I'm tire....
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sounds exactly like my predicament now.
well, just remember this: never treat ur gf more important then everything else.
that was where i went wrong.
its not wrong to love wholeheartedly, but sometimes the girl is either to immature or too spoilt to realise that ur doing this for her, not because u have to, but rather because you want to, because you love her.
for now, tell her how you feel. most likely she'll give u comments that don't help, e.g Not happy then don't talk, etc. but rmb, communication is the key. don't give up now, its been so long
if both of you need time alone, there's always friends and family, who will always be by your side. just rmb, if she doesn't appreciate this, sometimes it takes alot more courage to just end your suffering.
she may not be the one, yes, but don't stop loving her. just try your best to salvage this relationship. take it a step at a time. its hard to change a person's personality, but do it for your own sake. no point in a one sided relationship, you deserve to be loved too
take care, and all the best, brother -
How old are you?
For me, I think that age gap is not an issue for now. My cousin has a husband who is as old as her father (my uncle), my friend had a bf as old has her father, my colleague's husband is 8 years older than her.
It depends on how old she is:
You 28 vs Her 18 (she can still be just playing with you, immature and think that she still can afford to breakup with you and change another guy etc)
You 35 vs Her 25 (Not a problem right? Unless it's personality, change of heart, etc...)
Agree with what some have said: talk to her about the problem. -
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i think we need ur age 1st, anyway...
a Flame is easy to be lit, but not easy to keep it goin, and even not easier to prevent it from goin out ...
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maybe spoilitities SGgirlitities syndrome.Originally posted by BeRt^.^:10 years... maybe its generation gap? -
First of all, stop behaving like a pussy, ur girl isn't behaving like one, why are you being a pussy?
Secondly, be a man! Get a girl your age. -
It sounds to me that you are over-doing love. No two individuals are identical, have the same needs, outlook, temperament, drive, desire, etc. Age difference plays a small part. It is the personality, maturity, and a lot of mutual accomodation.Originally posted by tequila:We have been together for 19 months.. I remember every month of our anniversary, ..........
..........
But now i feel that i'm tire, i'm tire of keep trying but she just don't do anything. .............
I really can't bear to give up this relationship but i really don't want this loop sided love to carry on.. Please help me, i really don't want to make a silly decision and regret for the rest of my life. I really love her a lot.
I really wonder how you do anniversary every month ..... and your doing everything for her is not her asking. Unless she is an invalid or handicapped, you should allow her to do her own things, plan get-togethers, etc. If she couldn't be bothered now, she wouldn't be bothered later or in whatever future life the two of you may get into. Don't kid yourself, human nature takes a long long time to change. Better to find the right fit then to hope for change. Many foolishly think that people can change or will change when they get married, etc. The change is seldom for the better, usually for the worse. This sounds pessimistic but it is reality that many are embarassed to admit. Who would ever admit to their family, relatives and friends that they married a dude?
Try to go slow a little, talk a little more. If she can't see your point and you can't see hers - then better to call it quit. I never advocate hanging on just because one is afraid to lose love.
You are tired. Take a break. Kick whatever bad habits you have. And remember this: one-sided love is unrequited love. You will always feel being lopped. And whatever you choose to do, there will always be an element of regret. -
If you complain that you tired, then break lor... -
x2Originally posted by XenStar:sounds exactly like my predicament now.
well, just remember this: never treat ur gf more important then everything else.
that was where i went wrong.
its not wrong to love wholeheartedly, but sometimes the girl is either to immature or too spoilt to realise that ur doing this for her, not because u have to, but rather because you want to, because you love her.
for now, tell her how you feel. most likely she'll give u comments that don't help, e.g Not happy then don't talk, etc. but rmb, communication is the key. don't give up now, its been so long
if both of you need time alone, there's always friends and family, who will always be by your side. just rmb, if she doesn't appreciate this, sometimes it takes alot more courage to just end your suffering.
she may not be the one, yes, but don't stop loving her. just try your best to salvage this relationship. take it a step at a time. its hard to change a person's personality, but do it for your own sake. no point in a one sided relationship, you deserve to be loved too
take care, and all the best, brother -
Originally posted by tequila:We have been together for 19 months.. I remember every month of our anniversary, buy her surprise gifts, flowers, text her to ask her to remember to eat, stay out like 2, 3 hours to wait for her to finish work while i just finished a 14 hours work, bring her toI'm 10 years older than her hence i really pamper her a lot a lot.
She don't seems to put in any effort in our relationship. Our off day is not fix but she don't seems to try to fix the same day for us to meet. Didn't even tell me when she off until i ask. I have to take the initiative all the time to make plans and meet.
But now i feel that i'm tire, i'm tire of keep trying but she just don't do anything. You guys will tell me to talk to her but as what i know of her with her temper, she will not listen and accusing me for oversensitive. I really can't bear to give up this relationship but i really don't want this loop sided love to carry on.. Please help me, i really don't want to make a silly decision and regret for the rest of my life. I really love her a lot.
I will address two points:
I) If I were to say that there is a successful formula in love out there, but we don't know what is it. And that everyone got different formula tailored to our specific life and cosmic lesson; just that we have to figure the seemingly complex (and usually perplex) equation somehow or rather.
So in our daily life, we struggle with our mindsets, attitude and actions to uncover our de facto formula behind love, hoping in which we can ultimately be contented with and score victorious in aspects of love.
But the question is: how do we create something we have no idea from?
*** Were you born in this world knowing how to love?
Love may be intrinsic, but we probably learn to love incidentally.
So where did our inaugural ideas of love first derive from?
I will tell you we all behave strictly as accordingly to our individual definition of love - this term sharing the same meaning as a term for 'successful formula' I had mentioned above.
However, our definition of love is always imperfect because of our early childhood, our experience, our environment as well as the inner condition of life. Therefore, as we struggle through this road in life, we tweak our formula accordingly to how we perceived our reality - whether the experience is vicarious or not (we CAN be influenced or be subjected to the influences from others/mediums, in the way we lead our love life). With wisdom, we should find ourselves getting nearer and closer to this matrix.
But that's only in an ideal situation. More often than not, we will probably circled a few rounds before we achieve that ideal path in love.
You are in that sort of situation: wondering what went disarray, despite giving a world to your love. Such circumstances often coerce a man like yourself into retrospection that leads to befuddlement because it makes absolutely no sense why. (It can be explained via Classic Conditioning, but I won't go length with it for now).
XenStar made an interesting point in this post - coming from similar situation - but the gist of this whole drama centred on a one notable cosmic lesson: the need to readjust your definition of love and understand the concept of 'Moderation'.
Too much of anything is a bad thing, therefore it goes the same for 'good behaviour'. But that doesn't mean you have to employ a negative value to balance the equation like what XenStar has advocated. Ironically in love, when you have a figure of 3 and you need to get the sum to 2, it doesn't mean minus 1 will resolve the entire issue. In theory yes, but not in reality.
II) The wide gap in chronological age poised one typical issue affecting our definition of love - phases in love and life. A woman ten years your junior is likely to view romance, love and relationship vastly different from a man like yourself.
You dated with the intent to marry and she dated with the intent for romance, and self exploration.
Love is not about looking each other; it's about looking at the same direction - the same definition of love.
Would you be able to educate your woman to share this sentiment? Or would she influence you to share hers?
Perhaps you might want to do REAL communication (not sugar-coated chats, fear-imbued talks or even not-getting-to-the-point conversation) to check out the discrepancy and decide how you are going to patch the chasm from there.
Loving her a lot is one thing - making it work is another.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
that leads us bak to another question I will address two points:
I) If I were to say that there is a successful formula in love out there, but we don't know what is it. And that everyone got different formula tailored to our specific life and cosmic lesson; just that we have to figure the seemingly complex (and usually perplex) equation somehow or rather.
So in our daily life, we struggle with our mindsets, attitude and actions to uncover our de facto formula behind love, hoping in which we can ultimately be contented with and score victorious in aspects of love.
But the question is: how do we create something we have no idea from?
*** Were you born in this world knowing how to love?
Love may be intrinsic, but we probably learn to love incidentally.
So where did our inaugural ideas of love first derive from?
I will tell you we all behave strictly as accordingly to our individual definition of love - this term sharing the same meaning as a term for 'successful formula' I had mentioned above.
However, our definition of love is always imperfect because of our early childhood, our experience, our environment as well as the inner condition of life. Therefore, as we struggle through this road in life, we tweak our formula accordingly to how we perceived our reality - whether the experience is vicarious or not (we CAN be influenced or be subjected to the influences from others/mediums, in the way we lead our love life). With wisdom, we should find ourselves getting nearer and closer to this matrix.
But that's only in an ideal situation. More often than not, we will probably circled a few rounds before we achieve that ideal path in love.
You are in that sort of situation: wondering what went disarray, despite giving a world to your love. Such circumstances often coerce a man like yourself into retrospection that leads to befuddlement because it makes absolutely no sense why. (It can be explained via Classic Conditioning, but I won't go length with it for now).
XenStar made an interesting point in this post - coming from similar situation - but the gist of this whole drama centred on a one notable cosmic lesson: [b]the need to readjust your definition of love and understand the concept of 'Moderation'.
Too much of anything is a bad thing, therefore it goes the same for 'good behaviour'. But that doesn't mean you have to employ a negative value to balance the equation like what XenStar has advocated. Ironically in love, when you have a figure of 3 and you need to get the sum to 2, it doesn't mean minus 1 will resolve the entire issue. In theory yes, but not in reality.
II) The wide gap in chronological age poised one typical issue affecting our definition of love - phases in love and life. A woman ten years your junior is likely to view romance, love and relationship vastly different from a man like yourself.
You dated with the intent to marry and she dated with the intent for romance, and self exploration.
Love is not about looking each other; it's about looking at the same direction - the same definition of love.
Would you be able to educate your woman to share this sentiment? Or would she influence you to share hers?
Perhaps you might want to do REAL communication (not sugar-coated chats, fear-imbued talks or even not-getting-to-the-point conversation) to check out the discrepancy and decide how you are going to patch the chasm from there.
Loving her a lot is one thing - making it work is another.
Cheers[/b]
HOW? or
wads tt/ wads love?! -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Wha! u very chiong hei!!! keep it short and sharp ya I will address two points:
I) If I were to say that there is a successful formula in love out there, but we don't know what is it. And that everyone got different formula tailored to our specific life and cosmic lesson; just that we have to figure the seemingly complex (and usually perplex) equation somehow or rather.
So in our daily life, we struggle with our mindsets, attitude and actions to uncover our de facto formula behind love, hoping in which we can ultimately be contented with and score victorious in aspects of love.
But the question is: how do we create something we have no idea from?
*** Were you born in this world knowing how to love?
Love may be intrinsic, but we probably learn to love incidentally.
So where did our inaugural ideas of love first derive from?
I will tell you we all behave strictly as accordingly to our individual definition of love - this term sharing the same meaning as a term for 'successful formula' I had mentioned above.
However, our definition of love is always imperfect because of our early childhood, our experience, our environment as well as the inner condition of life. Therefore, as we struggle through this road in life, we tweak our formula accordingly to how we perceived our reality - whether the experience is vicarious or not (we CAN be influenced or be subjected to the influences from others/mediums, in the way we lead our love life). With wisdom, we should find ourselves getting nearer and closer to this matrix.
But that's only in an ideal situation. More often than not, we will probably circled a few rounds before we achieve that ideal path in love.
You are in that sort of situation: wondering what went disarray, despite giving a world to your love. Such circumstances often coerce a man like yourself into retrospection that leads to befuddlement because it makes absolutely no sense why. (It can be explained via Classic Conditioning, but I won't go length with it for now).
XenStar made an interesting point in this post - coming from similar situation - but the gist of this whole drama centred on a one notable cosmic lesson: [b]the need to readjust your definition of love and understand the concept of 'Moderation'.
Too much of anything is a bad thing, therefore it goes the same for 'good behaviour'. But that doesn't mean you have to employ a negative value to balance the equation like what XenStar has advocated. Ironically in love, when you have a figure of 3 and you need to get the sum to 2, it doesn't mean minus 1 will resolve the entire issue. In theory yes, but not in reality.
II) The wide gap in chronological age poised one typical issue affecting our definition of love - phases in love and life. A woman ten years your junior is likely to view romance, love and relationship vastly different from a man like yourself.
You dated with the intent to marry and she dated with the intent for romance, and self exploration.
Love is not about looking each other; it's about looking at the same direction - the same definition of love.
Would you be able to educate your woman to share this sentiment? Or would she influence you to share hers?
Perhaps you might want to do REAL communication (not sugar-coated chats, fear-imbued talks or even not-getting-to-the-point conversation) to check out the discrepancy and decide how you are going to patch the chasm from there.
Loving her a lot is one thing - making it work is another.
Cheers[/b] -
Originally posted by yiha093:that leads us bak to another question
HOW? or
wads tt/ wads love?! Why must you define love in a worldly sense? Would having that answer solve any conundrum in the first place?
Instead, why not ask what's your own definition of love, what it means to you and how does having that perception benefit your love relationship?
Why do you want to generalise Love when it's boundaries are infinite?
Why do you want to cage the spirit of love with a one-size-fits-all definition when the dimension of love is probably as broad as the span of this universe?
Don't ask what's love - go experience it and figure it out in your own words... in your own voice... in your own emotions and in your own soul.
Cheers -
plz refer to the ' sth i realised' thread and c wad i realised and take that as my answerOriginally posted by Yunhaier: Why must you define love in a worldly sense? Would having that answer solve any conundrum in the first place?
Instead, why not ask what's your own definition of love, what it means to you and how does having that perception benefit your love relationship?
Why do you want to generalise Love when it's boundaries are infinite?
Why do you want to cage the spirit of love with a one-size-fits-all definition when the dimension of love is probably as broad as the span of this universe?
Don't ask what's love - go experience it and figure it out in your own words... in your own voice... in your own emotions and in your own soul.
Cheers
-
try avoiding her. see what shes does.
she can either sms you these few options...
1. "i miss you..
"
2. "WHY YOU NEVER SMS ME! GOT OTHER GIRL IS IT?"
3. "where you at?"
okay i'm just... bored on a saturday afternoon. -
I'm 32 and she is 22.
We don't have any generation gap, can click quite well. She is very busy with her work hence most of the time is tire. We seldom talk on the phone but mainly sms. -
when you are not energetic and feeling lethargic, the correct word is actually "tired".
tired, may look like it is in the past tense. but you can use it also in the present tense.
i AM tired.
sorry i couldnt go out with you. i WAS tired after a whole day at work.
hope the examples help.
-
-
too young
change ? -
it's quite true actually. some girls would share her smses to her girlfriends and laugh over the miserable spelling.Originally posted by limywv:WTTTFFF that is the most preposterous spelling i've ever come across in my life ( at least in this forum)
At first i thought you spell wrongly for the thread title, but now you spell "tired" for "tire" ...maybe you sms her smses with wrong spelling everytime hence she dont like you lah!
how i know all this? my gf is an english teacher in training. -
At 22.Originally posted by tequila:I'm 32 and she is 22.
We don't have any generation gap, can click quite well. She is very busy with her work hence most of the time is tire. We seldom talk on the phone but mainly sms.
She is may not be as matured in male and female relationship skills as you are.
She has a lot more to learn and may not be too sure of herself how to handle a more mature man.
You need to relax a little, and not hold too high an expectation from her.
Expecting her to reciprocate the same level of involvement as you, will only lead to more disappointment and frustrations.
Just enjoy her company and her innocence.
I'm pretty sure sometimes you want to chain her to your wrist, because you love her so much, you are afraid of losing her.
Remember, when you tighten your grips, the further she slips.
And stop nagging at her, she is old enough to know how to take care of herself. -
is it u that u said u gona have sex thread in bar?Originally posted by sinicker:it's quite true actually. some girls would share her smses to her girlfriends and laugh over the miserable spelling.
how i know all this? my gf is an english teacher in training. -
When I was 22, I nvr thought of settling down, much less be tied up by someone who celebrates the day we met every month! Now, I think she is tired of you.Originally posted by tequila:I'm 32 and she is 22.
We don't have any generation gap, can click quite well. She is very busy with her work hence most of the time is tire. We seldom talk on the phone but mainly sms. -
The red alert is on.It's a warning sign and I'm rather surprise a man of your age don't seem to sense the danger your this relationship is going.Originally posted by tequila:We have been together for 19 months.. I remember every month of our anniversary, buy her surprise gifts, flowers, text her to ask her to remember to eat, stay out like 2, 3 hours to wait for her to finish work while i just finished a 14 hours work, bring her toI'm 10 years older than her hence i really pamper her a lot a lot.
She don't seems to put in any effort in our relationship. Our off day is not fix but she don't seems to try to fix the same day for us to meet. Didn't even tell me when she off until i ask. I have to take the initiative all the time to make plans and meet.
But now i feel that i'm tire, i'm tire of keep trying but she just don't do anything. You guys will tell me to talk to her but as what i know of her with her temper, she will not listen and accusing me for oversensitive. I really can't bear to give up this relationship but i really don't want this loop sided love to carry on.. Please help me, i really don't want to make a silly decision and regret for the rest of my life. I really love her a lot.
This is not the case of your young gf is trying to test your feeling for her from the way she act. She is getting bored with you and is looking for a way out!!! -
Agreed. Obviously she has lost interest. This happens all the time, I was in one such r/s too. The rule of the thumb is that a girl who likes her guy will NOT ignore him. If she does so without good reasons, it speaks volume of her "love" for the guy.Originally posted by TinySue:The red alert is on.It's a warning sign and I'm rather surprise a man of your age don't seem to sense the danger your this relationship is going.
This is not the case of your young gf is trying to test your feeling for her from the way she act. She is getting bored with you and is looking for a way out!!!
TS: Prepare for the worse. Learn to live without her.