I feel like a hypocrite
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the end--
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hi silly&dumb, there will always come a time where your relationship between you and your boyfriend is put to the test. now is the time. you must never forget the promises you made to each other when you both first started holding hands or when he looked you in the eyes and promised to look after you forever. sometimes, we end up having feelings for other people, but it might not turn out to be love afterall, but just temporarly infatuation. if you really love your boyfriend, then tell yourself that and everything will be fine, and i'm sure your colleague will understand as well. just don't let your decision be made upon haste, as that would be the worst form of judgement.
remember, if in doubt, stop and ask yourself, who do you really have feelings for? the guy who has stood by you for so long, selflessly caring for you, or a person you have just met not too long ago. it might not be worth jeopardizing your relationship over someone whom you aren't even sure of. -
hmm.. u're not in the fault if ur feelings are aroused. its natural. but it would be ur fault if u act upon ur feelings.
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It can be lonely in a foreign land with no friends or love ones around especially those lonely unbearable nights. Not surprising if you develop an affection for another. Good news is you know it was just an infatuation. Try and make more friends if you can or join a health club so you have a place to head to for a good workout after work or maybe look up if there are any of your fellow countrymen working in that country or not. If they are then you can join them instead of directing your energy on your colleague. Guess your feelings for your bf is really being tested now and it's up to you to try and resist this temtptation to stray.
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The past will always be back to bite you in the future if you make a mistake now. Act sensibly.
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x2Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:The past will always be back to bite you in the future if you make a mistake now. Act sensibly. -
nah... it is not hypocrite lah...
It is normal for one to feel these way...
But watever yr decision will be , dont regret it... -
There's one thread that talks about sincerity.
Are you sincere in keeping your promises to your boyfriend ?
The fact that you could not give a firm answer to that colleague of yours shows how much love and promise you have for your boyfriend. It's just paying lip service for all the empty talk.
I hope there's no sexual affair between the two of you. If so, I really pity your boyfriend. If you do not like him anymore, I suggest it's better for you not to waste his time.
doko -
From the moment you told this colleague you not sure if u have bf, u have cheated on your bf already.
Imagine telling ur bf that u want to view this 2 years as a test, and u urself had succumbed to temptation. All I can say is that u must think carefully now before making the next move. -
x3Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:The past will always be back to bite you in the future if you make a mistake now. Act sensibly. -
Throughout our lives, it is normal to have affection for the opposite gender (other than your other half).
The key is: How do you handle it?
1) If one has a serious relationship problem with the other half, then perhaps it is time to move on.
2) If one is happily in love with other half but also fancies another person, then he or she should think with the brain, not the heart.
You can either:
- give up all fantasies OR
- be unfaithful to your bf
If you choose the latter option, then there is something fundamentally wrong with your values, perhaps through no fault of yours. And in this case, you do not deserve your bf at all. Leave him for his own good then.
If you still love your bf, there's no reason to have a fling. Stay faithful or live to regret it for the rest of your life.
My $0.02 worth... -
hmm i know. there seems to be an unspoken prob btw me n my bf. but i duno wad to do.. i have no idea wad the prob is. just tat both of us are equally unenthusiastic .Originally posted by nanren4ever:From the moment you told this colleague you not sure if u have bf, u have cheated on your bf already.
Imagine telling ur bf that u want to view this 2 years as a test, and u urself had succumbed to temptation. All I can say is that u must think carefully now before making the next move.
i have no intention to cheat on him seriously. but i seem to enjoy the company of this colleague and wan to know him better. is that wrong? -
Thank you Tiny Sue . u r right. It is really a test for me. And now i am having doubts about my current Relationship.Originally posted by TinySue:It can be lonely in a foreign land with no friends or love ones around especially those lonely unbearable nights. Not surprising if you develop an affection for another. Good news is you know it was just an infatuation. Try and make more friends if you can or join a health club so you have a place to head to for a good workout after work or maybe look up if there are any of your fellow countrymen working in that country or not. If they are then you can join them instead of directing your energy on your colleague. Guess your feelings for your bf is really being tested now and it's up to you to try and resist this temtptation to stray.
Even if this "colleague" did not appear, I am also not sure if we wil be tog in future... wad shld i do... -
how sweetOriginally posted by XenStar:hi silly&dumb, there will always come a time where your relationship between you and your boyfriend is put to the test. now is the time. you must never forget the promises you made to each other when you both first started holding hands or when he looked you in the eyes and promised to look after you forever. sometimes, we end up having feelings for other people, but it might not turn out to be love afterall, but just temporarly infatuation. if you really love your boyfriend, then tell yourself that and everything will be fine, and i'm sure your colleague will understand as well. just don't let your decision be made upon haste, as that would be the worst form of judgement.
remember, if in doubt, stop and ask yourself, who do you really have feelings for? the guy who has stood by you for so long, selflessly caring for you, or a person you have just met not too long ago. it might not be worth jeopardizing your relationship over someone whom you aren't even sure of.
best piece of advice for the tempted -
i'm sorry but i find this an excuse.Originally posted by silly&dumb:hmm i know. there seems to be an unspoken prob btw me n my bf. but i duno wad to do.. i have no idea wad the prob is. just tat both of us are equally unenthusiastic .
i have no intention to cheat on him seriously. but i seem to enjoy the company of this colleague and wan to know him better. is that wrong? -
Originally posted by silly&dumb:I am posted overseas for work for 2 years. Before i left, both me and my bf agreed that this is a good test for our r/s.
All has been fine, until recently, I found myself developing a crush for one of my colleagues. 1st time .
From the time I acknowledged this "infatuation", I know it will head no where. Because also,we're from different parts of the world . i know this but I somehow got very attracted to him. Each time he gives me that charming wide smile, I find myself secretly going "gaga" inside.
to cut the long story short, I am in serious dilemma with myself. I find myself lost in a situation where i will always fnding reasons to place myself near him, or checking out where he is, what he is doing.
And these carried on for 2 weeks. But our contact is always a wide smile or short conversation with regards to the work he is doing.
everything was in stagnant phase until yesterday, I gathered up enough courage to sit beside him in the meeting room and then i said to him " i think you are very cute" in his language. I guessed he was quite surprised but he was all smiles.
Then today, we happened to be together for lunch, and on the walk back to the office, he suddenly asked me if i have a boyfriend.
that moment struck me. I had not expected him to ask me this and I seriously duno wad to say. No idea why he asked me that question which i regard as very "personal" and I pretended that i have not heard him. then he asked me again.
Then I told him that Im not sure, and maybe yes, maybe no. he asked why?
i just stammered and I just cannot lie completely.
I am such a hypocrite. But I don't know how to deal with myself.
Gratz.. you're a hypocrite -
whats that ? A joke ? Find out wats the prob ?Originally posted by silly&dumb:hmm i know. there seems to be an unspoken prob btw me n my bf. but i duno wad to do.. i have no idea wad the prob is. just tat both of us are equally unenthusiastic .
i have no intention to cheat on him seriously. but i seem to enjoy the company of this colleague and wan to know him better. is that wrong? -
FOr red:Seems to me u dont really love your bf ?Originally posted by silly&dumb:Thank you Tiny Sue . u r right. It is really a test for me. And now i am having doubts about my current Relationship.
Even if this "colleague" did not appear, I am also not sure if we wil be tog in future... wad shld i do...
For Green: Pessimistic? Insecure how u both going to stay or just dont believe him ? .. or maybe you dont believe yourself ? -
Normally, of what i know.. if you dont really love your bf and trusted him and expected him to trust you.. i suggest you end your LD r/s.
Be practical like what other ppl said.. Ppl say its tough for LD r/s but depends who say it and depends how much of love worth it
I personally still think you dont love your bf as much as you think you do..
If you do, u wont think twice to say you're MAYBE avaiable or not .. Thats a big mistake..
Looks like you are potential of betraying your bf with excuses of loneliness in other country.. Maybe.. mayb not.. who knows.. but in your condition now..u dont even know wat is infatuation, so stop kidding already bout your so-called infatuation.. What a bull ! -
mmm....I think I have seen this problem from somewhere before. Anyway its common to have confusion in LDR cos lack of physical affection. To maintain the relationship will depend how the couple have to work it out. As some other have point out, mix with more colleague to dilute the feeling towards ur colleague so as to prevent from the awkwardness. Time will fade the feelings if u are firm enough.
Just curious what ur yunhaier reply?? Haha
Anyway all the best to TS.
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thank you for your harsh feedback and I do appreciate it. Suddenly you make me realised that this seems like a VERY Big mistake and 100% betrayal.Originally posted by Zarks:Normally, of what i know.. if you dont really love your bf and trusted him and expected him to trust you.. i suggest you end your LD r/s.
Be practical like what other ppl said.. Ppl say its tough for LD r/s but depends who say it and depends how much of love worth it
I personally still think you dont love your bf as much as you think you do..
If you do, u wont think twice to say you're MAYBE avaiable or not .. Thats a big mistake..
Looks like you are potential of betraying your bf with excuses of loneliness in other country.. Maybe.. mayb not.. who knows.. but in your condition now..u dont even know wat is infatuation, so stop kidding already bout your so-called infatuation.. What a bull !
It is indeed difficult to maintain a LD relationship and not seeing each other for a year (since we last met) and I admit that the love is not as strong as before. But I cannot decide if it it just right to end it Now? Like.. Right Now? when I myself duno wad is happening. -
Settle ur current relationship before u try another one. This is the best advice I can think of....Originally posted by silly&dumb:thank you for your harsh feedback and I do appreciate it. Suddenly you make me realised that this seems like a VERY Big mistake and 100% betrayal.
It is indeed difficult to maintain a LD relationship and not seeing each other for a year (since we last met) and I admit that the love is not as strong as before. But I cannot decide if it it just right to end it Now? Like.. Right Now? when I myself duno wad is happening. -
Erm.. End my current r/s for my crush?Originally posted by SpeedStar:Settle ur current relationship before u try another one. This is the best advice I can think of.... -
Can understand how you feel. Afterall, I was once away for 2yrs studying while my wife is back in SG working. That feeling ...is no fun.. and same case, there was some problem after I left.... we hardly talk and just kept to ourself.. that made it even worse.
Suddenly, there is no one for you and you have to fend for yourself in a strange land. In fact, I was free to do anything I wanted except time to go home. only got to chat with each other online anf that was in open forum where everybody was reading your post.. mostly about house, family, but nothing about ourself.. merely 30 min the most, most time 10min... long story after that.... but long distance really a test of each other's faith and real LOVE?
You really have to ask yourself. If without this posting, will you still have the same feeling with yr b/f? would the same thing happen when another guy comes by? Probably only you can answer that. If you are really not for each other, it will still happen and this working in foriegn country merely hasten the pace of the happening. Talk to your b/f, may chat online and find out how each other's doing.... there is this thing as video chat. If I can chat my my vendor in India, why not you? -
Look, maybe the love is not strong anymore , did u both always communicate ? or something bad just happened to him that he didnt wish you to know bout it ? Take more time to communicate with him..Originally posted by silly&dumb:thank you for your harsh feedback and I do appreciate it. Suddenly you make me realised that this seems like a VERY Big mistake and 100% betrayal.
It is indeed difficult to maintain a LD relationship and not seeing each other for a year (since we last met) and I admit that the love is not as strong as before. But I cannot decide if it it just right to end it Now? Like.. Right Now? when I myself duno wad is happening.
As for the guy u thk have infatuation, just be friends 1st.. u 'll never know some1's true colour if you understand the person's lie.. Mayb hes cute, thats ok.. but control ur emotion... Do not trust anyone including that guy.. just remember this... Never judge ppl by their apperance.
And for your bf, right now, if you think something wrong, its either you or him to find out.. cmon man, its your r/s, anything u felt wrong just ask him or tell him... dun hide.. remember , u and him are already so far away, any need to hide anything ? Just tell him watever you don feel right, at least he knows bout it after you tell.
If you n him really hard to be together ,then let time tells,.. For the guy, relax, just be friends 1st.. dun rush on things like this.. just becareful cuz you're alone there.. u need to be smart and alert with the ppl around u there.. care of some1 out there to backstab you whenever possible.. Not im being pessimistic but this is the real world.. Always stay alert.. That guy is not your no.1 priority... remember..