When a guy says..
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end it lah
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It can be everything a long term committed relationship is except for one thing, both sides are free to go into a long term committed relationship with someone else.Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be.
For example they can be sex buddies without any "formal" attachments but as we all know, girls feel emotionally attached with their sex partners whereas many guys (not all) do not feel emotional attachments or have less strong emotional attachments.
So if you are a girl, you should "protect" yourself from heartbreak and if you are a guy, you should be careful about breaking the girl's heart. -
I can sympathize with the TS. For some people, it is very hard for them to find someone they like who like them back. As such, they find it very very hard to let go. Especially even harder if they are also people who fear loneliness.
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
We are in no position to tell whether he is insincere or sincere, player or non-player, genuinely hurt and suffering from a rebound or not.
PS. I PERSONALLY [b]DISAGREE with what some of the forumites have mentioned about this guy not being sincere and all that... I think it'll simply be too early to tell, and surface to deduce at this point... Though they might be right about their 'guess', I would also like to think there's a chance that this guy is genuinely not sure or having emotional baggage... That might render him less suitable to go into a relationship at this point, but not enough to condemn him nor to go on a personality attack on him.[/b]
But the fact is that a good guy suffering from the after-effects of a broken relationship and knows that there is this particular girl e.g. TS, who likes him should
1) not hang carrots for the girl to stay close to him and "wait and see"
2) not reap the rewards of companionship, dates, and intimacy while "still deciding"
For the simple reason that it might hurt the girl.
Sure, it might please the girl (and himself) in the short term, but if things don't work out, the girl is bound to be hit hard.
And the roles can be reversed too in the above text.
There is such a status as "platonic friends with mutual acknowledged liking but no promises". The yardstick is that TS can go out with other guys without having to report to that guy. -
to those who are in such relationship that are non-committable....if there ever is such relationships.
unless u can go on the sam footing as the person who suggested it, then its fine. If not, dun venture into it........sometimes the stakes are just too high for you to handle coz u unknowingly increase the stakes. -
simple.He wants to be intimate with you but doesnt want the responsibility.
(sorry to say something hurtful but at least a prostitute gets paid by having sex.you get what i mean?)
drop this guy off...hes not worth it.seriously..
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Why did the last girl leave him?
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"a prostitute gets paid by having sex..."Originally posted by Pommes frites:simple.He wants to be intimate with you but doesnt want the responsibility.
(sorry to say something hurtful but at least a prostitute gets paid by having sex.you get what i mean?)
drop this guy off...hes not worth it.seriously..
is supposed to be a good thing and she should feel bad about not getting paid for sex???!!!
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I have a few harsh words to say.(sorry but good advice always seem harsh)
First all,
You agreed to such a non-commitment relationship.
You really deserve what you want to get.
Second of all,
Don't come crying in the forum when you get hurt.
After all the intimacy, he is bounded to dump you.
Third of all,
The saying goes,
Guys not bad girls dun like........
However, the reality is Bad guys attract bad girls....
(Poo attract files,--> a good example)
If girls are not slut or materalistic in the first place,
why agreed to non-commitment relationship in the first place???
4th of all,
If you cannot afford to play the relationship game(Non-commitment in your case), don't bother playing.
We won't want another woman who murder people.
I used to pity women who got dumped, played by rich and handsome guys.
However, when you get to know these women later on,
you know they deserve what they get.
I am sorry but I am just saying the truth. I hope there is no offensive taken to heart. -
it is really very hard to walk away when you're really attracted to someone, even when the deal you are going to get is shitty. harder if you are not a player.
somehow i feel that it is just not possible for the TS to reject the guy just like that. meeting someone new is about the only way she is going to be able to break away. this is speaking from my own experience right now.
i can put myself in her shoes: it is probably not entirely without commitment. the guy might have said she is the only gal in his heart right now. he might really mean it when he say he needs time to recover from his previous r/s. what if she walks away and missed a great chance? -
That's where you are wrong in certain ways.Originally posted by cutangle:it is really very hard to walk away when you're really attracted to someone, even when the deal you are going to get is shitty. harder if you are not a player.
somehow i feel that it is just not possible for the TS to reject the guy just like that. meeting someone new is about the only way she is going to be able to break away. this is speaking from my own experience right now.
i can put myself in her shoes: it is probably not entirely without commitment. the guy might have said she is the only gal in his heart right now. he might really mean it when he say he needs time to recover from his previous r/s. what if she walks away and missed a great chance?
I don't think a non-commitment relationship is a great chance.
Any guy would have told a girl that she is the only girl in his heart.
I mean come on do you expect a non-commited guy to tell you that you are the only girl in his heart????
In order to protect herself, she needs to use her brain.
The choice is hers to make.
However, 95% of the guys do lie to get girls who fall in love foolishly without knowing whether the guy will be faithful.
She is just another despo girl who is eager to get any relationship even if it's not commited.
Are you desperate or what?
I never see a girl so desperate that she wants an uncommited relationship.
I apologize again for harsh words but they are meant for your own good.
Sorry, pls do not take my word to heart. -
That's a fresh perspective.Originally posted by cutangle:it is really very hard to walk away when you're really attracted to someone, even when the deal you are going to get is shitty. harder if you are not a player.
somehow i feel that it is just not possible for the TS to reject the guy just like that. meeting someone new is about the only way she is going to be able to break away. this is speaking from my own experience right now.
i can put myself in her shoes: it is probably not entirely without commitment. the guy might have said she is the only gal in his heart right now. he might really mean it when he say he needs time to recover from his previous r/s. what if she walks away and missed a great chance?
So does it mean that TS is living in hope even though the chances are no good? In the hope that love will blossom, and commitment will follow, even if the current situation seems unbearable?
It's really a tough call... -
simple, if you can afford to play....by all means play. If not, dun go into it expecting a firm answer
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I think the MTV generation and below n the future kiddies are gonna have a pretty 'f*ked' up relationships and a warped concept of what is called love and whats not.
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I sometimes do feel that while all the advice here are well-meaning, too many assumptions are being made.
Most of us assume that the guy is a player. Maybe he's genuine but needs some time to get over his previous r/s. Okay, maybe the chances of him being genuine are slim, given the sheer numbers of jerks you girls have seen out there. Hey, there are guys out there who are good. Maybe the previous r/s took the wind out of him, and he's left with nothing but bitter memories.
We also dont know how much TS likes that guy, and whether she's risk-taking or risk-averse. It's almost like an investment. Sell and walk away, and miss out on a potentially great relationship. Hold, and risk getting hurt or seeing your relationship blossom with love.
To TS,
I think what almost everyone can agree here, at the risk of stating the obvious, is that the current situation is not very desirable.
It's really up to you to decide what kind of character that guy has. Maybe close friends' objective opinions can help there, because love is "blind".
And decide if he is really only a indecisive guy or a commitment-averse jerk.
Good luck! -
Are you saying the current generation of early 20s and below don't know what's love and what's not? If so, do you mean it has anything got to do with MTV, or just plain stress?Originally posted by BadzMaro:I think the MTV generation and below n the future kiddies are gonna have a pretty 'f*ked' up relationships and a warped concept of what is called love and whats not.
By the way, just curious, what is love to you, and what is not love to you? -
Assumption??????????????Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:I sometimes do feel that while all the advice here are well-meaning, too many assumptions are being made.
Most of us assume that the guy is a player. Maybe he's genuine but needs some time to get over his previous r/s. Okay, maybe the chances of him being genuine are slim, given the sheer numbers of jerks you girls have seen out there. Hey, there are guys out there who are good. Maybe the previous r/s took the wind out of him, and he's left with nothing but bitter memories.
We also dont know how much TS likes that guy, and whether she's risk-taking or risk-averse. It's almost like an investment. Sell and walk away, and miss out on a potentially great relationship. Hold, and risk getting hurt or seeing your relationship blossom with love.
To TS,
I think what almost everyone can agree here, at the risk of stating the obvious, is that the current situation is not very desirable.
It's really up to you to decide what kind of character that guy has. Maybe close friends' objective opinions can help there, because love is "blind".
And decide if he is really only a indecisive guy or a commitment-averse jerk.
Good luck!
I bet my life with you that any guys who get into a uncommited relationships are definitely a player.
Yes I bet with my life to prove that point.
This is not an assumption.
It's logic.
And sometimes love are irrational that stops people from logical thinking. -
Originally posted by Ionlytalknoaction:
Maybe the term "uncommitted" itself can refer to indecisiveness or the uncommitted type you are talking about.
Assumption??????????????
I bet my life with you that any guys who get into a[b] uncommited relationships are definitely a player.
Yes I bet with my life to prove that point.
This is not an assumption.
It's logic.
And sometimes love are irrational.[/b]
If it's the latter, I fully agree with you.
Maybe TS's guy is purely indecisive. And that is not too unreasonable a possibility for someone who has just ended a relationship. And we don't know how long that relationship was, and the history of that guy. -
I still don't get your point of agrument.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Maybe the term "uncommitted" itself can refer to indecisiveness or the uncommitted type you are talking about.
If it's the latter, I fully agree with you.
Maybe TS's guy is purely indecisive. And that is not too unreasonable a possibility for someone who has just ended a relationship. And we don't know how long that relationship was, and the history of that guy.
Let me put it in a simple equation form to you to understand that you are just trying to blur an indecisive guy with a player of girls.
indecisive guys=choices in a relationship
choices in a relationship=2 or more girlfriends to choose from
2 or more girlfriends to choose from=A player
That is not an assumption that the guy is a player.
Logical thinking will get you to the same destination point.
That guy is a player.
You are just trying to blur the line between a player and an indecisive guy.
When in fact they are the same. -
Do you see a difference from maybe your counsin or parents time down to you? Are there any differences ? and do you see any other future differences in terms of relationships and love.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Are you saying the current generation of early 20s and below don't know what's love and what's not? If so, do you mean it has anything got to do with MTV, or just plain stress?
By the way, just curious, what is love to you, and what is not love to you?
What was acceptable before is acceptable now. What was appropriate before is not appropriate now.
MTV is just a marker at where we define a drastic change in social behaviour from the previous years to the years ahead as it did greatly influence the minds of the future generation. Just like how technology influenced our behaviour in the business world.
And your questino to me what is love to me and what is not love.
Its a tough one...mmmm.. maybe the only time i will truly know the feeling and meaning of love is when i lose it. -
Practices change, principles don'tOriginally posted by BadzMaro:Do you see a difference from maybe your counsin or parents time down to you? Are there any differences ? and do you see any other future differences in terms of relationships and love.
What was acceptable before is acceptable now. What was appropriate before is not appropriate now.
MTV is just a marker at where we define a drastic change in social behaviour from the previous years to the years ahead as it did greatly influence the minds of the future generation. Just like how technology influenced our behaviour in the business world.
And your questino to me what is love to me and what is not love.
Its a tough one...mmmm.. maybe the only time i will truly know the feeling and meaning of love is when i lose it. -
Well u better pray to God that ur practices wont affect your principles. Because principles dont change , but whether it is adopted or not.Originally posted by royale9:Practices change, principles don't -
set your expectation right first.
If you both agree it is a non-commitment thing, than dun harbour any hope.
Cannot afford to 'play' than must stop....
*long time no see u liao!!!~ -
whatever it is, just dun let the guy lay u.
such guy will shi3 luan4 zhong1 qi4 once they have met their goal. -
Well all i have to say is all the best and good luck any doubts better clear it now like what is you to him...Ya..If not things start complicated..not only so maybe not only 1 may get hurt in the processOriginally posted by shirurinu:I have a feeling it's gonna be me.. coz i take things too seriously... even in a non-commitmental relationship, i treat him too sincerely... and i know i'm expecting something which i'm not supposed to...