Relationship woes.. views appreciated (very long post)
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Dear all,
I'm new in the forum, let me share my story. Apologies as its gonna be a long one, I shall make it as short and painless as I can, pls bear with me. First, I shall detail the current background and a short introduction to the female leads of my story. I am attached to B. S is my ex-gf and we broke off almost 3 years ago. she has been single since then.
B - she is 4 years my senior and has a pretty and classy look. She looks very much younger for her age of 32. Career wise, I would say she's the ambitious and career woman type. Used to be in the phama-aesthetics industry and currently, she's into hospitality brand management (Client includes Starwood, Ascot, Macau Sands, San Regies etc). She is blessed to have a rather well to do family and that explains her spoilt, attention seeking and demanding nature. Family background wise, can consider that we are compatible.
S - she is 1 year my junior. Look wise, she too has a pretty face although her height is comparatively compromised and her frame is waif like. (though personally I think she's very attractive) Career wise, she too can be considered ambitious though she has slowed down considerably lately. SheÂ’s an account manager in the advertising industry and by a twist of coincidence; my organization is one of the major client to her Advertising agency (Part of WPP group, though I won't reveal which one to protect her identity). I am the main contact point fronting the partnership (from a client perspective that is) Though she's not servicing my account, we have ample opportunities to meet. Family background wise, I would say she had been thru a bad childhood which gives rise to her insecured nature. S is a very sincere person who place others in a higher priority than herself. She is simply sweet...
Following so far?? Let's flashback to 5 years ago (2002). I was a young and wayward punk who juz ORDed. Due to my mediocre results, I could not enter local Uni so off I went to Australia to further my studies. And I was so blessed I got to know S, who is really an angel to me. I used to have many flings in the past but S changed my perception in relationships. We did everything together. she cooked my meals and I did all the household chores for her. Mutually, we fell for each other unknowingly and progressively. Then something happened. One nite, when she professed her feelings for me in a very subtle manner, I didn't get the hint and unknowingly rejected her. How silly I was... After that, I returned to Sin for my holidays as S had to stay behind to complete a deferred module. During this 3 weeks, I realized that absence made my heart grew very much fonder. I missed S dearly and finally, I realized she meant so much to me. When I went back, she was already attached to my so-called friend. (Well curse myself cuz I was the dork who rejected her). I was totally shattered. Well to cut the story short, me and S did eventually become an item. Life was so sweet, except the fact that she was rather possessive and temperamental. Well nobody is perfect and I gladly changed from a free-spirited and untamed person to a submissive and gentle partner. I was determined she's the destined one for me... While she lay sleeping one night, I secretly measured her fingers for the ring size and bought her a diamond ring. I intended to surprise her and propose to her once I graduated from Uni. S graduated before me and returned to SIN ready to embark on her career. Well at this point, things turned for the worse. S had always been rather success driven and she decided to engage full gear into her career. Being her partner, I gave her no stress at all, always calling her from long distance only when her schedule allows. Under the eagerness to excel in her career, S gives herself huge expectations resulting in tremendous stress. Before long, we grew very distant. Finally, 1 week before my birthday, she ended our relationship via SMS, citing very superficial reasons. I wasn't even given a chance or explanation via telecon... I was crushed. Being a person full of pride, I accepted it without any contest or plead for a re-evaluation of the relationship.
I spent countless nights sleeping in my car (in the cold Aussie winter) cuz I couldn't forget all the happy times we had setting up our rented apartment together and stepping into this same apartment only brings back painful memories. For the 1st time, my tears shed freely for a woman...
Back of my mind, I attributed it to her insecurities and her unwillingness to have a partner who could not guide her well enough in her career. To put it bluntly, she must have thought that I was still a loafing student, good for nothing, who has no qualms in squandering my parent's wealth. (I admit to that...) From that day onwards, I redirected my sorrow to studies. I vowed to get good grades and be someone at least comparable to her. I know S is capable and her potential is great and boundless. Thus, I vowed never to lose out to her. All along however, I do not blame her. She was someone I loved dearly, eternally... Regardless, I know that she will always remain very special in my heart....Frankly if I were to choose again knowing the unpleasant outcome, I would have chosen to love her with all my heart as I did...
Eventually, I graduated with good grades. Career wise, I think I can be considered rather lucky. However in terms of relationships, I have totally lost confidence
in everything. I reverted to my flamboyant ways and had many flings, hurting many ladies in the process. My notion is that relationships are transitional and thus I have developed this self protecting mechanism. To me, my career matters most. Relationships are intangible and thus I can't attribute a projected NPV of the
relationship nor can I determine its ROI. I developed a casual attitude. I know I'm very selfish, but to all my flings, I made it upfront that I wasn't the commited sort and well, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Eventually in Jan 2006, I met B. She was very stuck up and aloof initially and that sorta prompted me further to woo her. We could talk about anything under the sun from Hedge funds to entartainment.. We just couldn't run out of topics to discuss and I find that unlike most of my flings (who can be considered bimbotic, sry no pun intended), B possess good looks as well as brains. Largely, she is considered to be a successful career woman, many would think she's arrogant too.. B surpass S in terms of career (due to her age maybe), and to that, I vowed to win her over as I once told myself I will get the affections of a woman who is intellectually stronger than S and more established in her career as well. B seemed the perfect persona for my choice. Also, I felt that with her age and experience, B would be a great guidance to me in terms of career development, imparting me vast knowledge on the industries she's exposed to.
Courtship wasn't easy as B had 2 other suitors after her at that time, both were accomplished professionals far surpassing me in terms of career establishment (much older than me too of course). After a hard span of 3 mths, me and B were together but problems started to surface. 1st, B has high expectations in terms of quality of life(read: monetary problems). Of course due to her age, her salary is higher than mine. She demands tiffany diamond rings (I didn't even intend to marry her!!) and thinks that my monthly salary is not sufficient to support her. (fyi my salary is hovering around 4.3K per month.. I think it should be comfortable if we spend wisely but B thinks otherwise). Secondly, we have huge disparities. She adores a very different pastime as compared to me. For me, I love clubbing,
painting the town red, as well as modding my car (like most guys I reckon). B does oil painting and fencing among others. Maybe like they said, opposites attract. Thirdly, we have opposing takes towards what is acceptable relationship between guys and ladies. I have many close lady friends but to me they are
purely friends, B knows about my flirting past and she wants me to shun my lady friends. We had major disagreements and end up quarreling most of the time when we meet (which is rare as both of us are workaholics). Whatever passion we had at first died. To me, it was more like going through the motion. By this time, I have already inherited whatever knowledge she has to impart to me and there is no long any intangible leveraging power being together with her.
Finally during December last year, we decided to take a 3 week break in Japan to re-evaluate our relationships without the stress from work. By then, I no longer had any feelings towards her. I became so cold that she sensed it and during our outbound SIN-FUK flight, I confessed to her on-board that my feelings had died. Guess it wasn't a great way to fly for B... Naturally, our 3 weeks in Japan was a disaster. Upon return, B was diagnosed to be suffering from dysmenorrhea, which is a rare case of painful menstrual cramps caused by the thickening of internal endometriosis walls and excessive bleeding. The only long-term solution was either childbirth (which IÂ’m definitely not prepared to undergo with her... not even marriage lest to mention childbirth!!) or hysterectomy. The preventive measure however was to remain relaxed and stress free. With that, B's perception towards life changed. She became very much less demanding and became subtle and submissive. From the discovery of her condition in March till now, she has totally changed towards me, being more supportive and understanding now. However my heart is already dead. Being with her is very much like a responsibility more than anything else. Because of B's constant and unpredicted stomach cramps, our social life is much affected. We cannot go out partying, shopping, etc like we used to cuz B would suddenly break out in cold sweat and have to go home immediately to rest. To me, it has given rise to a very boring and mundane relationship. Nevertheless I find it hard to leave B out of pity more than anything else. It's becoming increasingly unbearable.
Recently, I celebrated S's birthday. B is blissfully unaware of course. S got drunk and when I was sending her home, she mumbled something like I'm sorry
and I love you. Well of course I took it with a pinch of salt. Hypothetically, I have got over S. I do admit I still love her in a way but having gained back my freedom and nonchalant outlook towards life, I can never envisage leading a happy life as S's submissive partner again. In some cases, its really better to remain closest friends than being together. Lately, S also mentioned she's afraid she might be left on the shelf, etc etc.. We have been meeting up more often lately. Though the possibility is small, I'm afraid I might fall for S again unknowingly. This would be disaster as I know we won't have a fairytale ending, regardless.. Views please???
As for my relationship with B, I really dun know how I should communicate to her and call off the whole thing. I know i'm selfish but isn't it better to end it early
in a relationship where no love is involved rather than prolonging the pain. Right from the start of my relationship with B, I had made a disclaimer that i'm not the committed sort and I have little confidence in long lasting relationships. B knows and accepted that. Well I would say our relationship had been sweet too but its actually more of a physical one than an emotional one. Now, any views or suggestions how I should end the relationship with B with least pain possible to her?
Thanks for the patience in reading my post thus far, greatly appreciated. Cheers and have a great day ahead. -
tell her nicely in a way that it doesn't hurt her feelings
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end with B but to others you are heartless.
go with S is like eating grass that you have step onz.
My advice stay clear of both and enjoy your company with other gals cos you are the non committed type.
Man, I envy you. -
remain single for the time being, find out what u want before going into another r/s. At 28, u can afford to....best of luck
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Fark la.. u got 2 gals love u .. sigh.. i only wish it in my dream
but seems u aware of whom u still love...
I think S really regret of watever she might have done to you.. but in the past 3 years shes still single (even though shes very attractive???)
Well, i thk S still love you.. so do you...
Easy solution, just tell B the real thing.. End it before it causes more pain later on..
Honesty is the best policy
.. or i got other idea..
... take them both as ur wife. -
Mayb u shud just shorten your story..
U knw wat. its too long for us to read.. we do not wan to knw what S or B is doin.. just tell us ur agony in short
U knw wat, i only read the last paragraph, and i already understand your agony..
Nex time plz shorten it. cuz not many of us here very free to read all ur story...
Go for S la.. -
Stay clear... hmmm seems the best choice after I have ended it with B. thx for ur inputOriginally posted by Guardx:end with B but to others you are heartless.
go with S is like eating grass that you have step onz.
My advice stay clear of both and enjoy your company with other gals cos you are the non committed type.
Man, I envy you.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Zarks:Mayb u shud just shorten your story..
U knw wat. its too long for us to read.. we do not wan to knw what S or B is doin.. just tell us ur agony in short
U knw wat, i only read the last paragraph, and i already understand your agony..
Nex time plz shorten it. cuz not many of us here very free to read all ur story...
Go for S la.. haha.. Sincere apologies for the long post. Noted next time round. Anyway S finds it hard to get hitched because she has huge insecurities. She finds it hard to trust any potential guy due to her broken childhood... 
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Go for none.
Why return to the land that has basnish u? -
Thx for the advise, however, my primary concern now is how to exit the land i'm currently occupying.Originally posted by boka:Go for none.
Why return to the land that has basnish u?
I never had the intension to do a home-coming to the land that has forsaken me... thought its tempting of course...
Cheers -
Hey friend,
Its a happy problem to have, 2 girls to choose between.
I would choose S if I were you. I can see you felt deeply for her (sleeping in the car, weeping, things like that). Deep feelings are not easy to forget or put down. Its easy to rekindle as long as you sort out the kinks in the relationship and move on from here. I believe she will have stronger feelings for you upon coming back.
You no longer have feelings for B so why proceed with her like that for the rest of your life? You won't be happy, you will be wasting her time and yours. Its better to end it all now than later (somemore she's older and materialistic -- you will suffer in the long run, trust me).
All the best. -
Thanks for your analytical view mate... Seem that you understand my situation quite well. Yes its a happy problem.Originally posted by krautfuher:Hey friend,
Its a happy problem to have, 2 girls to choose between.
I would choose S if I were you. I can see you felt deeply for her (sleeping in the car, weeping, things like that). Deep feelings are not easy to forget or put down. Its easy to rekindle as long as you sort out the kinks in the relationship and move on from here. I believe she will have stronger feelings for you upon coming back.
You no longer have feelings for B so why proceed with her like that for the rest of your life? You won't be happy, you will be wasting her time and yours. Its better to end it all now than later (somemore she's older and materialistic -- you will suffer in the long run, trust me).
All the best.
Many of my friends ask me why I dun wanna get back together with S since we have such a strong bonding. Well my only concern is that I dun wanna leap into a relationship and get hurt all over again by the same person.
I'm happy being a swinging single (once I end my R/S with B) But definately if you were to ask if S is my ideal benchmark as a partner, the answer is obvious. Cheers!! -
Both ladies are not suitable for you anymore. You yourself made it quite clear on that.
Just continue to treat S as a close friend even if she confesses she still have feelings for you. As for B TELL HER THE TRUTH. Don't beat around the bush about it just because she is suffering from a disease. Don't let others influence your decision about her because YOU already told her during your flight to Japan, so no fault lies with you.
Do not EVER EVER get married to someone simply out of responsibility or sympathy as in the end you will be the one that is suffering and inadvertently hurting the other party too. You can give your support as a friend to B by not sacrificing your own happiness. Whether she opts for the operation or not is her decision alone and not yours. Just tell her whatever choice she made you will always be there to lend her a shoulder to cry on AS A GOOD FRIEND. -
If she is so insecure, why should she trust you ?Originally posted by Scion79: haha.. Sincere apologies for the long post. Noted next time round. Anyway S finds it hard to get hitched because she has huge insecurities. She finds it hard to trust any potential guy due to her broken childhood...
Since you are the kind that is unlikely to settle down anytime soon.
It would be in both interest to steer clear of a relationship together.
Good call to let B go.
Now, please don't waste S time.
S has already made it clear she is afraid to be left on the shelf, so leave her alone so the right man can come into her life.
As long as you linger around, you are holding her back.
The best thing for you to do is , disappear from both of their life.
No contacts whatsoever, life will go on without you. -
Frankly after reading your long post, I tink you are a very hypocritical man i shld say. You got together with B because you tink that she can help you on ur career. U also mentioned smthg about you have learnt much from her work experience etc and nthg much to depend on her, its another compelling reason for you to leave.
you're a leech!!
disgusting man.. -
Originally posted by Scion79:Dear all,
I'm new in the forum, let me share my story. Apologies as its gonna be a long one, I shall make it as short and painless as I can, pls bear with me. First, I shall detail the current background and a short introduction to the female leads of my story. I am attached to B. S is my ex-gf and we broke off almost 3 years ago. she has been single since then. (edited... too long)
Finally during December last year, we decided to take a 3 week break in Japan to re-evaluate our relationships without the stress from work. By then, I no longer had any feelings towards her. I became so cold that she sensed it and during our outbound SIN-FUK flight, I confessed to her on-board that my feelings had died. Guess it wasn't a great way to fly for B... Naturally, our 3 weeks in Japan was a disaster. Upon return, B was diagnosed to be suffering from dysmenorrhea, which is a rare case of painful menstrual cramps caused by the thickening of internal endometriosis walls and excessive bleeding. The only long-term solution was either childbirth (which IÂ’m definitely not prepared to undergo with her... not even marriage lest to mention childbirth!!) or hysterectomy. The preventive measure however was to remain relaxed and stress free. With that, B's perception towards life changed. She became very much less demanding and became subtle and submissive. From the discovery of her condition in March till now, she has totally changed towards me, being more supportive and understanding now. However my heart is already dead. Being with her is very much like a responsibility more than anything else. Because of B's constant and unpredicted stomach cramps, our social life is much affected. We cannot go out partying, shopping, etc like we used to cuz B would suddenly break out in cold sweat and have to go home immediately to rest. To me, it has given rise to a very boring and mundane relationship. Nevertheless I find it hard to leave B out of pity more than anything else. It's becoming increasingly unbearable.
Recently, I celebrated S's birthday. B is blissfully unaware of course. S got drunk and when I was sending her home, she mumbled something like I'm sorry
and I love you. Well of course I took it with a pinch of salt. Hypothetically, I have got over S. I do admit I still love her in a way but having gained back my freedom and nonchalant outlook towards life, I can never envisage leading a happy life as S's submissive partner again. In some cases, its really better to remain closest friends than being together. Lately, S also mentioned she's afraid she might be left on the shelf, etc etc.. We have been meeting up more often lately. Though the possibility is small, I'm afraid I might fall for S again unknowingly. This would be disaster as I know we won't have a fairytale ending, regardless.. Views please???
As for my relationship with B, I really dun know how I should communicate to her and call off the whole thing. I know i'm selfish but isn't it better to end it early
in a relationship where no love is involved rather than prolonging the pain. Right from the start of my relationship with B, I had made a disclaimer that i'm not the committed sort and I have little confidence in long lasting relationships. B knows and accepted that. Well I would say our relationship had been sweet too but its actually more of a physical one than an emotional one. Now, any views or suggestions how I should end the relationship with B with least pain possible to her?
Thanks for the patience in reading my post thus far, greatly appreciated. Cheers and have a great day ahead.
No worries about your long post; in fact, you have pen down an extremely detailed situation about your own woe.
*** There are a couple of subconscious issues that have been affecting and implicating your love life, whether or not you recognise those afflictions. Perhaps afflictions might be too harsh of an adjective to use, but you get the gist of what I am driving at later as my post unfolds itself.
Inherently, you are like bee, actively visiting from flowers to flowers. And a bee does what a bee does; until the bee forgets being a bee.
Perhaps in all other superficial relationship you have been before, you probably only learnt about what's love and passion until the day you realise the sinking feeling of its absence. It could be a change of environment that actually bonded you and S together; but when you eliminate this variable, many things will likely to change accordingly.
In fact, her presence revealed many dimensions of your vulnerability as a whole, despite being a player, in which by rationale, you should be able to take it easy, making this no exception.
However, no matter how reinforced our exo-skeleton is, our emotions and ego are as tender as raw meat itself. Our emotions are easily wounded and to make matter worst, it's not always readily responsive to self rejuvenation and recovery.
It seemed to me that you have this penchant of falling for capable women that fly high in areas of their career, which is the main factor you have attributed to the fall of your previous love. Your decimated love has wickedly flailed your sensitive ego as you reckoned that this utter failure is largely because of your lack of achievements and status in society (Sun probably gets affected in face of tension of aspects in MC/significator/s of 10th house).
Your vow to evolve is not a statement of love; rather, it is a statement coming from a bruised ego.
Because the bee returns to being a bee.
The amusing question is why return being a bee when your evolution could actually led you to become something else more spiritually matured and stable? Like a mortal and not an insect?
You have incarcerated your love profile to this enclosed definition - the wholesale segmentation between flings or 'S' solitarily, in which you have classified her as your benchmark of what love and passion truly means. This formula in your heart is such that for as long as nobody presents itself in a finished product that resembles this secret concoction that caused you to shed your first tear in love, it belongs to the former category.
Sometimes even when we stopped bleeding, it doesn't necessarily means we are healed. Emotional injuries not resolved will often rot from within - gradually, you probably have realised that your defensive mechanism is a huge hindrance to your advancement in aspects of love. Your facade may have shielded you by gaining relative happiness at the cruel expenses of other ladies, but your void within will consume you inside out subconsciously because five years later, you are still sauntering in circles.
Though you are pretty honest with yourself - being in a physical-apt relationship, it can hardly speak of any substantial love affection. So is it any surprise when you mentioned that your passion has died? Probably your automatic trigger has labelled her under the same category as your other flings, perhaps just that you slog a little harder this time round in your pursuit, thus you are giving more consideration to this relationship, compared to the usual relationships you so quickly grow restless with.
Yes, her illness might have touched your humane side, but love cannot survive on sympathy. You will only grow to escalate more emotional frustration as you are unwilling to be in the relationship.
No elements can substitute the power of love; all other retention strategies will fail with the test of time. Therefore, your hesitation is merely delaying the inevitable with regards to B.
You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up. Whether or not you will fall for her again, the question lies not with love, but with the man: would you allow yourself to be vulnerable once again? You know like opening yourself to have someone get inside you and possibly messing you up once again?
You can't fall in love unless you allow yourself the condition to do so.
It applies not only to 'S' - it's the same for 'A-Z'.
Cheers -
fuck la... in the first place , told her straight in the face that u are the playboy type and u say that u dun want to hurt her , then just be her friend but contrastly u accept a relationship with her....
now, it is ur problem to chose btw the 2 girls.... which I think that u cannot make up ur mind to chose and in the end , u hurt both of them...
U r a asshole cum jerk....
if u know that u cannot committed, find the playgirl type.... indeed u are selfish. And u use the girl as she is career- minded and know the industry well... after everything she had teach u.. u find her no longer attractive....
lol....
good for u, 2 girls LOVE u!! -
edited :
Why do you need to let B go painlessly ?
All break-ups are painful.
You afraid of payback ? That's why you need to be nice to B now ?
Don't sheet where you eat next time. -
@_@ Sakura gal ?Originally posted by Sakuraflower:fuck la... in the first place , told her straight in the face that u are the playboy type and u say that u dun want to hurt her , then just be her friend but contrastly u accept a relationship with her....
now, it is ur problem to chose btw the 2 girls.... which I think that u cannot make up ur mind to chose and in the end , u hurt both of them...
U r a asshole cum jerk....
if u know that u cannot committed, find the playgirl type.... indeed u are selfish. And u use the girl as she is career- minded and know the industry well... after everything she had teach u.. u find her no longer attractive....
lol....
good for u, 2 girls LOVE u!! -
Well I appreciate your honest view, however like I said earlier, I made it very clear to B regarding our status right from the start.Originally posted by ilovethesun:Frankly after reading your long post, I tink you are a very hypocritical man i shld say. You got together with B because you tink that she can help you on ur career. U also mentioned smthg about you have learnt much from her work experience etc and nthg much to depend on her, its another compelling reason for you to leave.
you're a leech!!
disgusting man..
It is human nature to yearn for progression in life and similarly here is where my stand lies.
A leech is a description detailing someone who lives and leverages on the life of another being. Indeed I gained great knowledge from
B but at no time did I live off her, literately, financially nor emotionally. I did not get together with her because I thought she could help
me advance in my career like you pointed. That was just a prerogative and good to have in the relationship.
Hope the above clarifies. I seek views to mitigate my current situation from this forum, not judgement based on the little understanding which might
be illustrated by my post. Of course, nobody is a saint and I admit neither am I. However before you ascertain what I have done for B so far, please
do not be judgmental based on my post, because it only serves to detail my situation and does not include the merits I had shown to B thus far. thks
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I am impressed. Sincere thanks for your meticulous and surprisingly immaculate analysis. It has certainly enabled a new dimension towards my No worries about your long post; in fact, you have pen down an extremely detailed situation about your own woe.
*** There are a couple of subconscious issues that have been affecting and implicating your love life, whether or not you recognise those afflictions. Perhaps afflictions might be too harsh of an adjective to use, but you get the gist of what I am driving at later as my post unfolds itself.
Inherently, you are like bee, actively visiting from flowers to flowers. And a bee does what a bee does; until the bee forgets being a bee.
Perhaps in all other superficial relationship you have been before, you probably only learnt about what's love and passion until the day you realise the sinking feeling of its absence. It could be a change of environment that actually bonded you and S together; but when you eliminate this variable, many things will likely to change accordingly.
In fact, her presence revealed many dimensions of your vulnerability as a whole, despite being a player, in which by rationale, you should be able to take it easy, making this no exception.
However, no matter how reinforced our exo-skeleton is, our emotions and ego are as tender as raw meat itself. Our emotions are easily wounded and to make matter worst, it's not always readily responsive to self rejuvenation and recovery.
It seemed to me that you have this penchant of falling for capable women that fly high in areas of their career, which is the main factor you have attributed to the fall of your previous love. Your decimated love has wickedly flailed your sensitive ego as you reckoned that this utter failure is largely because of your lack of achievements and status in society (Sun probably gets affected in face of tension of aspects in MC/significator/s of 10th house).
Your vow to evolve is not a statement of love; rather, it is a statement coming from a bruised ego.
Because the bee returns to being a bee.
The amusing question is why return being a bee when your evolution could actually led you to become something else more spiritually matured and stable? Like a mortal and not an insect?
[b]You have incarcerated your love profile to this enclosed definition - the wholesale segmentation between flings or 'S' solitarily, in which you have classified her as your benchmark of what love and passion truly means. This formula in your heart is such that for as long as nobody presents itself in a finished product that resembles this secret concoction that caused you to shed your first tear in love, it belongs to the former category.
Sometimes even when we stopped bleeding, it doesn't necessarily means we are healed. Emotional injuries not resolved will often rot from within - gradually, you probably have realised that your defensive mechanism is a huge hindrance to your advancement in aspects of love. Your facade may have shielded you by gaining relative happiness at the cruel expenses of other ladies, but your void within will consume you inside out subconsciously because five years later, you are still sauntering in circles.
Though you are pretty honest with yourself - being in a physical-apt relationship, it can hardly speak of any substantial love affection. So is it any surprise when you mentioned that your passion has died? Probably your automatic trigger has labelled her under the same category as your other flings, perhaps just that you slog a little harder this time round in your pursuit, thus you are giving more consideration to this relationship, compared to the usual relationships you so quickly grow restless with.
Yes, her illness might have touched your humane side, but love cannot survive on sympathy. You will only grow to escalate more emotional frustration as you are unwilling to be in the relationship.
No elements can substitute the power of love; all other retention strategies will fail with the test of time. Therefore, your hesitation is merely delaying the inevitable with regards to B.
You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up. Whether or not you will fall for her again, the question lies not with love, but with the man: would you allow yourself to be vulnerable once again? You know like opening yourself to have someone get inside you and possibly messing you up once again?
You can't fall in love unless you allow yourself the condition to do so.
It applies not only to 'S' - it's the same for 'A-Z'.
Cheers[/b]
perception in life. You pointed out that I have many dimensions of vulnerability as a whole pertaining to relationships and emotions. That is such an
accurate mirror of my inner-most feelings.
Prior to my acquaintance to S, my preceding relationships and flings could not engage me beyond my esteem, cognitive emotions and aesthetic desire, which belongs to the 2nd quantum defined in Marslow's hierarchy of needs. To put it in layman terms, I have not explored my humane self fully by reaching the top consortium of self-actualization and ultimately, self-transcendence. Through S's tender sincerity, I began to learn how to love and to sacrifice unconditionally. (Which is such a shame given that my 1st relationship started when I was 13 and all those 10 years before I met S, I have not been able to bask in the full potential of unblemished and pure love).
You surprise me with your accurate inference of "You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up." In many situations in life, you can forgive but it is somehow difficult to forget. Different individuals have diverse takes towards dealing with life's hard knocks. This is best described by the Elephant metaphor involving 7 blind men, which is so highly advocated by Alan Greenspan before his tenure at the world bank was up. Since that fateful breakup, the bruise in my ego has egged me on full acceleration to improve myself and achieve as much as I can. On hindsight, I can say that without this setback, I would probably have remained languid and unambitious, especially so when I could easily take my family wealth for granted. However like what you prophesied, the hate of having my feeling of love in its purest form disappointed remains embedded deep. Now can you share some views how I should let go of this hatred and start to accept love without prejudice? I trust your insight would be beneficial from the sincere and profound reply
you have posted thus far.
Seperate issue, you mentioned that a player by rationale should have no qualms taking a relationship easy without finding hard to let go right ? With the risk of sounding absurd, I am actually a soft hearted person. My current situation would have easily been resolved by terminating B and cutting off all contacts if I
was callous enough. Do you understand why I find it hard to bring up the seperation issue to B now?
Anyway I really appreciate your advise, it is wise and unpretentious. Out of curiosity, what is your profession? You seem to have a very analytical mind
and surpassing articulation skills. It was indeed my pleasure to correspond with you. Have a lovely day ahead.
Cheers -
It's very clear tat u oready hav the ans. Gal S is not an issue now, & Gal B is not ur responsiblity.
Gal B health prob is nothin u cld do to make it better, well, unless u decided to help her concieve, but tats something u dun wana do. So, y r u hangin on?
Like JojoBeach said, there's no such thing as unpainful breakups, but hey, eventually anyone will get over it. U had shed tears for the 1st time for a gal, & u hav kindda got over it, din u?
The longer u drag, the more complicated it is.
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You are right, all separations are painful theoretically. However, it largely depends on the situation per say. If both parties can agree on a mutualOriginally posted by jojobeach:edited :
Why do you need to let B go painlessly ?
All break-ups are painful.
You afraid of payback ? That's why you need to be nice to B now ?
Don't sheet where you eat next time.
breakup after understanding that it is beneficial and logical, then the pain can me mitigated to a controlled extend.
Your indication of payback refers to negative karma I presume? Well let's put it this way, if a breakup benefits both parties eventually, why would I
be afraid of the liability of bad karma? I am nice to B simply because she's my current gf afterall. To the risk of sounding cliche, I do feel for her, even from the
point of a friend.
I fully advocate your principle of "Do not shit where you eat". This has always been my principle all along. Trust me, in my industry and company especially,
it is suicidal to have inter-co workers relationships...
Cheers -
Thks for your views.Originally posted by Sakuraflower:fuck la... in the first place , told her straight in the face that u are the playboy type and u say that u dun want to hurt her , then just be her friend but contrastly u accept a relationship with her....
now, it is ur problem to chose btw the 2 girls.... which I think that u cannot make up ur mind to chose and in the end , u hurt both of them...
U r a asshole cum jerk....
if u know that u cannot committed, find the playgirl type.... indeed u are selfish. And u use the girl as she is career- minded and know the industry well... after everything she had teach u.. u find her no longer attractive....
lol....
good for u, 2 girls LOVE u!!
First, I did not contrastly accept a relationship with B. It was a mutual decision between 2 matured adults so I do not see any fraudulent misleading on my part.
I think there is a huge misconception. I did not use B to advance in my own career. She knows her own industry well but we are in totally different industries. What she imparted to me is additional knowledge which though extremely useful, not pivotal to my own career advancement. Maybe I should clarify this part earlier that B too benefited from my own industry knowledge I shared with her.
Lastly, if a playboy/playgirl type can easily be identified, I reckon the world would be a lovely place having comparatively less breakup woes
wouldn't it?? Human nature is such. Even if you start a relationship with the notion of being a playboy/playgirl, you may unknowingly develop
authentic feelings later on. What is essentially ethical at least, is to state your agenda prior to embarking on a relationship. Which is plainly what I did.
Cheers -
From yr story I will say God is fair. A blessed lady is plagued with illness.
As for TS,I will say u stay away from love with other gal. Every r/s u been,the other party is getting hurt!
Only the day that yr love can conquer yr practical and realistic side of yrself. Then u can fit to be in love again.
Btw,I mention God is fair. There is also something call Karma. Whatever u done to hurt others,will come back to hunt u again..