are we headed for the rocks?
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The story:
both of us are working adults and about 27yo this year, we have been together for almost 2 years. she is working in a 9-5job while i am working in a shiftjob. On top of that, i have recently started my parttime studies in my masters. hence sucking up whatever time i have left, on top of my shiftwork which is already demanding like hell.
typically im busy with classes, assignments, projects,shift work and i try to juggle time with family, my friends and not forgetting, my gf.
especially during busy periods, where we cant meetup for almost a week or two on ends.
recently, she has told me that she "hardly ever sees me", and that she is very envious of friends whom are either married or are able to meetup with their beaus many times per week. its like, theres nothing i can do about this situation! i know she is needy but still, i have responsibilities to carry out.
i wont be done till at least 3more years, in which i still intend to stick with my current job which pays well but is shiftbased but im not sure if she can take this..
Was this RS ever a good idea to begin with? -
a woman's heart is frail ... they are only as faithful as their current options ....
so don't take it too hard when the inevitable happens yah ......
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should i instead be the one whom initiates it?
we both had agreed that this would be our last rs... and that once i was done with my studies, we'll be getting hitched.
but with her recent reactions towards my commitments, im not so sure about that anymore.... -
its not the RS.... its wat u threw into it... u already working shifts hr liao then u make things difficult but taking masters... is there a real need for tat in the 1st place? u looking for trouble by making less n less time for her... u working IT line? best is u n her talk n plan ur future n how both of u wan it... u got check wats the pay diff?Originally posted by kennyrogers:The story:
both of us are working adults and about 27yo this year, we have been together for almost 2 years. she is working in a 9-5job while i am working in a shiftjob. On top of that, i have recently started my parttime studies in my masters. hence sucking up whatever time i have left, on top of my shiftwork which is already demanding like hell.
typically im busy with classes, assignments, projects,shift work and i try to juggle time with family, my friends and not forgetting, my gf.
especially during busy periods, where we cant meetup for almost a week or two on ends.
recently, she has told me that she "hardly ever sees me", and that she is very envious of friends whom are either married or are able to meetup with their beaus many times per week. its like, theres nothing i can do about this situation! i know she is needy but still, i have responsibilities to carry out.
i wont be done till at least 3more years, in which i still intend to stick with my current job which pays well but is shiftbased but im not sure if she can take this..
Was this RS ever a good idea to begin with? -
u need to plan well with her lo... every woman got her needs... looks like u r ready to dump her for ur future plans...Originally posted by kennyrogers:should i instead be the one whom initiates it?
we both had agreed that this would be our last rs... and that once i was done with my studies, we'll be getting hitched.
but with her recent reactions towards my commitments, im not so sure about that anymore.... -
you got to ask yourself .... would she stand by you through thick and thin ? ....Originally posted by kennyrogers:should i instead be the one whom initiates it?
we both had agreed that this would be our last rs... and that once i was done with my studies, we'll be getting hitched.
but with her recent reactions towards my commitments, im not so sure about that anymore....
when she cannot even stand by you through this ? ....
a quick shot is a better way to go than a long drawn out strangulation, neh ? ....
the decision is up to you of course ... -
mutually we had talked about this previously, and that she stated her stand to be clear in supporting my decision and agreed that it is a necessary step and just a matter of time before it needs to be done.Originally posted by BrUtUs:its not the RS.... its wat u threw into it... u already working shifts hr liao then u make things difficult but taking masters... is there a real need for tat in the 1st place? u looking for trouble by making less n less time for her... u working IT line? best is u n her talk n plan ur future n how both of u wan it... u got check wats the pay diff?
but now, she seems like she has changed her mind.... -
you hit me spot on with this reply of yours.Originally posted by Fatum:you got to ask yourself .... would she stand by you through thick and thin ? ....
when she cannot even stand by you through this ? ....
a quick shot is a better way to go than a long drawn out strangulation, neh ? ....
the decision is up to you of course ...
thats whats starting to bother me. alot. -
not everyone know how shift life is like n she at 1st is positive but end up finding u r missing many moments... ur hours also affects her lo... actuali wat u expect her to do when u working/busy? she jio her frens out then end up all of course not free so they will surely feel "how come i hv to waste my weekend staying at home doing nothing".... got ex colleagues also got bf working shift but they still ok cos do spend alot of time wif her family n also got studies... unless they aim for the $$$ to get marriage else they wun like it... its ur decision...Originally posted by kennyrogers:mutually we had talked about this previously, and that she stated her stand to be clear in supporting my decision and agreed that it is a necessary step and just a matter of time before it needs to be done.
but now, she seems like she has changed her mind.... -
no no, im trying hard now to see how i can salvage this rs instead of taking the easy way out by dumping her. I value this RS, but having signed up for this masters course, i cannot just simply backout of it.Originally posted by BrUtUs:u need to plan well with her lo... every woman got her needs... looks like u r ready to dump her for ur future plans...
what im trying to do now, is to juggle what i can.... but.... i dunno if its just ranting on her part, but her complaining sounds clearly she is in a state of neglect and needs my attention and affection and mainly... Time. -
pay full $$$ liao? if not still can get out of it... my advice is u gotta drop one thing... which one is ur choice...Originally posted by kennyrogers:no no, im trying hard now to see how i can salvage this rs instead of taking the easy way out by dumping her. I value this RS, but having signed up for this masters course, i cannot just simply backout of it.
what im trying to do now, is to juggle what i can.... but.... i dunno if its just ranting on her part, but her complaining sounds clearly she is in a state of neglect and needs my attention and affection and mainly... Time. -
*sigh*Originally posted by BrUtUs:pay full $$$ liao? if not still can get out of it... my advice is u gotta drop one thing... which one is ur choice...
but this brings up another point as another member as mentioned
"that if she cant even stick with me through this, what makes me so sure she will stay for the thick and thin through life?"
a portion of it has been commited already, a loan has been signed up for already, which means, i've technically paid in full. -
Kennyrogers,Originally posted by kennyrogers:The story:
both of us are working adults and about 27yo this year, we have been together for almost 2 years. she is working in a 9-5job while i am working in a shiftjob. On top of that, i have recently started my parttime studies in my masters. hence sucking up whatever time i have left, on top of my shiftwork which is already demanding like hell.
typically im busy with classes, assignments, projects,shift work and i try to juggle time with family, my friends and not forgetting, my gf.
especially during busy periods, where we cant meetup for almost a week or two on ends.
recently, she has told me that she "hardly ever sees me", and that she is very envious of friends whom are either married or are able to meetup with their beaus many times per week. its like, theres nothing i can do about this situation! i know she is needy but still, i have responsibilities to carry out.
i wont be done till at least 3more years, in which i still intend to stick with my current job which pays well but is shiftbased but im not sure if she can take this..
Was this RS ever a good idea to begin with?
She is feeling insecure because you are moving forward with your life, while she is stagnant with hers.
Perhaps she is also worried that you may forsake her, or seek higher pastures once you have attained a higher education and may want someone of the same status as you.
This would likely be her inferior complex talking.
My suggestion is this, validate her feelings.
Tell her, you want to make sure you can complete this master course main reason is to want to better provide for your future wife and family.
Since you will be taking her to be your wife after your master course.
Why not do it now ?
Propose to her, but tell her, that you need all the support you can get from her now.
Ask her if she is willing to go through this difficult time together and promise you will take good care of her later.
Get yourself engaged or ROM, this will form the basis of an insurance for her so that she won't feel left in the lurch.
After all, in 3 years time, she will hit the big 30s, it is understandable that she gets antsy about having to wait so long without any concrete assurance from you. Remember, woman has a shelf life, past the 30s and she would fear being left on the shelf.
Once she is part of your family, she will feel obliged to provide full support to her husband.
Women are insecure creatures during times of change. That is why we seek stable environments. You can provide her something, offer it. -
yes, reason being she don't have much time left
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Every understand woman breeds successful man. If she dun understand and hv no patience, tell her to fly kite at Marina Bay.Originally posted by kennyrogers:The story:
both of us are working adults and about 27yo this year, we have been together for almost 2 years. she is working in a 9-5job while i am working in a shiftjob. On top of that, i have recently started my parttime studies in my masters. hence sucking up whatever time i have left, on top of my shiftwork which is already demanding like hell.
typically im busy with classes, assignments, projects,shift work and i try to juggle time with family, my friends and not forgetting, my gf.
especially during busy periods, where we cant meetup for almost a week or two on ends.
recently, she has told me that she "hardly ever sees me", and that she is very envious of friends whom are either married or are able to meetup with their beaus many times per week. its like, theres nothing i can do about this situation! i know she is needy but still, i have responsibilities to carry out.
i wont be done till at least 3more years, in which i still intend to stick with my current job which pays well but is shiftbased but im not sure if she can take this..
Was this RS ever a good idea to begin with? -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
I somehow agree with what you said. But there is a nagging doubt that somehow she will stray like she did before in all her previous RSes.
Kennyrogers,
She is feeling insecure because you are moving forward with your life, while she is stagnant with hers.
Perhaps she is also worried that you may forsake her, or seek higher pastures once you have attained a higher education and may want someone of the same status as you.
This would likely be her inferior complex talking.
My suggestion is this, validate her feelings.
Tell her, you want to make sure you can complete this master course main reason is to want to better provide for your future wife and family.
Since you will be taking her to be your wife after your master course.
Why not do it now ?
Propose to her, but tell her, that you need all the support you can get from her now.
Ask her if she is willing to go through this difficult time together and promise you will take good care of her later.
Get yourself engaged or ROM, this will form the basis of an insurance for her so that she won't feel left in the lurch.
After all, in 3 years time, she will hit the big 30s, it is understandable that she gets antsy about having to wait so long without any concrete assurance from you. Remember, woman has a shelf life, past the 30s and she would fear being left on the shelf.
Once she is part of your family, she will feel [b]obliged to provide full support to her husband.
Women are insecure creatures during times of change. That is why we seek stable environments. You can provide her something, offer it.
[/b]
Stray as in, that at times when she finds the current RS boring, she has went out and looked for flings and even two-timed her previous male-partners.
Although we have been together for such a period, there were moments previously where i accidentally chanced upon 'evidences'.
In one instance, when she was at the bathroom, her phone recieved a message. As we were out to meet a couple of mutual friends that day, I thought it was from them hence clicked open to view this message..
Little did i expect to see a message from her ex-bf that he desperately wants to meet her and he also misses her.
This alarmed me. "Also" ?. hence i went to check her sent message inbox and found a few incriminating evidence...
That she also missed him but wont want to get back with him for the hurt he has caused him. That although she misses him alot, she is afraid that she wouldnt want to let him(the ex) go.
This set a few alarm bells ringing in my head, especially with a girl whom have had a list of previous unfaithful acts on her part.
Once she was done, i casually and randomly asked if her ex was still in contact with her. taking note to make it seem like a random remark. without batting an eye-lid, "No, we havent been in contact for ages."
This sparked off an arguement that blew off into mega proportions a while back. Her friends sided with her and claimed that i did the bigger wrong. While my friends assured me that she was in the bigger wrong. But i wasnt interested in who was wrong. I was interested in "Why" she did this to me?
that issue somehow died down into a peaceful silence and along the way we got back together again....
along the 2 years, there were a few instances that i caught her lying to me... even though classified as a "white lie" by her, i didnt feel that way.
For instance, when i expressed my displeasure of her going to a wedding dinner of a mutual friend between her ex-ex-bf (her ex-ex-bf was somesort like a family friend and that she wasnt ready to let him fade off into her past,instead making due care to keep in contact somehow) and her alone, she assured me that she wont be going because she agrees that since he is not her bf, why doesnt he ask another friend along.
BUT. a friend of mine caught them at the wedding. Together, sitting beside each other and taking intimate photos such as "her leaning on his shoulder" , "him holding her at the waist". I proceeded to disagree with my friend claiming they saw wrongly, BUT, a mms proved everything wrong.
how can i grow to trust her when in the beginning she has already broken my trust many times?
Can i trust that she will want to stick with me through thick or thin?
Can i trust her from what she has already done, and what she has mentioned to me about in her history of RSes?
Can i simply Trust her? -
As I've said bro ....
a woman's heart is frail ..... (some ... ? ) women are only as faithful as their current options ...
I learnt it the hard way .....
why would you stick around with someone who has "two-timed" you before ? .... who has had doubts about you and the r/s ? ....
but then again ... we men are such pathetic masochistic fools most of the time, no ? ....
give it up ... you'll find the ONE one day .... it's probably not this one ...
Happiness is a right ... true love is a right ... but you got to fight for it ... sticking around in a hopeless quagmire, wallowing in self pity doesn't make us tragic, wronged, faithful heros .... it just makes us pathetic fools ..... -
i dunno why but lemme put it this way...
1.) she is always complaining and whining that im always so busy with no time for her when im trying my very best to juggle my time for everyone around me, even to the extent of forsaking my friends most of the time
2.) when my best obviously isnt enuff for her, what else can i do?
3.) she always ends conversations with a sigh and say things like "owells... i shall try to be understanding..."
This seems to me like she is 'suffering' and for the greater good, i shouldnt make her suffer anymore. Ironic? maybe because i lack sleep from yesterday.
Maybe she will find another one whom is able to give her happiness immidiately instead of having to stick with me, which clearly is her source of suffering...
Jojo,
I am not able to 'reassure' her at this point in time by getting engaged or ROM-ed, one thing is that although i would like to, i feel a certain sense of nagging doubt in my above post, and also that both parents arent approving of it until at least i finish my studies. And honestly speaking, I dont want to invest in a ring that easily costs $5k into a RS that i am doubtful about. -
Thanks bro. ive found solace in this place somehow, you guys and gals made it happen in your words through this cyberspace.Originally posted by Fatum:As I've said bro ....
a woman's heart is frail ..... (some ... ? ) women are only as faithful as their current options ...
I learnt it the hard way .....
why would you stick around with someone who has "two-timed" you before ? .... who has had doubts about you and the r/s ? ....
but then again ... we men are such pathetic masochistic fools most of the time, no ? ....
give it up ... you'll find the ONE one day .... it's probably not this one ...
Happiness is a right ... true love is a right ... but you got to fight for it ... sticking around in a hopeless quagmire, wallowing in self pity doesn't make us tragic, wronged, faithful heros .... it just makes us pathetic fools .....
Maybe i had put all my eggs in one basket, while she obviously didnt. keeping closer-than-friend friends around her at any time. -
lemme put it this way .....
trust is a virgin's .... *ahem ....
once you break it, it's gone .....
if she's betrayed you once ... she can do it again ... if she's doubted you once, she will do it again .... if she's two-timed you once, she'll do it again ...
two options :
do you believe in that Shakespearean shit ... " Love ... is never ever shaken" etc etc ? ....
if yes ... then it's pretty clear what needs to be done, no ? ...
if you don't .... then isn't it even more silly to persist ? .... -
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Digress:
Im suprised what internet can do for the soul. Its like talking your heart out over all your concerns behind the veil of anonymity without fear of identification. I'm feeling much better by talking it out logically with you all.
maybe with the 27yo age, and the link of my shiftwork, and her past, someone might be able to identify us, but then again, it will all just be guesswork.... without me ever acknowledging, no one will ever know its us... but maybe She will. But what the heck. -
How was your r/s before the masters came into the picture?
Frankly your priority should be:
1. Your job (you have no choice over this)
2. Your relationship (this involves your responsibility towards another person)
3. Your masters degree (this you do at your own time) -
Originally posted by Fatum:lemme put it this way .....
trust is a virgin's .... *ahem ....
once you break it, it's gone .....
if she's betrayed you once ... she can do it again ... if she's doubted you once, she will do it again .... if she's two-timed you once, she'll do it again ...
two options :
do you believe in that Shakespearean shit ... " Love ... is never ever shaken" etc etc ? ....
if yes ... then it's pretty clear what needs to be done, no ? ...
if you don't .... then isn't it even more silly to persist ? ....
i see what you mean.... -
Our RS before my masters came into the picture was quite good, considering i had the time to meet her all around the week, such as picking her up from work as ocassionally my off days were on weekdays, and we were veryOriginally posted by mancha:How was your r/s before the masters came into the picture?
Frankly your priority should be:
1. Your job (you have no choice over this)
2. Your relationship (this involves your responsibility towards another person)
3. Your masters degree (this you do at your own time)
accomodating towards each other.
I started this master's course was because of the reassurance from her, and that the 'we would tough this out' talk. But now, she seems like shes ready to quit.