help~ how to say no need PIL to take care of bb ?
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yup, hb aso agrees..but just duno how to say. he kind of agree that MIL health is no good, cos he sees the way my parent takes care of my niece & nephew.he admits that MIL can;t do itOriginally posted by InnoHippo:discuss this with ur husband already?
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so lucky got PIL. if only maid, then maybe baby may kena swing by the legs
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Baby till 1 year old can't pick up bad habits. Can't travel much either so doesn't matter if your PIL seldom go out.
I suspect if your PIL are the lazy sort, if you give them a taste of fulltime childcare for a period of time, they will be more than happy to give up the child at your suggestion after that
Originally posted by tutu2:newborn -
really ?Originally posted by choco B:Baby till 1 year old can't pick up bad habits. Can't travel much either so doesn't matter if your PIL seldom go out.
I suspect if your PIL are the lazy sort, if you give them a taste of fulltime childcare for a period of time, they will be more than happy to give up the child at your suggestion after that
ya, my PIL are kind of lazy..as i mention they can skip meals just bcos lazy to buy or cook..forever same excuse {LAZY}.. -
i got both parent & PIL..that is why the dilema comes in..Originally posted by Lin Yu:so lucky got PIL. if only maid, then maybe baby may kena swing by the legs -
Tutu2,
So who do you trust to take care of your baby ? -
of course, i want my parent to take care...i dun like my PIL habits, they are too 'ke qi' later my kid really become 'gong gong'..stupid kid.. my parent been taking care of my niece/nephew & my niece is ssoooo clever..Originally posted by jojobeach:Tutu2,
So who do you trust to take care of your baby ? -
I believe you are too naive to said that a child is clever due to the caretaker, there is no prove nor fact about such thing ok. Being a DIL, you have to respect your PIL, the day will come when you are old, and your son wife decided that your grandson be taken care by others, how do you feel? Dun you have the feel of others???Originally posted by tutu2:of course, i want my parent to take care...i dun like my PIL habits, they are too 'ke qi' later my kid really become 'gong gong'..stupid kid.. my parent been taking care of my niece/nephew & my niece is ssoooo clever..
Who dun love their grandson? Who will want their own flesh and blood of their decendant being taken care by others. Your PIL is the one who bought up your husband, care for him, make him a good and responsible man so that he can get marry to a good girl like you. All these you hv to take into consideration.
I believe you are stereotyping your PIL because you believe that your own parent is more secure, as in labelling them as being lazy, it is not fair, they have illness, movement a bit difficult for them, I believe they would not have lazily bought up their childrens in their early life. They might have to go thru many hardship with deep tear and sorrow inside.
If you wish to give your parent to take care, just do it, talk to your PIL, with their love in you as their own daughter, tho it maybe sad but they will respect your decision. Talk nicely to them, you will have their blessing, but do not condemn them by saying they are lazy, illness this and that, they are old, illiness is bound to have, they may have laboured all their life, please respect and care for you own PIL. They love their son and you and your newborn. You should love them as tho they are your biological parents. Respect the old ones as you shall be respect later when you are old ok. -
So is your parent still taking care of your niece/nephew ?Originally posted by tutu2:of course, i want my parent to take care...i dun like my PIL habits, they are too 'ke qi' later my kid really become 'gong gong'..stupid kid.. my parent been taking care of my niece/nephew & my niece is ssoooo clever..
Are you sure they can handle another newborn ?
Newborn requires a lot more attention.
Why are you not taking care of your own child yourself ?
Children who grew up with their own parent's care, is smarter.
Emotionally more secure and more confident.
If you really want the best for your child, you shouldn't be outsourcing the childcare part to anyone else. -
yeah, i guess i should not label them..is just that they feel insecure themselves cos they dun hv a house. i also dun want to act more pressure on them. both of the retired & hv old pple's illness like high blood pressure etc..they just feel tired easily..duno why..they aso dunno wat happen to them, actually i m kind of worry for them..cos my house has no direct sun..so it looks rather moody..i get moody too if i stay there whole dayOriginally posted by angel7030:I believe you are too naive to said that a child is clever due to the caretaker, there is no prove nor fact about such thing ok. Being a DIL, you have to respect your PIL, the day will come when you are old, and your son wife decided that your grandson be taken care by others, how do you feel? Dun you have the feel of others???
Who dun love their grandson? Who will want their own flesh and blood of their decendant being taken care by others. Your PIL is the one who bought up your husband, care for him, make him a good and responsible man so that he can get marry to a good girl like you. All these you hv to take into consideration.
I believe you are stereotyping your PIL because you believe that your own parent is more secure, as in labelling them as being lazy, it is not fair, they have illness, movement a bit difficult for them, I believe they would not have lazily bought up their childrens in their early life. They might have to go thru many hardship with deep tear and sorrow inside.
If you wish to give your parent to take care, just do it, talk to your PIL, with their love in you as their own daughter, tho it maybe sad but they will respect your decision. Talk nicely to them, you will have their blessing, but do not condemn them by saying they are lazy, illness this and that, they are old, illiness is bound to have, they may have laboured all their life, please respect and care for you own PIL. They love their son and you and your newborn. You should love them as tho they are your biological parents. Respect the old ones as you shall be respect later when you are old ok.
u think they will not mind if i talk to them nicely? actually i tot of letting them take care 2 days a wk, then my parent 3 days..etc..rotating lor..mayb better..not so tired for them...but ... i really duno . . . 
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who wouldn't want to take care or own child..but i cannot afford..got to work lah..so much bills here & there, PIL already not working, no hse..if i aso dun work..my hb cannot support... sometimes, i quite pity old pple..duno wat to do..my PIL has another son who ignores them totally..just throw them to us..Originally posted by jojobeach:So is your parent still taking care of your niece/nephew ?
Are you sure they can handle another newborn ?
Newborn requires a lot more attention.
Why are you not taking care of your own child yourself ?
Children who grew up with their own parent's care, is smarter.
Emotionally more secure and more confident.
If you really want the best for your child, you shouldn't be outsourcing the childcare part to anyone else.
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Originally posted by tutu2:who wouldn't want to take care or own child..but i cannot afford..got to work lah..so much bills here & there, PIL already not working, no hse..if i aso dun work..my hb cannot support... sometimes, i quite pity old pple..duno wat to do..my PIL has another son who ignores them totally..just throw them to us.. oho, btw my mil is always giddy and her eyes cant see well..so she sometime very slow in walking etc, my fil has this nose problem ..constanting blowing..i m actually fine with these..but just very very worried for their health.. esp when they refuse to see doc & age is catching up with them..can advise wat to do huh?
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That is typical problem for average income family in Singapore. anyway, think rotating maybe a gd idea. but, wouldnt it be too troublesome to move the baby around so aften? say alternate weeks or alternate months? will it be better?Originally posted by tutu2:who wouldn't want to take care or own child..but i cannot afford..got to work lah..so much bills here & there, PIL already not working, no hse..if i aso dun work..my hb cannot support... sometimes, i quite pity old pple..duno wat to do..my PIL has another son who ignores them totally..just throw them to us.. -
Like that, then next time will you be able to take care of your grandchildren ?Originally posted by tutu2:who wouldn't want to take care or own child..but i cannot afford..got to work lah..so much bills here & there, PIL already not working, no hse..if i aso dun work..my hb cannot support... sometimes, i quite pity old pple..duno wat to do..my PIL has another son who ignores them totally..just throw them to us..
You will have no experience to brag about. Your son/daughter in laws will not like to have you take care of their babies too.
Actually, best if you don't switch the care givers.
Children do better with familiarity.
If your PIL insist, then offer to have them help you with the baby during the weekends.
How old are your parents ? and how old are your PIL ? -
dear jojo,Originally posted by jojobeach:Like that, then next time will you be able to take care of your grandchildren ?
You will have no experience to brag about. Your son/daughter in laws will not like to have you take care of their babies too.
Actually, best if you don't switch the care givers.
Children do better with familiarity.
If your PIL insist, then offer to have them help you with the baby during the weekends.
How old are your parents ? and how old are your PIL ?
pls dun scold me lah..i just want to hv some opinion & vent my confusion/frustration here. cos i find life is so unfair to us..the other son can get his own way.. mayb we are the filial type, not so 'cruel & heartless' like the other son.
i know i hv no experience to brag..i nvr think so long..maybe i might kick the bucket first
i aso duno will i want to take care of my grandchildren in future (if there is)..hehe
oh is it? my fren aso switch care giver, i find it a good idea, cos her kid get along w anyone, not so sticky to anyone, kind of independant..hehe..i duno lah..mayb just my opinion..
my parent & pil are abt the same age between 60-62
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No scolding you lah.Originally posted by tutu2:dear jojo,
pls dun scold me lah..i just want to hv some opinion & vent my confusion/frustration here. cos i find life is so unfair to us..the other son can get his own way.. mayb we are the filial type, not so 'cruel & heartless' like the other son.
i know i hv no experience to brag..i nvr think so long..maybe i might kick the bucket first
i aso duno will i want to take care of my grandchildren in future (if there is)..hehe
oh is it? my fren aso switch care giver, i find it a good idea, cos her kid get along w anyone, not so sticky to anyone, kind of independant..hehe..i duno lah..mayb just my opinion..
my parent & pil are abt the same age between 60-62
Just want to let you know first , because my mother same situation, she never really take care of children before. I was raised by my grandparents.
Not so good to switch too often. Although it all depends on the personalities of each child.
You need the children to get used to the helpers too.
I take about 3-4 months to get to know my nephews and nieces.
Each of them are unique , so it will take a while to really know their perks and querks.
When I had to leave them for a few months, some of them don't do very well.
Anyway, your baby will come home to you after work right ?
Your parent only take care during the office hours, right ?
So just tell your PIL that it is hard work taking care of baby whole day,
your parent will take care of the baby during the day, at evening/night, your PIL handle. During weekend the baby will be at home where your PIL lives what.
This way, it will sound fair to your PIL. Also, your child will be under supervised care, you won't have to worry about their bad habits lor. -
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no offense meant but why dont U simply say that U are more comfortable with ur parents way of upbringing?no need come out excuses like giddy,depression,etc...Originally posted by tutu2:As i mention earlier MIL alwys complain giddy, got depression & mild kidney prob.. and FIL got this sinitus..and i dun like their living habit, they can skip lunch bcos lazy to cook or buy. i dun want my kid to be like them, skip meals bcos of laziness.My parents more active lor, meals are important to them.
lets put it this way...ur PIL also managed to bring up ur husband...if they are so bad...then how did ur husband turn out?Not too bad right...if not U wouldnt have married him. -
I think many women experience the similar problem.
I'd say, tell your PIL that your parents will taking care of your newborn. But ease the pain by telling them that they are free to pop by as often as they want.
Of course, you need to run this by your folks -
Errr....then how u marry ur husband if your PIL is so crap in taking care of kids..you must be high or something or they force you to marry him issit?? Sibei lame leh..what kind of stupid excuse is your parents take care until your nephew so clever. If your parents are such capable caregivers, why you are not one yourself?? Like you say, influence mah..
I think you are just being protective, which is fine actually since you just given birth.. -
no offense...but I think this wouldnt help...might even make it worse.Originally posted by sooks:I'd say, tell your PIL that your parents will taking care of your newborn. But ease the pain by telling them that they are free to pop by as often as they want. -
mmm..i guess i will hv to learn to live with it..cannot be accomdating everyone..thanks for all you advise.. my pil/me aso got no choice but to live with us, as for taking care of bb. well, i do have the choice