break up
-
hi everybody
wonder if anyone has any idea on how to get over one's ex. really really quickly.
we have been together for 3 years ever since jc, and even survived one year of long distance relationship. but he said the long distance is putting alot of stress on him and that he feels that i put in so much into the relationship that he can't keep up, and hence the feelings died. he broke with me while i'm still overseas, over the PHONE! i was so crushed at first because he didn't even want to try and work things out and it was so sudden and unexpected. (He's not with another girl i'm sure). i was so angry because he didn't tell me to my face and he really broke my heart cos he said the last whole mth before i left singapore for my second year of studies he was already thinking of it. but still i've forgiven him. ( is there something wrong with me??!!)
but i'm trying very hard to survive. yet memories of us together keep popping up every now and then. it's not like i don't try not to think about it. but even when i'm doign things i ought to concentrate on, like studying for exams, some stuf will just pop up into my mind.
issit true that the first one is always the most difficult one to forget? should i still talk to him every now and then?
my friends all say they think i'm taking this really well. but i'm not sure if i am. christmas and new yr are such horrid times to go out, cos everyone out and about are couples and families. i guess all my friends think i'm strong, cos usually i'm the one who gives advice and listens to their problems. i guess i can know what to do for everyone else's problems, except my own.
ps: i'm sorry this is so long
------------------
don't think too much or everything will suck
[This message has been edited by jazmyn (edited 28 December 2000).] -
Harlow, well sorrie to hear that......... I'm kind of like in the same boat as you, recently juz broke up with my first love..... really hard hard to take of forget, and true that memories juz keep popping out of nowhere........... but well if you believe this quote "What's meant to be your will be your", then I think that you should let nature take its course...... true that starting it will feel really bad(that's how I'm feeling now), but well myabe one thing you can do is to distract yourself, like going out with friends......... somehow or rather there's nothing else to do except to be strong....... well all the best to you..... and to me..............
-
hi djmemo i read your post on the other topic, and well...i guess the break up make me reassess my priorities in life. my life did revolve alot around him too. esp in jc - supposed to be the time when you make the most friends, but i think i was too caught up in the relationship to care about anything else.
he used to tell me if anything went wrong in my life he'd always always be here for me, loving me. now i don't know how i'm supposed to believe that if anyone else says it to me. when he broke my heart some of the pieces went missing and i don't think i'll find them back again. of course the wound will heal but there'll always be this shadow.
good luck to you too. (how old are ya btw?) i dunno if it's easier or more difficult for guys. -
Hi, well I'm 17 this year and well, there are wounds still to be mended and I wonder how long, and I personally think that girls take it better or rather the person who initiates the break-up. Well I'm still trying to get a grip and somehow or rather would want her back, but guess there are better things....... see if this quote "time heals all wounds" really takes into effect. Well once again, all the best to both of us.
-
hi Jazmyn and djmemo,
Sorry to hear about wat happen to the both of u.. but I understand ow it hurts inside. The memories, the good times, the quarrels, the smiles, the whispers and the words. I understand how it painful such things bite you.
I too agree that it's always hard to forget your first love. It's becoz it's the first time u r emotionally hurt in this area. It's unlike any other infaturation or anything, becoz it's thei first time u felt so close to a person, first time u are touched by someone. All these will not just go away.. it just lingers on and on in your mind. At least for the next few weeks and can even last up to mths or even yrs. Even then u may have think u have forgotten all about it. it just comes back again someday. but by then it will be just the memories...
I do believe for guys and girls who have play their part in the r/s will feel the same. It will be like a treasure lost.. or even worse, becoz this is from the heart. something that u can feel but never touch or understand. But for guys I think even when we dun show it in our face, which most guys will do that, they will feel the pain inside. they will still recall deep in their hearts, no matter how they cover up their thoughts.
Jazmyn, just want to tell you that there is always this website for you depend on. for you to post and we will empathise your feelings.
------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
hi bear
thank you for reading my post...
yeah maybe it's harder for guys in some ways - society expects them to be emotionally strong, whereas for girls we're mostly allowed to whine, to cry, to show how upset we are, and to be consoled.
i don't know if i did the right thing by still calling him every now and then...email... that kind of thing. he replies but he's so detached - i know him well, he always goes into his numb mode as a defense mechanism.
but i really do still want to be his friend - am i pathetic or what? ( i guess normal pple would just stop all forms of communication with their exes for awhile...) -
Well, still think that it's alright for guys to cry over such matters too. Maybe becoz I do. When u put in the effort to make a r/s successful, but it got shattered, it will hurt anyone else.. Sometimes I also think that guys are too stubborn to listen to advice. they are too head-strong to stop and listen to others. most will always think that they are rite. Even for myself I too sometimes catch myself wif it.
it's alrite to remain friends wif ur ex. even myself do that. I mean both of u know each other so well, it's a waste if the friendship just stop there... It's alright. In fact, i'm into the idea of it. Coz friends can never had enough. furthermore, for ur matter it's not over another girl, so it's alright to keep the friendship.
As for him, I think it's becoz he's not used to it. like wat u said, most pple will not think of having contacts wif their ex. He must have tot so. There's always the embarrassment when facing ur ex at the beginning stage.. thus he's just not used to it. give him time, he will get over it and accept u as his friend again... Not to worry I think he will crawl out of his shell in no time. He might be startled by ur apprach too..
------------------Originally posted by jazmyn:hi bear
thank you for reading my post...
yeah maybe it's harder for guys in some ways - society expects them to be emotionally strong, whereas for girls we're mostly allowed to whine, to cry, to show how upset we are, and to be consoled.
i don't know if i did the right thing by still calling him every now and then...email... that kind of thing. he replies but he's so detached - i know him well, he always goes into his numb mode as a defense mechanism.
but i really do still want to be his friend - am i pathetic or what? ( i guess normal pple would just stop all forms of communication with their exes for awhile...)
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
hmmz...if u say u're pathetic, den wat am i. =) look, mebbe this wun do much help, but sometimes, taking a look at people with similar probs, or even taking a look at pple ard u, u may even find tt ur problem is actually pretty minute lo........Originally posted by jazmyn:hi bear
thank you for reading my post...
yeah maybe it's harder for guys in some ways - society expects them to be emotionally strong, whereas for girls we're mostly allowed to whine, to cry, to show how upset we are, and to be consoled.
i don't know if i did the right thing by still calling him every now and then...email... that kind of thing. he replies but he's so detached - i know him well, he always goes into his numb mode as a defense mechanism.
but i really do still want to be his friend - am i pathetic or what? ( i guess normal pple would just stop all forms of communication with their exes for awhile...)
newaez, if normal pple leave their exes alone, den i guess i'm an abnormal person lo. =) hahaha relac la..........it's only nat to still wanna b frenz.... -
hi
I recently broke off wif my gal (cant get over my gal forum) I as a guy have been madly in love with her as a first relationship & up to now I still have. She suggested the break off due to my thick-headed attitude, but I kept calling her for the past few days to talk to her as a friend.
May u gal as a woman point of view, think that she still have feeling as she even though said that there is oredi no love for me.
Regarding it is painful and suffering. My advice for u is that if that guy has some feelings for you. Why did contact him and talk to him as a friend and try to sort the matter between u two.
*Action speaks Louder than words* -
Jazmyn & djmemo,
When I read the posts about how the both of you feel, I remember how devastated I felt when the love of my life left me. The feeling of being totally torn apart, of not being able to feel his lips anymore, the thought of never ever hafing the chance to tell him how much you love him really rips me apart. On the 9th Jan, it will be one year since I broke up with him. Even till now, when I look back on my past, my happy times with him I smile, because it was absolutely Purrfect, so sweet and romantic, so in love. I got over the pain, now I just wish the best for him, knowing he is happy and well is enuff to make my day. When you love someone, remember the kisses and love, forget the pain and let the joy overflow in your heart. For one day you will thank God that He has given you a chance to truly love for at least once in a lifetime
-
hello pple
yeah i guess t|red you're right... look at other pple's problems...mine surely become smaller... but sigh, sometimes cannot help it lah...
i hope he finds happiness... then i will be able to know that his decision was the right one. still love him so very much...
------------------
don't think too much or everything will suck -
Harlow ppl, really thanks for all your replies and for your words of advice..... I guess it's not the end of everything.... as for me, I guess I'm the weaker of both of us(me and her)..... well it seems like I'm the one perstering her and she seems so "tough", like everything forget liao or dun want to remember.... well we do quarrel often so I guess kind of tired liao... then she want to look elsewhere or in a sense experience new relationships.... well I guess we're still young.......
But really thanks to you ppl out there...... all the best to you ppl and a very Happy New Year.......
And Jazmyn, all the best to you, I guess for now juz become friends then see how from there, if you are really meant to be, no matter what happens also you will be together one(guess the's same for me).... do take gd care...........
And Seraphina, really thanks for your advice... come to think of it all quite true.... thanks........ God Bless You
[This message has been edited by djmemo (edited 29 December 2000).]
[This message has been edited by djmemo (edited 29 December 2000).] -
djmemo : all the best for the new year...in your love life...sch life...etc...=) i don't think she can forget so easily, but i guess like my ex, they're both trying to put the past behind them. so perhaps we should also get on with our lives too... just try and be happy kay? and hopefully one day when you're not even looking for it...you'll find someone whom you can open your heart to again...
everyone else : thanks for being so understanding ...'ppreciate it lots.
luff; jazmyn
------------------
don't think too much or everything will suck -
Wat an attitude... that's the kind of attitude that we should all have.. to forgive the bad moments and remember the sweetness of the past...Originally posted by Seraphina:Jazmyn & djmemo,
When I read the posts about how the both of you feel, I remember how devastated I felt when the love of my life left me. The feeling of being totally torn apart, of not being able to feel his lips anymore, the thought of never ever hafing the chance to tell him how much you love him really rips me apart. On the 9th Jan, it will be one year since I broke up with him. Even till now, when I look back on my past, my happy times with him I smile, because it was absolutely Purrfect, so sweet and romantic, so in love. I got over the pain, now I just wish the best for him, knowing he is happy and well is enuff to make my day. When you love someone, remember the kisses and love, forget the pain and let the joy overflow in your heart. For one day you will thank God that He has given you a chance to truly love for at least once in a lifetime
------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
hmmz...i guess wat one ca really do at this point of time, is to adopt an optimistic point of view, and like bear said, a positive attitude towards the broken relationship. =)
-
Hi. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months. I'm 17. This is my third relationship. This time I really put in everything I got. I can't get over it. I admit it too was my fault, but there's a lot of bad timing involved, that caused all these to happen. Long Story. Ain't gonna say. I really need someone, someone human to talk to. I nearly jumped down the MRT train track yesterday. Without thinking. I had to look away. I feel like a zombie. Nothing in life seems to matter anymore. No goals, no aim. She was what encouraged me to do things, she became my sole encouragement. Now I have lost her. Even as I dream, I dreamt about not having her. Could someone tell me what to do... I'm not exactly askign for answers. I'm just lost. Lost forever. Drowned. In Love.
-
hi cybernut
whatever you do... please don't think about death - it's not worth it to end your life before you've even gotten to the best bits that lie ahead. one thing you could do... see if the whole situation can be salvaged i.e. if she is willing to give the relationship another try. if she doesn't want to work things out, just remember that gfs will come and go in your life... but friends are there forever. and whatever it is, you can be your own source of encouragement - live for yourself, not for other pple's sake!
i admit i still feel lost every now and then too. (i've been with him for 3 years) there're times i really really wish i could turn back the time so i could get it right this time. and there are times i feel like nothing really matters cos i don't have his love. but whenever this kinda stuff pops up in my mind i tell myself not to dwell too much on the past, which is unchangeable, and to look to the future ......
here's a quote for you " the past is history...the future a mystery... and Today is a gift, that's why it's called the Present"
(sorry i can't remember it very well but i think that's how it goes)
------------------
don't think too much or everything will suck -
Hi Cybernut, really sorrie to hear that, and pls never think about death again. True to certain extent that now there is really nothing for you to live, coz for once in your life she was your everything, your direction, your whole life. Now everything seems gone, all gone. About 2 weeks back I was like you, my gf(of 2 years) left me and then it seems like there is nothing left, feeling so lost, no direction.
This kind of thing takes time to heal, how long nobody knows. But really life is more than it can offer.
You know something, go ahead and cry, and cry real hard. It's okay to cry, who said that crying is a sign of weakness, it takes courage to cry...... lots of them.....
I believe that during your period with her there was lots of happy moments, and I believe that when you think of them, it really kinds of bring everything back. Seems at that time all seems so perfect, but you should think about why the break-up surfaced.
For now I guess juz be friends. Take time out, go out with the friends that you kind of abandon when you were with her, of you can spend more time with your family, anything to kind of distract you for the moment.
School is about to start, so more distractions. You do have to brace yourself up and move on. Remember that if she is meant to be yours, she will someday.
Dun lose hop juz yet, let go for a while. See more of the world, make more new friends coz remember that life is more than what it can offer.
Take care and think on the positive side. With lots of love and concern from all of us here, we wish you the best. -
U must get over him for sure, time will heal all wounds, juz concentrate on whatever u r doing now and keep yourself busy.Originally posted by jazmyn:hello pple
yeah i guess t|red you're right... look at other pple's problems...mine surely become smaller... but sigh, sometimes cannot help it lah...
i hope he finds happiness... then i will be able to know that his decision was the right one. still love him so very much...
------------------
Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Hey... All of us fall in and out of love easily even though we try very hard to save it. It's feelings that we are dealing here.. it's something that can change when u least suspect it. I believe that there are many here who have tried to save a relationship before and were all devastated when they failed to save their r/s.Originally posted by CyberNut:Hi. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months. I'm 17. This is my third relationship. This time I really put in everything I got. I can't get over it. I admit it too was my fault, but there's a lot of bad timing involved, that caused all these to happen. Long Story. Ain't gonna say. I really need someone, someone human to talk to. I nearly jumped down the MRT train track yesterday. Without thinking. I had to look away. I feel like a zombie. Nothing in life seems to matter anymore. No goals, no aim. She was what encouraged me to do things, she became my sole encouragement. Now I have lost her. Even as I dream, I dreamt about not having her. Could someone tell me what to do... I'm not exactly askign for answers. I'm just lost. Lost forever. Drowned. In Love.
U know that it's partially ur fault. Change it. so that the next one will not see it again. U know that she has some faults, understand y she will behave this way, understand if it's connected to you. Learn and understand that humans have this short-comings. that's how we can become better and learn...
No aim, no goal?? Hey no manz.. U r just momentary stunned for the moment. after that u will be fine... Time will ease the hurt and kill the pain. Actually, I believe that u know wat u want in life too. When u were young u have ur dreams. Before u had a gf u had ur goals. Bring them out again. they are not gone. Be it being a chef, be it being a hunky guy.. hey just go for it. U said u are lost is becoz of the sudden loss of ur gf. but it's not going to stop u there I'm sure. Ur gf is there only as a emotional and morale support.
------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
erm......erm..........
well, basically, bear's said wat is needed to say lo.......
other than asking u to look ahead and stop turning back, there's really nutin else more to say....i noe it's easier said than done, but instead of looking back at the mistakes you've yet to correct, and wishing that time could just turn back, y not look straight up ahead? true u may not be able to c clearly wat lies in the path ahead, but still, it is a better choice den looking back. not that looking back is bad or wat, just that ther is c-riously no point in trying to think that wat if u could just turn back time. u n i both knoe clearly n very well that it's impossible for time to turn back, so instead of hoping for a wish that'd never come true to come true, y not look at wat's ahead n infront of u?
i'm not saying that u shudn't try to salvage the relationship. just that u shud dong de zhen xi ceng jin yong you. treasure wat u have when u still have it. n not cherish it only when u've lost it........u stil have 3/4 of ur life ahead of u........nothing is really lost as yet.....definitely not time.....
hope wat i've said made sense lo...... -
think it did,.. summaries wat I want said...Originally posted by t|rEd:erm......erm..........
well, basically, bear's said wat is needed to say lo.......
other than asking u to look ahead and stop turning back, there's really nutin else more to say....i noe it's easier said than done, but instead of looking back at the mistakes you've yet to correct, and wishing that time could just turn back, y not look straight up ahead? true u may not be able to c clearly wat lies in the path ahead, but still, it is a better choice den looking back. not that looking back is bad or wat, just that ther is c-riously no point in trying to think that wat if u could just turn back time. u n i both knoe clearly n very well that it's impossible for time to turn back, so instead of hoping for a wish that'd never come true to come true, y not look at wat's ahead n infront of u?
i'm not saying that u shudn't try to salvage the relationship. just that u shud dong de zhen xi ceng jin yong you. treasure wat u have when u still have it. n not cherish it only when u've lost it........u stil have 3/4 of ur life ahead of u........nothing is really lost as yet.....definitely not time.....
hope wat i've said made sense lo......
Well, Cybernut hope to heard that from u soon, to know how thins are getting.. hope it's for the better..
------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Hi jazmyn: Sorrie to heard wat happen to u :~< but i am realli veri tired to type wats in my tot liao le, sollie
But dun blame mi can...... i belive i can help u wan. but not today. And juz to think of it, today is new yr day's eve. i wish u all had a very happi NEW YEAR!!! Try to getover it lor, all i can say tt u can't ferget him wan lar, but.... can make it liek think of him in a wun think liao heartache way.
p.s: sollie, u sure feel fastrated wan, but i'm realli not good at words, or rather not good at explianing things....
Not Gonna put my signture this time... -
Hi jazmyn: Sorrie to heard wat happen to u :~< but i am realli veri tired to type wats in my tot liao le, sollie But dun blame mi can...... i belive i can help u wan. but not today. And juz to think of it, today is new yr day's eve. i wish u all had a very happi NEW YEAR!!! Try to getover it lor, all i can say tt u can't ferget him wan lar, but.... can make it liek think of him in a wun think liao heartache way.
p.s: sollie, u sure feel fastrated wan, but i'm realli not good at words, or rather not good at explianing things....
Not Gonna put my signture this time... -
hey iceflame...happy new year to you tooOriginally posted by IceFlame:Hi jazmyn: Sorrie to heard wat happen to u :~< but i am realli veri tired to type wats in my tot liao le, sollie But dun blame mi can...... i belive i can help u wan. but not today. And juz to think of it, today is new yr day's eve. i wish u all had a very happi NEW YEAR!!! Try to getover it lor, all i can say tt u can't ferget him wan lar, but.... can make it liek think of him in a wun think liao heartache way.
p.s: sollie, u sure feel fastrated wan, but i'm realli not good at words, or rather not good at explianing things....
Not Gonna put my signture this time...
here's wishing everybody around here a great and meaningful 2001... all the best!
(someone wish me good luck for my exams and luv life leh??? hehehe)
luff; jazmyn