involve with someone
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Originally posted by haywir:It hurts my conscious and it goes against my own standing on how a person should behave morally.. I am going haywire myself.. I hate the fact that I handled it so badly, compared to AA.. I got attach emotionally and she does not.. AA is handling our "relationship" much better than me..
i agree with velvel!! what u posted just doesn't make sense. u supposedly feel guilty cos u're 'going against ur moral values', and it hurts ur conscious.. but then ur next sentence isn't about how u think u've let ur gf down etc.. heck, ur next sentence doesn't even have any reference to ur gf!!!! instead, ur immediate thoughts are that u feel AA is handling it better than u...Originally posted by Vel Vel:seriously, can i ask the reason why u are posting this in Aunt agony is because u felt guilty u let your gf down? or because u felt lousy over AA not feeling the same way about u?
lemme ask u smth... what has AA handling ur current situation with her got anything to do with ur conscious / moral standing with ur gf? whether she handles it with no-strings attached, or if she's whiny and is crawling all over u, doesn't change the fact that u really aren't the "good natured" boy u make urself out to be.
u know what this sounds like? its a case of the hunter becoming the hunted.. and not liking it one bit. -
Haywire,
What happens if AA accepts you ?
She wants an exclusive relationship with you.
What will you do ?
Will you leave your gf ?
Will you keep your gf and AA ? -
are u sure about thisOriginally posted by haywir:Thanks rattle for your advice.. I know myself, I am good in nature.. Just the lust that got me involve in AA.. I hate the situation I got myself into.. I love my gf.. I tot all along I can handle it better than AA.. prove otherwise.. I got so jealous of her involvement with her guy friends.. In fact, how i wish she got attach emotionally to me too.. maybe I am a possessive guy.. Argh, I am lousy in handling my emotions.. Thanks rattle..
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Good post by darkhour. I second that.Originally posted by darkhour:in the first place, by engagin in a r/s with AA ur in the wrong liao. if u say ur good in nature, then ur not suited for this game. ni wan bu qi. u cannot handle the flirtatious nature of it n the 'do n get over' attitude. u shldnt get involved. u feel that u start to haf emotions for AA, coz ur too emotionally weak to differentiate. a person who is intimate with u, u will get emotional with her. sit back n think abt what u want in ur life, what u want in a relationship. ur too innocent to b a player. get out of the game n settle down.
TS, AA's wild and seductive nature is probably irresistable to you, but life's not perfect, and that type of irresistable charm comes only with certain types of girls, e.g. fling-only ones.
Maybe I'm wrong, but AA is not going to treat you like a proper bf anyway. Why, at 20 years old, she's playing with men is another story, maybe a tale of extreme hurt lies behind that.
Your love with your gf is of probably of a different type, e.g. caring, loving, steady. Probably more sustainable, less passionate intrinsically (although that could be improved in any relationship).
Think long term, my friend.
Remorse is the first step to recovery.
You have demonstrated that already.
I propose you
1) break off ties with AA
2) confess to your gf and let her make her decision
3) self-reflect and make sure you don't make the same mistake again.
If you see dark shadows always, you can't give your all.
Good luck, mate! -
aiya jojo....can dun be so mean anot....different pple have different takes.Originally posted by jojobeach:Yes I see. No wonder you belong to the singles club.
You will remain so until you change your attitudes to relationship.
but my advice to thelesis is better remain single then u dun have to be responsible for ur partners feelings
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u have just done serious damage that no treatment can ever compensate. however, u can repent & to do that...u'll need to leave AA immediately.Originally posted by haywir:I love my gf and I treat her the best that I can.. I know if I end it with my gf over her, I will nv be the same.. I will be forever guilty, like Judas.. Nevertheless, I admit I am a Basta## to get involve with AA.. The lust makes me sin..
I wonder is this a wake-up call........but honestly i were you, i'll leave both of them & go into hibernation & reflect
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The truth hurts, only to those who needs it.Originally posted by de_middle:aiya jojo....can dun be so mean anot....different pple have different takes.
but my advice to thelesis is better remain single then u dun have to be responsible for ur partners feelings
If Thelesis has no intention of getting into any relationship.
He can continue status quo so as to maintain his singlehood.
But if he is looking to find someone special... he knows what to do. -
x2Originally posted by de_middle:aiya jojo....can dun be so mean anot....different pple have different takes.
but my advice to thelesis is better remain single then u dun have to be responsible for ur partners feelings 
being single is already very pitiful liao... please dun rub salt on the wound...
though being in r/s can be as pitiful sometimes
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Good advice on deaf ears are as good as no advice.
So much talk and yet no action serves no aid to the situation.
If u guys were to give anymore cents, maybe you`ll like to address the `now to win AA`s heart` part instead of `I let my gf down`part.
As a mule likes to hear itself sing.
Hope u guys ( and gals ) know what I mean.. -
aiyo.....i'm also single but i dun see it as pitiful in anyway.Originally posted by Uncertain:x2
being single is already very pitiful liao... please dun rub salt on the wound...
though being in r/s can be as pitiful sometimes
Its a matter of choice & fate i guess but for those who's planning or wanting a r/s....be faithful be it whether your married or not. It concerns another persons feelings u know -
Even as an outsider, i am more concerned about how his gf would have felt if she ever knows about this.Originally posted by thumbelina:i agree with velvel!! what u posted just doesn't make sense. u supposedly feel guilty cos u're 'going against ur moral values', and it hurts ur conscious.. but then ur next sentence isn't about how u think u've let ur gf down etc.. heck, ur next sentence doesn't even have any reference to ur gf!!!! instead, ur immediate thoughts are that u feel AA is handling it better than u...
lemme ask u smth... what has AA handling ur current situation with her got anything to do with ur conscious / moral standing with ur gf? whether she handles it with no-strings attached, or if she's whiny and is crawling all over u, doesn't change the fact that u really aren't the "good natured" boy u make urself out to be.
u know what this sounds like? its a case of the hunter becoming the hunted.. and not liking it one bit.
it would be a blow after blow to know her own bf not only betrayed her, but also felt agonised over his fling's carefree attitude.
i feel sad thinking about this.. he really let her down. -
It is common to see things from the perspective of one's own life experiences, and some people will think that's objective.Originally posted by Vel Vel:Even as an outsider, i am more concerned about how his gf would have felt if she ever knows about this.
it would be a blow after blow to know her own bf not only betrayed her, but also felt agonised over his fling's carefree attitude.
i feel sad thinking about this.. he really let her down.
From most girls' (and some guys) point of view, maybe they will identify more with the hurt TS' gf is bound to go through than the emotional turmoil TS is having.
The mood of all other relationship-related threads in this forum is always the same. Sometimes it's some guy blasting the female TS, and sometimes it's the other way around...
We should try to give help objectively, without judgement, although that sometimes seem impossible. -
There is nothing wrong with the above statement... It happens regardless before or after marriage, regardless of male or female. In fact, I consider it a good statement in beneficial to TS. At least, it enlighten TS... Rather than, narrowing his options thru social pressure or so called "moral values"Originally posted by thelesis:It is okay to date another girl when you having a relationship.. unless you are committed to a marriage..
Once again, we do not know how much TS love his gf. We do not know how much TS like AA... We do not really know what he wants... We do not know lots of information because TS is confused... But we do know tat he is in guilt... we do know tat he process feelings for AA... We do know that he is confused... We can make assumptions to help him... We can point out many routes for him to choose... tat is what we can do... -
I agree with jojoOriginally posted by jojobeach:No.
TS should leave his gf of 2 years.
Because his gf deserves a better bf.
AA and TS deserves to be together.
Be a responsible person.
Having a gf and cheat on her... and you still want to have the best of both worlds...
All your postings smirk of selfishness. Its all about "I feel guilty", "I feel bad", obviously the world revolves ard you. You care about your own image and your own morals, but not about your Gf's feelings. It's all about YOU, you don't give a da-mn to your Gf's feelings.
Obviously, if this society allows you to two-time morally, but your Gf won't like it and will be hurt by it, you would do it without any guilt. If this society allows you to marry 2 wives, you would do it without any guilt even though your GF may hate it.
Your gf deserves someone MUCH better. In fact, I think there are many forumers here that are single, and would care for your gf better.
Be a man, let her go, and you should suffer for your sins -
The statement is ok, IF AND ONLY IF, you are also agreeable to your Girlfriend having multiple boyfriends.Originally posted by thelesis:It is okay to date another girl when you having a relationship.. unless you are committed to a marriage..
If you say that your galfren cannot have multiple boyfrens, but you can have multiple galfrens, then you are a disgrace to the male population -
may I know have u sex your gf ? If yes then no good to find AAOriginally posted by haywir:I love my gf and I treat her the best that I can.. I know if I end it with my gf over her, I will nv be the same.. I will be forever guilty, like Judas.. Nevertheless, I admit I am a Basta## to get involve with AA.. The lust makes me sin.. -
Originally posted by soul_rage:
If one does wrong, is it selfish to feel guilty and remorse?
I agree with jojo
Be a responsible person.
Having a gf and cheat on her... and you still want to have the best of both worlds...
All your postings smirk of selfishness. Its all about "I feel guilty", "I feel bad", obviously the world revolves ard you. You care about your own image and your own morals, but not about your Gf's feelings. It's all about YOU, you don't give a da-mn to your Gf's feelings.
Obviously, if this society allows you to two-time morally, but your Gf won't like it and will be hurt by it, you would do it without any guilt. If this society allows you to marry 2 wives, you would do it without any guilt even though your GF may hate it.
Your gf deserves someone MUCH better. In fact, I think there are many forumers here that are single, and would care for your gf better.
Be a man, let her go, and you should suffer for your sins
Does feeling remorseful mean that one is selfish?
I think he cares abt his gf's feelings, that's why he's feeling guilty.
Well, of course, one can argue that if he really cares about his gf, he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. But what's done is done. Maybe he still cares about his gf, although he says nothing about it. -
Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:
is it?
[b]If one does wrong, is it selfish to feel guilty and remorse?
Does feeling remorseful mean that one is selfish?
I think he cares abt his gf's feelings, that's why he's feeling guilty.
Well, of course, one can argue that if he really cares about his gf, he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. But what's done is done. Maybe he still cares about his gf, although he says nothing about it. [/b]
You have to differentiate between true remorse, and hypocritical behavior
Let me refer you to his previous postings
I note all the "I"s. Not once was his gf's feelings referred to. Its all about himself not behaving morally, etc.
"I put both hands up and agree it is morally incorrect of me, to get involve with AA.. It hurts my conscious and it goes against my own standing on how a person should behave morally.. I am going haywire myself.. I hate the fact that I handled it so badly, compared to AA.. I got attach emotionally and she does not.. AA is handling our "relationship"; much better than me..""I love my gf and I treat her the best that I can.. I know if I end it with my gf over her, I will nv be the same.. I will be forever guilty, like Judas.. Nevertheless, I admit I am a Basta## to get involve with AA.. The lust makes me sin.."
Note that "I"s again. Its about himself feeling guilty,not once did he mention how his gf would be devastated from his betrayal"hi 798, we were nv serious in this relationship.. AA is handling so much better than me.. Ours was a lust and companionship relationship.. Its just me, being emotionally weak.. I hate it over her relationship with her guy frds.. I get jealous and I do wish she gets attach to me emotionally.. guess its ego being at work too.. Sad"
Note no references to his gf again. Its all about him and his ego"As much as I hate to reveal this, girls also keep a lookout for better guys even when they are happily attached. Cos nobody can be 100% sure that the guy that you're with at the moment is "The One" for you."
Now he is beginning to go into self-denial. After betraying his gf, he is now trying to justify his actions by saying that his Gf may also be keeping a lookout for better guys"Yes, AA may not accept me to be her bf.. In fact, she has someone in mind.. Her perspective of our relationship, is what you had mentioned.. The prob lies with me that gradually, I find myself being emotionally attached to her.. Sucks.. I will not break off with my gf for her.. I cant handle it and I will never be the same me, if I do it.. The "judas act" will haunt me for life.. Morally, I will not bear to too.. I guess I have lose in the game.. Sometimes, I admire her for handling it so much better than me.. I am suppose to be the guy, to be the one to "do it and get over with".. I may be a big-time basta## in some of yours' eyes.. And I apologise for it.. I am sorry..."
This is the ONE BIG nail on the head. The fact is, I can summarize his attitude as follows:
- He hesitates to break from his gf coz AA may not accept him as her bf
- Then he talks about feeling guilty, and not once about his gf's feelings
- Its all about his image. He does not want to look like a basta## in this society.
Basically, remorseful??? I seriously doubt so, given the self-centred postings made.
One big a**hole? Yes definitely. -
I have a colleague that was two-timed by a guy.
He kept his other relationship in the dark from her for many years
She only found out about his other relationship the day he was going to get married to the other gal.
He still had the cheek to tell her that he is basically still a nice guy, coz he let her know before he was getting married.
Ya, I suppose she should feel grateful that he let her know and not continue to two-time her after his marriage?
Crap. -
TS, somehow it sounds like you're feeling like a sore loser for "hating the fact that AA is handling better than you".Originally posted by haywir:I put both hands up and agree it is morally incorrect of me, to get involve with AA.. It hurts my conscious and it goes against my own standing on how a person should behave morally.. I am going haywire myself.. I hate the fact that I handled it so badly, compared to AA.. I got attach emotionally and she does not.. AA is handling our "relationship" much better than me..
It may sound like you don't want to end this relationship with AA on a losing note. Or rather, you may wish that she would be at least as tearful as you if you end this relationship.
Your ego is sorely hurt that AA doesn't need you as much as your gf does, or she can discard you like a piece of junk.
I think the first step to redemption is that you need to start from basics, e.g. build your ego up all over again with a different foundation (on true love perhaps, but not on the fact that you can play with girls better than they can with you), while perhaps accepting that you are not as cool a guy as you might think you are.
I hope that isn't too harsh for you to read. -
Thanks, I see and accept your point.Originally posted by soul_rage:This is the ONE BIG nail on the head. The fact is, I can summarize his attitude as follows:
- He hesitates to break from his gf coz AA may not accept him as her bf
- Then he talks about feeling guilty, and not once about his gf's feelings
- Its all about his image. He does not want to look like a basta## in this society.
Basically, remorseful??? I seriously doubt so, given the self-centred postings made.
One big a**hole? Yes definitely. -
That's truly awful...Originally posted by soul_rage:I have a colleague that was two-timed by a guy.
He kept his other relationship in the dark from her for many years
She only found out about his other relationship the day he was going to get married to the other gal.
He still had the cheek to tell her that he is basically still a nice guy, coz he let her know before he was getting married.
Ya, I suppose she should feel grateful that he let her know and not continue to two-time her after his marriage?
Crap. -
Thanks, true remorse, there is still redemption. Face the music, accept the punishment, and learn from it.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Thanks, I see and accept your point.
hypocritical behavior? If his gf is my sister, I would personally beat him up.
"If you can't control your urges, then you aren't a human being, becoz that's what differentiates us from animals, ie self-control" -
the whole entire thread evolves around AA and not ur gf.
u are sooo sick u know?
i seriously hope that your gf is reading this.
*note: what comes around, goes around.
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X2Originally posted by soul_rage:Thanks, true remorse, there is still redemption. Face the music, accept the punishment, and learn from it.
hypocritical behavior? If his gf is my sister, I would personally beat him up.
"If you can't control your urges, then you aren't a human being, becoz that's what differentiates us from animals, ie self-control"