who said this, but it was given to me by a girl. all the best .. Like you I had a very bad temper. Today, I mellowed. Because, I have a loving wife. A loving home. Don't want to lose all these .. yours will come - how soon ? Depend on how your control yourself.. remember, every one have it's up and down.. you may be down now, the next level will be up .. it cannot go down all the times...Originally posted by maskedangel:yeah, thnks all for the comment and advise. i noe its my fault and all. I'm trying hard, even though it may be too late.
Maybe letting go is the best for the both of us. She gets her freedom, and i learn my hard lesson.
thnks alot guys . I guess its a lesson learnt, don hold too tight, cos instead of keeping it, i lose it. Guess there's no point in holding on already.
and its not a matter of ego or anithing. I've even begged in public, on my knees. yeah, its pathetic, but it was too much too let go den.
Thnks once again