break up
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Hmmm.. not very advisable for pple to drink so much huhz.. esp for xiao mei mei.. he ehee.. later something happen to them me not going answer for them...Originally posted by Larry:My personal experience in my first breakup was actually quite interesting. She initiated it, I agreed to it, I went drinking and had a lot of basketball sessions. Then I was ok. Strange??
Sometimes, activities that keep your mind occupied would prevent a person from thinking too hard.
but I think most of the guys when they are faced wif a break up they will just comply to the girl, as though he has no feelings. Think this is some kind of cover to tell the girl that he can take it.. Somtetimes it's a false front, if he has taken the r/s seriously.
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Agree with bear too, drinking doesn't solve all problems...keep urself occupied is the only way to forget all the past r/s...time heals...however it will still be there as part of ur memories.Originally posted by Bear:Hmmm.. not very advisable for pple to drink so much huhz.. esp for xiao mei mei.. he ehee.. later something happen to them me not going answer for them...
but I think most of the guys when they are faced wif a break up they will just comply to the girl, as though he has no feelings. Think this is some kind of cover to tell the girl that he can take it.. Somtetimes it's a false front, if he has taken the r/s seriously.
Girls i find very different from guys like ourselves...girls just say break and can totally hv no feelings for the other party...guys in the other hand, cannot forget the past r/s they have spent together...the longer the relationship, guys will hv longer time to forget...this is part of life...*sigh* -
i'm an exceptionOriginally posted by *Sad_Soul*:Agree with bear too, drinking doesn't solve all problems...keep urself occupied is the only way to forget all the past r/s...time heals...however it will still be there as part of ur memories.
Girls i find very different from guys like ourselves...girls just say break and can totally hv no feelings for the other party...guys in the other hand, cannot forget the past r/s they have spent together...the longer the relationship, guys will hv longer time to forget...this is part of life...*sigh*
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I understand your situation as it is the other way round. Sorry if i offended you ladies out there.
I noted through my encounter and friends' encounter abt the feelings of a gal/guys who really breaks off after a long r/s.
There are three types of break up in a relationship:
1) Complete loss of feelings wif the other
- This is a terrible blow to the other party who treated the r/s very seriously. If a gal/guy sincerely say these words to you, it can drive us crazy. It is a crude fact that we all cnt accept. Hv to bear wif it as it is nt easy to swallow. Probably take a long time to forget as questions marks are constantly kept wondering ard now & then asking,"why this r/s become like that."
2) Due to current situation - It hv to depend on the degree of situation that leads to the break up. Examples like stress, family problems, insecurity, etc etc. However if both parties still love each other, there is a chance of being together if efforts have to be made to improve it.
3) Mistakes made - a r/s is bound to hv mistakes made. However Major ones are nt easily to forgive. That maybe the main factor that leads to this break up. Forgiveness is the only key that can prevent this to happen. But constantly doing the mistakes, it can be upgraded to the (1) complete loss of feelings to one party.
Love can be a tool of happiness or a weapon of destruction. It have to all depend on urself to cherish it. -
definitely not offended... just thought that it's such an irony... read your post in the other topic and i have to admit that sometimes i feel quite disappointed in myself for wanting to patch up... for loving him still even if he doesn't. then there're times when i think that perhaps it's a blessing that we broke. i hope with the passing of time i'll think more of the second kind of thoughts rather than the first kind.Originally posted by *Sad_Soul*:I understand your situation as it is the other way round. Sorry if i offended you ladies out there.
I noted through my encounter and friends' encounter abt the feelings of a gal/guys who really breaks off after a long r/s.
There are three types of break up in a relationship:
1) Complete loss of feelings wif the other
- This is a terrible blow to the other party who treated the r/s very seriously. If a gal/guy sincerely say these words to you, it can drive us crazy. It is a crude fact that we all cnt accept. Hv to bear wif it as it is nt easy to swallow. Probably take a long time to forget as questions marks are constantly kept wondering ard now & then asking,"why this r/s become like that."
2) Due to current situation - It hv to depend on the degree of situation that leads to the break up. Examples like stress, family problems, insecurity, etc etc. However if both parties still love each other, there is a chance of being together if efforts have to be made to improve it.
3) Mistakes made - a r/s is bound to hv mistakes made. However Major ones are nt easily to forgive. That maybe the main factor that leads to this break up. Forgiveness is the only key that can prevent this to happen. But constantly doing the mistakes, it can be upgraded to the (1) complete loss of feelings to one party.
Love can be a tool of happiness or a weapon of destruction. It have to all depend on urself to cherish it.
take care
jazmyn
[This message has been edited by jazmyn (edited 14 January 2001).] -
I can understand ur feelings of wanting to patch up. It proves that you love him. My Ex also last time wanted me to patch back with her as I was angry wif her over some issues and did not wish to talk to her for a long period of time (nw I find it very childish for not talking to her)... Well, the point is guys should try to understand their the other half's feelings and pain she went through trying to patch back. Nw, I got a taste of my own medicine when I wanted to patch back wif her. My advise is take life easy and at the least you know when a guy wans to patch back wif you, imagine the times he went through is similar to urs. Good Luck to ur no 2, & pls understand him.Originally posted by jazmyn:definitely not offended... just thought that it's such an irony... read your post in the other topic and i have to admit that sometimes i feel quite disappointed in myself for wanting to patch up... for loving him still even if he doesn't. then there're times when i think that perhaps it's a blessing that we broke. i hope with the passing of time i'll think more of the second kind of thoughts rather than the first kind.
take care
jazmyn
[This message has been edited by jazmyn (edited 14 January 2001).] -
Sad_soul: hmmm... think I got to disagree wif u also.. coz I think that whether is it girls or guys they also suffer equally in a break up. Maybe it's becoz girls have their other guys ard them and they are able to speak their minds out.
For guys I think most of the time we still have something that we dun want to say hence we are being burden by it coz we are still carrying it in ur heart. I'm not trying to be a busybody to dig out wat u dun want to say, but look at urself, u stored something in ur heart, hence makes it harder for u to let things go. For girls, I think they dun mind saying their hearts out, or even crying their hearts out, thus they have expressed their tot and emotions out. Once it out, it's being shared by other pple hence the suppressed and even depressed feelings is divided out. and they will recover faster than guys. Dunno if u agree wif me...
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
[This message has been edited by Bear (edited 14 January 2001).] -
Well.. think u shldn't feel disappointed in ur initial tots too.. becoz all of us will bear that kind of tots at the initial stage of a break up due to the sudden loss. Someway and somehow, all of us has depended in a way or another to ur ex. Be it for morale support or for emotional needs. Esp in a r/s u gave ur heart on the other person, that's y u accept the r/s. Ur heart depended a lot on him in the past hence u can't let go just like that at the beginning. I dun think anybody can do that if he/she is involved in a r/s.Originally posted by jazmyn:definitely not offended... just thought that it's such an irony... read your post in the other topic and i have to admit that sometimes i feel quite disappointed in myself for wanting to patch up... for loving him still even if he doesn't. then there're times when i think that perhaps it's a blessing that we broke. i hope with the passing of time i'll think more of the second kind of thoughts rather than the first kind.
take care
jazmyn
Well, now that u r having second tots, I think it's a sign that u are slightly recovering from the loss, and u r doing well. That's good news for u too...
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Totally agreed...Originally posted by Bear:Sad_soul: hmmm... think I got to disagree wif u also.. coz I think that whether is it girls or guys they also suffer equally in a break up. Maybe it's becoz girls have their other guys ard them and they are able to speak their minds out.
For guys I think most of the time we still have something that we dun want to say hence we are being burden by it coz we are still carrying it in ur heart. I'm not trying to be a busybody to dig out wat u dun want to say, but look at urself, u stored something in ur heart, hence makes it harder for u to let things go. For girls, I think they dun mind saying their hearts out, or even crying their hearts out, thus they have expressed their tot and emotions out. Once it out, it's being shared by other pple hence the suppressed and even depressed feelings is divided out. and they will recover faster than guys. Dunno if u agree wif me... -
bear has brought up a very valid point, abt guys usually just bottling up stuff inside them, thinking that there is no point for them to talk abt it since there is no solution, or that perhaps it's just weird to actually say it out. no harm trying it out, it may make you feel better to talk abt it, it may make you feel worse, but if you don't try you'll never know...after all that's what this forum is for ...
jazmyn -
certainly hope so. trying to be positive...Originally posted by Bear:Well.. think u shldn't feel disappointed in ur initial tots too.. becoz all of us will bear that kind of tots at the initial stage of a break up due to the sudden loss. Someway and somehow, all of us has depended in a way or another to ur ex. Be it for morale support or for emotional needs. Esp in a r/s u gave ur heart on the other person, that's y u accept the r/s. Ur heart depended a lot on him in the past hence u can't let go just like that at the beginning. I dun think anybody can do that if he/she is involved in a r/s.
Well, now that u r having second tots, I think it's a sign that u are slightly recovering from the loss, and u r doing well. That's good news for u too...
it's just a matter of getting used to i guess, and this is after all my first break up (not that i hope to have some more break ups lah...)
jazmyn -
Tried but maybe for a guy's point of view, no matter what other advice gives to the guy, they would just focus on one thing....STILL HV CHANCE...so they would not think of the negative sides. However by doing this, we guys hv to brace for a big impact, or else the setback be even bigger...(Tested & Proven)Originally posted by jazmyn:bear has brought up a very valid point, abt guys usually just bottling up stuff inside them, thinking that there is no point for them to talk abt it since there is no solution, or that perhaps it's just weird to actually say it out. no harm trying it out, it may make you feel better to talk abt it, it may make you feel worse, but if you don't try you'll never know...after all that's what this forum is for ...
jazmyn -
Hello friends, I was studying in UK for the past 5 years. I met my jap galfriend there.
After being together for 8 months she left me
and return Japan to further her study. We
maintained contact by phone and email while I was still in England for the last 3 years of my study. Now I am back in Singapore.
Several times, she wanted to give up...thinking that it would be impossible for us to carry on. I kept encouraging her.
Her parents object our relationship. We both miss each other very much. She thought perhaps by breaking up we would not have to endure so much pain. But I never give up, so it is near the fifth year now since we met....she is going to start working in Japan and me working in Singapore.
Still I will not say the words "break-up" so easily because even there is a 1% chance we have to try it out !
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Feel free to visit my homepg at www.geocities.com/ngwailek/ -
Sometimes we need help... Boys and Girls EQUAL.... But we can't expect people to run our lives for us...? Everyone have got their OWN problem... I think the best idea about this place is for someone with somehow similar past experience can provide some 'insight' to the situation and a troubled life.... We can talk about it, we can complain about it, we can even cry over things... But in the end, the person would still have to be the VERY ONE to move forward and out of the SHIT..?Originally posted by jazmyn:bear has brought up a very valid point, abt guys usually just bottling up stuff inside them, thinking that there is no point for them to talk abt it since there is no solution, or that perhaps it's just weird to actually say it out. no harm trying it out, it may make you feel better to talk abt it, it may make you feel worse, but if you don't try you'll never know...after all that's what this forum is for ...
jazmyn
"Life is a momentum. Trouble is a constant giving. When pain is conceived you feel like a human. A victim. Life is a momentum. Energy is a constant giving. When provoked you give a reaction. Life is a momentum. A world with a constant giving. Pain is a place you've reserved in your heart. Reaction is your key. Pain and reaction both involves energy. They both exist for a reason. Life is a momentum where there is constant craving. Life is like a river that flows."
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
I used to agree wif u on this.. but now I already told myself.. no use asking for something that the results does not lay in ur hands. U try ur best for the last time. But if she still refuse or show little signs of recovery.. I would forget the matter. Becoz it would be lying to urself that there is still a chance. It's just like telling urself that she is considering, when she's already wif another guy.. Maybe I'm a little cold on this but that's the best way out.. It will hurt but having to face the harsh reality, u get over it and get on wif life faster...Originally posted by *Sad_Soul*:Tried but maybe for a guy's point of view, no matter what other advice gives to the guy, they would just focus on one thing....STILL HV CHANCE...so they would not think of the negative sides. However by doing this, we guys hv to brace for a big impact, or else the setback be even bigger...(Tested & Proven)
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
agreed but just wanted to emphasize that i'm NOT advocating or even insinuating that pple dump their problems here and wait for/rely on other pple to solve it. no way. of course the whole thing boils down to wanting to move on out of your own accord...Originally posted by Devil1976:Sometimes we need help... Boys and Girls EQUAL.... But we can't expect people to run our lives for us...? Everyone have got their OWN problem... I think the best idea about this place is for someone with somehow similar past experience can provide some 'insight' to the situation and a troubled life.... We can talk about it, we can complain about it, we can even cry over things... But in the end, the person would still have to be the VERY ONE to move forward and out of the SHIT..?
"Life is a momentum. Trouble is a constant giving. When pain is conceived you feel like a human. A victim. Life is a momentum. Energy is a constant giving. When provoked you give a reaction. Life is a momentum. A world with a constant giving. Pain is a place you've reserved in your heart. Reaction is your key. Pain and reaction both involves energy. They both exist for a reason. Life is a momentum where there is constant craving. Life is like a river that flows."
and i guess sometimes in the process of talking abt your problem e.g in this forum or to your own friends, you'd realise some stuff you never did earlier on... that's why i said it's good to talk about it.
so yeah...just in case anyone misunderstood my earlier post.
jaz -
I agree with u.. When u say it out or jot it down, u will realise that there are some tots that were hidden. To spell it out, somehow lay the facts and directions right before u. And to be able to sort things striaght.Originally posted by jazmyn:agreed but just wanted to emphasize that i'm NOT advocating or even insinuating that pple dump their problems here and wait for/rely on other pple to solve it. no way. of course the whole thing boils down to wanting to move on out of your own accord...
and i guess sometimes in the process of talking abt your problem e.g in this forum or to your own friends, you'd realise some stuff you never did earlier on... that's why i said it's good to talk about it.
so yeah...just in case anyone misunderstood my earlier post.
jaz
It is true that ultimately it's the party that's being involved that has to get out of the problem himself. If he's going to sit there hoping that the sky will tell him wat to do, he not going to get out of the storm.
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
hi...
just wanted to thank those pple who've taken their time to post something on this post... really appreciate the effort
to pple in the same situation as me, take care and don't ever ever lose hope...
jaz -
Thanks to u too for ur time to read my post...hope that we both will not encounter this problem again, just hope for the better.Originally posted by jazmyn:hi...
just wanted to thank those pple who've taken their time to post something on this post... really appreciate the effort
to pple in the same situation as me, take care and don't ever ever lose hope...
jaz
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"A relationship is like a rose,
How long it lasts, no one knows;
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;
To feel that love, it makes you sigh,
To have it leave, you'd rather die;
You hope you've found that special rose,
'Cause you love and care for the one you chose." -
Sorry for missing out on a lot of stuff here.
I was through some agonising moments as my gf(who initiated our break up) said that she was considering our relationship and asked me to not lose hope on the relationship. A few days(which felt like a joy) later, she came over and said that there was no hope for the relationship ever.Yes, there was the courtesy paragraph of "You're a nice guy and i like you a lot but i'm sure you'll find someone better out there than me". I mean, i know very few incidences in my 2 decades of life that is capable of this kind of treachery against another human being. That someone is able to be so reckless with another person's feelings. To give hope, and then to violently snatch it away as whim dictates. I sincerely wish, as a new year wish, that none of you will ever meet anybody like that.
-A salute to all that has not given up on the idea of love everlasting, even after life's many harsh trials! -
so sorry to hear that... Know how u feel and understand how it's going in u... to lift up ur hopes and devastate it after that. Making u happy a while and turn u world upside down. Giving pple false hopes..Originally posted by pertura:Sorry for missing out on a lot of stuff here.
I was through some agonising moments as my gf(who initiated our break up) said that she was considering our relationship and asked me to not lose hope on the relationship. A few days(which felt like a joy) later, she came over and said that there was no hope for the relationship ever.Yes, there was the courtesy paragraph of "You're a nice guy and i like you a lot but i'm sure you'll find someone better out there than me". I mean, i know very few incidences in my 2 decades of life that is capable of this kind of treachery against another human being. That someone is able to be so reckless with another person's feelings. To give hope, and then to violently snatch it away as whim dictates. I sincerely wish, as a new year wish, that none of you will ever meet anybody like that.
-A salute to all that has not given up on the idea of love everlasting, even after life's many harsh trials!
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear