should i go for it?
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Why do you hold on.....not letting go .. those things that reminds you of your ex.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:i dont understand, what do you mean?
When you tells her you are letting go... you need to put it into action.
Old baggages does nothing but holds you back.
Build new memories with your pretty new beau.... -
im not paying lip service, im definitely over my old gf...no matter what happen im so over her..Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:She's suggesting you're paying lip service in terms of promise to your new gf.
That, you are telling her u are letting the past go, but telling us it may never be done... -
Bottom line is that u are over , then perhaps you should re-inforce yourself out here in the forum with a positive outlook about ur new relationship.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:im not paying lip service, im definitely over my old gf...no matter what happen im so over her..
cheers. -
i still don't understand y items must be thrown out on purpose or y a person must force himself/herself or another to throw away items which bring back memories about their ex.. wouldn't such items be thrown away naturally (and willingly) in the future to make way for new items which bring along new and lovely memories as well?
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I see.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:im not paying lip service, im definitely over my old gf...no matter what happen im so over her..
We have misunderstood you then...
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i am!Originally posted by BadzMaro:Bottom line is that u are over , then perhaps you should re-inforce yourself out here in the forum with a positive outlook about ur new relationship.
cheers.
but at the same time i want to take it slow
water it well
anyway we are going off for a shopping trip soon, it will be fun and good way of getting to know each other better..creating some new beautiful memories -
My guess is that the hesitation in clearing items belonging to a previous relationship may mean attachment, and hope that the old relationship may be rekindled...Originally posted by thumbelina:i still don't understand y items must be thrown out on purpose or y a person must force himself/herself or another to throw away items which bring back memories about their ex.. wouldn't such items be thrown away naturally (and willingly) in the future to make way for new items which bring along new and lovely memories as well?
It's hard to throw away sentimental things... -
Water it well. i like that .Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:i am!
but at the same time i want to take it slow
water it well
anyway we are going off for a shopping trip soon, it will be fun and good way of getting to know each other better..creating some new beautiful memories
Carefully grooming the bonsai tree. The results... mmmm..
Anyways, lol.. all the best! -
=)Originally posted by BadzMaro:Water it well. i like that . Carefully grooming the bonsai tree. The results... mmmm..
Anyways, lol.. all the best!
when you say carefully grooming the bonsai tree, i was thinking about something else -
Ah yes.. a procrastinator.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:i am!
but at the same time i want to take it slow
water it well
anyway we are going off for a shopping trip soon, it will be fun and good way of getting to know each other better..creating some new beautiful memories
Good thing...
Keep your old memories... in your head.
Memories.. fade with time.. as new ones replace the old.
Almost an automatic process.....if you allow it.
Material things don't go poof until you move em.
When it is time, you will want to remove those items...you hold so true to your heart.... time to really let go.
You will need to revisit those memories again, as you hold one in your hands.. each time.. going back to those moments......
If you are unwilling to do it for yourself.. do it for her...( not your ex)
You can promise her anything... but a woman needs to see it done... to be truly convinced. -
You don't have to throw em out. Just keep em out of sight.Originally posted by thumbelina:i still don't understand y items must be thrown out on purpose or y a person must force himself/herself or another to throw away items which bring back memories about their ex.. wouldn't such items be thrown away naturally (and willingly) in the future to make way for new items which bring along new and lovely memories as well?
The past is the past.. why do you want to keep things that keeps reminding you of the past ?
Will you naturally throw away items like... furnitures both of you bought together ? A beautiful painting that she ( the ex) picked from the streets of Rome ?
A picture of a happy couple smiling in the sunset, framed in crystal ?
No, you need to purposely make those things dissapear from your sight.
Put them in the deepest corner of your storage if it is too painful for you to see them trashed.
I was in her shoes .... it wasn't very nice to have to see those "memories" of my love's past with another woman. It was infact... painful.......
I wished.. everyday... everytime I see them... that he would willingly put them away....
Well.. ofcourse that day didn't come ... for a long time....
Until..
We went for couple communication course.
During one of the session.. a couple confessed they argue over the fate of their coffee table. It was a gift from his ex....and he refused to give it away.. because to him.. it was just a piece of furniture. To the gf, it has the link to his past.
The guy got booed.. by other female participants... turns out... many couples faces the same problem.. even married ones...
The married one.. sold the old house.. and donated all the old furnitures... because his new wife couldn't stand living in his past.
The whole time.. he kept quiet.. listening in horror..
Needless to say.. my dear partner went back and threw all his old albums and gave away that nice piece of crystal art...bye bye past....hello future ! -
i think it is rather silly and ridiculous to throw away all his old albums. Couldnt he just simply put it away?Very radical actions not very asian type to do this , the other party actions to sell the house and donate all the old furnitures,Originally posted by jojobeach:You don't have to throw em out. Just keep em out of sight.
The past is the past.. why do you want to keep things that keeps reminding you of the past ?
Will you naturally throw away items like... furnitures both of you bought together ? A beautiful painting that she ( the ex) picked from the streets of Rome ?
A picture of a happy couple smiling in the sunset, framed in crystal ?
No, you need to purposely make those things dissapear from your sight.
Put them in the deepest corner of your storage if it is too painful for you to see them trashed.
I was in her shoes .... it wasn't very nice to have to see those "memories" of my love's past with another woman. It was infact... painful.......
I wished.. everyday... everytime I see them... that he would willingly put them away....
Well.. ofcourse that day didn't come ... for a long time....
Until..
We went for couple communication course.
During one of the session.. a couple confessed they argue over the fate of their coffee table. It was a gift from his ex....and he refused to give it away.. because to him.. it was just a piece of furniture. To the gf, it has the link to his past.
The guy got booed.. by other female participants... turns out... many couples faces the same problem.. even married ones...
The married one.. sold the old house.. and donated all the old furnitures... because his new wife couldn't stand living in his past.
The whole time.. he kept quiet.. listening in horror..
Needless to say.. my dear partner went back and threw all his old albums and gave away that nice piece of crystal art...bye bye past....hello future !
so if you have a child and you remarried , do you cut contact with her? give up all custody of her because she is the biggest reminder of your past. -
is love a game of proving?Originally posted by jojobeach:Ah yes.. a procrastinator.
Good thing...
Keep your old memories... in your head.
Memories.. fade with time.. as new ones replace the old.
Almost an automatic process.....if you allow it.
Material things don't go poof until you move em.
When it is time, you will want to remove those items...you hold so true to your heart.... time to really let go.
You will need to revisit those memories again, as you hold one in your hands.. each time.. going back to those moments......
If you are unwilling to do it for yourself.. do it for her...( not your ex)
You can promise her anything... but a woman needs to see it done... to be truly convinced.
Do you need to show clear proof to your current that you are over the previous?
Isnt not talking about her sufficient enough?
Instead of proving you are over your ex why dont we work on reinforcing or cultivating a more loving relationship with your present?
Is it a sin to keep memories of a person that you loved before?
It is a sin to revisit the memories and smile sometimes when certain things or objects remind you of the good times you had with your ex rather than revisit the bad times? -
Love is indeed a game of proving.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:is love a game of proving?
Do you need to show clear proof to your current that you are over the previous?
Isnt not talking about her sufficient enough?
Instead of proving you are over your ex why dont we work on reinforcing or cultivating a more loving relationship with your present?
Is it a sin to keep memories of a person that you loved before?
It is a sin to revisit the memories and smile sometimes when certain things or objects remind you of the good times you had with your ex rather than revisit the bad times?
What is the point of loving someone yet not show it ?
We are mere mortals.. we cannot read each other's mind.
If you don't put your love into actions.. how would the other party know ??
Memories can be kept inside your heart.... you don't need to constantly remind your new partner of your past.. do you ?
Children are a different ballgame altogether.
A divorce with children is never a divorce. -
I think we are deviating from the main subject and since i decided to go for her and not letting go of my memories of my past, i told her about my ex but i guess that is it , nothing more to tell her.likewise if she tell me about her past i will listen because her past is a clue to her present and future, what she likes or dislikes of her past bf is a good indication where and how i can improve or be better for her.Originally posted by jojobeach:Love is indeed a game of proving.
What is the point of loving someone yet not show it ?
We are mere mortals.. we cannot read each other's mind.
If you don't put your love into actions.. how would the other party know ??
Memories can be kept inside your heart.... you don't need to constantly remind your new partner of your past.. do you ?
Children are a different ballgame altogether.
A divorce with children is never a divorce. -
To go for it or not? That really depends on what you looking for in a relationship.
If you are looking for some good time (to waste some time) and plenty of excitement and freshness, i'll say of course, go for it!
But if you are saying you are not so young and you looking for THE ONE, i'll say you already know the answer.
Just a question, what happened between you and your ex? -
To girls, love is indeed a game of proving.Originally posted by jojobeach:Love is indeed a game of proving.
What is the point of loving someone yet not show it ?
We are mere mortals.. we cannot read each other's mind.
If you don't put your love into actions.. how would the other party know ??
Memories can be kept inside your heart.... you don't need to constantly remind your new partner of your past.. do you ?
Children are a different ballgame altogether.
A divorce with children is never a divorce.
If we guys don't do it right, we simply don't measure up, from the girls' point of view.
It's hard for guys to understand a girl's psyche.
And I feel the whole discussion about retaining items belonging to a past relationship can be generalized to the different ways men and women view relationships.
Everyone (make that every gender) has a right to feel the way he/she feels, but if you want to really score with the opposite sex, you need to understand the other party's psyche.
4428, I think jojobeach has invaluable points there that totally applies to ur present r/s. -
what happened? Timing was not good and certain affairs are not in order and we broke up.Originally posted by ladie:To go for it or not? That really depends on what you looking for in a relationship.
If you are looking for some good time (to waste some time) and plenty of excitement and freshness, i'll say of course, go for it!
But if you are saying you are not so young and you looking for THE ONE, i'll say you already know the answer.
Just a question, what happened between you and your ex?
I was still pining for her until i meet the new lady in my life. She is certainly helping me to erase the thought of the past. -
well , i agree , she certainly had helped me to make up my mind to move on!Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:To girls, love is indeed a game of proving.
If we guys don't do it right, we simply don't measure up, from the girls' point of view.
It's hard for guys to understand a girl's psyche.
And I feel the whole discussion about retaining items belonging to a past relationship can be generalized to the different ways men and women view relationships.
Everyone (make that every gender) has a right to feel the way he/she feels, but if you want to really score with the opposite sex, you need to understand the other party's psyche.
4428, I think jojobeach has invaluable points there that totally applies to ur present r/s.
i will take her views into consideration but i will take it easy too
we had a good dinner tonight, im starting to understand her more and see things from her perspective. -
i would like to say thank you for all who contributed and certainly in some way helped me to reach a decision in regards to this question.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:well , i agree , she certainly had helped me to make up my mind to move on!
i will take her views into consideration but i will take it easy too
we had a good dinner tonight, im starting to understand her more and see things from her perspective.
I believe this thread should be closed and i dont think i will be able to post anything more
Im happy with my decision and thank you -
Well, i will close it then.Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:i would like to say thank you for all who contributed and certainly in some way helped me to reach a decision in regards to this question.
I believe this thread should be closed and i dont think i will be able to post anything more
Im happy with my decision and thank you
If you want to open it again, or any other things, feel free to PM me.
Congrats for having an answer on what to do.
Life live without regrets!
Cheers
Pika.