I strongly agreed with the above writer. me not married either but i tink best is u shld at least plan an outing as wad i mentioned earlier on to bring one another together. regardless is westernise or locally, in a marriage, communicate is one that you MuST have in it.Originally posted by so_what:Hey bro...well i thk ur marriage stil can be salvaged. From wat u had written, wat i feel is tat u n ur wife may hav lost some communciation, when is the last time u n her has a heart to heart talk? You have been on biz trip at least twice a mth, so when u r back, u cherish ur time wif ur daughter, so hav u been spent some precious time wif ur wife too...dun forget women r sentimental human. Although she is a mother now but doesnt mean she dun need the caring and "romantic" moments wif u.
What i thk is tat maybe she jus wan to let u do ur husband part when u r in sg. From ur previous post, i realised ur wife is grown up in a westernised env. so therefore u need to balance u n her thinking. Ur posts sound to me tat it's either ur daughter spent time wif u or ur daughter wif ur wife..so when is the last time the three of u spent some quality family time? If u r busy to plan some outinmg lik picnic, maybe jus a meal or movie. Maybe u would think who am i suggesting ideas n giving opinion (I AM NOT MARRIED) however i hav seen countless fiends who are couples..believe me, dad always play the "angel" role n mum play the "devil" role. wat i thk ur wife may jus wan to have a fair role in ur family.
Last but not least, the advise is --- TALK TO HER !![]()
Wah, how come your wife having the same character as my girlfriend? I paid off my gf's 10k cc bills last year, guess what? This year, she chalked up another 7k debts on cc bills, and I have to work hard to pay off for her mistakes. But I haven't married, so if she still like that, refuse to change, I have to end my relationship with her, coz cannot tahan lor, drag down my life, those money I could have invested to get me 100k in 15-20 years time, but it's all gone like that, heart pain sia.Originally posted by reyes:just wana share my personal sorrows.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.
she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay.
i believe You and your wife need to fix - Your relationship "first" rather than being a Wife. and Mother. Only when u fixed your relationship than you can talk about being a role of a mother and wife and most notably husband.Originally posted by reyes:just wana share my personal sorrows.
my work require me to do regional to support customers and looking for business opportunity.
everytime i received requirement to do overseas, i felt worried and scare that i had to broke the news to her and get nags, complain from her. imagine i had to do it 2-3times mth.
i had good relationship with my daughter. somehow i feel she is not doing enough as a mother. my daughter enjoy my companion more than with her. it is not that she is a disciplianiam but she simply bochap and chap the wrong things. whenever i am in singapore i will play with my daughter and bring her to outing, watch elmo show, barnie show, cartoons and chat with her about anything.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.
she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay. i try to save around 20-30k a year for my old age and also plan for my children education fees.
my mom bought breakfast every weekend for her. she never bother to wake up to buy any breakfast for me or my mom.
she brought her dog but seldom walk it. now the dog become another of my good pals, which is the only one that bother to wait for me to come home after late work in office.
she only cook less than 10 times for the family in 5 yrs. And seldom offer to pay for dinning out although her pay is quite OK.
that is my version of the story i try to ask myself think on her side.
i told myself, no matter what for the sake of children i will hold this family together.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.
Well put.Originally posted by shirurinu:That is why the divorce rate in singapore is so high.
Can't be salvaged then want to end it all.
Take a walk down memory lane and think of how you met each other, fall in love and why you want to spend your life with her.
I agree with some forumites opinion that you conceptualise what and how a wife should be and do. But tat's the asian culture of what you think, in westernised countries, it's not that way. So you can't blame her for not doing your way.
Maybe both of you can sit down together and write down on seperate sheets of paper of your expectations or what the other part haven't done enough. You might find that she also have tons of things abt you to write. Then work on it together. Set a dateline for each other and review again. Talks can be forgotten but when u write it down, you'll not forget and have a better understanding of the situation. But to do this, both of you have to keep and open mind and not jump into defensive mode and say you are not like that etc. It's all opinion and thoughts of each other. Maintaining a marriage is a team effort.
sigh, I hate it when women abuse the Womens' charter.. there are women out there whose behavior disgusts me.. their irresponsible/selfish behaviour really undermines what us women have been fighting for the past few decades.. I cringe when men cite these girls as the reason they think feminism is all about burning bras and "eating" the guy. zzz!Originally posted by kivine:I dun understand why u guys let gals bully u. U think the Woman charter big? No need scared! They want equality, shove it to them. Bills all this split it equally, isnt that equality for them? As long as you pay for your child and her maintenance fees you are safe ( I think).
Ok, seriously. You should have a good talk to your wife.
On a note serious note, from what you said, she's damn bochap.
Originally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:Wah, how come your wife having the same character as my girlfriend? I paid off my gf's 10k cc bills last year, guess what? This year, she chalked up another 7k debts on cc bills, and I have to work hard to pay off for her mistakes. But I haven't married, so if she still like that, refuse to change, I have to end my relationship with her, coz cannot tahan lor, drag down my life, those money I could have invested to get me 100k in 15-20 years time, but it's all gone like that, heart pain sia.
Maybe one thing my girlfriend is different from your wife is, I guess your wife chio chio, my gf is ok looking only, I'm not a looks person so doesn't matter much to me.
So glad to know that someone in the same situation with me, except my commitments is much lesser coz I am not married. The saying really true lor, 3 rings in a relationship, engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
thanks alot for giving an insight to a married man's life that has gone wrongOriginally posted by reyes:thanks bro, for some form of encouragement.
i dont feel pity of myself. just pity my children that i can give them a happy family. anyway i still do my part as a father and breadwinner.
it never easy to really know a woman during courtship. trust me. everything seem perfect till marriage.
most ppl will say woman scare marry the wrong man. but i feel, men too will feel the strain of marrying a wrong woman.
i had a few friends who are divorce with kids. the lost their kids and had to pay maintanence fees to their ex-wife. suddenly most of them end up in financial crisis.
Misty I think this is pretty harshOriginally posted by mistyblue:Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Aiyah, logically I shouldn't pay off her debts all the time, but humans are emotional creatures, not always logical eh, and when my gf cries on the phone saying how stress lah bla bla, then my heart soft lah, then want to help lor.Originally posted by elindra:Why can't you let her be responsible for her own actions
I know if I spend $$ indiscriminately (then again I wouldn't want him to bear my debts out of my own stupidity), my husband will not pay off my tab even though he loves me very much.
I think you should instil some form of self-responsibility in her ><
Originally posted by reyes:Hello, how about we gals, sisters here?
[b]Appreciate all bros advice.
we had talks for many times and it lasted only few mths before it goes back to old ways. i am not blaming her. i had faults as no man is perfect. i tot of ending it all once together but the tots of losing my daughter make me think twice coz my wife is a foreigner. she will def bring my daughter away.
anway, i am getting numb. i just wana earn as much money as possible to prepare for the worse.[/b]
So easy to twist around her fingerOriginally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:Aiyah, logically I shouldn't pay off her debts all the time, but humans are emotional creatures, not always logical eh, and when my gf cries on the phone saying how stress lah bla bla, then my heart soft lah, then want to help lor.
Misty,Originally posted by mistyblue:Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?
The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.
TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude.
Originally posted by reyes:just wana share my personal sorrows.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.
Hi ... thought that this only happened in movies.... sad that there are men who think like that ... when I was young, I would fantasied as what you say .... but I also wanted to be fair to my wife .. so I decided to help in house work ... for the past 27 years, my wife had never iron a single cloths .. not even hers'. She had never sent our children to school and I am the one who would prepare breakfast . I would do as much as possible and of course sometime I would get lazy and that when she will " remind " me .. I had my fair share of quarrel and all those frastrations ... I had never blame her solely for it .. I always believes it take two hands to clap....... am I henpecked ? not that I think of but importantly there must be tolerant and communication ... the first 15 years of our marriage is based on communication ... when we feel like talking we would just sit down and talk into the wee hour of the morning and off to work with one or two hours of sleep.. I felt very blessed ... now, she would go to bed with her book and I would be sitting in front of TV ... hardly any communication ... What I am trying to say is this, marriage requires a lot of hard work .. We were working very hard to sustain a beautiful marriage but now, we are both tired ... perhaps it had taken a toll on us .. I used to think I was the most blessed in the whole wide world as I got a very understanding wife .... I wish I can still say the same thing ... Misty, not everyman is like what you say .. and of course it is not necessary the woman fault ... the main problem lies in communicating ... after about 27 years of marriage, I still need to communicate ... and communicating is not just talking ... it requires a lot of effort and the timing must be right ... like the TS, you and your husband need to talk too ... the decision to get married - the reason will still be there ... you will need to explore and find it again ... while I am in no position to say I had done well, I am sure you can always try to sort out your problem too .. As for TS, I feel that he need to talk to his wife sincerely .. Has he ever put himself in his wife's shoe. If he is the wife, will the husband has the same complain ... ?Originally posted by mistyblue:Men always have these ideas what a woman should do - buy breakfast, serve their mother, teach children, keep the home clean, stay up and still look happy and fresh, be always happy and never show any unhappiness, never bring troubles to the husband but always share husband's troubles, never add any trouble to husband and always uplift husband's day, evey ouce of trouble at home/work/etc wife just carry on and solve on her own, drop everything she is doing the moment husband decide to do anything as if wife has no life, keep husband company all the time when he is around and not allow to go out with friends for fear she gets into affairs, when husband is not around - wife need to be at home monitored by mother in law, always give full support and trust when husband go overseas for long periods, always give in, always initiate and admit fault even when its the guy who is wrong, foot half of everything, pay for house, pay money to mother in law to keep her happy, get lectured on how to be a better wife, obey like a dog, keep peace even when mother in law sharp tongue hurt her, say hurtful things to wife and expect her to not be hurt and even apologise for causing the hurtful things to be said, expect the wife to never see family and treat wife family like dirt, bring issues to mother/father and have mother/father and husband combine strength to tekan wife and teach her how to be a better wife.
Men always find fault in the women they have choosen.
Why do men have issues accepting that the roles of women have changed?
Why is it that husbands always blame their wives when there are issues?
Why is it that husbands did not even live up to a role of a husband and yet demand so much from wives?
The above is a description of my husband's actions. Much similar actions as TS. I find him a bad husband and a lousy person but he always think he is the best person and I am the problem. From the point of view of a wife, I really cannot help it but really all I can think everyday is when I can end the relationship and I am just waiting for the next event to just push me over the edge and I will just divorce him.
TS wife might be unhappy because of certain things but TS can help but chanage his attitude.