trying to understand my bf
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yesterday went out with my bf and our friends. one of them brought his gf who happens to be pretty unpopular. as the night unfolds it was pretty obvious why no one talks to her.
she was like passing negative remarks on me, then i agree. but she still repeats and repeat despite i agreed and agreed. after i thought i had enough, i just walked away to joined another group. Guess what, she followed me and make sure that she keeps passing those nasty remarks.
i was so mad, and hurt too. when i complained to everyone, everyone told me she is like that, thats why no one wants to talk to her.
but what puzzled me most was, my bf, who is very protective over his friends and family, just said "no lah, you are not wat she said. ignore her"
not that im expectin my bf to scold her or wat, but i juz cant understand why he, who is always so protective of everyone around him, reacted that way when someone bully me
to note that he always stand up for justice, and ever 'chu tou' for one of my friends when another person's gf bullied her. why as a gf, i become at the disadvantaged end? -
by scolding her or confronting her, it will be ugly rite?
this type of person just ignore
and im glad ur bf did not retort on the spot or create a scene bcos tt will make him look like a hooligan
and u, shd not be expecting him to stand up for u
u can stand up for urself
if u need someone to back u up, protect u, save the damsel in distress, u shd call peter parker. -
well, there are many ways to say it, aint it? like just telling that girl what she said and keep saying is very hurtful, which he has done b4 for others. why is he protecting me less than he does for others?Originally posted by FireIce:by scolding her or confronting her, it will be ugly rite?
this type of person just ignore
and im glad ur bf did not retort on the spot bcos tt will make him look like a hooligan -
yes, i can do that myself. which i intend to next time when i see her. i didnt do that last night cos i was realy angry. i had learned to hold my tongue when i m really angry.Originally posted by FireIce:by scolding her or confronting her, it will be ugly rite?
this type of person just ignore
and im glad ur bf did not retort on the spot or create a scene bcos tt will make him look like a hooligan
and u, shd not be expecting him to stand up for u
u can stand up for urself
if u need someone to back u up, protect u, save the damsel in distress, u shd call peter parker.
it is not i 'need' someone to stand up for me, rather, it is, why the difference in his behaviour? get what i mean? -
i think i will do what ur bf did ... he already supported you and ask you to ignore her. What more you want him to do?
"no lah, you are not wat she said. ignore her"
Dun care what other ppl think of you. Care about what you think of yourself only. -
Our pete parker is having girl trouble of his own...Originally posted by FireIce:by scolding her or confronting her, it will be ugly rite?
this type of person just ignore
and im glad ur bf did not retort on the spot or create a scene bcos tt will make him look like a hooligan
and u, shd not be expecting him to stand up for u
u can stand up for urself
if u need someone to back u up, protect u, save the damsel in distress, u shd call peter parker.
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Just ignore lor, bu yao he ta yi ban jian shi...
If your bf 'chu tou' for you, will make him look very mei you feng du... If i were you, i'd be just as mad, but if he started arguing with her to defend me, i will feel embarassed...
You've got a gentleman there... Given an ah beng, sure blow his top w/o his brains to act hero in front of you..
Next time dun go out with that crazy woman le... she's psychological unbalanced is it? -
His advice is OK mah. Its you who cannot accept and think he need to do more.
Think about it. You know the girl talk things that people don't like to hear. Then you get a earful. You can always excuse yourself to some where and retreat. Or you can change topic. Then again, if you cannot do anything, then ignore whatever she say loh. There are other things to keep your mind occupied mah. -
i dun find anything grossly wrong, ur BF stands at ur side afterall
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ya, i retreated, joined another group and she still followed. i even change topic to tlak about the weather!Originally posted by mistyblue:His advice is OK mah. Its you who cannot accept and think he need to do more.
Think about it. You know the girl talk things that people don't like to hear. Then you get a earful. You can always excuse yourself to some where and retreat. Or you can change topic. Then again, if you cannot do anything, then ignore whatever she say loh. There are other things to keep your mind occupied mah. -
like that also need to understand?
making a problem out of nothing at all.
sometimes it is just better not to think too much. -
so u see, the prob is with the ger, not ur bf.
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lol... then wat do u expect yr bf to do ??? ><
btw, he is not being protective over friend
He is just a man of principles...
Although, this type of man do not noe how to please a person, but at least, he is truthful to people... -
i think you guys fully missed my point.
my question is not why he didnt do this or that. my question is why the difference in his attitudes towards friends and me though the same incident happened. -
and u also have to understand that i'm telling you, "you think too much"Originally posted by galfriend:i think you guys fully missed my point.
my question is not why he didnt do this or that. my question is why the difference in his attitudes towards friends and me though the same incident happened. -
Follow then let her loh. Then address the whole group and let her complain to the whole group. Start a conversation with another person. Or some times these people need some compliments loh. You can throw her some compliments and let her be happy. BTW, weather is either sunny or rainy - so its not good diversion and too short to really get her mind off the cyclical complains. And The Single most easiest way to get her to stop negative talk is to ask her to talk about herself.Originally posted by galfriend:ya, i retreated, joined another group and she still followed. i even change topic to tlak about the weather!
But anyways, you were unhappy about your BF not defending you and saving you from that girl. Maybe he thought that you were doing fine and its just the complains. Then again you can always take it that you are doing a good deed to let her rant and you are helping her get something off their chest. Some folks need that. For example and this is real: My office colleague needed to back stab me before she feed secure in her position. I let her do it because I know she will constantly get me into trouble if she does not stab viciously me a couple of time first to get over her insecurity. -
in front of fren must act hero a bit, guy ego lah
in front of gf must be more gentleman, sweet.....
if u want those rough guys tt like to go oei! kua simi sai! at everything that kind, then i think u can consider change bf? -
Coz he sees you as a big-hearted and magnanimous lady?
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of courseOriginally posted by FireIce:so u see, the prob is with the ger, not ur bf. -
ya i tried to be. but what she did was so hurtful that i cried my heart out. my eyes are still swollen nowOriginally posted by Delphian:Coz he sees you as a big-hearted and magnanimous lady? -
You know sometimes these people are out to spoil your day and make you upset, the fact that this thing is still bothering you one day later simply gives her a win...Originally posted by galfriend:ya i tried to be. but what she did was so hurtful that i cried my heart out. my eyes are still swollen now
At that moment, your bf might think that was the best way to handle things. At least he didn't tell you," Wah lau, you don't so xiao qi la..."
Try to get over it and think of the little good things your bf always do for you... It's hard la, i know, im also a girl, but it will really hurt the relationship if we dwell on unpleasant things for so long...
Try to think a little on the nice side of him... your bf is a sweet guy after all, isn't he? Don't crown your bf with thorns because of a crazy woman... -
first you must understand why she kept making negative remarks at me.Originally posted by galfriend:yesterday went out with my bf and our friends. one of them brought his gf who happens to be pretty unpopular. as the night unfolds it was pretty obvious why no one talks to her.
she was like passing negative remarks on me, then i agree. but she still repeats and repeat despite i agreed and agreed. after i thought i had enough, i just walked away to joined another group. Guess what, she followed me and make sure that she keeps passing those nasty remarks.
i was so mad, and hurt too. when i complained to everyone, everyone told me she is like that, thats why no one wants to talk to her.
but what puzzled me most was, my bf, who is very protective over his friends and family, just said "no lah, you are not wat she said. ignore her"
not that im expectin my bf to scold her or wat, but i juz cant understand why he, who is always so protective of everyone around him, reacted that way when someone bully me to note that he always stand up for justice, and ever 'chu tou' for one of my friends when another person's gf bullied her. why as a gf, i become at the disadvantaged end?
She wants attentation and you are the only one agreeing with her.
Next time totally ignore her, totally hack care about her. If she speak to you just speak to someone else instead.
Her idea is to talk to someone, deny her this very chance and she got nothing to say.Imagine if your bf acts hero and scold her in front of everyone and she can act victim about it and be the centre of attraction. Thats what she wants, she is smart to keep pushing you in order for you to attack back so that she got things to say. Do not fall in her trap. -
Difference is you have always been showing the tougher side of yourself to him and to others. Base on your previous post you too have given me the impression that you are one that never back down in a situation and always stand her ground. So, is there a reason for your bf to stand out for you now knowing you can easily handle yourself - tough! And seems to me like now all of a sudden you are acting the damsel in distress. Why the sudden change?Originally posted by galfriend:i think you guys fully missed my point.
my question is not why he didnt do this or that. my question is why the difference in his attitudes towards friends and me though the same incident happened. -
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TS, you should be paying more attention to your self-esteem than the reasons as to why your Bf isn't "protecting" you as much as you think he should.
What you need to know is this:
Healthy Self-images do not bruise easily.
It is a well-known psychological fact that the people who become offended the easiest have the lowest self-esteem.
We are hurt by things we conceive of as threats to our ego or self-esteem.
The person who has little or no self-reliance, who feels emotionally dependent on others, makes herself most vulnerable to emotional hurts.
What you need to do is to build up your self-esteem, get a better and more adequate self-image of yourself so that you will not feel threatened by every chance remark or innocent act.
A big strong person does not feel threatened by a small danger but a weak little person does. In the same way a healthy strong self-image does not feel itself threatened by any offhand remark.
When a person has adequate self-esteem, little slights offer NO threat at all and they are simply passed over and ignored.
Be bigger than such things. Have bigger fish to fry, as the saying goes.
The person in hot pursuit of meaningful, rewarding goals and a calendar of important things to do has little time to obsess over trival slights and offenses.
Most dumb, insensitive remarks are just dumb,insentive remarks - they have no hidden meaning and searching for it and being offended by it - is an utter waste of time.
Don waste your time dwelling on them - you should just forgive and forget and move on.
Speaking of which,
The most effective method, and the 1st step you ought to take, to eliminate guilty feelings and reactions is to forgive.
It is perhaps the most powerful and practical principle ever taught to build happiness, health, prosperity and wonderful relationship with others.
The inability to forgive lies at the root of guilt, resentment and most other negative emotions. The refusal to forgive just one person can be in itself enough to undermine or even destroy your future happiness. You don't have to like the person. You just have to forgive her. Forgiveness is a perfectly selfish act. It has nothing to do with the other person, it has to do with your own peace of mind, your happiness, your own success and your own future.
Perhaps the dumbest thing in the world is for you to still be angry or resentful toward a person who doesn't care about you at all.
So for the sake of your own health and happiness, learn to unconditionally forgive every single person in your life who has ever hurt you in any way.
That is the smart thing to do.
Remember,
To be wronged or robbed, is nothing unless you continue to remember it.