When a guy says..
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maybe he is implying that he just wants sex. He only wants a sexual relationship with no strings attached.Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be.
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I think you are confusing principles with beliefs.Originally posted by BadzMaro:Well u better pray to God that ur practices wont affect your principles. Because principles dont change , but whether it is adopted or not.
Principle is like a rule, standard, law or basic truth.
Belief is like an opinion or impression.
Your comments on the future generations' perception of love. - that is just a belief.
A belief definitely does NOT become true simply because it's fervently believed, or because it is believed by enough people. The believer's certainty is not remotely a guide to whether or not the belief is true.
Yes, the future generation will be different. Their beliefs and practices might differ drastically from present day like you mentioned.
But the one thing that don't change are proven principles drawn from psychology, religion, philosophy, business, economics, politics, history, metaphysics, etc.
Whether the majority choose to adopt them or not is based on their own accord.
That is all to it when i said:
Practices change, principles don't.
Cheers -
Fully agree with browniebaobao.Originally posted by browniebaobao:non-commitmental?
then it's a no-go for me..
yi si qian qian lor.. it means he dun want to commit to u..
want all the intimacy stuff, but dun want to commit..
have fun but no strings attached.
shirurinu, pls read n try to catch wat browniebaobao n jojobeach r trying to say. -
To give you an even clearer picture of the whole thing, I will share wif you a true life story.Originally posted by jojobeach:Girl,
I have some questions for you.
Are you a social escort ?
Are you a prostitute ?
If you answer NO to any of the above.
Please drop this guy.
Your guy wants his cake and eat it too.
Guys who tells you outright he is not ready for a relationship and yet treats you like a gf sometimes.. is obviously out to look for free lunch.
Girl, you are not a beggar, have some self pride.
Ignore him for 3 months...you will know where you stand.
Men's sweet talking you into a non-committal relationship just wants prostitute service for FREE.
FYI: Non-committal relationship means he can F you and he can F other girls. And you have NO right to stop him.
DO NOT play this game of non-commitment game with him UNLESS YOU are a player yourself.
I have a guy friend, who's a "player" if u know wat I mean. He's quite good looking, n at anyone time he hv at least 3 gals he's having relationships with.
I was amazed how he could manage to pull it off without any gal suspecting anything. Tat's when he told me, he told them tat he's not ready into a real relationship n gave excuses (any excuses), so officially they r not bf/gf. But unofficially they r bf/gf alre. Get wat I mean? Now he has a trump card. So they can't question him where he went or anything else. So the gals all hv a disadvantage jus like u, as time goes by they allow themselves to continue to put in their love n feelings unknowingly, cos officially it's non commitment relationship remember?
Hope u wake up soon b4 it's too late. -
Where is TS, disappear is it? Gone to look for the non commital guy!
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The trouble is some of these girls will agree to anything just because they wanted that guy and thought they could handle this kind of situation - that is having sex with no string attached, and hopefully along the way pressured the guy into accepting her as his exclusive.Originally posted by kerts:To give you an even clearer picture of the whole thing, I will share wif you a true life story.
I have a guy friend, who's a "player" if u know wat I mean. He's quite good looking, n at anyone time he hv at least 3 gals he's having relationships with.
I was amazed how he could manage to pull it off without any gal suspecting anything. Tat's when he told me, he told them tat he's not ready into a real relationship n gave excuses (any excuses), so officially they r not bf/gf. But unofficially they r bf/gf alre. Get wat I mean? Now he has a trump card. So they can't question him where he went or anything else. So the gals all hv a disadvantage jus like u, as time goes by they allow themselves to continue to put in their love n feelings unknowingly, cos officially it's non commitment relationship remember?
Hope u wake up soon b4 it's too late.
But the guy refuse to be converted and still wants to maintain their kind of relationship. Now this was where she blew her top and cry foul. All her friends, acquaintances and even strangers think the guy was a bastard and took her side not knowing the full story. On the surface it looked like the guy was at fault but in truth the girl brought this on herself. So, who is to blame? -
Yes, there cant be only 1 principle right ? So in the end there is still many choices but wether or not it is allowed to practice. Decay in certain practices can allow other once disfavoured principle to be adopted right ? Maybe i am wrong but thats how i think.Originally posted by royale9:I think you are confusing principles with beliefs.
Principle is like a rule, standard, law or basic truth.
Belief is like an opinion or impression.
Your comments on the future generations' perception of love. - that is just a belief.
A belief definitely does NOT become true simply because it's fervently believed, or because it is believed by enough people. The believer's certainty is not remotely a guide to whether or not the belief is true.
Yes, the future generation will be different. Their beliefs and practices might differ drastically from present day like you mentioned. But the one thing that don't change are proven principles drawn from psychology, religion, philosophy, business, economics, politics, history, metaphysics, etc.
Whether the majority choose to adopt them or not is based on their own accord.
That is all to it when i said:
Practices change, principles don't.
Cheers
sweet ?
Or maybe i am not able to comprehend what you are saying. My bad. -
In this case, it is obviously not 2 weak minds.Originally posted by Devil1976:Somehow I can give a partial agreement to that....?
But the relationship involves 2 parties... Likely 2 'weak minds' if you wanna put it that way.... Still, it's not something impossible to work out... Many strong relationships are not born that way.... They grew along with time....
It is also very obvious the guy lays the card out very clearly, and that TS is immediately at disadvantage.
U know those signs that says " Enter at your own risk"? -
Originally posted by Ionlytalknoaction:
I see your argument. So if a guy wants to choose from 2 or more girlfriends, he will enter non-committal relationships with both, and that makes him a player.
I still don't get your point of agrument.
Let me put it in a simple equation form to you to understand that you are just trying to blur an indecisive guy with a player of girls.
indecisive guys=choices in a relationship
choices in a relationship=2 or more girlfriends to choose from
2 or more girlfriends to choose from=A player
That is not an assumption that the guy is a player.
Logical thinking will get you to the same destination point.
That guy is a player.
You are just trying to blur the line between a player and an indecisive guy.
When in fact they are the same.
[/b]
But what if he's genuinely undecided?
Obviously at that point, a good guy will just stand apart from both of the girls, and make his decision, before plunging into one (no pun intended).
Maybe the key difference here is how far apart he stands from them, before making a decision. If he goes close to either or both of the girls before making a decision and reaping the delights before making any decision, he is a player.
If he doesn't even touch the girls, then maybe he's not. -
I see differences in beliefs, which are culturally and socially influenced.Originally posted by BadzMaro:Do you see a difference from maybe your counsin or parents time down to you? Are there any differences ? and do you see any other future differences in terms of relationships and love.
What was acceptable before is acceptable now. What was appropriate before is not appropriate now.
MTV is just a marker at where we define a drastic change in social behaviour from the previous years to the years ahead as it did greatly influence the minds of the future generation. Just like how technology influenced our behaviour in the business world.
And your questino to me what is love to me and what is not love.
Its a tough one...mmmm.. maybe the only time i will truly know the feeling and meaning of love is when i lose it.
One example, I think it is perfectly alright and cool for couples to kiss on the MRT, and I don't feel embarrassed at people doing it. In fact, I think our society could do with more outward expressions of love. My elders will give disdainful looks, and their faces will look like they've just stepped on a pile of poo.
I didn't know MTV is so popular among early 20s people and teenagers these days.
You're very right in that sometimes only when one loses something, one can then feel how much one actually loves that person/thing. Don't let it happen to you, mate. -
Your guy friend is a true disgrace to the male population.Originally posted by kerts:To give you an even clearer picture of the whole thing, I will share wif you a true life story.
I have a guy friend, who's a "player" if u know wat I mean. He's quite good looking, n at anyone time he hv at least 3 gals he's having relationships with.
I was amazed how he could manage to pull it off without any gal suspecting anything. Tat's when he told me, he told them tat he's not ready into a real relationship n gave excuses (any excuses), so officially they r not bf/gf. But unofficially they r bf/gf alre. Get wat I mean? Now he has a trump card. So they can't question him where he went or anything else. So the gals all hv a disadvantage jus like u, as time goes by they allow themselves to continue to put in their love n feelings unknowingly, cos officially it's non commitment relationship remember?
Hope u wake up soon b4 it's too late.
I have lots of trouble hiding my disdain when involuntarily fraternizing with such people, and they usually know it. -
Non-committal literally means neither party is committed to the other in any way lor... Jee kei pou zhong..... It's a free-for-all kinda thingy. If you get pregnant, it's your pasar......
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I think what royale is trying to say is this.Originally posted by BadzMaro:Yes, there cant be only 1 principle right ? So in the end there is still many choices but wether or not it is allowed to practice. Decay in certain practices can allow other once disfavoured principle to be adopted right ? Maybe i am wrong but thats how i think.
sweet ? Or maybe i am not able to comprehend what you are saying. My bad.
There are unwavering principles in life, such as integrity, justice and compassion. Well these are principles that make you truly happy and that you wish to be bestowed upon you and your loved ones in the form of actions.
However some may doubt the existence of these principles.
Let's choose one example: justice.
Does anyone not want to be treated in a just manner in a relationship, be it parent-child, spouse, lover, business, etc? Favouritism, nepotism are the opposite sides of justice, in the context of relationships.
If everyone wants justice in their lives, then that makes it a principle. Simply because it is "right" and cannot be changed whether we are in Confucius era 2000 BC, or Roman empire 100 AD or Victorian era or Ming Dynasty or modern day era. Does that make sense? -
I think the best solution for the TS is to learn to be single and focus on improving her own life. (career, studies, health etc) Do not make any sacrifices in this relationship. Stay away from the guy for the time being to reduce the emotional strain. If the guy loves the TS he will understand.
After a few months, we'll know if the guy or girl is playing when he finally makes a decision on whether to commit or not. If he is still wishy washy or got attached to another gal during the "waiting" period then at least the TS didn't lose much. If he is sincere he will commit and we'll have a happy ending.
This i think is the best move and yet the hardest when you're in love... -
kena conned by Ang mor OK but if local guys KPKB
Drop this guy and move on. -
think best is not to think too much. or ask him straight away, do u wanna b my bf? dun drag n drag, its not gonna do any1 good. if he cant make up his mind, jus dump him.
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Wah cant stand it! ..... After reading through the post. I cant believe that sg is still such conservative country and they are so many conservative peeps ard. I mean the girls know at they in for and so does the guys.
However, I dun believe in cheating. I believe you should be open about your relationship status and views, if the girls accepts it then its fine. I'm currently not attached and have numerous friends of the opposite sex. They know perfectly well that I'm single and do not want to commit to anything at this point. I'm sure alot of guys share this sentiment, be it career or past relationship phobia and stuff like that.
You may see it as an excuse, but its so true. There are girls who dont mind and are willing to share a close relationship with these guys as they themselves do not want to commit. So if its a relationship based on these understanding, I feel its perfectly alright.
As someone has mentioned, it could be that the girl went into such an understanding and later on discovered that her feelings had went on further as she has lost the control over it. Some like to call it a game, know how to play it or leave it. If you are not comfortable then dont play, dont get hurt and cry foul cause nobody can force you in. Its and open door, never closed.
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In your 'point 1', I do not agree that but having a 'wait & see' metality (consciously or sunconsciously), that guy is actually trying to 'hang carrots'... Like you've also agreed, we do not know the intention of this guy.. Accusing of him 'hanging carrots' is like saying that girls who wear sexy clothes are seducing people and inviting molest....Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:We are in no position to tell whether he is insincere or sincere, player or non-player, genuinely hurt and suffering from a rebound or not.
But the fact is that a good guy suffering from the after-effects of a broken relationship and knows that there is this particular girl e.g. TS, who likes him should
1) not hang carrots for the girl to stay close to him and "wait and see"
2) not reap the rewards of companionship, dates, and intimacy while "still deciding"
For the simple reason that it might hurt the girl.
Sure, it might please the girl (and himself) in the short term, but if things don't work out, the girl is bound to be hit hard.
And the roles can be reversed too in the above text.
There is such a status as "platonic friends with mutual acknowledged liking but no promises". The yardstick is that TS can go out with other guys without having to report to that guy.
If we're to talk about 'moral' and set 'standards', I'll be quite sure we'll end up with different stands among the many forumites resulting in an endless arguement if it has to be....
For all we know, we talk about things 'should' and 'should not'.... Words to define and redefine things... When in fact 'love' is about a form of feeling... Not exactly about how words should come together.... -
I do not disagree with him or your points . . But justice for instance vigilante justice or justice from the law? So i am just saying that it does affect our mindset and principles .Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:I think what royale is trying to say is this.
There are unwavering principles in life, such as integrity, justice and compassion. Well these are principles that make you truly happy and that you wish to be bestowed upon you and your loved ones in the form of actions.
However some may doubt the existence of these principles.
Let's choose one example: justice.
Does anyone not want to be treated in a just manner in a relationship, be it parent-child, spouse, lover, business, etc? Favouritism, nepotism are the opposite sides of justice, in the context of relationships.
If everyone wants justice in their lives, then that makes it a principle. Simply because it is "right" and cannot be changed whether we are in Confucius era 2000 BC, or Roman empire 100 AD or Victorian era or Ming Dynasty or modern day era. Does that make sense?
Well i understand your points hope you get what i was trying to say ya. In the end of the day. . One thing will always affect another in some way. -
Sorry but from whatever's displayed within this thread, I've failed to see how obvious the signs are...Originally posted by jojobeach:It is also very obvious the guy lays the card out very clearly, and that TS is immediately at disadvantage.
U know those signs that says " Enter at your own risk"? -
well I suppose most non commital relationships are unhealthy unless of course both of them knows what they are doing. Most of them belong to the "I wanna hv fun, but I dun wanna get tied down" category, with a minority belonging to the kind the guy mentioned.Originally posted by TinySue:The trouble is some of these girls will agree to anything just because they wanted that guy and thought they could handle this kind of situation - that is having sex with no string attached, and hopefully along the way pressured the guy into accepting her as his exclusive.
But the guy refuse to be converted and still wants to maintain their kind of relationship. Now this was where she blew her top and cry foul. All her friends, acquaintances and even strangers think the guy was a bastard and took her side not knowing the full story. On the surface it looked like the guy was at fault but in truth the girl brought this on herself. So, who is to blame?
As in this case, it depends on whether TS knows this alre or was it because she likes him even before they start tat's y she tot he would as time goes by change his mind abt e non commital stuff. -
Originally posted by BadzMaro:
I have to think hard about how to answer this question.
I do not disagree with him or your points . . But justice for instance vigilante justice or justice from the law? So i am just saying that it does affect our mindset and principles .
Well i understand your points hope you get what i was trying to say ya. In the end of the day. . One thing will always affect another in some way.
I would say, justice that brings peace and happiness to the heart. Hope that doesn't sound too cheesy.
I think you mean that everything has a context, including justice, and some higher order that "imposes" principles, and everyone is affected by it. This is true.
The theory royale and I is proposing here is that there is a context-less and hence time-less, culture-less set of principles that make people happy. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
Okay, I see your point.
In your 'point 1', I do not agree that but having a 'wait & see' metality (consciously or sunconsciously), that guy is actually trying to 'hang carrots'... Like you've also agreed, we do not know the intention of this guy.. Accusing of him 'hanging carrots' is like saying that girls who wear sexy clothes are seducing people and inviting molest....
If we're to talk about 'moral' and set 'standards', I'll be quite sure we'll end up with different stands among the many forumites resulting in an endless arguement if it has to be....
For all we know, we talk about things 'should' and 'should not'.... Words to define and redefine things... When in fact 'love' is about a form of feeling... Not exactly about how words should come together....
Different people have different standards indeed. If the guy has kissed TS, it might mean nothing to TS if she's liberal enough or it might mean a great deal to her if she's more conservative. -
Not cheesey ah.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:I have to think hard about how to answer this question.
I would say, justice that brings peace and happiness to the heart. Hope that doesn't sound too cheesy.
I think you mean that everything has a context, including justice, and some higher order that "imposes" principles, and everyone is affected by it. This is true.
The theory royale and I is proposing here is that there is a context-less and hence time-less, culture-less set of principles that make people happy.
Well, such a principle is beyond our comprehension at the current era . We can try to search for the answer but unless we are able to let go and be totally reborn and unaffected by the worldly things can you maybe find the answer . -
So there is such a thing as a responsible player and an irresponsible player. That's very new to me.Originally posted by playersINC:Wah cant stand it! ..... After reading through the post. I cant believe that sg is still such conservative country and they are so many conservative peeps ard. I mean the girls know at they in for and so does the guys.
However, I dun believe in cheating. I believe you should be open about your relationship status and views, if the girls accepts it then its fine. I'm currently not attached and have numerous friends of the opposite sex. They know perfectly well that I'm single and do not want to commit to anything at this point. I'm sure alot of guys share this sentiment, be it career or past relationship phobia and stuff like that.
You may see it as an excuse, but its so true. There are girls who dont mind and are willing to share a close relationship with these guys as they themselves do not want to commit. So if its a relationship based on these understanding, I feel its perfectly alright.
As someone has mentioned, it could be that the girl went into such an understanding and later on discovered that her feelings had went on further as she has lost the control over it. Some like to call it a game, know how to play it or leave it. If you are not comfortable then dont play, dont get hurt and cry foul cause nobody can force you in. Its and open door, never closed.
A responsible player is one who set the rules, and an irresponsible player who cheats and doesn't set the rules.
Mind if i ask, if there's a girl who likes you enough, but she knows that you are a player and she's not one, and you know very well what the outcome is going to be like. Will you take the free lunch and then proclaim no responsibility in her hurt (after all, she knows what she's into and she's just being stupid), is that the act of a responsible player, or an irresponsible player?
Secondly, what are the common exit strategies of players like you, if any? One day, you might just want a sincere companion at the age of 40 to accompany you till death and old age.