if u n ur gf r getting married soon
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Excuse me.Originally posted by hiphop2009:LOLLOL!!!
dun so bad...
anyway, hey, u are still nt too "old" right? go enjoy being with each other first. it is u n her's decision to hav kids, nt being pressured by ur parents. i dun really hearp ple having kids straightaway after getting married. she will wan to hav kids in the future one.
Don't hope for your partner to change their mind.
This kind of thing must agree BEFORE marriage. -
Agree, never hope that your partner will change their mind on such things. Yes, must agree before marriage.Originally posted by jojobeach:Excuse me.
Don't hope for your partner to change their mind.
This kind of thing must agree BEFORE marriage. -
wow, sory to hear your story, didnt know your parents aborted it.. U mayb have an older brother or sister if they hadn't aborted it.. but im sure they got their own reason.. TS, u shud listen to them, just get married , time will tell,, n she wil get jealous of ppl who get married and arleady have cute sons and daughtersOriginally posted by popikachu:Just share a story with you...
My parents didnt want to get any child at first... But, they accidentally get a child... In the late 20s... Well that's still not me yet as my parents aborted it.
After they past their 30s, they got another one, which is me... They have been together since 16 years old... and finally decide to have me at their age of 32... Then another one after 4 years...
So what i want to say is that, people might chance their thinking after a period of time. Just hope that the period of time isn't that long. -
Ya, that is rite, no only agreed, it must be chopped, signed by both parites, and thumbprinted. Then downloadedOriginally posted by jojobeach:Excuse me.
Don't hope for your partner to change their mind.
This kind of thing must agree BEFORE marriage. -
U dun have to be sorry dear, it just a story yaOriginally posted by Zarks:wow, sory to hear your story, didnt know your parents aborted it.. U mayb have an older brother or sister if they hadn't aborted it.. but im sure they got their own reason.. TS, u shud listen to them, just get married , time will tell,, n she wil get jealous of ppl who get married and arleady have cute sons and daughters -
I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this.Originally posted by Zarks:wow, sory to hear your story, didnt know your parents aborted it.. U mayb have an older brother or sister if they hadn't aborted it.. but im sure they got their own reason.. TS, u shud listen to them, just get married , time will tell,, n she wil get jealous of ppl who get married and arleady have cute sons and daughters
This kind of disparity in expectation is no small joke.
To TS,
It will inevitably cause frictions within the family.
How will you tell your parents ?
How will they react to the decision ?
What will happen when she still don't change her mind before her child bearing age is done ?
TS will soon find himself stuck between a rock and a very hard place. Guaranteed.
If she don't intend to have children, then why bother get married ?
Just because both of you are marriageable age does not mean you MUST get married.
Ask yourself... being together is not love ? Must sign on dotted line means love ?
Please lah.
Your gf say get married, you get married.
Your gf says no kids, you ok.
Don't you have a brain of your own ?
Next time your wife angry with you, tell you to go eat sheet, will you comply ? -
So far none of us have heard from TS whether his own preference to have kids or not to have kids.Originally posted by jojobeach:I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this.
This kind of disparity in expectation is no small joke.
To TS,
It will inevitably cause frictions within the family.
How will you tell your parents ?
How will they react to the decision ?
What will happen when she still don't change her mind before her child bearing age is done ?
TS will soon find himself stuck between a rock and a very hard place. Guaranteed.
If she don't intend to have children, then why bother get married ?
Just because both of you are marriageable age does not mean you MUST get married.
Ask yourself... being together is not love ? Must sign on dotted line means love ?
Please lah.
Your gf say get married, you get married.
Your gf says no kids, you ok.
Don't you have a brain of your own ?
Next time your wife angry with you, tell you to go eat sheet, will you comply ?
So far we have only heard that TS said his gf don't wanna have kids and his parents want grandchildren.
Anyway, getting married doesn't mean you must have children. Alot of couples get married and don't want children anyway. -
For man, I believe having kids or not having kids is not a big deal.Originally posted by elindra:So far none of us have heard from TS whether his own preference to have kids or not to have kids.
So far we have only heard that TS said his gf don't wanna have kids and his parents want grandchildren.
Anyway, getting married doesn't mean you must have children. Alot of couples get married and don't want children anyway.
Yes it is true, in Singapore's context, getting married is more likely to be out of convenience and HDB policy. Sad to say, but true. -
Oh no, guys do have their own opinionsOriginally posted by jojobeach:For man, I believe having kids or not having kids is not a big deal.
Yes it is true, in Singapore's context, getting married is more likely to be out of convenience and HDB policy. Sad to say, but true.
Some want kids because they want their own flesh and blood and also because they love kids whereas others won't want anything to do with them -
jus a food for thought: have you ever thought that her marrying you might be due to her eagerness to settle down for the sake of settling down but not necessarily in love with you?
Cos women in love will want to have kids. It's not necessarily true for your case but you might want to consider this possibility as I do not want to see a fellow man marrying a woman who does not love him back.
doko -
Yes, some do have their own opinions. But not this one.Originally posted by elindra:Oh no, guys do have their own opinions
Some want kids because they want their own flesh and blood and also because they love kids whereas others won't want anything to do with them
TS don't seem to know what he wants !
So he just let his gf lead him by the nose........meaning he don't mind have or not leh. -
hmmm... if he does not mind at all, then he will not find it agonising enough to ask his friends and post his agony here.Originally posted by jojobeach:Yes, some do have their own opinions. But not this one.
TS don't seem to know what he wants !
So he just let his gf lead him by the nose........meaning he don't mind have or not leh. -
Not all though, dont be so pessismistic. if that is the case, all the people who are able to buy private properties will stay single already, rite?Originally posted by jojobeach:For man, I believe having kids or not having kids is not a big deal.
Yes it is true, in Singapore's context, getting married is more likely to be out of convenience and HDB policy. Sad to say, but true. -
True true....Originally posted by blu_sky:hmmm... if he does not mind at all, then he will not find it agonising enough to ask his friends and post his agony here.
I wonder how come TS never talked about this issue before they decide to go ahead with the wedding leh.
Some more it is the gf that proposed to get married wor.
Poor girl. -
Actually I would think most people take it for granted that their partners will want kids, unless otherwise stated. I think that is a reasonable assumption. It is not a reasonable expectation to keep pre-empting what 'not so normal' things your partner may want and keep ask, that list of questions that one needs to ask will be damn long man.Originally posted by jojobeach:True true....
I wonder how come TS never talked about this issue before they decide to go ahead with the wedding leh.
Some more it is the gf that proposed to get married wor.
Poor girl.
Honestly i think if a party does not want kids, it is that party's 'duty' to disclose and discuss, aint it? -
Poor girl?Originally posted by jojobeach:True true....
I wonder how come TS never talked about this issue before they decide to go ahead with the wedding leh.
Some more it is the gf that proposed to get married wor.
Poor girl.
i dont think she poor.. i think TS is the poor thing -
I think the gf is the poor thingOriginally posted by blu_sky:Poor girl?
i dont think she poor.. i think TS is the poor thing
TS cannot make decisions and when his friend suggested some stupid idea he even considered it
At least attempt to address her concerns
And he didn't even say he wants to have a kid or not but because his parents want grandchildren
TS like dun have a mind of his own -
Actually TS' gf is well-aware of this fact, from the way she takes lead in many issues.Originally posted by elindra:I think the gf is the poor thing
TS cannot make decisions and when his friend suggested some stupid idea he even considered it
At least attempt to address her concerns
And he didn't even say he wants to have a kid or not but because his parents want grandchildren
TS like dun have a mind of his own
She knows what deal she has. I wont be surprise if she knows that she will have a way to 'lead' the relationship into the decision of not having kids. -
Either that or she has given up on him making a decisionOriginally posted by blu_sky:Actually TS' gf is well-aware of this fact, from the way she takes lead in many issues.
She knows what deal she has. I wont be surprise if she knows that she will have a way to 'lead' the relationship into the decision of not having kids. -
Oh, and forgot to add, why you dont need to pity her? Some women really dont need men who can make decisions. Infact they are happy with partners who let them lead them at their nose.Originally posted by elindra:Either that or she has given up on him making a decision
I have a girlfriend who once told me happily and proudly, her husband is very easy to 'psycho'. she just have to repeat some thing enough, and she will be able to instil that into his mind!
Some women dont want men who have a mind of their own, cos in return, they get their ways all the time! -
give her some timeOriginally posted by Guardx:letz say if u pak tor for some time liao n ur gf tell u maybe itz time u n her get married ... n u oso feel dat since both of u r of so-called marriagable age so itz probably about time liao.
the wedding date oredi set ... wedding dinner book oredi ... photo shoot oso done ... juz a couple of mths to ur big day ... ~
if at this point she suddenly tell u she dun intend to hv kids after marriage for reasons ranging from dun like kids to not wanting to get out of shape etc etc ... ~
will u still go ahead n marry her ... esp when u noe ur parents r expecting grandchildren
some ppl will say they dun wanna have kids... but as they get older their thinking may change
some ppl will say they wan to have kids.. turn around they say they dun wan turn around again, they wanna have kids [this type is worse than the first type]
some dun wan to have, but relented, and in the end, they love their kid a lot esp after they see the birth of their baby [my sil was like this... she didn wan to have bb at all... but in the end, she was happy she had her girl
] -
Talking about kids is part of "normal" communication in coupledom.Originally posted by blu_sky:Actually I would think most people take it for granted that their partners will want kids, unless otherwise stated. I think that is a reasonable assumption. It is not a reasonable expectation to keep pre-empting what 'not so normal' things your partner may want and keep ask, that list of questions that one needs to ask will be damn long man.
Honestly i think if a party does not want kids, it is that party's 'duty' to disclose and discuss, aint it?
I think TS and his gf really needs to sit down and talk about their goals and expectations.
Issues that are important to any marriage must be discussed and compromised and agreed upon.
Many things may change during the marriage, but at least they must know what to expect from each other.
Issues like religion, financial arrangements, housings, PIL, childrens, maids, etc.
If a couple cannot even communicate properly before marriage, then how to live together in the long term ?
We are each unique individuals from various backgrounds and families.
There will be many conflicts that arises from the differences. -
So, what happens if his wife don't change her mind ?Originally posted by shinta:give her some time
some ppl will say they dun wanna have kids... but as they get older their thinking may change
some ppl will say they wan to have kids.. turn around they say they dun wan turn around again, they wanna have kids [this type is worse than the first type]
some dun wan to have, but relented, and in the end, they love their kid a lot esp after they see the birth of their baby [my sil was like this... she didn wan to have bb at all... but in the end, she was happy she had her girl]
Should TS go find another one ?
I know of a few, have big fights and divorce because of this issue.
Wife don't want kids, or husband don't want kids, all same problem.
Then end up, they divorce and find other partners.
Those that wanted kids, ended up having kids at a older age.
One have complications due to her age.
The other one cannot get pregnant after several artificial fertilization procedures. Not cheap ok. 5 digits expenses.
So please don't play play. -
Yah, this kind of woman, is the one wearing the pants.Originally posted by blu_sky:Oh, and forgot to add, why you dont need to pity her? Some women really dont need men who can make decisions. Infact they are happy with partners who let them lead them at their nose.
I have a girlfriend who once told me happily and proudly, her husband is very easy to 'psycho'. she just have to repeat some thing enough, and she will be able to instil that into his mind!
Some women dont want men who have a mind of their own, cos in return, they get their ways all the time! -
do u marry someone becos u love the person?Originally posted by jojobeach:So, what happens if his wife don't change her mind ?
Should TS go find another one ?
I know of a few, have big fights and divorce because of this issue.
Wife don't want kids, or husband don't want kids, all same problem.
Then end up, they divorce and find other partners.
Those that wanted kids, ended up having kids at a older age.
One have complications due to her age.
The other one cannot get pregnant after several artificial fertilization procedures. Not cheap ok. 5 digits expenses.
So please don't play play.
or do u marry someone to produce babies?