Dating a man with children
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Hi there,
I am a 26 year old woman, dating a man 17 years older than myself, who has a 10 year old daughter who lives in Australia with her Mum.
Our relationship is complicated, and I can't even begin to explain.
My problem is that, because of our huge age difference, coupled with the fact that he already has a child, I am not sure if he wants the same things as I do.
I want 3 - 4 kids, and when I asked if he would like more children, his reply is "I don't mind'. We are in very different stages of our lives. I am young and full of hope for my future, whereas he has pretty much achieved what he desired (Career, kid), hence, he doesn't seem to enthusiastic about OUR future.
I feel resentful, and when I talk to my partner about this, he always says that I have nothing to worry about.
I stepped into this relationship understanding that there will be baggage, and I have put my own feelings aside and braved them all. I've met his ex-partner, faced her friends, gone for family gatherings in Australia and moved into his home. I've done all this despite my own anxieties.
I'm resentful of the fact that my life is and will continue to revolve around him and his past. That this relationship (I quote him) is "so easy" whereas I feel like I am battling everything on my own.
I am at breaking point. -
You will break up sooner or later. So choose.Originally posted by sooks:Hi there,
Our relationship is complicated, and I can't even begin to explain.
...........
I am at breaking point. -
i guess this could be it....
i'm so pissed off, cos I really tried to make this work. -
Being in a relationship is all about giving and sharing.
If all this man of yours only knows how to take, why waste your time on him?
You're in your prime years. There are better people out there, a bigger and exciting world outside.
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not saying that you're wrong or anything, but what makes u say so?Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:You will break up sooner or later. So choose. -
not saying that you're wrong or anything, but what makes u say so?Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:You will break up sooner or later. So choose. -
my post must have sound kinda micro.
but on the picture, my partner and I get on really well despite my own anxieties.
we have absolutely no other issues between us.
seriously.
just that the future seems bleak, and I am not willing to take second place -
Its to give, and give, and give, and give, and give.....
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You are still so young, how did u ever get involved with such an old uncle? Simply incredible and unbelievable. Your life is the way you choose it to be. At your age, u still have time to back out of it. Still not too late.
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bleak as in what sense? are u afraid he'll go back to his past lover or something?Originally posted by sooks:my post must have sound kinda micro.
but on the picture, my partner and I get on really well despite my own anxieties.
we have absolutely no other issues between us.
seriously.
just that the future seems bleak, and I am not willing to take second place -
some young girls get attracted to old uncles, and then live to regret later.Originally posted by norm:You are still so young, how did u ever get involved with such an old uncle? Simply incredible and unbelievable. Your life is the way you choose it to be. At your age, u still have time to back out of it. Still not too late. -
Cannot say like dat! Recently an MP got married to a Scots man whose eldest son is as old as the newly acquired step-mother!Originally posted by norm:some young girls get attracted to old uncles, and then live to regret later. -
Pls don't piss any-o-how. Find the time and place. Do know that relationship can be heavy-going when there are baggages.Originally posted by sooks:i guess this could be it....
i'm so pissed off, cos I really tried to make this work.
I prefer to travel backpack. Is the journey, not the destination. -
Oi! Wake up lah!
He's just using you silly! He knows you will stick and never let go of to him coz he's ang moh and well off - too good a catch to let go!
There's no way you can bridge a 17 year age gap......
Try discussing his plans for the both of you - how your concerns may be overcome. If he really cares for you, he will have some really solid answers. If he hasn't, you think he cares 2 hoots about you?
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This is complicated. Is ur bf still seeing his x wife?
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haiz, so sad
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You already have the answer to yourself. Just that you refuse to see it in the open. Why I say that?
You have noticed and complained about your age differences and your wanting of more children of your own while his lukewarm 'I don't mind' pissed you off. That is one sure sign you actually felt this relationship is not right for you but you forged ahead. I guess it was because before you got attached you were feeling lonely as no real suitable suitor in your radius and you got desperate and then he happen to come along and you just make a blind grab for him thinking subconsciously no fish prawn also good. So, now you regretted your action, I s'pose?
Personally I think the aspect of him having a daughter is just an excuse as you are really trying to find a way out of this relationship. But you are still holding on as still no real suitors are in sight. I can bet once you found somebody else who really matches your criteria you will jump ship.
Say, why don't you just quit this relationship to be fair to him and yourself so to save any future agonies. -
Sooks,
Age is not a problem.
A more mature man tends to be less enthusiastic.
Because they have been there, done that.
Sometimes that is what makes them attractive in the first place.
That worldly feel about them.
He's made it clear to you that he don't mind having more children.
He's also given you assurance that you need not worry about the future.
What more do you want ?
Your lack of self-confidence in this case, is the true hindrance.
The only issue I see, is that no matter what ex.
They will always be part of his life.
And because the child is still a minor, there will be issues with visitations.
He will always have to split his free time and resources with you and his daughter.
Can you handle this ? -
I agree with u on some point.Originally posted by TinySue:You already have the answer to yourself. Just that you refuse to see it in the open. Why I say that?
You have noticed and complained about your age differences and your wanting of more children of your own while his lukewarm 'I don't mind' pissed you off. That is one sure sign you actually felt this relationship is not right for you but you forged ahead. I guess it was because before you got attached you were feeling lonely as no real suitable suitor in your radius and you got desperate and then he happen to come along and you just make a blind grab for him thinking subconsciously no fish prawn also good. So, now you regretted your action, I s'pose?
Personally I think the aspect of him having a daughter is just an excuse as you are really trying to find a way out of this relationship. But you are still holding on as still no real suitors are in sight. I can bet once you found somebody else who really matches your criteria you will jump ship.
Say, why don't you just quit this relationship to be fair to him and yourself so to save any future agonies.
For TS,don get into a r/s which u can't handle... U yrself admit. Both of u are at different stages of life. If u really going to break down,back out of this r/s to save yrself. -
Don't force it lah, from what I see, you're making too much effort to make the relationship work. The problem happens when you got too tired to make the extra effort some years down the road, then you realize you wasted your youth with this guy. Not worth it.Originally posted by sooks:i guess this could be it....
i'm so pissed off, cos I really tried to make this work. -
how very true, this is what constitutes to r/s giving way other than infidelity.Originally posted by jojobeach:Sooks,
Age is not a problem.
A more mature man tends to be less enthusiastic.
Because they have been there, done that.
Sometimes that is what makes them attractive in the first place.
That worldly feel about them.
He's made it clear to you that he don't mind having more children.
He's also given you assurance that you need not worry about the future.
What more do you want ?
Your lack of self-confidence in this case, is the true hindrance.
The only issue I see, is that no matter what ex.
They will always be part of his life.
And because the child is still a minor, there will be issues with visitations.
He will always have to split his free time and resources with you and his daughter.
Can you handle this ? -
What to do, you like Ang Mo mah. So have to bear with it. You choose what you have choosen, no regret ya. Yes it is so easy, mature man are very calm and easy going, for them everything is easy liao. So in a way, you cannot beat him, join him lor, so easy, be easy and can alway leave him easily.Originally posted by sooks:Hi there,
I am a 26 year old woman, dating a man 17 years older than myself, who has a 10 year old daughter who lives in Australia with her Mum.
Our relationship is complicated, and I can't even begin to explain.
My problem is that, because of our huge age difference, coupled with the fact that he already has a child, I am not sure if he wants the same things as I do.
I want 3 - 4 kids, and when I asked if he would like more children, his reply is "I don't mind'. We are in very different stages of our lives. I am young and full of hope for my future, whereas he has pretty much achieved what he desired (Career, kid), hence, he doesn't seem to enthusiastic about OUR future.
I feel resentful, and when I talk to my partner about this, he always says that I have nothing to worry about.
I stepped into this relationship understanding that there will be baggage, and I have put my own feelings aside and braved them all. I've met his ex-partner, faced her friends, gone for family gatherings in Australia and moved into his home. I've done all this despite my own anxieties.
I'm resentful of the fact that my life is and will continue to revolve around him and his past. That this relationship (I quote him) is "so easy" whereas I feel like I am battling everything on my own.
I am at breaking point.
Welcome to the easily going Love of DownUnder. -
If I were u, I will try to look for another man.
Because with him, it will be complicated, he needs to spend time with his kids, and u also will have step-children.
I do not know whether I would be willing to pay such a price.
The world is big, there are many more people out there. Give some time, meet more people, and u can find a more suitable life partner. Less complicated, and more happiness.
Life already has too much problem on its own, but at least on the matter of marriage, we are supposed to have our choice and steer our future. I will not want to add my life's problems and burdens with marrying this man. If I were you. It is just tiring, and life is too short.
Since you are 26, you are still young, you have alot of time, give yourself a pause, a break, and self-reflect. You dont need to settle with him right now. Dont rush and force yourself into something you might regret later.
Meat Pao. -
It's true that you had put in a lot of effort , meeting the other family, etc.
But to his credit, he did play his part in integrating you into his life and ex-family. He did not shut you out or kept you as an insignificant girlfriend. Instead he opened his life to you, gave you the respect and recognition you deserve.
Unless you feel that he has done nothing of the above?
Maybe what you feel now is the frustration of how much extra must be done for this relationship as compared to one with a single guy.
IMO tell him honestly how you feel. More importantly, identify the things he can do that will make you feel loved and appreciated, and tell him to do those methods accordingly. I don't think he has done nothing for you. But perhaps he needs to show more appreciation and in ways that you can recognise and treasure. -
1) I wont consider 26 years old girl as youngOriginally posted by sooks:Hi there,
I am a 26 year old woman, dating a man 17 years older than myself, who has a 10 year old daughter who lives in Australia with her Mum.
Our relationship is complicated, and I can't even begin to explain.
My problem is that, because of our huge age difference, coupled with the fact that he already has a child, I am not sure if he wants the same things as I do.
I want 3 - 4 kids, and when I asked if he would like more children, his reply is "I don't mind'. We are in very different stages of our lives. I am young and full of hope for my future, whereas he has pretty much achieved what he desired (Career, kid), hence, he doesn't seem to enthusiastic about OUR future.
I feel resentful, and when I talk to my partner about this, he always says that I have nothing to worry about.
I stepped into this relationship understanding that there will be baggage, and I have put my own feelings aside and braved them all. I've met his ex-partner, faced her friends, gone for family gatherings in Australia and moved into his home. I've done all this despite my own anxieties.
I'm resentful of the fact that my life is and will continue to revolve around him and his past. That this relationship (I quote him) is "so easy" whereas I feel like I am battling everything on my own.
I am at breaking point.
2) I neither would I consider a 43 man is as old. think Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise
3) I believe your biggest challenge will be to live with his 10 year old son and his mother. Care to share with us your relationships with them?