Can you run out of love for someone?
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I'm really just wondering if that's possible. Cuz I dunno if that's what's happening to me.
Basically I've been with my gf for almost 2yrs now. At the start of the r/s I threw everything in, but got hurt v badly by her. We used to quarrel almost everyday and it didn't help that I'm studying overseas. I tried to keep giving in, but it seemed then that the more I give in, the more she takes. And whenever we quarrel, she'd always want a break up and I'd have to fight very hard to win her back. After awhile, I guess I just gave up subconciously.
Problem is that, now she realised her mistakes and is trying hard to treat me better. But I just don't love her as much anymore. Worse, I feel the love slipping away. She's a nice girl, but I just can't bring myself to throw everything into the r/s again. Basically, now, I dun care as much, but she's really doing all she can to keep the r/s up and really doesn't want a break up. I'm really afraid that I might just have run out of love for her.
Guess I just wanna hear ur views on this. -
Then be it. Y havin headaches becos of lost of feeling?
She probably was takin u for granted when u gave in everytin to her, tat action, showed tat u love her alot & she was well aware of it. Hence, her actions then.
Now, instead of givin in, u let it be cos u r tired. She IS ALSO well aware of tat, & she has begin to feel afraid cos she might lose u. Hence she tries hard.
The ball is in ur ground now. Wat r u goin to do abt it?
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That's the problem, I don't know.
I kind of remember this part of the Jerry Maguire movie, "She loves you, if you don't love her, you've got to be fair to her, you've got to tell her."
I mean, do u think I should hang on just because she wants me to and hope that things will improve, or should I just let go? I just wanna be sure that if it does come to a split, I don't regret the decision. -
may I suggest a period of "separation"?
sometimes, absence do make the heart grow fonder.
And if you still feel the same for her, it may be better to cut before it kills both of you. -
I'm overseas studying, we're both in uni so it's pretty busy for both of us, so it's pretty much seperation there. Funny, but we're both worried that if there's a seperation, there might be no way back even if we wanted to. I brought this up just last night over the phone to her...got us nowhere. Thanks for that anw.Originally posted by iceFatboy:may I suggest a period of "separation"?
sometimes, absence do make the heart grow fonder.
And if you still feel the same for her, it may be better to cut before it kills both of you. -
Both of you seems to have grown apart, or perhaps there had been too many nasty quarrels that tired you out. Why not take a cool-off period and see how you really feel about each other.
If the love is gone, then it's best to end it rather than drag on. And do concentrate on your studies.
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More like I seem to have drifted further. That's why I dunno how fair it would be to her if I insist on seperation.Originally posted by Wanda:Both of you seems to have grown apart, or perhaps there had been too many nasty quarrels that tired you out. Why not take a cool-off period and see how you really feel about each other.
If the love is gone, then it's best to end it rather than drag on. And do concentrate on your studies.
But yeah, I am throwing quite a bit into studies now. Thanks for ur advice anw. -
Because your feeling for your gf is not love, it's prolly mere infatuation.......
If it is love you truly feel, you will never ever get to the end of anything, particularly, kindness and patience. You'll also hope for all things............ -
Do you know why you have drifted? Ask yourself...u may find your answer there.Originally posted by Othello_Red:More like I seem to have drifted further. That's why I dunno how fair it would be to her if I insist on seperation.
But yeah, I am throwing quite a bit into studies now. Thanks for ur advice anw. -
That's what I was thinking, if it really were love. I mean, it's so subjective and unquantifiable. Pardon me if I sound nerdy, but I'm well aware of the biochemistry involved. The 18 month stage is when your brain gets used to the chemicals and stuff....Originally posted by :Because your feeling for your gf is not love, it's prolly mere infatuation.......
If it is love you truly feel, you will never ever get to the end of anything, particularly, kindness and patience. You'll also hope for all things............
I'm quite sure once it was love...now...I really have no idea. -
I think it is because of the distance between you? How often do you meet with her? Love without physical touch every now and then(hugs, kisses, the feeling of knowing she can be there physically when you need her) will cause a drift between the couple, even though this might sound shallow to some, but it is true.
Or it can also be caused by the fact that you have been with her for quite a while now, I think every couple will go through the period when the love settles and the initial passion fades away. I remember one of the quotes I read somewhere, If you want to stay for a long while with someone, you just need to keep falling in love with that person over and over again.
Now that she is willing to change, I think just give her a chance and see how it goes for a while. Try to do some things together, try out some new activities to bring the spark back and to remind yourself why you have fallen in love with her in the first place If all else fails, if you really can't see her as being the one for you, do let her know as soon as possible, in the gentlest way... -
How about sex? Are u running out of sex with her too?Originally posted by Othello_Red:I'm really just wondering if that's possible. Cuz I dunno if that's what's happening to me.
Basically I've been with my gf for almost 2yrs now. At the start of the r/s I threw everything in, but got hurt v badly by her. We used to quarrel almost everyday and it didn't help that I'm studying overseas. I tried to keep giving in, but it seemed then that the more I give in, the more she takes. And whenever we quarrel, she'd always want a break up and I'd have to fight very hard to win her back. After awhile, I guess I just gave up subconciously.
Problem is that, now she realised her mistakes and is trying hard to treat me better. But I just don't love her as much anymore. Worse, I feel the love slipping away. She's a nice girl, but I just can't bring myself to throw everything into the r/s again. Basically, now, I dun care as much, but she's really doing all she can to keep the r/s up and really doesn't want a break up. I'm really afraid that I might just have run out of love for her.
Guess I just wanna hear ur views on this. -
I read somewhere before...even if it is true love between the two people in a relationship, somewhere during the journey, we will start to doubt whether it is really true love or not. Even if once upon a time, we used to think that this is the one for us, sometimes during the troubled times, we will tend to forget and tend to start the questioning and become even more confused in the process.Originally posted by Othello_Red:That's what I was thinking, if it really were love. I mean, it's so subjective and unquantifiable. Pardon me if I sound nerdy, but I'm well aware of the biochemistry involved. The 18 month stage is when your brain gets used to the chemicals and stuff....
I'm quite sure once it was love...now...I really have no idea.
The realization that someone is right for us often comes in glimpse every now and then, and some time we will tend to forget. We would just have to remind ourselves again and again... -
there is a distance between them, how to have sexOriginally posted by angel7030:How about sex? Are u running out of sex with her too? -
Maybe it's less to do with love, and more to do with trust.Originally posted by Othello_Red:I'm really just wondering if that's possible. Cuz I dunno if that's what's happening to me.
Basically I've been with my gf for almost 2yrs now. At the start of the r/s I threw everything in, but got hurt v badly by her. We used to quarrel almost everyday and it didn't help that I'm studying overseas. I tried to keep giving in, but it seemed then that the more I give in, the more she takes. And whenever we quarrel, she'd always want a break up and I'd have to fight very hard to win her back. After awhile, I guess I just gave up subconciously.
Problem is that, now she realised her mistakes and is trying hard to treat me better. But I just don't love her as much anymore. Worse, I feel the love slipping away. She's a nice girl, but I just can't bring myself to throw everything into the r/s again. Basically, now, I dun care as much, but she's really doing all she can to keep the r/s up and really doesn't want a break up. I'm really afraid that I might just have run out of love for her.
Guess I just wanna hear ur views on this.
You're battle-weary obviously, and perhaps u don't trust her very much to not lose her temper and go into her nonsense-mode.
You have run out of love, (the noun/objective).
You still can love her, (the verb/action). -
Huh! no sex, then it over liao! comform.com.overOriginally posted by rainee:there is a distance between them, how to have sex -
Don't be silly, sex is not the only thing you need in a relationshipOriginally posted by angel7030:Huh! no sex, then it over liao! comform.com.over -
But love needs love sex mah? Feel so owned, so secure, so giving, so high, so warm, so ...in love.Originally posted by rainee:Don't be silly, sex is not the only thing you need in a relationship -
maybe sex might save the relationship hor
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Maybe...I did realise that for a time, I stopped telling her certain things for fear that she'd blow up at me. And I always tried to end any arguments before they began, but she said she felt that I was cutting her off and not caring about her.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Maybe it's less to do with love, and more to do with trust.
You're battle-weary obviously, and perhaps u don't trust her very much to not lose her temper and go into her nonsense-mode.
You have run out of love, (the noun/objective).
You still can love her, (the verb/action).
I'm just wondering if that's true though, the noun part, and if the verb can go on without the noun. They both seem to be so necessary in relation to each other. -
I don't know if it's the distance. I call her everyday, and when I'm back in Sg, a good deal of my time is spent with her. I'm just beginning to worry that the reason I'm feeling this is because the love has gone and I didn't realise it.Originally posted by rainee:I think it is because of the distance between you? How often do you meet with her? Love without physical touch every now and then(hugs, kisses, the feeling of knowing she can be there physically when you need her) will cause a drift between the couple, even though this might sound shallow to some, but it is true.
Or it can also be caused by the fact that you have been with her for quite a while now, I think every couple will go through the period when the love settles and the initial passion fades away. I remember one of the quotes I read somewhere, If you want to stay for a long while with someone, you just need to keep falling in love with that person over and over again.
Now that she is willing to change, I think just give her a chance and see how it goes for a while. Try to do some things together, try out some new activities to bring the spark back and to remind yourself why you have fallen in love with her in the first place If all else fails, if you really can't see her as being the one for you, do let her know as soon as possible, in the gentlest way...
That I spend time with her and call her because she wants me to and it's become a mechanical habit. I mean, it's not that I'm being cruel now that she wants to change, but I don't know if I can change to accept that she has changed. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I don't wanna lead her on if there isn't much chance of the r/s still surviving. -
Can you still see yourself being with her 5 years from now? Or the thought of that has become intolerable?Originally posted by Othello_Red:I don't know if it's the distance. I call her everyday, and when I'm back in Sg, a good deal of my time is spent with her. I'm just beginning to worry that the reason I'm feeling this is because the love has gone and I didn't realise it.
That I spend time with her and call her because she wants me to and it's become a mechanical habit. I mean, it's not that I'm being cruel now that she wants to change, but I don't know if I can change to accept that she has changed. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I don't wanna lead her on if there isn't much chance of the r/s still surviving.
I am thinking that maybe you are tired of her old ways, and when she said she wants to change, you are not sure how successful she would be at that. When she showed you her bad side (when both of you quarreled, you have started to become unsure of being with her...you feel as if an ideal image that you have of her has been smashed? -
U probably are a virgin.Originally posted by angel7030:But love needs love sex mah? Feel so owned, so secure, so giving, so high, so warm, so ...in love.
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It is possible to run out of love, the passion ... but like rainee said, sometimes it needs to be rekindled all over again.Originally posted by Othello_Red:Maybe...I did realise that for a time, I stopped telling her certain things for fear that she'd blow up at me. And I always tried to end any arguments before they began, but she said she felt that I was cutting her off and not caring about her.
I'm just wondering if that's true though, the noun part, and if the verb can go on without the noun. They both seem to be so necessary in relation to each other.
You being overseas certainly don't help the situation.
You need effort to love her, when love the noun runs out. The question is, are you willing to overlook her weaknesses, and emphasises on her strengths?
If everything seems like a chore, it's because you are tired of giving in (refusing to argue or say anything that leads to a quarrel). In a healthy r/s, you want to be heard, but not put down.
Maybe a good way is to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. No excessive finger-pointing though. The 10min rule may work here. Basically each of u sit down and talk for 10min about what you like, don't like about the situation, and NO interruption from either side.
Try it.
You sound like a good guy, when you say you don't want to mislead her.
Hope everything works out well for you. -
If the only one party is contributing and the other party is always taking, the one-sided relationship will crumble.
You are obviously disappointed and her response came too late for you.
I think the ball is in your court. Are you willing to give her another chance? If you are able to let go of the past, there is still hope.