falling in love with someone i shouldn;t have
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Originally posted by huy:
From a perspective of a guy, that is a very common answer (politically and socially correct) for not being in a relationship.
hey guys.. thanks a lot for ur advice.. i have been thinking bout this all this while.. i felt that i should let natural take it course.. heard from his fres that the reason why he dosen;t have a gf now is becos he is someone that don like to be tied down in a relationship.. flirts and flings is defintely a no for me..
therefore, right now, i don intend to tell him anything...jus remain the way we are.. fres and colleagues.. maybe as the days goes by, this feeling will jus go away...
What the guy actually means is one of the following:
1) I haven't found the girl I like yet, so please don't ask further
2) I have no girlfriend, and that sucks. This excuse should do the trick.
3) I have no resources/time to woo a girl now. That hurts, and besides I haven't found one I fancy.
4) I'm uncomfortable with relationships and all the purported insecurities/questions that it brings, the comfort zone of work seems better.
Maybe it will give you fresh perspective. -
Originally posted by royale9:
wow....u type this all out or quote from somewhere? That's really pro...
The fear of rejection is one of the major reasons for failure and underachievement in adult life. It is fear that robs us of happiness. It is fear that causes us to settle for far less than we are capable of. It is fear that is the root cause of negative emotions, unhappiness and problems in human relationship.
[b]The only good thing about fear is that it is learned, and because of this, it can be unlearned.
The fear of failure and the fear of rejection are learned responses, programmed into you when you were young. These fears usually set the upper and lower limits of your comfort zone. Because of them, you do enough not to be criticized or rejected on the low side, and you stay well within your limits so you can avoid risk or failure on the high side. Once you slipped into your comfort zone, you stay there, attempting to avoid any feeling of fear or anxiety.
Your fears hold you back from most of what is possible for you. The opposite of fear is love, starting with self-love or self esteem. There is an inverse or opposite relationship between self-esteem and fears of all kinds.
The more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection.
The more you like yourself, the more willing you are to reach out and take the risks that will lead you to success and happiness.
The more you like yourself, the more willing you are to take the actions that propel you out of your comfort zone and toward the achievement of your real desires.
Liking yourself is very healthy. In fact, it is the key to the personal effectiveness and to happy relationships with others. The more you like and respect yourself, the better you perform in everything you do. You are more relaxed and positive. You are more confident about your abilities. You make fewer mistakes. You have more energy and you are more creative.
Some people have been taught to believe that liking yourself is the same as being conceited or obnoxious. But excalty the opposite is true. Both the "superiority complex", behaving in an arrogant or conceited way, and the "inferiority complex", behaving in a self-deprecating way, are manifestation of low self-esteem, of not liking oneself very much at all.
People with geniue self-esteem get along easily and well with just about anyone.
Remember,
Your self-esteem is largely determined by how lovable and valuable you appear in your own thinking..
Perhaps the biggest mental roadblocks that you will ever have to overcome are those contained in your self-limiting beliefs. They hold you back by stopping you from even trying. They often cause you to see things that are not true.
As Henry Ford said,
"If you believe that you can do a thing, or if you believe you cannot, in either cases, you are right."
[/b]
Hope Huy is feeling better now ^^ -
Typed.Originally posted by thebunny:wow....u type this all out or quote from somewhere? That's really pro...
Hope Huy is feeling better now ^^ Ideas are based on the fundamental tenets of psychology.
Simple.
What I do for most of my posts is to think of a suitable topic, pertaining to TS's plight, to write about.
In this case, I chose "Fear of failure" as the topic and wrote an essay based on these points:
1. Fear of failure is the greatest single obstacle to success in adult life.
2. Everything that you have know and believe about yourself today, you have learned as a result of what has happened to you since you were an infant. Therefore, if there are elements of your self concept that do not serve your purposes, you can unlearn.
3. Self esteem is your reputation with yourself and the antithesis of your self limiting beliefs.
4. Most personality problems are rooted in "love withheld".
5. Inferiority and superiority are reverse sides of the same coin.
Actually, if you have noticed, the points i made are pretty hackneyed and i believe you have heard it a thousand times.
I'm just reminding TS of what she already know and inspire her to do something about applying it. -
no such thing as fallin iin love with someone u sld not have.its a free world for feelings to flow man. though it takes 2 hand to clap..u're not wrong to fall in love ma.
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[quote]Originally posted by huy:
hey guys.. thanks a lot for ur advice.. i have been thinking bout this all this while.. i felt that i should let natural take it course.. heard from his fres that the reason why he dosen;t have a gf now is becos he is someone that don like to be tied down in a relationship.. flirts and flings is defintely a no for me..
therefore, right now, i don intend to tell him anything...jus remain the way we are.. fres and colleagues.. maybe as the days goes by, this feeling will jus go away...[/quote
are u the type that fall in love easily? Then it is better to takea step back before expressing your love. Anyway, u got to know if he has the same feeling for you. hope that it isnt a one-sided love -
hey peeps. thanks a lot for giving me all these advices.. i am feeling much better now..after tiking bout it, i feel that it best that we both stick as fres.. at least fres will be forever.. and i feel rather comfortable maintaining the way we are now.. maybe things will get worse if we are a couple..
replying to dreamykite question, i am not someone who will fall in love easily.. if not i will have fall in love these few years... not becos of the way he treat me well that y i like him.. it jus a feeling that i don noe how to describe..