He lied...
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Recently my bf told me that he sometimes surf pornographic sites and masturbate. What he told me last time was that porn is disgusting and he doesn't like it. So he said that he felt that way in the past, but now when he's real bored he will see. And he told me he never masturbate after he met me then now tell me this.
I felt very upset because I thought he is different from other guys. In fact, the day itself that he confessed he just surf porn. He borrowed my laptop and I went to see the history of sites visited. When I asked if he saw it that day he answered me sort of.
He promised me that he will not see it again but I felt betrayed. To me its kind of like cheating on me. And this has affected me as I get upset thinking of it and I will start talking in a very cold manner. And it spoils the whole day. What should I do? I guess it will take a long time for me to get over it.
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Sad to say, the only thing you could do is to tell him, scared him (risk losing you), but thats the best you could do because generally if he wants to see, you can't stop him. How could you? He could go LAN shop, could clear history all that shit and if he does that, this relation already lost that kind of trust because he knowing lied to you because of a fact that he wants and you don't want.Originally posted by No OnE SpEcIaL:Recently my bf told me that he sometimes surf pornographic sites and masturbate. What he told me last time was that porn is disgusting and he doesn't like it. So he said that he felt that way in the past, but now when he's real bored he will see. And he told me he never masturbate after he met me then now tell me this.
I felt very upset because I thought he is different from other guys. In fact, the day itself that he confessed he just surf porn. He borrowed my laptop and I went to see the history of sites visited. When I asked if he saw it that day he answered me sort of.
He promised me that he will not see it again but I felt betrayed. To me its kind of like cheating on me. And this has affected me as I get upset thinking of it and I will start talking in a very cold manner. And it spoils the whole day. What should I do? I guess it will take a long time for me to get over it. 
Guess one good advice here is to sit down, talk to him about it as in telling him that IF he continues, he will lose you eventually because you mind it and it is a form of cheating to you. He has to know the consequence because you don't have to go through all this shit. You post in the forum saying that it spolits your day, etc, let him know. IF he heeds, then its ok. If he caught him red-handed again or something, I guess this relation needs total reflection and reasons of staying in it.
Its totally alright to have not so rich or good looking bf, but its not alright to have a bf who has never been honest to you. Trust and honesty is a must have, and it takes only a second to ruin it.
Cheers -
Don't put too much thought into this - almost everyone would surf porn sites and think about sex (but differently) - it's only human. He is probably at curious stage (probably a young guy 10-22 yrs), which explains why he lied (conflict of interest - embarrassed and yet curious to find out). The point is do you enjoy his company and has not done any harm to anyone.Originally posted by No OnE SpEcIaL:Recently my bf told me that he sometimes surf pornographic sites and masturbate. What he told me last time was that porn is disgusting and he doesn't like it. So he said that he felt that way in the past, but now when he's real bored he will see. And he told me he never masturbate after he met me then now tell me this.
I felt very upset because I thought he is different from other guys. In fact, the day itself that he confessed he just surf porn. He borrowed my laptop and I went to see the history of sites visited. When I asked if he saw it that day he answered me sort of.
He promised me that he will not see it again but I felt betrayed. To me its kind of like cheating on me. And this has affected me as I get upset thinking of it and I will start talking in a very cold manner. And it spoils the whole day. What should I do? I guess it will take a long time for me to get over it. -
If that's the only thing wrong with your boyfriend you can count yourself lucky.
Practically all the guys and a fair number of gals i know watch porn as well as masturbate. I think it's a perfectly normal thing to do. Everyone one has sexual fantasies, be it something romantic or even sordid. Its fine to fantasize as long as it's not realized. And the fact that he is doing all these could stem from the fact that there is some sexual frustration on his part. Do remember that men are intrinsically more sexual as compared to women.
All said ... i think your boyfriend is a pretty decent guy. He's willing to try to change for you. Maybe you should cut him a little slack! -
yeah, i think it's pretty normal for any guy to visit such websites and masturbate... i would think that it will be quite abnormal indeed if they dun do so...
(no offence intended ya~) well, maybe he lied to you coz he thinks that you dislike such things and doesnt want to scare you off??
well, i think that you should talk to him, maybe ask him y he lied to you ya? -
What's wrong in surfing poRn
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basically, every guy surfs porn. most masturbate. it isn't wrong for them to think of sex, it's kind of a guy thing. but for him to lie to you, it's rather bad of him.. should have told you the truth i the first place, but if u feel real uncomfortable, you must tell him..
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its already not easy for him to admit to u that he actually surfs porn.. it shows that he is willing to open up and be honest.. this kinda thing also can confess to u, he shld have no other things hiding already lar
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You reject him because he surfs porn and masturbates?
Or you reject him because he broke a promise to you? -
Originally posted by No OnE SpEcIaL:
Recently my bf told me that he sometimes surf pornographic sites and masturbate. What he told me last time was that porn is disgusting and he doesn't like it. So he said that he felt that way in the past, but now when he's real bored he will see. And he told me he never masturbate after he met me then now tell me this.
I guess u r juz offended by the fact tt he's lying to u, so u may lie to ask urself again: Is This An Unforgivable Crime? If not, no one is perfect, he ought to be given a chance since he's willing to admit his fault
I felt very upset because I thought he is different from other guys. In fact, the day itself that he confessed he just surf porn. He borrowed my laptop and I went to see the history of sites visited. When I asked if he saw it that day he answered me sort of.
Opps...i seem to sense tt u feel "he's different fr other guys" Wat do u mean? i mean u gotta accept tt most guyz or in fact ALL normal guyz tend to surf porno sites unless they r GAYz (well...even gayz have their porno sites) U need to accept this Fact before u can feel Good abt ur BF. He's normal, juz 1 of them...u cant say tt by surfing porno sites means so & so....U can do tt but it isnt gonna help u coz u can hardly find ANY normal guyz who wont (juz a matter of time + no. of times ONLY)
He promised me that he will not see it again but I felt betrayed. To me its kind of like cheating on me. And this has affected me as I get upset thinking of it and I will start talking in a very cold manner. And it spoils the whole day. What should I do? I guess it will take a long time for me to get over it.
How do u define "Cheating"? Looking at the babes & drooling at them? Get aroused looking the "lifeless" naked women? It's not tt he is unfaithful to u or u r not attractive enuff....it's like u'd be ogling at some handsome chaps with ur buddies & start commenting (maybe ur BF feels betrayed, wat wld u do?) It's juz how u treat the approach coz Hey! He's not getting another GF (coz it's U he wants!) or visiting prositutes (coz it's not the sex thinggy but Curiosity) Maybe, it hasnt come to u tt such actions can be "normal" but u gotta be open-minded & assess this situation not juz fr ur view....instead fr a say a 'comtemporary' perspecctive????????!...hahahaha...GD LUCK!!!
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actualy is nth wrong for adult guys to surf porn...it is suprise and shock to know if any guys dn surf porn
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I did not say I reject him, only mentioned I was upset. Where did you get the idea?
I understand that most guys will surf porn and so on, but he told me that he find it disgusting, then now he says he got see. You get what I mean?
It's not drooling at other girls. U try drooling at other girls in front of your gf and see what happens. It's looking at a naked body. So you can't compare it to girls looking at guys, unless they are looking at naked men. Anyway, girls don't drool over guys, at least not the ones I know.
Some things means more to certain people. And to me, honesty is very important. Just because you feel that lying is not a big problem doesn't mean others have to feel that way too.
Oh, btw, he's over 22 so not at curiosity stage. -
i reali tink its normal 4 guys 2 surf porn n masturbate or wadeva... its natural of them i guess.... dun tink u need 2 get so work up...
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i get wat u mean...
u feel cheated becoz he told u he dun see but he did it behind u...
i think u should take it easy n forgive him. at least he is only surfin porno...not going to niteclub to hug gals or watever
I wouldnt mind if my bf surf porno..but he seldom
i even send emails with naked or sexy gals for him to see...hehee
we even watch prono vcd together -
Well, at least he was honest to admit he surfs porn.
Gotta know that some old habits die hard. Some are immortal. If you feel offended by it, then you shld let him know. If he still does it, then he is definitely not working for the better of the relationship. So why love a guy who does not care for your feelings? -
so what if 22?
i known someone who masturbate at the age of 26...and still going strong...
geeeeeeeeeez -
As a ger, i think most of the guys will surf. But did ur bf make a point clear which is , surf but not trying to tou chi . Basically, guys at ard our age are curious abt it. U juz have to tell him that u will feel uncomfortable with those. Hopefully i did help u in some ways !
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Originally posted by No OnE SpEcIaL:
I understand that most guys will surf porn and so on, but he told me that he find it disgusting, then now he says he got see. You get what I mean?
People DO change... Do you expect yourself to be in secondary 2 and 14 every year...?
It's not drooling at other girls. U try drooling at other girls in front of your gf and see what happens. It's looking at a naked body. So you can't compare it to girls looking at guys, unless they are looking at naked men. Anyway, girls don't drool over guys, at least not the ones I know.
Some DO. But that's besides the point... Some guys don't enjoy looking at naked girls' body too..? eg. GAYs...
Basically, GIRLs and GUYs are DIFFERENT components... You can't compare them that way.... Just like guys won't understand why girls can have a WHOLE LOAD of cosmetics and still go CRAZY for those sales... And the way they LOVE shopping...? Different 'species' have different needs... Different way of doing and viewing things....
Some things means more to certain people. And to me, honesty is very important. Just because you feel that lying is not a big problem doesn't mean others have to feel that way too.
Honesty USED to mean ALOT to me too... But TRUST me, sometimes honesty's not the best way out... <- Not like this can be used as an excuse for your bf... Anyway, just pointed this out because you would have to learn to ACCEPT this world as IT IS... NOT the way you WANT it to be when you're out in the society... Unless you're prepared to go into total isolation to achieve nirvana... That would another issue altogether....
Oh, btw, he's over 22 so not at curiosity stage.
You can't define a curiosity stage by age, just like you can't judge a person's mentality by that...
Besides, guys look at naked girls not necessarily solely because of curiosity...? Just like if I say women should know better than to spend (waste?) their money on shopping spree...? (heck, women and the enterprises are gonna hate me equally after this...) Well... Everyone has their needs, their reasons... Just because they cannot take the lure and temptation doesn't mean that they're immature....? -
u should also reflect on urself a bit, maybe u never "satisfied" him, thats why he go look for porn....
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eh sorree i "chap ji kar" hor..
i didn't really read at length so i dunno if this has been mentioned.. but maybe he lied to u becos fears or thinks that if he told u the truth u'd be disgusted and angry with him? unfortunately his lie didn't pull thru and he's in even deeper shit now...
anyway hope u can talk this thru with him.. let him know wat it is AFTER u urself know wat it is that's bothering u, like xavier mentioned: issit the lie, or the porn... or both!
2c man.. i'll go back to selling my popcorn... that one free.. for u only -
quote]Originally posted by No OnE SpEcIaL:
[b]He promised me that he will not see it again but I felt betrayed. To me its kind of like cheating on me. And this has affected me as I get upset thinking of it and I will start talking in a very cold manner. And it spoils the whole day. What should I do? I guess it will take a long time for me to get over it. [/b][/quote]
You dont need a boyfriend I think, u need a male orang utan..those creatures are honest, have principles, blah blah blah (yeah, they won't lie to their girlfriends)
And the best part? they dun masturbate, they only clapped their hands in appreciation when they saw porn and enjoy it.
I think u are a control freak..and i think ur boyfriend didnt lie, 9 out of 10 men dun like watching porn. But our "little brother" loves it, and sometimes it has a life of its own...its something biological; if your boyfriend yells at you one fine day, "Will you stop having periods, ewww,,,,its so disgusting!" ...how will you feel then?
You dont understand what it's like having an erection, how can you totally disregard your boyfriend's needs and brush it off like it's nothing important?
we (us...men and our dicks) lived in constant moral conflict all our lives and the last thing we need is a women adding pressure to that dilema.
If you love your boyfriend, learn to love his dick as well. -
Tell u wat...................Show me a Guy who doesnt masterbed or see porno and i will show u a man who isnt a man.
u know wat even gays masterbed
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wat are you upset about?? the fact that he broke his promise or the fact that he surf porn sites??
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Originally posted by curiousOrange:
You dont need a boyfriend I think, u need a male orang utan..those creatures are honest, have principles, blah blah blah (yeah, they won't lie to their girlfriends)
quote]Originally posted by No OnE SpEcIaL:
[b]
[b]He promised me that he will not see it again but I felt betrayed. To me its kind of like cheating on me. And this has affected me as I get upset thinking of it and I will start talking in a very cold manner. And it spoils the whole day. What should I do? I guess it will take a long time for me to get over it. [/b]
And the best part? they dun masturbate, they only clapped their hands in appreciation when they saw porn and enjoy it.
I think u are a control freak..and i think ur boyfriend didnt lie, 9 out of 10 men dun like watching porn. But our "little brother" loves it, and sometimes it has a life of its own...its something biological; if your boyfriend yells at you one fine day, "Will you stop having periods, ewww,,,,its so disgusting!" ...how will you feel then?
You dont understand what it's like having an erection, how can you totally disregard your boyfriend's needs and brush it off like it's nothing important?
we (us...men and our dicks) lived in constant moral conflict all our lives and the last thing we need is a women adding pressure to that dilema.
If you love your boyfriend, learn to love his dick as well.[/b][/quote]
Totally agree!!Everybody has his/her own sexual needs!!
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We are only humans.