Over generous bf?
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My boyfriend is pretty generous with everyone. He always buys friends drinks. it can be like one or 2 bottles of hard liquor a week, and when his sister has problems, he will pass her few hundred dollars to buy things to make her happy. and at times, he will sponsor her to go for trips. i think rendering support to sister is good, but think he tends to go overboard when he is being so generous with money all the time especially when we are not rich people.
recently we went genting with friends. he even go to the extend of giving chips (ie money to a friend). to note, at the end of the trip, this friend won money and he lost and the friend sought of said "hey, you still got money with me" he said "it is ok, forget it."
and when we came back from the trip, he overpaid the organiser of the trip >$100, organiser said wanna transfer the money back to him. he said never mind lah, next trip then say. but ther is no trip in the foreseeable future, so it is as good as giving money again.
i really think his generosity is excessive. how should i communicate with him? or am i the petty one? -
generous is ok
as long he loves you -
ya, but we intend to have a place next year, yet now he still have little savings. with his extravagant spending on such unnecessary, how can we acheive that and have a family in future?Originally posted by gigabyte14:generous is ok
as long he loves you -
hmmm
he spends on others, it excessive.
if he spends on you, will you feel that it is excessive and tell him not to spend so much?
now if u feel the latter, then you can go ahead and tell him to stop being too generous.
unless your boyfriend believes in 'paying it forward' -
did you have a 1 on 1 talk with him?Originally posted by galfriend:ya, but we intend to have a place next year, yet now he still have little savings. with his extravagant spending on such unnecessary, how can we acheive that and have a family in future?
i'm sure he'll listen to you. -
From what you say, he sounds like a pretty good guy, hard to find in Singapore. It is in his nature to give. It's his money anyway.Originally posted by galfriend:My boyfriend is pretty generous with everyone. He always buys friends drinks. it can be like one or 2 bottles of hard liquor a week, and when his sister has problems, he will pass her few hundred dollars to buy things to make her happy. and at times, he will sponsor her to go for trips. i think rendering support to sister is good, but think he tends to go overboard when he is being so generous with money all the time especially when we are not rich people.
recently we went genting with friends. he even go to the extend of giving chips (ie money to a friend). to note, at the end of the trip, this friend won money and he lost and the friend sought of said "hey, you still got money with me" he said "it is ok, forget it."
and when we came back from the trip, he overpaid the organiser of the trip >$100, organiser said wanna transfer the money back to him. he said never mind lah, next trip then say. but ther is no trip in the foreseeable future, so it is as good as giving money again.
i really think his generosity is excessive. how should i communicate with him? or am i the petty one?
Maybe he might give you even more considering you are his girlfriend?
doko -
i wouldnt spend his money. in fact, he offered to give me chips when we were in genting but i refused to take it.Originally posted by kopiosatu:hmmm
he spends on others, it excessive.
if he spends on you, will you feel that it is excessive and tell him not to spend so much?
now if u feel the latter, then you can go ahead and tell him to stop being too generous.
unless your boyfriend believes in 'paying it forward'
on the hind sight, i should have taken it and return it to him after he had lost everything.
what is paying it forward? -
How's is his's financial status? He is coming from the upper class income group?
Since he want's to throw his money, why bother him. Let him throw untill all his money are gone and he'll start to realize the importance of money.
Although afew $$$ is nothing to him, but it's everything to a lower - income group family leh.
Tsk tsk tsk, better suck all his money and change a boyfriend. -
yesterday we casually talked about it, but he was quite persistent of his ways. so i am thinking how to have a less casual heart ot heart talk with him on this.Originally posted by gigabyte14:did you have a 1 on 1 talk with him?
i'm sure he'll listen to you. -
no, we are not high income group people. we are salaried workers, so every cent counts especially since he not young (early 30s) and wants to start a family next year right?Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:How's is his's financial status? He is coming from the upper class income group?
Since he want's to throw his money, why bother him. Let him throw untill all his money are gone and he'll start to realize the importance of money.
Although afew $$$ is nothing to him, but it's everything to a lower - income group family leh.
Tsk tsk tsk, better suck all his money and change a boyfriend. -
its just a moral philosophyOriginally posted by galfriend:what is paying it forward?
but it involves helping strangers without expecting anything in return. -
Since he is so generous... then start a bank account with him and ask him every month to put so much money in it until he cannot afford to be so generous...Originally posted by galfriend:My boyfriend is pretty generous with everyone. He always buys friends drinks. it can be like one or 2 bottles of hard liquor a week, and when his sister has problems, he will pass her few hundred dollars to buy things to make her happy. and at times, he will sponsor her to go for trips. i think rendering support to sister is good, but think he tends to go overboard when he is being so generous with money all the time especially when we are not rich people.
recently we went genting with friends. he even go to the extend of giving chips (ie money to a friend). to note, at the end of the trip, this friend won money and he lost and the friend sought of said "hey, you still got money with me" he said "it is ok, forget it."
and when we came back from the trip, he overpaid the organiser of the trip >$100, organiser said wanna transfer the money back to him. he said never mind lah, next trip then say. but ther is no trip in the foreseeable future, so it is as good as giving money again.
i really think his generosity is excessive. how should i communicate with him? or am i the petty one?
(since you think it is a problem... then find a solution and forget about worrying whether you are right or he is wrong IMO) -
yes, he is such a person. he is actually a very nice guy to everyone. but he always neglected his relationship since a large part of his life, he is not in a relationship.Originally posted by kopiosatu:its just a moral philosophy
but it involves helping strangers without expecting anything in return. -
If you want a family hor, you'd better start saving now. Due to the rising cost of living in Singapore, the mere few thousand salary is not enough to survive le.Originally posted by galfriend:no, we are not high income group people. we are salaried workers, so every cent counts especially since he not young (early 30s) and wants to start a family next year right?
Also you have to make plans for 2008 recession. -
i thought of that too. but i am worried such will give him pressure in his finance if he needs to balance so many things. dont want him to be over-pressurized too.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Since he is so generous... then start a bank account with him and ask him every month to put so much money in it until he cannot afford to be so generous...
(since you think it is a problem... then find a solution and forget about worrying whether you are right or he is wrong IMO) -
beware... later his money kena suck up by some woman outthere..
i;m not saying PRC ho! -
That i am not worried, he is not a womaniser. Family and friends are more important to him than philandering.Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):beware... later his money kena suck up by some woman outthere..
i;m not saying PRC ho! -
i tell u ho...Originally posted by galfriend:That i am not worried, he is not a womaniser. Family and friends are more important to him than philandering.
dont judge a book with it's cover...
i thought like you too last time...
but at the end... u wouldnt dare to imagine. trust me..
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there is not much you can do about it... you have to go with the evidence... speculating and wild imaginings will only destroy the relationship.Originally posted by kiss_my (_i_):i tell u ho...
dont judge a book with it's cover...
i thought like you too last time...
but at the end... u wouldnt dare to imagine. trust me.. -
hmm ..... so the 2 of you are planning to get married next year right ?
Maybe you can do some research on all the cost for a wedding and show it to him ? Maybe after seeing all the cost he might not be spending so much money on his friends and start saving.
A joint account is a good idea, most couple that I know of that are planning to get married will do that. Work out an amount that both of you are comfortable with.
Best of luck !
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why not open a joint account with him?u can let him spend all he wants but just make sure that there are money inside the account every month by both of you.i'm sure he will listen to you.Originally posted by galfriend:My boyfriend is pretty generous with everyone. He always buys friends drinks. it can be like one or 2 bottles of hard liquor a week, and when his sister has problems, he will pass her few hundred dollars to buy things to make her happy. and at times, he will sponsor her to go for trips. i think rendering support to sister is good, but think he tends to go overboard when he is being so generous with money all the time especially when we are not rich people.
recently we went genting with friends. he even go to the extend of giving chips (ie money to a friend). to note, at the end of the trip, this friend won money and he lost and the friend sought of said "hey, you still got money with me" he said "it is ok, forget it."
and when we came back from the trip, he overpaid the organiser of the trip >$100, organiser said wanna transfer the money back to him. he said never mind lah, next trip then say. but ther is no trip in the foreseeable future, so it is as good as giving money again.
i really think his generosity is excessive. how should i communicate with him? or am i the petty one?
cheers -
he smart, already declares he hopes for a simple wedding!Originally posted by MiX Metal:hmm ..... so the 2 of you are planning to get married next year right ?
Maybe you can do some research on all the cost for a wedding and show it to him ? Maybe after seeing all the cost he might not be spending so much money on his friends and start saving.
A joint account is a good idea, most couple that I know of that are planning to get married will do that. Work out an amount that both of you are comfortable with.
Best of luck ! -
No matter how simple the wedding is, it will still be expensive. Things like taking bridal photos, booking of wedding tables etc, no matter how "budget", is still a considerable amt. Like someone here suggested, show him the accounts. Tell him gently that there may be a slight problem in raising enough money if he doesn't curb being generous.
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ur bf is a good man..wont ghey gao wif money..generous is good..oneday maybe he'll haf a windfall..
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for a comfortable future, talk to him & start a joint saving account
