My long boring story
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Originally posted by paperlove:
U failed at life
I have this bestie, for like going 5 years.
We spent alot time together. Really alot.
I was free and easy - No CCA committment and BGR
We have been really close and happy hanging out together.
Until I gradually neglected her.
[b]Reason being:
1) Heavy CCA committment
2) BGR (problematic bf)
Over a period of 2 months plus, our friendship took a turn.
CCA committment was stressful as I have loads of deadlines to meet.
Moreover the planning of 2 major events started together so it was sometimes like a 'chiong till the end' thingy.
We were in the same CCA. It's just that she slowly didn't turn up for CCA regularly. I can barely bring extra time to meet her. The only regular meeting we had was CCA but it is gone totally.
My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for time together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to 'stick' to my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my bestie as my top priority.
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my house and shouted at me.
I can only take up whatever time I have left (after school and CCA) to spend time together with him. I didn't meet my bestie for a very long time. I broke up with him twice within 2 months, and he said he would change. I waited for very long before he started to accept my thinking.
She knows about my bf as 3 of us are colleagues in the past. She knows our problem. My bf and her cannot click. I am like in between.
However I disallow my bf to talk bad about my bestie and that is often the cause of our daily quarrels because he feels that I am too concerned about my bestie. I speak bad of my bf infront of her. However I stopped talking abt my bf infront of her as she doesn't like it. She also doesn't like it when I talks about CCA.
Hence I have nothing much to talk to her. Moreover she is going through her darkest moments in her life due to some personal stuff and I am busy doing my CCA event thingy. In fact, I am so engrossed in doing and so busy editing the budget that I don't even realise that I have more than 7 MSN Messenger windows.
After finish planning my event (which is 2 month plus later) I tried contacting her but I didn't know how to start. So the stupid me go and ask her about the Starhub Cable Internet. Her reply was 'today is exactly 1 month we didn't contact'
It didn't came out of my expectations of course. I did explain to her. But she wasn't the same anymore. She do not bother about me anymore. I hurt her tremendously and she cut herself.
I really feel remorseful and really wish to save our almost 5 years friendship. I am sincere but she was so determined. I have been trying to talk to her for almost 2 months. I didn't mean to spoil our relationship.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
My world is totally different w/o her. Whenever I see her I hide away. I don't know how to face her again. I cry uncontrollably whenever I talks about her. Being too emotional but its out of my control.
I need encouragements and some enlightenment.
I welcome critism too. I am a lousy friend and I need to improve.[/b] -
Eighteen. My boyfriend is senior to me by almost 3 years.Originally posted by kenn3th:i am sad to hear your situation.
you must have your own stand to him and say: " I m not your playtoy, I m Human After All, Not Controlled or Owned by you, I have my own life"
It's really unreasonable of him to force you to play maplestory and even call u up to shout at you for not playing. Try Speaking to him nicely and see if he understands your situation. If not, then maybe a time out would be needed.
ok, try to understand that, you and her are best friends, and she might be jealous that you have found one and she might have not or you guys are so loving. As you said, explaining might not be the best way (and it didn work for your case) so, prove it through actions, and hang out with her. you cant be sticking with your bf all the time. you need your girl life sister.
Btw, how old are you -
Yes I am.Originally posted by boka:U failed at life
I have been always there for her in the past.
She is always there for me.
Its my negligence.
Well, I used to be very free.
No need time management.
It came too sudden.
Now I can manage my time better. -
your bf is super childish (immature is too kind on him) and demanding and bad temper shouting @ the top of the voice on phone like that i hate any person even if my best friend do that i will hang up on him for sure no matterOriginally posted by paperlove:My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for time together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to 'stick' to my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my bestie as my top priority.
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my house and shouted at me.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
My world is totally different w/o her. Whenever I see her I hide away. I don't know how to face her again. I cry uncontrollably whenever I talks about her. Being too emotional but its out of my control.
I need encouragements and some enlightenment.
I welcome critism too. I am a lousy friend and I need to improve.
why did you stead with such a guy ? because he is handsome or cute or what
suggest u break with your bf asap such a kiddo causing you problems wasting alot your precious time to do what is really needed - STUDY especially
your bf is actually main source of your problem AS he want to spend time with you for the SAKE of it not really any purpose / meaning or maybe u 2 have intimate time together so he want to spend more time so he can "enjoy" the intimate time more pardon my directness
and your bf criticise on your bestie which is absouletly uncessary even after u told him not to
and it is not your fault that your bestie cut herself that is HER own mentality problem already and her own way of reliving stress which is the wrong way it is not your fault even though u might have cause her stress but she use the wrong way to solve the problem
as highlighted in green if he is really that annoying and that crappy and that childish why don't you break up with him already why are u holding to this relationship that cause problems in the whole of your life
i think your bestie really need you and you should be there for her while your bf need you in the "Name Of Relationship"
You need to explain to your bestie slowly perferbaly after eating or after a movie or while shopping or something like that FACE TO FACE instead of MSN or phone to show your sincerity
hopefully it help I rarely type such long messages wonder what is "Wrong" with me today -
That is a great piece of advice seriously.
Everyone else too.
I guess I need to find my way slowly as she is avoiding me, for almost 2 months.
Thanks everyone
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Almost all the people here said that the problem is in your bf, so I am taking the problem away from your bf.
My bf was rather problematic, as he is always demanding me for time together. Our thinking clash soo much. I do not like to 'stick' to my bf, and regards my studies and my friendship with my bestie as my top priority.
Have you thought of it that why he had to demand time to be together is because he can "feel" that he is a lower priority? As you said, your studies and ur bestie is your top priority, and plus your cca, do you have enough time go out with him?
I have no idea why but my bf seemed to be redundant, or worse to say, he is bugging me and super irritating. (He wasn't like this in the beginning)
We had quarrels almost everyday. The most stupid thing was he so obsessed with MapleSEA that he forces me to play with him. There was once I rejected as I want to sleep, he actually rang up my house and shouted at me.
You said that in the beginning, he was not like this. But over the time, he might feel neglected because of your studies, cca and bestie, he started to changed, he needs you too. So the best way to do is to bug you for time to spend with him. Playing games together is also a way to spend time together.
Although the shouting might be too overboard from him, that might be his thinking that you do not want to spend time with him, you are pushing him away. He is starting to feel that you are not there for him.
He is feeling insecure. Yes, guys do feel insecure too. You might think that if you neglect him, he will find his own things to do, but if you make him feel that he is unwanted, he will start to be insecure.
Is your bf in NS? If yes and if he is those who have to stay in camp during weekdays, then he had only the weekends to be with you. But with you busying with cca and bestie, how much time do you have for him, since you had put him as a lower priority?After finish planning my event (which is 2 month plus later) I tried contacting her but I didn't know how to start. So the stupid me go and ask her about the Starhub Cable Internet. Her reply was 'today is exactly 1 month we didn't contact'
Did she cut herself because you did not contact her, or because of her own problems?
[quote]It didn't came out of my expectations of course. I did explain to her. But she wasn't the same anymore. She do not bother about me anymore. I hurt her tremendously and she cut herself.
I admit I was too self-centered. Being too involved in CCA as I was becoming the committee member. Now I am in the committee, she finds all sorts of ways to 'shoot' me and I am very upset, but still thinks I deserves it.
Now, whenever I try talking to her, she starts to say 'go talk to ur bf' or 'you have ur bf everytime' or 'you have ur bf to accompany u'.
I asked her out and she thinks that I am treating her as a substitute for my bf when my bf cannot accompany me. That is absolutely not true. I am very hurt by this and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to explain, she doesn't take it.
From those words that she spoke to you, I feel that she think that you are hers and that no one can come in between the two of you.I have this bestie, for like going 5 years.
As you said here, the two of you spent a lot time together for 5 years, and so suddenly, she can’t accept the fact that you had a bf. She feels that a part of her is taken away from her. In short, she can’t stand the fact that you had a bf and resist the idea of having to ‘share’ your time with other people. She wants all your time all by herself.
We spent alot time together. Really alot.
I was free and easy - No CCA committment and BGR
We have been really close and happy hanging out together.
I have a question here; does she need you to be with her most of the time? For example, everyday die die must chat on the phone or MSN?
If the answer is yes, then I feel that she is the one who is sticking to you like a leech. She is immature in her thinking.
This is only my point of view from the other side, as too many said that the fault is in your bf. But how many people can see that the problem from themselves?
My gf used to stick to me until I feel irritated. So I told her that we sometimes need time for ourselves, for other people, and we should not prevent each other from seeing our friends.
Anyway, I do hope you can strike a balance between friendship and relationship, but it is not so easy. I used to have regular breakfast cum talk c.ock time with 2 of my good friends every Sunday, rain or shine. Until 1 of them got attached, and he started to spend more time with his gf. We got tired of asking him out, because he will say that he is not free. I understand why he said that so I am fine with it, but my other friend does not really understand. He feels that there is no need for my attached friend to be with his gf 24/7. So they fallen out. Until recently, my 2nd friend got attached too and finally understands why my 1st friend only spends all his time with his gf. So now, we still meet up sometimes for coffee, just to catch up with each other doings and career.
My long long story is to drive this point, there is no fault with anybody, whether you, your bf or your bestie. But you have to make it know to your bestie that each of you had your own personal life, you have your studies, cca and bf. She seems not to understand the big picture that you are having with. And you have to let her know that. Friends need not to be with each other all the time, but when she need you, you will be around.
For your bf, itÂ’s good he is changing for you, but did you change for him? It takes 2 hands to clap. Just remember that.
Lastly, sorry for this long long post, I think this is the 1st time I had wrote so long. I do hope you can solve your f/s and r/s problems.
Cheers -
My frens always say to me, "bros before hoes".
i guess u can do the same too.
"Sis before sissys"
MapleSEA
He Gotta be joking man.