Will you accept your gf who had abortion before?
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So the issue that bothers TS is not so much the abortion but the fact that she still keep in touch with her ex?
The title is misleading. And TS has to get his issues straight. If you want to continue with her, then tell her how you feel. Communication is the foundation of any r/s. -
I have some friends who had to abort.Originally posted by aicuole:I guess you're right... like I said, I'm really grateful for her telling me. With my thinking this way, we will get more hurt later on if we progress further. I dont know.. everything have limit.. I know I'm not perfect... what can be let go, can be let go... At first, before she told me she got the abortion, her ex call her and told her stuff to forget about me. At that time, I can understand that she might not able to forget about him and yeah I dont want to mess her life causing her to lost some people in her life as in her friends maybe. However... I would never thought that she went through a hardship of abortion because of him! Abortion is an issue which I think it's wrong for me.. or guys to discriminate girls because of that...
For example, if the girl got raped.. it's not what they wanted. I can udnerstand. However... to contact with someone who did something bad to you.. that's just unbearable.. I love her... but tell me... how do I love her this way?
All of them regretted it their whole life.
Teenage stupidity, 100%.
Many has since moved on, and have a family with other worthy men.
So far, it has been her ex contacting her right ?
You did not mention her taking the initiative to keep contact with him.
Besides, she wasn't friendly towards her ex, correct?
Now, why would she go and tell her ex about you?
Many men, use pregnancy as a way to trap a woman. Thinking she won't run away if she is carrying his child. Stupid but they still did.
There are too many unknown in this relationship.
Before you jump to any conclusion, you should find out more about her. -
Ok lah, the way you wrote make it very confusing leh.Originally posted by aicuole:What you mean? I do love her and she do love me too... just that some fact I cant accept
Especially this.
She explained to me that she thank him for breaking up with her as she now found someone she really loved. -
As i said, she may love him too deeply in the past to want to let go. I know a person who has been 'suffering' in a relationship for close to 8 years. But she's unwilling to let go because of one reason that's obvious to me.Originally posted by aicuole:OK I dont deny I'm childish.. maybe at least to me, I wont even contact someone who had hurt and harm me so much.. Think about how ones have to pay for the abortion fees herself and to deal with emotion alone? You maybe one of the nice guy I mention eariler who can forgive and forget.
This you will not be able to understand, because you're not a girl.
The fact that they were together once probably means that she once loved him. Deeply or not you have to ask her.
Yeah maybe you're right... why am I putting myself so much into the situation when I'm not officially declare that I'm her bf cos we didnt meet up before (webcam not counted.) At least to me, I wont take the initial step to even fly over to meet someone just as friend when I'm still coped up with my study and working till very late to earn the expenses for my school fees, rental, food etc...
You seem like you're struggling with your current worklife now. Are you sure you can support a gf, who's from overseas?[/color]
At first, I sees her as friend.. then through the conversation, I found someone who can understand me and my feeling begin to grow for her.. I must admit that she's having a tough life there and I really wanted her to live with comfortable life. I may have nothing now but for her, I would work very hard. This is not love at first sight... as least I think not through webcam or photo. It's about the communication when we actually talks for hrs in long distance call.
Nothing wrong about liking people through chats in msn. But you have to realise that the world is different outside of msn. The feeling of when you all meet may be different. Maybe the way she flips her hair may turn you off.
All these and more can only be decided when the two of you meet.[/color]
Some people unable to let go of their past? why? wanted to get hurt from the same guy twice?
She has put in too much, and she doesn't want it to end. So much so that she's willing to put up with more 'abuse'.
Is this love? Stupidity or what?
Anyways the only person who can decides whether to let go or not is her. -
pity ur fren man... but she really need to move on...not everything that she wants will b hers .sigh..... i thk this is stupidity.. no offence.. she seems still live in wonderland..not realising theres other much important things to be doneOriginally posted by _Aaron_:As i said, she may love him too deeply in the past to want to let go. I know a person who has been 'suffering' in a relationship for close to 8 years. But she's unwilling to let go because of one reason that's obvious to me.
She has put in too much, and she doesn't want it to end. So much so that she's willing to put up with more 'abuse'.
Is this love? Stupidity or what?
Anyways the only person who can decides whether to let go or not is her. -
For some reason, I thought of ozzy gurl.
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She has moved on a few months back.Originally posted by Zarks:pity ur fren man... but she really need to move on...not everything that she wants will b hers .sigh..... i thk this is stupidity.. no offence.. she seems still live in wonderland..not realising theres other much important things to be done
I'm happy for her~
But it was bad for me too when she told me all that happened... heart really went out to her.
But in the end its her choice. -
If I truly love her. it is not her past that I would be concerned with coz there's nothing you can do to change it. Rather, I'll be concerned with her present and her future because these are things which I can help to shape......
Her having an abortion will be regrettable but that incident belongs to the past. You can't change the fact that it happened. You just have to accept it and move on.....
So, if I truly love her, YES, I will accept her as she is!
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Show her what true love meansOriginally posted by _Aaron_:She has moved on a few months back.
I'm happy for her~
But it was bad for me too when she told me all that happened... heart really went out to her.
But in the end its her choice.
u know what i mean ? -
Yes. OF COURSE.
An ex of mine had abortion and is still friends with her ex.
I think the past is the PAST and the PRESENT is her OPTION and FREEDOM.
Hope that answers your questions. -
TS, if you truely love someone, it will not matter. cliche, but its the fact.
an abortion is a mistake she made, if its something you really cannot overlook, then move on, tell her its something that doesn't agree with your morales.
if you don't mind, forgive her, tell her you'r glad she told you the truth, and never ever bring it up again, and don;t ever dare to use it against her during a fight.
she din ask for the abortion, it juz happen. hopefully she has learnt from her mistake.
important lesson... remeber the rubber.
cheers! -
*Message is "aborted"
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Edit:typo -
Edited.. ted ted ted ted. -
well done.
good that people here have a good head on them. -
You think i making a movie?Originally posted by Zarks:Show her what true love means u know what i mean ? -
I couldn't care less of what had happened in the past, and rather focus on the present. Anyone could made mistakes.
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so you mean you care more bout what happened ?Originally posted by Isis:I couldn't care less of what had happened in the past, and rather focus on the present. Anyone could made mistakes. -
dun kena con hor...
wait she come liao say need money to do this and that... -
It had happened. i can't deny it.Originally posted by Zarks:so you mean you care more bout what happened ?
But either will i be bothered by it cos it really does not matter. -
if you really love her...
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u are only 21... and i highly doubt if you know the meaning of true love. Give yourself (and her) time, space and opportunities to learn more about one another in person before u declare your undying love for her.
Love is almost never a bed of roses. There are present and future financial and practical considerations that I fear you have not considered, and am not equipped for. -
Which part do u mind, really? The part that she has an abortion or the fact that she didn't lose her virginity to u? Because the latter part is something a lot of guys mind. But look at it this way. Love makes people crazy, stupid and blind. She had sex with someone she loved and whom she thought loved her, but in the end, they are no longer together and she had an abortion. That's too bad.Originally posted by aicuole:Alright.. I just know this girl not long ago over the net. She's not local. As times goes by, we find ourselves love each other alot. She used webcam chat with me so I get to see how her reaction are and knew she is not faking anything. We even communicate through long distance call and she is the one who made the call. She has been planning to come to SG to visit me and I'm very happy about it. I can really feel that she really love me very much and so am I for her. By the way, we both are matured. She is 23 and I'm 21.
Thing goes well until she decided to tell me a news. I know that she had a bf before and had intimacy relationship with him. I can understand that and dont mind her past. However, she told me that she made a very big mistake before and really regretted. That is the abortion. She told me that the guy want to have baby but dont bear the responsibility. He cheated on her and she is really really sad about it. With the encouragment from her family members, she decided to make a painful decision of abortion. As she told me all these stuff, she had been crying really hard. Though her parents told her that it's better not to tell the guy she like about this cos it's a sensetives issue. She decided to tell me the truth and wont want to hurt me in future when I found out anything. I agree that she took alot of courage and I really appreciated her telling me. She was already mentally-prepared before she decided to tell me this.
I really feel sorry for her... she had gone through alot of hardship. She study and work at the same time to support herself though. She was really happy about coming to Singapore to meet me as she had some of her saving left. I was seriously very touched. But.. this are different things... what made me really sad was until now, she and her ex had been contacting each other!! OMG.. how can someone still contacting with the one who hurt and harm you so much?? This is the fact I cant accept. I knew cos we were having webcam and her ex call.. telling her not to believe relationship through the net and told her not to come SG as she will get cheated again!! (Seriously, I duno what to say) Her reply to him was not really harsh and thanking him with sarcasm. She explained to me that she thank him for breaking up with her as she now found someone she really loved. (Oh man.. that was just great..) She added that she never forgive him... but i cant accept this anymore.... that is just sad... really sad...
She told me that she know how I feel now and she might not the one for me. She's still keen about coming to SG and wanted me to treat her as normal friend instead. Seriously I duno what to do... Suddenly my heart ache alot. i told her that we need more time to think and she told me not to force myself. There's no happiness in relationship in forcing. I agreed. However, she message me that she still loved me very much..
I know some of you might think that "Aiyah, if you turly love her, you can dont mind her everything." , "The power of love can make you forget one's past", "Everyone make mistake, why cant you just forgive her?" etc... I guess you wont be saying this to yourself when this thing happen to you. Imagine your current gf having an abortion before and still contacting the guy that made her pregnant though when she talk to him with sacrasm. Well.. of course there's some guys out there which is really nice and open-hearted. These are some of the good guys.. too bad I think I'm not. I know I'm immatured at this so it's really hard for me to accept.
So can any kind souls out there to give me some advices? I'm really confused now...
Look, she risked everything by telling u the truth. She could have just kept everything quiet by not saying it, but she treasured u, and she told u this thing because she wanted to be open to it. By not accepting it, it may suggest that you are really not really to go through "thick and thin" with her, something that all couples should do. And also, what's wrong with contacting the ex? Should it really even matter to you? There's no such law that 2 people who have broken up should remain cold and distant and not contact each other. Once again, it shows that you are a little narrow-minded.
Let the ex say what he want. Its up to u to prove that u love her mroe than that guy. Yet, u minding so many things about her and her past suggest that u are not ready and not willing to go into this relationship. If that's e case, then its best to nip the relationship in the bud before it even blossoms further. That would be the best for u and her. -
TS,
what the girl did before is the past. I dunno whether u can accept it but if u cant, if its against your morals or u just dun feel comfortable about it, let her know.
You shouldn't allow something like that to bother u. I had an ex who has had an abortion before and i didn't mind it one bit. What's done cannot be undone, there's no use crying over spilt milk.
And i agree with angel7030 regarding the gender discrimination thing. If a guy had sex with many girls, does that make him unworthy in any way?
It's the guy's fault if he inpregnated her, not hers. just my thoughts. -
I also agree with jojobeach that you should be a man and go over and take a look at her.Originally posted by aicuole:I guess you're right... like I said, I'm really grateful for her telling me. With my thinking this way, we will get more hurt later on if we progress further. I dont know.. everything have limit.. I know I'm not perfect... what can be let go, can be let go... At first, before she told me she got the abortion, her ex call her and told her stuff to forget about me. At that time, I can understand that she might not able to forget about him and yeah I dont want to mess her life causing her to lost some people in her life as in her friends maybe. However... I would never thought that she went through a hardship of abortion because of him! Abortion is an issue which I think it's wrong for me.. or guys to discriminate girls because of that...
For example, if the girl got raped.. it's not what they wanted. I can udnerstand. However... to contact with someone who did something bad to you.. that's just unbearable.. I love her... but tell me... how do I love her this way?
She did not need to tell you this. Perhaps jot down the questions you have in your head, and talk to her about it when you meet her. Its easier that way.