unsupportive wife
-
I strongly agreed with the above writer. me not married either but i tink best is u shld at least plan an outing as wad i mentioned earlier on to bring one another together. regardless is westernise or locally, in a marriage, communicate is one that you MuST have in it.Originally posted by so_what:Hey bro...well i thk ur marriage stil can be salvaged. From wat u had written, wat i feel is tat u n ur wife may hav lost some communciation, when is the last time u n her has a heart to heart talk? You have been on biz trip at least twice a mth, so when u r back, u cherish ur time wif ur daughter, so hav u been spent some precious time wif ur wife too...dun forget women r sentimental human. Although she is a mother now but doesnt mean she dun need the caring and "romantic" moments wif u.
What i thk is tat maybe she jus wan to let u do ur husband part when u r in sg. From ur previous post, i realised ur wife is grown up in a westernised env. so therefore u need to balance u n her thinking. Ur posts sound to me tat it's either ur daughter spent time wif u or ur daughter wif ur wife..so when is the last time the three of u spent some quality family time? If u r busy to plan some outinmg lik picnic, maybe jus a meal or movie. Maybe u would think who am i suggesting ideas n giving opinion (I AM NOT MARRIED) however i hav seen countless fiends who are couples..believe me, dad always play the "angel" role n mum play the "devil" role. wat i thk ur wife may jus wan to have a fair role in ur family.
Last but not least, the advise is --- TALK TO HER !
All E best 2 U.. keep us Updat on ur progress!! We're all Behind U..
oops!! =p
Cheers,
Wugui Mei. ^_*
-
Wah, how come your wife having the same character as my girlfriend? I paid off my gf's 10k cc bills last year, guess what? This year, she chalked up another 7k debts on cc bills, and I have to work hard to pay off for her mistakes. But I haven't married, so if she still like that, refuse to change, I have to end my relationship with her, coz cannot tahan lor, drag down my life, those money I could have invested to get me 100k in 15-20 years time, but it's all gone like that, heart pain sia.Originally posted by reyes:just wana share my personal sorrows.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.
she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay.
Maybe one thing my girlfriend is different from your wife is, I guess your wife chio chio, my gf is ok looking only, I'm not a looks person so doesn't matter much to me.
So glad to know that someone in the same situation with me, except my commitments is much lesser coz I am not married. The saying really true lor, 3 rings in a relationship, engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. -
I dun understand why u guys let gals bully u. U think the Woman charter big? No need scared! They want equality, shove it to them. Bills all this split it equally, isnt that equality for them? As long as you pay for your child and her maintenance fees you are safe ( I think).
Ok, seriously. You should have a good talk to your wife.
On a note serious note, from what you said, she's damn bochap. -
i believe You and your wife need to fix - Your relationship "first" rather than being a Wife. and Mother. Only when u fixed your relationship than you can talk about being a role of a mother and wife and most notably husband.Originally posted by reyes:just wana share my personal sorrows.
my work require me to do regional to support customers and looking for business opportunity.
everytime i received requirement to do overseas, i felt worried and scare that i had to broke the news to her and get nags, complain from her. imagine i had to do it 2-3times mth.
i had good relationship with my daughter. somehow i feel she is not doing enough as a mother. my daughter enjoy my companion more than with her. it is not that she is a disciplianiam but she simply bochap and chap the wrong things. whenever i am in singapore i will play with my daughter and bring her to outing, watch elmo show, barnie show, cartoons and chat with her about anything.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.
she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay. i try to save around 20-30k a year for my old age and also plan for my children education fees.
my mom bought breakfast every weekend for her. she never bother to wake up to buy any breakfast for me or my mom.
she brought her dog but seldom walk it. now the dog become another of my good pals, which is the only one that bother to wait for me to come home after late work in office.
she only cook less than 10 times for the family in 5 yrs. And seldom offer to pay for dinning out although her pay is quite OK.
that is my version of the story i try to ask myself think on her side.
i told myself, no matter what for the sake of children i will hold this family together.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.
When u talk it is not about what she should do "this"and "that" as a mother also it is not how you expect "Your Vision" of the future life together to be like.
Relationship takes 2 hand to clap. the life style that both of you undertake together rather than singlely ur point of view. U as a man will have to take a step down. (don't get views from your mother
)
She is obviously bored and probably lost in this live style, And she don't feel that you are emotionally bonding with her. (not sex) Also importantly did you make her feel that she is an important part of your life and u need her as much as she needs you? Did you shower her with.....and not sex.
I am sure u do a good job explaining why u need to do what it takes to feed your family. But that is no enough.
every person has a point of communication some thru writting, some thru verbal communication. U must pick a right Mood when she is listening.
Good luck. -
Reyes,
You need to let her know of your expectations.
How is the relationship between you and your wife ?
Is it a loving one ?
Do you and her go out for dates ( without the daughter ) ?
Do you still feel close ?
Your rantings is one sided.
As a woman.
Perhaps her inaction to a lot of things is due to the fact that, she too has lost interest in this marriage.
Have you considered that perhaps, she too, is staying in this marriage because of her daughter ?
Even in the western world, nobody wants their kids to be victims of divorce.
They know how much damage divorce does in children's psychological and emotional progress.
As much as you'd like to feel appreciated for your effort.
Have you give her any credits ?
I sense a lot of resentment in her.
She left her family and friends and familiar surroundings, to marry you, give you a daughter.
Live in Singapore, a tiny little country so far away from home,to start everything over again.
You have to travel for work, leaving her alone in an alien place to fend for herself. So far, she has done nothing to deserve a divorce. And yet, you are willing to let the marriage fall apart because she did not live up to your expectation ?
You think perhaps you married the wrong woman.
I think she married the wrong man.
Your rantings only tells me one thing.
That you know she is no longer in love with you.
That you know she is also thinking about leaving you.
That your complains and whining is merely to convince yourself, that she is the problem, not you.
I have to remind you, ego is not worth anything.
My suggestion to you is this.
Instead of finding reasons to believe she is a bad wife, why don't you put in more effort to re-ignite the fire between the both of you ?
After all, that woman sacrificed a lot to be with you. -
Well put.Originally posted by shirurinu:That is why the divorce rate in singapore is so high.
Can't be salvaged then want to end it all.
Take a walk down memory lane and think of how you met each other, fall in love and why you want to spend your life with her.
I agree with some forumites opinion that you conceptualise what and how a wife should be and do. But tat's the asian culture of what you think, in westernised countries, it's not that way. So you can't blame her for not doing your way.
Maybe both of you can sit down together and write down on seperate sheets of paper of your expectations or what the other part haven't done enough. You might find that she also have tons of things abt you to write. Then work on it together. Set a dateline for each other and review again. Talks can be forgotten but when u write it down, you'll not forget and have a better understanding of the situation. But to do this, both of you have to keep and open mind and not jump into defensive mode and say you are not like that etc. It's all opinion and thoughts of each other. Maintaining a marriage is a team effort.
I think, TS, u could a date when both of u can sit down and chat undisturbed.. if being outdoors will make you both restrain yourselves, then "date" each other out at a nice quiet coffee joint and chat like old times (courtship).. sincerely ask your wife to tell you what she feels about you, about her responsibilities, about your responsibilities .. just play the listening ear for a moment, don't argue/interrupt, just absorb (set the pace). If it helps, both of u can write it all down like shirurinu said..
Don't give up hope.. keep communicating.
-
sigh, I hate it when women abuse the Womens' charter.. there are women out there whose behavior disgusts me.. their irresponsible/selfish behaviour really undermines what us women have been fighting for the past few decades.. I cringe when men cite these girls as the reason they think feminism is all about burning bras and "eating" the guy. zzz!Originally posted by kivine:I dun understand why u guys let gals bully u. U think the Woman charter big? No need scared! They want equality, shove it to them. Bills all this split it equally, isnt that equality for them? As long as you pay for your child and her maintenance fees you are safe ( I think).
Ok, seriously. You should have a good talk to your wife.
On a note serious note, from what you said, she's damn bochap. -
Yr in Karma stage, just endure, thing will be better.
There r shortcut to yr problem, but u have a kid to think of.
Manytime ppl r self contradict, that courses many problem. So u need to endure the suffering. -
Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:Wah, how come your wife having the same character as my girlfriend? I paid off my gf's 10k cc bills last year, guess what? This year, she chalked up another 7k debts on cc bills, and I have to work hard to pay off for her mistakes. But I haven't married, so if she still like that, refuse to change, I have to end my relationship with her, coz cannot tahan lor, drag down my life, those money I could have invested to get me 100k in 15-20 years time, but it's all gone like that, heart pain sia.
Maybe one thing my girlfriend is different from your wife is, I guess your wife chio chio, my gf is ok looking only, I'm not a looks person so doesn't matter much to me.
So glad to know that someone in the same situation with me, except my commitments is much lesser coz I am not married. The saying really true lor, 3 rings in a relationship, engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
You are too nice lor. Why can't you let her be responsible for her own actions
I know if I spend $$ indiscriminately (then again I wouldn't want him to bear my debts out of my own stupidity), my husband will not pay off my tab even though he loves me very much.
I think you should instil some form of self-responsibility in her >< -
thanks alot for giving an insight to a married man's life that has gone wrongOriginally posted by reyes:thanks bro, for some form of encouragement.
i dont feel pity of myself. just pity my children that i can give them a happy family. anyway i still do my part as a father and breadwinner.
it never easy to really know a woman during courtship. trust me. everything seem perfect till marriage.
most ppl will say woman scare marry the wrong man. but i feel, men too will feel the strain of marrying a wrong woman.
i had a few friends who are divorce with kids. the lost their kids and had to pay maintanence fees to their ex-wife. suddenly most of them end up in financial crisis.
yup, well its now equal that men do have fear of marrying the wrong woman just as much as the woman does.
-
Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?
The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.
TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude. -
Fwah Ts, you previous life kill her family, burn her house and rape her dog isit?
-
Misty I think this is pretty harshOriginally posted by mistyblue:Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Not every guy is like that -_-"
I think it depends on the individual guy and I think that usually, the more "traditional" the guy, the more likely you will face such a problem. -
Many topic about r/s mostly end up finger pointing.
There r always 1 party always give in the other r spoiled.
So unless the give in 1 r suck dry, if not the karma still continue. -
Aiyah, logically I shouldn't pay off her debts all the time, but humans are emotional creatures, not always logical eh, and when my gf cries on the phone saying how stress lah bla bla, then my heart soft lah, then want to help lor.Originally posted by elindra:Why can't you let her be responsible for her own actions
I know if I spend $$ indiscriminately (then again I wouldn't want him to bear my debts out of my own stupidity), my husband will not pay off my tab even though he loves me very much.
I think you should instil some form of self-responsibility in her >< -
Originally posted by reyes:
Hello, how about we gals, sisters here?
[b]Appreciate all bros advice.
we had talks for many times and it lasted only few mths before it goes back to old ways. i am not blaming her. i had faults as no man is perfect. i tot of ending it all once together but the tots of losing my daughter make me think twice coz my wife is a foreigner. she will def bring my daughter away.
anway, i am getting numb. i just wana earn as much money as possible to prepare for the worse.[/b] -
So easy to twist around her fingerOriginally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:Aiyah, logically I shouldn't pay off her debts all the time, but humans are emotional creatures, not always logical eh, and when my gf cries on the phone saying how stress lah bla bla, then my heart soft lah, then want to help lor.
Good luck to you bro -_-"
Obviously she has not learnt her lesson
If you don't put a stop to it very soon if you don't pay for her it is your fault liao.
At least let her share the responsibility ma
Like make her pay half or pay you back
Like that how is she going to learn >< -
Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?
The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.
TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude.
hi misty. well it guess your husband are abit extreme and there aint many cases like her.
i do not force my wife to buy breakfast everyday, but once in mth would be nice. i pay for my credit bill a few times in a year. i argue with my mom when she feel mymom action are wrong such as walkin to our room without knocking. i argue with my wife too when my mom say she talk to ebing rude to her( trust me, i heard that and it quite rude). many men like myself being the only son get stuck in a middle of arguement between wife and mom. it easy sometimes to say, i can act as a middlemen but that depends on the character of person you try to mediate. unfortunately both of them are very tough woman. i tried my best, sometimes i succeed sometimes i fail. that why i say going overseas is my way out to domestic chaos. i am not running away as i dont own the company, just when there is a requirement i would go.
husband and wife definitely will have demands on one another. the demand for no demand from another party is also a form of requirement and demand isnt it. not all men are that demanding. but after what i saw u wrote. you hubby is indeed an extremist.
take good care of yourself. afterall no kids, the choice is easier. -
Misty,Originally posted by mistyblue:Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?
The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.
TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude.
Is your MIL such a woman ? Like the one your husband is expecting from you ?
Most men model their ideas of the woman from their own mother.
Especially mommy's boys.
I doubt your HB will ever find this kind of woman, because they do not exists.
Even if he go and marry a maid. He think she will forever be so subservient ? Wishful thinking lor. -
http://www.fengshui-chinese.com/discuz/viewthread.php?tid=61473&extra=page%3D1
Sorry for those can't read this site. -
I think you need to sit down and talk to your wife.
Communication is important.
Once you lost it.
No amount of $$$ can buy a relationship back.
It is good to hear that you save about $30K a year for your self.
If you are solely paying the household expenses.
But still manage to save that much monthly.
You should have a very good salary package.
Originally posted by reyes:just wana share my personal sorrows.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can. -
Reyes,
Perhaps you need to figure out, why your wife needs to resort to ultimatums.
Have you been ignoring her requests ?
Have you been ignoring her naggings ?
Have you been giving in to her only after she uses divorces to get what she wants ?
In one of the couples communication classes I am attending.
We talked about using ultimatums and how to fight fairly.
One married couple had the same complains.
The wife uses ultimatums like suicide and divorce and taking away the children.
The man was totally frazzled and at his wits end.
The instructor asked the wife to share her reasons for such unruly behavior.
The wife cried infront of the group.
She says,
" My husband never listens to me when I ask him, several times"
But when I started to use ultimatums, things get done"
"He wouldn't even try to feed the baby until I threaten to take the baby away for good"
" I hated hearing myself nag because I became the type of woman I dislike"
Most of the females who attended the group started crying too.
The instructor asked how many woman in this group relates themselves to the lady, most of them raised their hands.
FYI : It's been several years, my SIL still has a hard time adjusting to life in US.
She made friends here, and her four children are here. She gets depression sometimes, when she is homesick. So don't say it's not soap opera. It's life. -
I really think you need to be persistent to resolve the issue. You said after few months things went back the old ways. That's what happen to me before and I had reminded my wife about it. Over time,things got out of hands and I had remanded her and told her off about what we discussed about. Sometimes, it was my fault, but more often, she was of 2 minds and hoping that I could do everything for her, she just sit back and relax. Ended up, always grumbling.
Why Husband always think its wife fault whenever there is a quarrel? True and not true. My case, especially during our early yrs in marriage. I had promised certain things before marraige and I am still fulfilling that promise till now. But for my wife, she really needs time to adjust to changes and aloing the way, often complain this and that......
Often when we quarrel, hse always said I win the arguement and she could not rebute a single thing I said about her... I said it seems that way, but sometimes, what she said was right, just that in the heat of arguement, she lost her poised. But I actually reflected upon it. Making matter worse, she often describe and item, e.g. A but tells me its B. So given that, how on earth can we talk? It was untill much later when my 1swt child grew oldewr and told her the same thing then did she realised the problem.
Of course, we had hardly any quarrel nowadays, except when she throw temper, hte children will also get it for nothing. ANy overdone by her, she will get remanded by me. Often then not, I will just keep quiet or tell her at night before we sleep.
Regarding husband and wife stuff doing things at home. She came from a background where her mum does everything for her. While I grew up where I had to fend for myself for almost everything. like sewing my torn clothes as a small little boy, cooking marketing, caring for my granny, babysitting, etc.. almsot all house chores... cleaning, sweeping, mopping, washing,... etc..
THat's the promise I made to her, take care of her. I still do but lesser extent as I do have much time to cook in the morning before going to work. My daughter's morning preparation has "eaten" into my time. Wake up in the middle of the night to tend to my children when they were sick, pee, cry, milk, diaper, etc....
Since the beginning of this yr, things had changed, now hardly cook before I leave for office. Not forgetting Sending my 1st & 2nd child to school on bicycle leaving the 3rd one sleeping at home with my wife looking after. We used to wake her up and bring her along as my wife send the 2nd one to school while I send the eldest to her school. There were some arguement initially over this as my wife refused to change her way because I find it hard for the 3rd child waking up early in the morning simply because my wife had to send the 2nd child to school and no one look after her. And her health is kind of affected as she became to fall sick easier.
It was after an incident that she realised my suggestion is workable, but she just refused to understand ... only needs to leave the house earlier by 5 mins, I can send both of them to school... now she never said anything at all.
My wife is a full time house wife now, she does the washing tution the kids. Apart from that, I still handle the children to sleep do the house bill, plan for holidays, 1st person to wake up, last person to sleep. On top of that, get the children to visit the doctor if there is anyh timing clashes with my other kid's schedule.... many more. I don't find it a hassle, but sometimes, I still would tell my wife off. WHY, she just take it for granted... and then... I know from her reaction... she knewn what I was referring to ... she become "AUTOMATIC".... -
Hi ... thought that this only happened in movies.... sad that there are men who think like that ... when I was young, I would fantasied as what you say .... but I also wanted to be fair to my wife .. so I decided to help in house work ... for the past 27 years, my wife had never iron a single cloths .. not even hers'. She had never sent our children to school and I am the one who would prepare breakfast . I would do as much as possible and of course sometime I would get lazy and that when she will " remind " me .. I had my fair share of quarrel and all those frastrations ... I had never blame her solely for it .. I always believes it take two hands to clap....... am I henpecked ? not that I think of but importantly there must be tolerant and communication ... the first 15 years of our marriage is based on communication ... when we feel like talking we would just sit down and talk into the wee hour of the morning and off to work with one or two hours of sleep.. I felt very blessed ... now, she would go to bed with her book and I would be sitting in front of TV ... hardly any communication ... What I am trying to say is this, marriage requires a lot of hard work .. We were working very hard to sustain a beautiful marriage but now, we are both tired ... perhaps it had taken a toll on us .. I used to think I was the most blessed in the whole wide world as I got a very understanding wife .... I wish I can still say the same thing ... Misty, not everyman is like what you say .. and of course it is not necessary the woman fault ... the main problem lies in communicating ... after about 27 years of marriage, I still need to communicate ... and communicating is not just talking ... it requires a lot of effort and the timing must be right ... like the TS, you and your husband need to talk too ... the decision to get married - the reason will still be there ... you will need to explore and find it again ... while I am in no position to say I had done well, I am sure you can always try to sort out your problem too .. As for TS, I feel that he need to talk to his wife sincerely .. Has he ever put himself in his wife's shoe. If he is the wife, will the husband has the same complain ... ?Originally posted by mistyblue:Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?
The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.
TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude. -
Most husband still the old chavinistic type, expect wife to do housewife. However, there are few that are the opposite. Amidst, the chores that I had done at home, its simply human to complain and sometimes she did it in the presence of my friends when they were discussing about their husband and I overheard what she said. I immediately interrupted their conversation and corrected her in the presence of my friend's wife much to her embrassment. Initially, I had told her not to do it during bed time, as its not fair to me as I was the person that did the work but she claim husband never help just like my other friends.
Subsequently, I was fedup and then I would interrupt. After a few times, she stopped doing that all together. Communication is very important here. we had gone through rough periods, and when she told me there is nothing to talk about, yet she told my friends wife I had nothing to talk to her... it made me very furious and I had rebutted her strongly.. And on several occasions I insisted we talk, then ....slowly... our situation improved. and now.. we seldom quarrel and most time, at good terms. I don't blame her at times for her reaction as she is quick and have a shorter temper. Meaning, just a little bit, things can just balloon and she will act IMPUSLIVELY... that's what make matter worse. That's her, we both are of the opposite character, in some ways, we compliment each other.. me being "Long sighted" and she, "short sighted".
Guess it takes time to really understand each other and maintain connected. One thing we try to do is, avoid carrying our anger over the next day... At least, I was mentality prepared when I 1st met her and I knew she is very dependent on me, being the husband. In fact, I understand her character and behaviour more than she understands me. That sometimes can be an advantage, at times, disadvantage as I see through her action.. and cause more friction.. But now we are much better than those initial years being married...