falling in love with someone i shouldn;t have
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huy,
Since you think you are not good enough for him. And that he will never fall in love with you.
Why then are you still worried about it ?
If the situation is so bleak.... why bother ?
When life gives you lemons.. make lemonade.
Don't be like this....
Hokkien .. kia si kia wah. scare to live scare to die.
One word. FLIRT.
You should just go ahead and flirt with him with all your might, because he ain't gonna fall in love with you anyway.
Flirting is not a sin as long as both of you are single.
Flirting won't cost you anything.
It's harmless, it's non commital, it's fun.
Give it a try....
Go forth and FLIRT ! -
something i have been hiding behind all these years......this is an excuse not a reason. And if everyone in this world were to have a mindset like you, we'd be bogged down with singles.Originally posted by huy:seriously, i really felt that i am not gd enough for him.. he came from quite a gd family background while i came from a really humble family.. maybe as u say is right, i look very little of myself.. and i am not gorgeous too.. for a ger to match him, she should have the brains, look, wealth.. some ger that could help him in future.. i am not be able to do so.. i jus felt so terrible and hate myself for liking him..
U have to clear this mind of yours, its important simply becoz even if you & him were to start off.....these thoughts will continually flood your mind.....i am just like you & as i mentioned b4, these constant thoughts ended my R/S
pple like us need partners to constantly tell us that we're loved so as to prevent us from that unecessary damaging thoughts
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Hey zeny,Originally posted by zeny:1) Did he say he like you?
2) Did you say you like him?
3) Since he do not know that you like him, and you refuse to tell him about you liking of him, then wats the problem?
You are thinking too much, since you want him as a friend and refuse to tell him that you like him then this whole thread is just pure crap.
Action speaks louder then words, if you are so scare for any action then worry so much for what, cause he will never know anyway.
do you know how painful it is inside or rather how tormenting it is.....unable to express for the simple reason which is FEAR
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Why feel ashamed and guilty? Can you explain?Originally posted by huy:seriously i felt so ashamed and guilty that i actually like him.. how can i fal in love with someone that i shouldn;t have... i felt like i am a toad falling in love with a swan.. i felt so cheapo of myself.. i tried to avoid him but then it hard.. cos i don wan to lose him as a fre also..
Since you are at the company for only 6 months, if you feel too miserable, then change jobs.Originally posted by huy:i really donnoe what to do.. now my whole mind is with him now.. i felt really tired.. it really terrible to kip my feelings inside.. -
wen shi jian, qing wei he wu?!
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Dear TS,
since it has been 2 years from your last break up,why not let it go and start afresh?
it seems that you two kick off quite well together and there's also no wrong since he is single too.i believe it will be better for you and your future.....unless you are a guy.....then the title suits you the best! -
hey, why compare abt ur background when he probably dun mind.
i believe most guys like 'small' woman.
i bet if u were someone his superior, he wont even bother.
if its true love between the two why care abt other aspect?.
no one is perfect, i believe he isnt.
have some confidence in urself, k...
jia you!!! -
you sure?
if a lady doesn't mind me, and is my intellectual superior, i'd be damned proud of her..
actually, i'd be damned proud of whomever my partner is...
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TS, I just hope u won't end up like me. Keep my feelings to myself, and watch helplessly as some other guy takes her away from me, and only 2 find out years later that had I just said those three words, the ending would have been different.
It takes tons of courage to confess, I agree. But that's nothing compared to the agony of NOT telling at all. -
Go for it!!! No such thing as not worthy of this person or the next person!!!Originally posted by huy:it been a long time since i fall in love with someone.. ever since my past relationshiip which ended 2 years ago and it takes me quite a while to overcome it, i tell myself nv nv to fall in love with someone again... until when i met him...
he is a colleage in my company.. i jus join this company a few months back.. initially when i first knew him, i don really have that kind of feelings towards him.. to me, he is jus an average looking man and defintely not the type that i was looking for.. but as the days goes by, i realised that he is really diff from other guys. though he isn;t gd looking, but he carry himself well. he is very confident and he is intelligent, mature... not only that, whenever anyone encounter any problems at work, he is all there to help the person..
recently, i hang around with him a lot during office hours.. we can spend hours chatting, giggling.. it really enjoyable toking with him and thru all this chatting, i learn a lot from him also.. slowly, i began to realised that i kind of fall in love with him.. i don noe when it started but it seems that i have been tiking bout him everyday.. my heart jus beat very fast whenever i am with him.. initially i tok that was jus an infauation and i even slapped myself hard forcing myself not to like him but it not going to help.. my feelings towards him jus go deeper and deeper..
he is someone that i shouldn;t have fall in love with... regardless of background, qualifications, lifestyle, he is far way better than me. i am jus a nobody seriously.. he don have a gf now and he don noe that i like him also.. i jus kip all my feelings inside and pretend nothing happen. cos i knew that our friendship will defintely break if i confess to him..
seriously i felt so ashamed and guilty that i actually like him.. how can i fal in love with someone that i shouldn;t have... i felt like i am a toad falling in love with a swan.. i felt so cheapo of myself.. i tried to avoid him but then it hard.. cos i don wan to lose him as a fre also..
i really donnoe what to do.. now my whole mind is with him now.. i felt really tired.. it really terrible to kip my feelings inside..
If thats the case, there will be all lot of not worthys!!!
Dont miss the opportunity!!! Remember, opportunities lie this comes only once! -
zhi jiao ren kao pei kao buOriginally posted by Ruby_Jade:wen shi jian, qing wei he wu?! -
I summerise the whole thing.
Everyone just want to tell you give it a shot and don't miss the opportunity!
They may never come again!
gd luck
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Follow ur heart...
But remember that u still want to be his friend....
How r u going to keep ur feeling... it is hard for u...
I think u should just have the courage to tell him...
go for it!
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Originally posted by huy:it been a long time since i fall in love with someone.. ever since my past relationshiip which ended 2 years ago and it takes me quite a while to overcome it, i tell myself nv nv to fall in love with someone again... until when i met him...
he is a colleage in my company.. i jus join this company a few months back.. initially when i first knew him, i don really have that kind of feelings towards him.. to me, he is jus an average looking man and defintely not the type that i was looking for.. but as the days goes by, i realised that he is really diff from other guys. though he isn;t gd looking, but he carry himself well. he is very confident and he is intelligent, mature... not only that, whenever anyone encounter any problems at work, he is all there to help the person..
recently, i hang around with him a lot during office hours.. we can spend hours chatting, giggling.. it really enjoyable toking with him and thru all this chatting, i learn a lot from him also.. slowly, i began to realised that i kind of fall in love with him.. i don noe when it started but it seems that i have been tiking bout him everyday.. my heart jus beat very fast whenever i am with him.. initially i tok that was jus an infauation and i even slapped myself hard forcing myself not to like him but it not going to help.. my feelings towards him jus go deeper and deeper..
he is someone that i shouldn;t have fall in love with... regardless of background, qualifications, lifestyle, he is far way better than me. i am jus a nobody seriously.. he don have a gf now and he don noe that i like him also.. i jus kip all my feelings inside and pretend nothing happen. cos i knew that our friendship will defintely break if i confess to him..
seriously i felt so ashamed and guilty that i actually like him.. how can i fal in love with someone that i shouldn;t have... i felt like i am a toad falling in love with a swan.. i felt so cheapo of myself.. i tried to avoid him but then it hard.. cos i don wan to lose him as a fre also..
i really donnoe what to do.. now my whole mind is with him now.. i felt really tired.. it really terrible to kip my feelings inside..
Without trying, you kept tell yourself it's a road to failure and loving someone you shouldn't have - obviously failure is your only option.
Success and happiness doesn't come easy - in fact, most of the time, you probably have to die fighting or surmount arduous challenges before you could transform any dreams into reality.
From the way I see this, the only complication probably derive from that fact that it's an office relationship. Other than that, your other extraneous worries are basically self inflicted and mundane. All these 'he/she-is-too-good' for me perception is basically a product of inferior self esteem, largely illusionary.
What's good? What's bad?
It's all relative my dear.
Why are you even considering all these factors when in fact in the first place, you can't even find the courage to love him proper? And that being the MOST important factor?
Of course, you won't know if he has feelings for you, but surely, it's a possibility that something could happen. Why eliminate yourself completely even without a struggle? You have already moved on from your previous relationship, so what's holding you back?
You mean you are only 'entitled' partners with low qualification? Problematic family situation? Penurious background?
Without those, you can't date man?
Since you are equally troubled by avoiding and suppression of your emotions, why not try to face them? At least from there, you might actually find an answer to resolve your plight. After all, once you have been pricked by Cupid's arrow, there's little you can do, other than to give in to your heart's yearning.
Cheers -
I know, I too felt what the TS felt when I was young. Before you question me I admit I went through a few cycles of it too and I know the pain but looking back I asked myself this few questions.Originally posted by de_middle:Hey zeny,
do you know how painful it is inside or rather how tormenting it is.....unable to express for the simple reason which is FEAR
1) I fear reject? thats why i did not ask
2) I did not want to lose the friendship? thats why i did not ask.
So in the end nothing happen life goes on and on. My so call crushes are now married and got kids.
So I asked myself is there any problem back then? Since I did not tell the girl I like her and she will not know about it. No one knows and we are still friends.
Nothing happens. -
never thought of settling downOriginally posted by zeny:I know, I too felt what the TS felt when I was young. Before you question me I admit I went through a few cycles of it too and I know the pain but looking back I asked myself this few questions.
1) I fear reject? thats why i did not ask
2) I did not want to lose the friendship? thats why i did not ask.
So in the end nothing happen life goes on and on. My so call crushes are now married and got kids.
So I asked myself is there any problem back then? Since I did not tell the girl I like her and she will not know about it. No one knows and we are still friends.
Nothing happens.
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agreed.Originally posted by CannyOng:I think yr title is not very approriate. Why can't u fall in love with him sInce he is available and u are single too. Unless u are a he....
Don't look so little of yrself. A person with substance is not judge by his look,education and wealth lvl.....
whether or not you are 'worthy' of him is not for you to decide.
since u know he's available, drop hints that you may be interested... then wait and see...
the best things in lives are worth FIGHTING for.
Dear TS, GAMBADEI!!! -
Why do u think you shouldn't have fall in love with him?Originally posted by huy:it been a long time since i fall in love with someone.. ever since my past relationshiip which ended 2 years ago and it takes me quite a while to overcome it, i tell myself nv nv to fall in love with someone again... until when i met him...
he is a colleage in my company.. i jus join this company a few months back.. initially when i first knew him, i don really have that kind of feelings towards him.. to me, he is jus an average looking man and defintely not the type that i was looking for.. but as the days goes by, i realised that he is really diff from other guys. though he isn;t gd looking, but he carry himself well. he is very confident and he is intelligent, mature... not only that, whenever anyone encounter any problems at work, he is all there to help the person..
recently, i hang around with him a lot during office hours.. we can spend hours chatting, giggling.. it really enjoyable toking with him and thru all this chatting, i learn a lot from him also.. slowly, i began to realised that i kind of fall in love with him.. i don noe when it started but it seems that i have been tiking bout him everyday.. my heart jus beat very fast whenever i am with him.. initially i tok that was jus an infauation and i even slapped myself hard forcing myself not to like him but it not going to help.. my feelings towards him jus go deeper and deeper..
he is someone that i shouldn;t have fall in love with... regardless of background, qualifications, lifestyle, he is far way better than me. i am jus a nobody seriously.. he don have a gf now and he don noe that i like him also.. i jus kip all my feelings inside and pretend nothing happen. cos i knew that our friendship will defintely break if i confess to him..
seriously i felt so ashamed and guilty that i actually like him.. how can i fal in love with someone that i shouldn;t have... i felt like i am a toad falling in love with a swan.. i felt so cheapo of myself.. i tried to avoid him but then it hard.. cos i don wan to lose him as a fre also..
i really donnoe what to do.. now my whole mind is with him now.. i felt really tired.. it really terrible to kip my feelings inside..
It's actually very hard to control ur heart. The feeling that developed within you is like an involuntary action ... In my opinion, to be with someone does not require criteria like how much certificate you must have or what's the salary you must have...
Must fight for your own happiness~ And why will confession breaks up friendship? Don't you think you'll somehow feel relieve after you confess? Okies ...tt's how I feel lahx... Although it requires alot of guts... but I still wanna let that person know...
Dakara.... Ganbatte ne~! -
Contrary to popular belief, I as a guy would prefer my partner to be almost equal if not slightly lower than me in terms of qualification. I guess if that guy is really that strong, he would prefer someone whom he can learn from.Originally posted by Cool-gal:hey, why compare abt ur background when he probably dun mind.
i believe most guys like 'small' woman.
i bet if u were someone his superior, he wont even bother.
if its true love between the two why care abt other aspect?.
no one is perfect, i believe he isnt.
have some confidence in urself, k...
jia you!!!
I still believe a long term relationship is about compatibility and how each one is able to benefit from one another.
If you want to flirt with no strings attached, by all means. Even if both of you are together, realistically speaking, in the long term, if he finds that you are not comparable or compatible to him in many ways, there will bound to be a breakup and by then, either he has done with his fun or you have done with yours. But is it worth it?
So now, what you can do is stop thinking about it and improve yourself so that you are able to improve on your self-esteem. Even if he is not the one for you, at least next time when you have found another eligible guy, you will not have the notion that you are inferior.
All the best in your pursuit of your own happiness. -
hey guys.. thanks a lot for ur advice.. i have been thinking bout this all this while.. i felt that i should let natural take it course.. heard from his fres that the reason why he dosen;t have a gf now is becos he is someone that don like to be tied down in a relationship.. flirts and flings is defintely a no for me..
therefore, right now, i don intend to tell him anything...jus remain the way we are.. fres and colleagues.. maybe as the days goes by, this feeling will jus go away... -
The feelings you had for this man won't just go away like that basing on your character which, is weak in nature. And I think you like to mope too. Do something constructive. Join a yoga class after work or any exercise classes. Get out with friends and do enjoyable things like having a good dinner, see a show or performance or even join some skill course like taking up art. That will help you to take your mind off him. If you were to be alone, you were bound to keep thinking of him which, seriously won't do you any good.Originally posted by huy:hey guys.. thanks a lot for ur advice.. i have been thinking bout this all this while.. i felt that i should let natural take it course.. heard from his fres that the reason why he dosen;t have a gf now is becos he is someone that don like to be tied down in a relationship.. flirts and flings is defintely a no for me..
therefore, right now, i don intend to tell him anything...jus remain the way we are.. fres and colleagues.. maybe as the days goes by, this feeling will jus go away... -
Huy,
I suppose this man is not someone that you really really desire.
That's why you are so inanimate about it.
It's ok. Nothing wrong having someone to admire at work.
Becomes a good motivation to get up in the morning.
Sorry if I sound like a nag, but the truth is my dear.. the love of your life will not drop from the sky, and into your lap.
If you see someone you know is the right one, you'd need to get off your butt and work on it.
Cheerios. -
Am I missing something? Why is everyone asking TS to jia you? I thought she said she "shouldn;t have" (topic title)
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Yes Andrew, you are missing a big chunk of the contents in this thread.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Am I missing something? Why is everyone asking TS to jia you? I thought she said she "shouldn;t have" (topic title) -
The fear of rejection is one of the major reasons for failure and underachievement in adult life. It is fear that robs us of happiness. It is fear that causes us to settle for far less than we are capable of. It is fear that is the root cause of negative emotions, unhappiness and problems in human relationship.
The only good thing about fear is that it is learned, and because of this, it can be unlearned. The fear of failure and the fear of rejection are learned responses, programmed into you when you were young. These fears usually set the upper and lower limits of your comfort zone. Because of them, you do enough not to be criticized or rejected on the low side, and you stay well within your limits so you can avoid risk or failure on the high side. Once you slipped into your comfort zone, you stay there, attempting to avoid any feeling of fear or anxiety.
Your fears hold you back from most of what is possible for you. The opposite of fear is love, starting with self-love or self esteem. There is an inverse or opposite relationship between self-esteem and fears of all kinds.
The more you like yourself, the less you fear failure and rejection.
The more you like yourself, the more willing you are to reach out and take the risks that will lead you to success and happiness.
The more you like yourself, the more willing you are to take the actions that propel you out of your comfort zone and toward the achievement of your real desires.
Liking yourself is very healthy. In fact, it is the key to the personal effectiveness and to happy relationships with others. The more you like and respect yourself, the better you perform in everything you do. You are more relaxed and positive. You are more confident about your abilities. You make fewer mistakes. You have more energy and you are more creative.
Some people have been taught to believe that liking yourself is the same as being conceited or obnoxious. But excalty the opposite is true. Both the "superiority complex", behaving in an arrogant or conceited way, and the "inferiority complex", behaving in a self-deprecating way, are manifestation of low self-esteem, of not liking oneself very much at all.
People with geniue self-esteem get along easily and well with just about anyone.
Remember,
Your self-esteem is largely determined by how lovable and valuable you appear in your own thinking..
Perhaps the biggest mental roadblocks that you will ever have to overcome are those contained in your self-limiting beliefs. They hold you back by stopping you from even trying. They often cause you to see things that are not true.
As Henry Ford said,
"If you believe that you can do a thing, or if you believe you cannot, in either cases, you are right."