My long boring story
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I have this bestie, for like going 5 years.
We spent alot time together. Really alot.
I was free and easy - No CCA committment and BGR
We have been really close and happy hanging out together.
Until I gradually neglected her.
Reason being:
1) Heavy CCA committment
2) BGR (problematic bf)
Over a period of 2 months plus, our friendship took a turn.
CCA committment was stressful as I have loads of deadlines to meet.
Moreover the planning of 2 major events started together so it was sometimes like a 'chiong till the end' thingy.
We were in the same CCA. It's just that she slowly didn't turn up for CCA regularly. I can barely bring extra time to meet her. The only regular meeting we had was CCA but it is gone totally.
My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for time together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to 'stick' to my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my bestie as my top priority.
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my house and shouted at me.
I can only take up whatever time I have left (after school and CCA) to spend time together with him. I didn't meet my bestie for a very long time. I broke up with him twice within 2 months, and he said he would change. I waited for very long before he started to accept my thinking.
She knows about my bf as 3 of us are colleagues in the past. She knows our problem. My bf and her cannot click. I am like in between.
However I disallow my bf to talk bad about my bestie and that is often the cause of our daily quarrels because he feels that I am too concerned about my bestie. I speak bad of my bf infront of her. However I stopped talking abt my bf infront of her as she doesn't like it. She also doesn't like it when I talks about CCA.
Hence I have nothing much to talk to her. Moreover she is going through her darkest moments in her life due to some personal stuff and I am busy doing my CCA event thingy. In fact, I am so engrossed in doing and so busy editing the budget that I don't even realise that I have more than 7 MSN Messenger windows.
After finish planning my event (which is 2 month plus later) I tried contacting her but I didn't know how to start. So the stupid me go and ask her about the Starhub Cable Internet. Her reply was 'today is exactly 1 month we didn't contact'
It didn't came out of my expectations of course. I did explain to her. But she wasn't the same anymore. She do not bother about me anymore. I hurt her tremendously and she cut herself.
I really feel remorseful and really wish to save our almost 5 years friendship. I am sincere but she was so determined. I have been trying to talk to her for almost 2 months. I didn't mean to spoil our relationship.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
My world is totally different w/o her. Whenever I see her I hide away. I don't know how to face her again. I cry uncontrollably whenever I talks about her. Being too emotional but its out of my control.
I need encouragements and some enlightenment.
I welcome critism too. I am a lousy friend and I need to improve. -
A friend's hug will solve everything. Tell her that you still cherish the friendship.
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scrap ur bf.
my gosh, force u to play maple.. how childish is that. -
I hope I can see her again. face-to-face.
She is avoiding me.
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He is childish,Originally posted by gLc:scrap ur bf.
my gosh, force u to play maple.. how childish is that.
but luckily he had changed over time.
I can see a difference in him because he is accepting my thinking.
But he is still against my bestie.
He encourages me to let it go.
Easier said than done. -
Awww... The feeling of losing a friend...Originally posted by paperlove:I hope I can see her again. face-to-face.
She is avoiding me. 
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drop her a card n say everything u got inside...
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She is my only bestie.
Someone who is willing to initiate to talk to me in MSN all the time.
I'm always parking my online status in MSN.
Although I did initiate to talk to her,
I have only put in the minimal effort!
Bad bad. -
scrap ur tat bf , from a men's stand i say he suk at treating a lady like u so badly, ur fren is more worth keeping den ur bf imo.. i got ditch recently hhaha
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In total I ditched him 3 times within 1 year.Originally posted by vice_edge:scrap ur tat bf , from a men's stand i say he suk at treating a lady like u so badly, ur fren is more worth keeping den ur bf imo.. i got ditch recently hhaha
Naive enough to get back together.
But all the while he did change alot.
Currently he doesnt demand for time.
Most imptly no more MapleSEA. -
lol... really long boring story... lol
yr bf and yr bestie r both childish lol...
Every1's path will diverge as they grow older...
And a person's capacity is only tat limited...
Therefore, it is common to see people giving up some of their relationship in life for something more important in their life... hmmm... giving up sound extreme, maybe, weaken is a better word...
For me , as a friend, I will accept my friend's decision in his or her life... tat is what friends r for ... >< -
ur bf is SUPER childish kkz..
sometimes,
friends are more impt and can last forever.
so dun neglect them.
stay cheerful
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hmm everybody here say your bf is bad, but from another angle i think your bestie is just too demanding
friends is friends la does it mean must always contact and see each other?
let say u maintain a 10-year relationship with a friend then does it mean must contact every time? 1 month break contact only then the friend angry?
wa like that very tiring.
some point in our lives we sure need to go seperate ways and carve our own path in life, and of coz will have less time for friends, but that doesnt mean we no longer want that friendship or the friend is less important right??
case study: me and my friends ever break contact for 6-8 months at times but we still remain very good buddies.. -
i feel that true frens are those kind that whereby the bond is so strong that no matter how much time u guys have been apart, the bond is still there though. that is my perspective though.
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Sorry, hijack this thread, as the other hot one was locked:
I like your story .... once upon a time. Office girls just don't have brains, so how to get brainwashed? But they get hynotised by any 'white' foreigners, whether good-looking or not, pudgy or bald.Originally posted by FocusPoint:Once upon a time I used to work in a MNC and every 6 months they will send down at least a dozen of foreigners to the company. And you know what? All the females will go goo-goo gaga over them. Never mind some of these foreigners were married, or attached (engaged or with a gf), not so good looking, and some even on the pudgy side but the fact was they drew the company girls to them in droves.
The females in my company would go lunch lah, tea lah and dinner with them. In fact the females were the ones initiated those meals. And the females colleagues willingly do almost anything for them without being ask twice. So, some of us local guys ask the females why they like the 'ang mohs' so much (that inclusive of those synthetic ang moh kow toolah). Their reply? They speak very charminglyleh. "Hen you fengdu'.
As one of the poster said it has nothing to do with brainwashing or hypnotism but because local girls tend to like things that are from the western world even though they are rubbish in the true sense.
Your story and that of dnd_gal is consistent: sweet-talking. Women don't care whether you are fat or thin, tall or short, rich or poor, intelligent or dumb! They are more interested in a man's mouth just as much as men are interested in a woman's other mouth - at the opposite! -
friendship is important
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turn on to lil' richard and start dancing, it'll work wonders
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Everyone has only 24 hours to spend, no more, no less.
Management of your time is key to the ability to do many things.
As far as your case is concerned, you are obviously not ready to have a steady boyfriend nor do you need one..... why restrict your social life to just one boy when you should be mingling and socialising with as many boys as possible? By not hving a steady bf, you reduce unnecessary stress and free up more time for the other things which you need to attend like studies/ A good cca record can be crucial too as many employers refer to this to determine your character and leadership qualities in evaluating your employability...... after you have completed your studies.
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It takes time but time heals all wounds........Originally posted by paperlove:I hope I can see her again. face-to-face.
She is avoiding me. -
Originally posted by paperlove:
I think your friend's definition of bestie goes along the line of "Being there in my darkest moments, which you definately did not satisfy.
I have this bestie, for like going 5 years.
We spent alot time together. Really alot.
I was free and easy - No CCA committment and BGR
We have been really close and happy hanging out together.
Until I gradually neglected her.
[b]Reason being:
1) Heavy CCA committment
2) BGR (problematic bf)
Over a period of 2 months plus, our friendship took a turn.
CCA committment was stressful as I have loads of deadlines to meet.
Moreover the planning of 2 major events started together so it was sometimes like a 'chiong till the end' thingy.
We were in the same CCA. It's just that she slowly didn't turn up for CCA regularly. I can barely bring extra time to meet her. The only regular meeting we had was CCA but it is gone totally.
My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for time together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to 'stick' to my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my bestie as my top priority.
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my house and shouted at me.
I can only take up whatever time I have left (after school and CCA) to spend time together with him. I didn't meet my bestie for a very long time. I broke up with him twice within 2 months, and he said he would change. I waited for very long before he started to accept my thinking.
She knows about my bf as 3 of us are colleagues in the past. She knows our problem. My bf and her cannot click. I am like in between.
However I disallow my bf to talk bad about my bestie and that is often the cause of our daily quarrels because he feels that I am too concerned about my bestie. I speak bad of my bf infront of her. However I stopped talking abt my bf infront of her as she doesn't like it. She also doesn't like it when I talks about CCA.
Hence I have nothing much to talk to her. Moreover she is going through her darkest moments in her life due to some personal stuff and I am busy doing my CCA event thingy. In fact, I am so engrossed in doing and so busy editing the budget that I don't even realise that I have more than 7 MSN Messenger windows.
After finish planning my event (which is 2 month plus later) I tried contacting her but I didn't know how to start. So the stupid me go and ask her about the Starhub Cable Internet. Her reply was 'today is exactly 1 month we didn't contact'
It didn't came out of my expectations of course. I did explain to her. But she wasn't the same anymore. She do not bother about me anymore. I hurt her tremendously and she cut herself.
I really feel remorseful and really wish to save our almost 5 years friendship. I am sincere but she was so determined. I have been trying to talk to her for almost 2 months. I didn't mean to spoil our relationship.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
My world is totally different w/o her. Whenever I see her I hide away. I don't know how to face her again. I cry uncontrollably whenever I talks about her. Being too emotional but its out of my control.
I need encouragements and some enlightenment.
I welcome critism too. I am a lousy friend and I need to improve.[/b]
True, you were involved in your planning of the activity, and also your childish boyfriend, but if you did any prioritizing at all, you placed her right at the bottom.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. You were too engrossed with your work and boyfriend to consider that she was in the dumps, and needed someone to talk to.
You didn't mean to spoil the friendship, but to her, this friendship has been sullied the moment she cried for help, and you didn't reply.
Don't see much you can do other than telling her what you did, and ask for her forgiveness (if you really treasure this friendship), if not, just take this lesson to heart, not to be so self-centred anymore, and to priortize what you think is more important. Work, BGR, or friend.
Take this as a lesson learnt,
Aaron -
Seriously I was selfish.
I believe that it was because of my bf as he disallows me to go out with my bestie. So actually the time with my bestie was deprived. I only sees her regularly for cca sessions once a week.
Then she start to fade away from the cca. Not due to me, but due to the poor management of our previous committee. She kena a few times unluckily, like the calling list missed her out, lost her important forms, etc.
I feel that my bf was a lower priority. May I say that I am under some sort of 'duress' and he was insistent on everything. (in the past)
She didn't really have the chance to tell me her problems. I feel really lousy. But during the period of 2 months I did talked to her online. She didn't want to tell me anything. So I just thought I wouldn't pester her anymore.
The next thing I know was she cut herself. And we are no longer besties.
She keeps saying that she will remember the scars.
This is haunting me and I feel my heart aching badly. -
i am sad to hear your situation.
you must have your own stand to him and say: " I m not your playtoy, I m Human After All, Not Controlled or Owned by you, I have my own life"
It's really unreasonable of him to force you to play maplestory and even call u up to shout at you for not playing. Try Speaking to him nicely and see if he understands your situation. If not, then maybe a time out would be needed.
ok, try to understand that, you and her are best friends, and she might be jealous that you have found one and she might have not or you guys are so loving. As you said, explaining might not be the best way (and it didn work for your case) so, prove it through actions, and hang out with her. you cant be sticking with your bf all the time. you need your girl life sister.
Btw, how old are you -
Originally posted by paperlove:Seriously I was selfish.
I believe that it was because of my bf as he disallows me to go out with my bestie. So actually the time with my bestie was deprived. I only sees her regularly for cca sessions once a week.
Then she start to fade away from the cca. Not due to me, but due to the poor management of our previous committee. She kena a few times unluckily, like the calling list missed her out, lost her important forms, etc.
I feel that my bf was a lower priority. May I say that I am under some sort of 'duress' and he was insistent on everything. (in the past)
She didn't really have the chance to tell me her problems. I feel really lousy. But during the period of 2 months I did talked to her online. She didn't want to tell me anything. So I just thought I wouldn't pester her anymore.
The next thing I know was she cut herself. And we are no longer besties.
She keeps saying that she will remember the scars.
This is haunting me and I feel my heart aching badly.
Then perhaps for once, you should not relying on the internet and all the mediums that keep you very much at a distance and not anywhere nearer.
To the best of your ability, date her and have a heart-to-heart talk. You have your constrains and she has her needs, but certainly, there must be a tacit mutual understanding between friends. If it's not understood, then you need to communicate it.
Since there is already a crack surfacing, I don't see why you should avoid it if you desire to resolve this plight. Imagine when you talk to her and your opening statement is about 'StarHub Cable Internet', I reckon on her end, she would probably be thinking that you don't value this friendship as much as she does and thus she chose to regress from you emotionally (And of course, we all know that the truth isn't this way).
Be sincere for once if you want to work on any form of relationship. Effort is not about MSNing just because it is the most convenient way of 'contacting' - effort means some sacrifice on your part.
To balance bestie and bf is probably the hardest - but if there anything you need to do to ensure that this equation balance itself, you must be the component to tweak the scale. If not, you will probably end up losing one of the two.
P.S: People come and go all the time; there's simply no way we could hope to hold onto people unless they want to stay - friendship and relationship likewise.
Cheers -
not much advice for you.
friends come friends go. although i do believe we will need someone other than our SO in our life, but that person might not always remain the same in our life.
do something out of the way, to show that u really cherish her. not like saying, o i msn her, she dont answer. i tried my best. is she dont want be my friend.
that is not going to help. rather like yun said, go do something for her. perhaps u know now that she is angry with u. go buy her chocolates or her fave snack. go to her place give them to her. apologize and write a letter perhaps.
u must know that while u can try to do everything to seek her forgiveness, she has every right not to accept it. be prepared to face some setbacks, but if u really cherish your friendship, then setbacks will not stop u. -
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Huh...Still haben finish arh....?
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