my boyfriend and me
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my boyfriend always tell me about other people's problems, especially after a good night out.
manyatimes, we are out to chill out after a hard and stressful days from work. and towards the end of the night, and we are both happy, finally forgotten about all the worries and stress about work and many others, he tells me his worries about others, like his friends who quarrelled and etc.
tonight he tells me again. been having very stressful and political working environment for months. after a hard day of work, we went to chill out. had fun and was happy. on the way home, he tells me about his sister's problems. i was so sian. after hearing, i told him, how much can you worry? before anyone breakdown, you'll be the first to breakdown, or maybe me. cos he has his own problems to worries and others' problems. cos i have to worry about my own problems, his problems, now i m burdened by his worries of others problems. i wasnt happy. and he said, maybe i shouldnt tell you so much.
i m so vexed, cos i really wake up to all reality, all the stress of life and work, after much effort (ie one whole nite's effort to relax). what should i do? -
be happy you're his shoulder
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but i am already so burdened, by his problems and my problems. how much more of other's peopls' problems can i be burdened?Originally posted by gigabyte14:be happy you're his shoulder -
i think he was asking for a listening ear, not a helping hand.
afterall, wad are couple for?
to share n care.. -
we do share alot, most of our worries and concerns. usually we do it when we meet. but manyatimes, when we are almost forgetting all my worries, he'll bring them back, or maybe more like bringing in others' problems. honestly, life without others' problems is already stressful and tough enough. i work like more than 12 hours a day, stress from work and management. so stress, but i make sure i make him a time to care for him, talk aobut his worries. but why bring in others' problems when both our hands already so full? i find it very suffocating.Originally posted by Cool-gal:i think he was asking for a listening ear, not a helping hand.
afterall, wad are couple for?
to share n care.. -
Well... if he can hear yrs, y u cant hear his ???
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=265375
Only one way ???
Anyway, u can just lent a sincere listening ear for those problems tat cannot be solved... A rejection to hear problems from yr bf is dangerous in relationship... -
i understand ur view, i think he belongs to those pessismistic one??Originally posted by galfriend:we do share alot, most of our worries and concerns. usually we do it when we meet. but manyatimes, when we are almost forgetting all my worries, he'll bring them back, or maybe more like bringing in others' problems. honestly, life without others' problems is already stressful and tough enough. i work like more than 12 hours a day, stress from work and management. so stress, but i make sure i make him a time to care for him, talk aobut his worries. but why bring in others' problems when both our hands already so full? i find it very suffocating.
its hard to change coz its innate character.
now, u just forget wad he had told u earlier on, can oredi lor??
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i was just hoping for a easy night, a night to chill out, forget about my whole day's tireness, whole day's stress, refresh myself cos i have another 12 hours tomorrow to stress and to slog. but on our way home, he brings up others' problem. that woke me up. i am feeling so stress now, by worries of work and his worries and his worries of others' worries. so stressed. is chilling out and relax so hard?
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i do hear his worries, so much of our time. i am more of a optimistic person, so you wont hear me of my problems most of the time, cos i believe problems are to be solved, not whined over and over again. And wait, we are not talking aobut his problems now, we are now talking aobut his friends' and relatives' problems you know?Originally posted by ispyyy:Well... if he can hear yrs, y u cant hear his ???
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=265375
Only one way ???
Anyway, u can just lent a sincere listening ear for those problems tat cannot be solved... A rejection to hear problems from yr bf is dangerous in relationship... -
yes, i do think he is more of pessismistic type.Originally posted by Cool-gal:i understand ur view, i think he belongs to those pessismistic one??
its hard to change coz its innate character.
now, u just forget wad he had told u earlier on, can oredi lor??
to forget about what he told me is not easy, cos honestly, i do have my own problems, and i mean big ones. -
jealous?
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nahOriginally posted by Pitot:jealous? -
Originally posted by galfriend:i was just hoping for a easy night, a night to chill out, forget about my whole day's tireness, whole day's stress, refresh myself cos i have another 12 hours tomorrow to stress and to slog. but on our way home, he brings up others' problem. that woke me up. i am feeling so stress now, by worries of work and his worries and his worries of others' worries. so stressed. is chilling out and relax so hard?
Yr bf is the type tat cares for his family and friends... Tat is his character... U cant change it... So u cant look things in yr views by saying tat his worries of other's worries should not be in his consideration... It is going to be very hard for him U need him to accompany u to chill out and forget yr whole day tireness, whole day's stress.. Then, what he need from u ??? It is very unhealthy for one to bring their feelings from work out after working hour... U should try to change this type of mentality...
If u really cannot handle yr work stress, probably, u may ask him to write all his problems in email... Instead of spoiling the mood of a date... But this should be the last resort lor and make sure u do really read them...
Bascially, it is a dangerous to reject yr bf's problem... U really have to be careful -
i think u got it wrong, all the things he tells me are not new, which i have been listening to n sharin with him many times. and i try to forget my work after i leave my office after spending 12 hours every day there.Originally posted by ispyyy: Yr bf is the type tat cares for his family and friends... Tat is his character... U cant change it... So u cant look things in yr views by saying tat his worries of other's worries should not be in his consideration... It is going to be very hard for him U need him to accompany u to chill out and forget yr whole day tireness, whole day's stress.. Then, what he need from u ??? It is very unhealthy for one to bring their feelings from work out after working hour... U should try to change this type of mentality...
If u really cannot handle yr work stress, probably, u may ask him to write all his problems in email... Instead of spoiling the mood of a date... But this should be the last resort lor and make sure u do really read them...
Bascially, it is a dangerous to reject yr bf's problem... U really have to be careful -
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
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I dont think he is pessimistic...Originally posted by galfriend:yes, i do think he is more of pessismistic type.
to forget about what he told me is not easy, cos honestly, i do have my own problems, and i mean big ones.
He does not have the signs of the above...
He just like to share his problems to his close ones... tat's all -
he has tendency to think about problems/unhappiness things be it his or others when we are relaxed. not pessismism?Originally posted by ispyyy:I dont think he is pessimistic...
He does not have the signs of the above...
He just like to share his problems to his close ones... tat's all
Actually no, he thinks about them most of the time. -
I am sorry to get u wrong..Originally posted by galfriend:he has tendency to think about problems/unhappiness things be it his or others when we are relaxed. not pessismism?
But anyway, it is very dangerous to reject yr bf's problem
Yr bf is normal... Pessismism is easy to get worry over small things... But in yr bf's point of view, friends and families are not a small problem to him... His area of concern is just too wide... tat's all -
yes maybe you are right.Originally posted by ispyyy:I am sorry to get u wrong..
But anyway, it is very dangerous to reject yr bf's problem
Yr bf is normal... Pessismism is easy to get worry over small things... But in yr bf's point of view, friends and families are not a small problem to him... His area of concern is just too wide... tat's all -
no need to get too angry over it... jz have a frenly chat n tell him to chill n dun spoil the nite... life too many things to worry abt liao so another few more aint gonna help... its jz his way of thinking... u can jz show him the big picture..
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There's a way to counter his "whining" and it will stop...
But it still requires u to put yr feelings of work one side...
U cant expect an unhappy person to solve another unhappy person's case ,rite??? Like what u say, u have problems to solve and he has problems to solve...
Therefore, in order to stop this, one of u has to be strong and break the chain... I am not telling u to be the one tat sacriface... But coz, u r the only 1 in the relationship tat I can advice... -
breaking the chain? how should it be done? i already try not to talk much about work, maybe just talk about some hightlights of the day. i dont complain much, just tell him i am loaded with work and the new boss is nasty, hence the 12 hours a day, thats all.Originally posted by ispyyy:There's a way to counter his "whining" and it will stop...
But it still requires u to put yr feelings of work one side...
U cant expect an unhappy person to solve another unhappy person's case ,rite??? Like what u say, u have problems to solve and he has problems to solve...
Therefore, in order to stop this, one of u has to be strong and break the chain... I am not telling u to be the one tat sacriface... But coz, u r the only 1 in the relationship tat I can advice...
no worries, i belive in a relationship, sacrifices are necessities, i dont mind if it is not beyong coping. -
actually, u can sleep first lah... I still need to thinkOriginally posted by galfriend:breaking the chain? how should it be done? i already try not to talk much about work, maybe just talk about some hightlights of the day. i dont complain much, just tell him i am loaded with work and the new boss is nasty, hence the 12 hours a day, thats all.
no worries, i belive in a relationship, sacrifices are necessities, i dont mind if it is not beyong coping. -
galfriend,
You really should stop worrying about issues you cannot change or have no control over.
Work on what you have control.
Actually I don't think your bf is pessimistic.
He is more of a Kaypo than anything else.
Frankly he has no business in other people's problem.
If he cannot even solve his own, who is he to solve others ?
You can start by diverting the conversation to something else when he starts talking about the problem of others.
When he start... you can just look sympathetic and then give him a simple " oh that's too bad....but hey... ( diverts the conversation)...." -
my wife hor, if I want to talk about sumthing serious and she does not want to talk about it, she will say: "wah lao, my brain not working after office hours... I just want to relax.. " then she gives me a look that will chase away ghosts... and of course I not happy but I shut up...
so " galfriend"... how come you nvr just tell him to "Shut Up" or give him puppy look and say "Don't talk about this can? My brain not working after office hours."