caring guys?
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U guys are treating the girl as if she is the victim which is not the case.
Be rational and think with the mind and not be clouded by emotions. -
Don't think anyone is treating her as the victim, just throwing the facts to her as politely as possible.
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I agree with what you say IF the guy DELIBERATLY trying to hurt her back.Originally posted by jojobeach:Dabummer,
Your boyfriend has no right to treat you this way.
If he genuinely wants you back, he'd forgive you.
When you forgive someone, you don't make him/her pay back.
RIght now he's doing it to get back at you for hurting him.
Talk to him, ask him how long he is going to punish you.
If he still continues this animosity, leave the relationship.
His behaviour is emotional abuse.
There is no end to a man's revenge.
I agree that if u decide to forgive a person you should really forgive.
take this scenario...
X somehow accidentally pushed Y down the stairsÂ…
knowing itÂ’s an accident, Y decides to forgive X.
but having forgiven X, the pain from the fall and the bruises doesn’t magically disappear… Y will still have the ‘right’ to wince at the pain, or to even sulk for a while.
All these actions may make X feel guilty, but it doesn’t mean that Y is deliberately trying to ‘get back’ at X…
And after that incident, Y will naturally be mindful/watchful when around stairs so as not to let history repeat itselfÂ… all these are in born.
In this case, all X can do is try to win back the trust, and not just whine about the trust lost and how things are not like they used to be.
X needs to show Y that Y has nothing to fear around XÂ… that X will not let history repeat itself.
that i think is what TS should be doing. -
There is a saying "Once bitten twice shy" your b/f has been bitten by you more that once so you can expect everything to be the same as before.
Have a heart to heart talk with him and prove to him by your actions that you really treasure him this time.
good luck ! -
now u felt how he felt that time huh. have a nice chat with him. maybe tell him you are sorry for what you did in the past. do unto others as you would have them do unto you..Originally posted by dabummer:my boy and i have been tgt for more than 2 years. broke up and patched quite a few times. i admit that last time, i took him for granted and treat him really nastily which resulted in a break up. but we patched. now i am treating him much better but he seems to be taking his revenge.
he doesnt seem to care about me anymore. i told him how i was feeling and he said that he cares and loves me but i dont feel a single bit of his care and concern!
sigh, how do guys show tht they care?
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How would you know IF the guy is doing it deliberately or not ?Originally posted by smudgey:I agree with what you say IF the guy DELIBERATLY trying to hurt her back.
I agree that if u decide to forgive a person you should really forgive.
take this scenario...
X somehow accidentally pushed Y down the stairsÂ…
knowing itÂ’s an accident, Y decides to forgive X.
but having forgiven X, the pain from the fall and the bruises doesn’t magically disappear… Y will still have the ‘right’ to wince at the pain, or to even sulk for a while.
All these actions may make X feel guilty, but it doesn’t mean that Y is deliberately trying to ‘get back’ at X…
And after that incident, Y will naturally be mindful/watchful when around stairs so as not to let history repeat itselfÂ… all these are in born.
In this case, all X can do is try to win back the trust, and not just whine about the trust lost and how things are not like they used to be.
X needs to show Y that Y has nothing to fear around XÂ… that X will not let history repeat itself.
that i think is what TS should be doing.
Would a guy who is deliberately doing it tell you he's doing it deliberately ??
As posted , the guy has changed. He is no longer the caring and loving person she used to know. -
I don't see why it is of any importance as to wheather the guy is doing it on purpose or not.Originally posted by jojobeach:How would you know IF the guy is doing it deliberately or not ?
Would a guy who is deliberately doing it tell you he's doing it deliberately ??
As posted , the guy has changed. He is no longer the caring and loving person she used to know.
Either way,he has the right now.
When one person is hurt,they can either do that same act back to that person or chose to continue being caring.
Merely a choice of actions here.
No right nor wrong. -
it's not my style to have tit-for-tat but the girl used to treat him with disrespect.Originally posted by boka:I don't see why it is of any importance as to wheather the guy is doing it on purpose or not.
Either way,he has the right now.
When one person is hurt,they can either do that same act back to that person or chose to continuning being caring.
Merely a choice of actions here.
No right nor wrong.
Is she willing to change? Instead of hoping for the guy to be the same? Or does she want everything to be advantageous in her favour?
doko -
I agree. There is no right or wrong.Originally posted by boka:I don't see why it is of any importance as to wheather the guy is doing it on purpose or not.
Either way,he has the right now.
When one person is hurt,they can either do that same act back to that person or chose to continue being caring.
Merely a choice of actions here.
No right nor wrong.
It's up to TS to decide if she wants to continue taking the shite this guy hurling at her.
If TS is smart, she'd pack her bags and go.
Start a clean slate with another lucky guy.
Cus this girl has learned her lesson.
So the next guy is gonna benefit from it. -
true...Originally posted by jojobeach:How would you know IF the guy is doing it deliberately or not ?
Would a guy who is deliberately doing it tell you he's doing it deliberately ??
As posted , the guy has changed. He is no longer the caring and loving person she used to know.
but this is from her point of view... what i'm saying is that she needs to give him some time...
If he does not change, talk to him. if all has failed, then give it up. -
I agree...Originally posted by boka:I don't see why it is of any importance as to wheather the guy is doing it on purpose or not.
Either way,he has the right now.
When one person is hurt,they can either do that same act back to that person or chose to continue being caring.
Merely a choice of actions here.
No right nor wrong.
it's not a matter of tit-for tat,
it is just a reaction. when you throw a stone into a pond, you expect ripples... give it time and with no more provocation, the ripples will cease. -
Threadstarter, you yearn for your boyfriend to treat you well. I think you also have to look into yourself, your own issues, how you treat him last time. Are you going to be better next time?
A lot of guys come complaining in this forum about how they used to be treated badly by their girlfriends. The advice they get was to fix themselves first and now Im applying the same advice to you.
I feel he still can't forget how badly he was treated by you. This relationship is supposed to be over and done with. But you got back again. It has scars already. If you two are not happy, then do not waste your time.
doko -
Agreed!Originally posted by dokono:Threadstarter, you yearn for your boyfriend to treat you well. I think you also have to look into yourself, your own issues, how you treat him last time. Are you going to be better next time?
A lot of guys come complaining in this forum about how they used to be treated badly by their girlfriends. The advice they get was to fix themselves first and now Im applying the same advice to you.
I feel he still can't forget how badly he was treated by you. This relationship is supposed to be over and done with. But you got back again. It has scars already. If you two are not happy, then do not waste your time.
doko -
TS, do you really want him? love him?
if yes, my advice, try try and try again... when you feel like giving up, just keep going... be there when he needs help and GIVE (NOT offer ah) give what help you can w/o expecting any thing in return... most importantly be yourself but try not to do what you did the last time ...
then maybe, in a mth, or 2, or 6, or even a year, things may change... its how all about how long you wanna perservere... bcos frankly i don't thk he "chiak ba, sibei eng" lah, instead like what smudgey said, hes just being cautious
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agree.. if a r/s keep break-patch-break-patch, u should also consider whether this really wat u want.. and how to salvage it to prevent another break-patch.. don't ignore why the break happend in the 1st place juz coz u're 'together officially'. cos the goal shouldn't be to 'be attached'.. but rather, to 'stay attached'...
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I don't know, but it seems that the most important element in any relationship is not there in ur case.Originally posted by dabummer:my boy and i have been tgt for more than 2 years. broke up and patched quite a few times. i admit that last time, i took him for granted and treat him really nastily which resulted in a break up. but we patched. now i am treating him much better but he seems to be taking his revenge.
he doesnt seem to care about me anymore. i told him how i was feeling and he said that he cares and loves me but i dont feel a single bit of his care and concern!
sigh, how do guys show tht they care?
The element is trust.
You feel thal ur boy don't care as much as in the past. You confronted him, and he said no, he still love and care for you. Yet, u still doubt his words. If u can't even trust his words, then why are u 2 still together?
Look at the fact that u two patch back together after the 1st break-up. It is an indication that he still loves you, no matter who asked for the patch. If it is for revenger that he patch back with u, then all I can say is u had loved a childish and immature kid.
You can either trust his words, and be happy together forever, or u can ask for a break-up now, and keep wondering if u had done the right thing or not. -
thx for all the comments...both negative and postive...guess i have learnt to look at tis matter from a different point of view.
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