Of Travelling and Relationship
-
I think, as an almost 21 year old woman myself, that your gf is starting to miss you just that little bit too much when you go away for work. She is obviously getting jealous of your work, which is understandable. However, even though she is only 21, she should be mature minded enough to understand that what you do with your career now will affect how your future together is. You need to talk to her, seriously, and tell her you want her just to sit quietly and listen to you while you explain your positon and your feelings about her tantrums (that's what they are). Once you have fully explained everything to her, without getting angry, or seeming frustrated, then give her the chance to explain to you why she is like this, while you sit quietly and listen to everything she has to say. Once you have noth fully explained yourselves.then it will be easier for you both to decide what you need to do, as you will both know each others honest feelings.
I hope I've helped. -
Originally posted by Cpt.ZR:
Huh, yr posting is an insult to all women.
well.. sometimes women are hard to please...
[b]sometimes women are very attention seeking...
sometimes it can be damn irritating..
but think of it this way... At the end of the day you still have her missing and loving you like no one else... [other than your mother]
Isnt that good enough?
well.. i know i'm not helping much lar.. hah but thats my point of view la...
and sometimes younger women are abit more childish in their thinking... i duno abt yr gf la... but.. yeah.. i thnk its true.[/b]
We are easy going, it is you men the one to get hardened and never easy to please. If we are attention seeker and irritating, why so many men fell on their knees over us??? Nobody ask them for it. -
Let's be fair to both genders.Originally posted by angel7030:Huh, yr posting is an insult to all women.
We are easy going, it is you men the one to get hardened and never easy to please. If we are attention seeker and irritating, why so many men fell on their knees over us??? Nobody ask them for it.
There are girls who are hard to please and there are also guys who are hard to please.
It depends on the personality of the person, not the gender of the person.
You cannot use a broad paintbrush to tar any particular gender.
Hope that everyone keeps that in mind before making sweeping statements.
Cheers. -
Hello All
It's really nice to know that all are willing to help with some kind words of
advice, at least I know I am not alone.
I went for a short break yesterday. Did some community event work, cycled
to the beach, have some wind, ate lots for dinner, and a lot for supper with
friends who did not managed to get me during my absence in SG.
Unwinded a little yesterday, a little fresher for today.
I should at least try to respond to all of you,but timing is sometime a
constraint in an application.
Anyway, here goes---
soulwinner:
Just a little reminder, ladies and woman are people. Human Beings. Not
commodities like soccer balls. I assume my thread might sound like I
want to break, therfore I apologise for misleading you. What I am trying
to do is salvage and refresh this relationship, at least from my part.
BadzMaro:
She is not stopping me from advancing in my career, but just giving me
some mental short breathes. Whatever she do to make me unhappy, I do
not and had not brought them into work before.
Not so sure about marriage later though...
angel7030:
She somehow does not understand me and my job, because we are from
totally different field of work. Chemical versus Computers......
I have told her about future delegation, but her stand point is rather
negative. She asked this, " How are you going to respond to the children
in the future?" It's something which I can't reply yet, as I don't know what
holds in the future.
cannyong
My GF had nearly jumped ship once, last year while I was away for a long
period, like 3 months. She got caught by friends and onlines blogs, but
I forgive her, as I felt it was not her fault, but mine and the third party.
As for the ranting and bearing, I am not sure when I might break down
big time over it. Hopefully not in the near future.
elindra
Congrats to your marriage, no matter how ago was it! I guess you and your
husband have managed to worked it out. It is something which I should try
to follow, which is also something where I am still directionless.
jojobeach
One Example: I am having my afternoon nap and she shakes me up claiming
this,"You don't love me anymore, you don't care about me." She is at my
house surfing net, while I am resting from previous company's trip. How am
I suppose to respond?
Short Ninja
Neglect might be another reason on why she behaves that way too.
A little too childish sometime..
ozzy_gurl
She cries before 30% of what I wish to convey, and I do get upset, angry
and frustrated with her immature thinkings when we tried to talk.
Jealousy on work, I am not so sure though. Perhaps I spend more time
fixing systems and troubleshooting production line than fixing our path
together
Yunhaier
Lots of thanks for taking time to type. I really appreciate your help.
To put it easy for reading, I just love this:
Love is not about looking at each other; but looking together at one collective direction.
I hope on top of stopping and getting my path, I should ask and understand
where she does want to go from her path. Will we ever meet up at point X?
I also need to empathise one more point. I am not good looking, and in an
extreme out of shape condition. Eat,drink, fly, sleep and repeat routine;
I tried to sort out my thoughts before bed yesterday night. I did ask myself
this: am I trying to get attention as well?
Not sure how to end this reply, but thanks for reading and the aid given.
Have a good week everybody. -
A nice guy u are.. Responding to all advice! Good luck to yr r/sOriginally posted by shrekho:Hello All
It's really nice to know that all are willing to help with some kind words of
advice, at least I know I am not alone.
I went for a short break yesterday. Did some community event work, cycled
to the beach, have some wind, ate lots for dinner, and a lot for supper with
friends who did not managed to get me during my absence in SG.
Unwinded a little yesterday, a little fresher for today.
I should at least try to respond to all of you,but timing is sometime a
constraint in an application.
Anyway, here goes---
soulwinner:
Just a little reminder, ladies and woman are people. Human Beings. Not
commodities like soccer balls. I assume my thread might sound like I
want to break, therfore I apologise for misleading you. What I am trying
to do is salvage and refresh this relationship, at least from my part.
BadzMaro:
She is not stopping me from advancing in my career, but just giving me
some mental short breathes. Whatever she do to make me unhappy, I do
not and had not brought them into work before.
Not so sure about marriage later though...
angel7030:
She somehow does not understand me and my job, because we are from
totally different field of work. Chemical versus Computers......
I have told her about future delegation, but her stand point is rather
negative. She asked this, " How are you going to respond to the children
in the future?" It's something which I can't reply yet, as I don't know what
holds in the future.
cannyong
My GF had nearly jumped ship once, last year while I was away for a long
period, like 3 months. She got caught by friends and onlines blogs, but
I forgive her, as I felt it was not her fault, but mine and the third party.
As for the ranting and bearing, I am not sure when I might break down
big time over it. Hopefully not in the near future.
elindra
Congrats to your marriage, no matter how ago was it! I guess you and your
husband have managed to worked it out. It is something which I should try
to follow, which is also something where I am still directionless.
jojobeach
One Example: I am having my afternoon nap and she shakes me up claiming
this,"You don't love me anymore, you don't care about me." She is at my
house surfing net, while I am resting from previous company's trip. How am
I suppose to respond?
Short Ninja
Neglect might be another reason on why she behaves that way too.
A little too childish sometime..
ozzy_gurl
She cries before 30% of what I wish to convey, and I do get upset, angry
and frustrated with her immature thinkings when we tried to talk.
Jealousy on work, I am not so sure though. Perhaps I spend more time
fixing systems and troubleshooting production line than fixing our path
together
Yunhaier
Lots of thanks for taking time to type. I really appreciate your help.
To put it easy for reading, I just love this:
Love is not about looking at each other; but looking together at one collective direction.
I hope on top of stopping and getting my path, I should ask and understand
where she does want to go from her path. Will we ever meet up at point X?
I also need to empathise one more point. I am not good looking, and in an
extreme out of shape condition. Eat,drink, fly, sleep and repeat routine;
I tried to sort out my thoughts before bed yesterday night. I did ask myself
this: am I trying to get attention as well?
Not sure how to end this reply, but thanks for reading and the aid given.
Have a good week everybody.
-
Shrekho,
Somehow, I feel that it is not the right time for you to be in a relationship.
You have no time to nurture one.
While you claim that she does not understand you, she is probably at the same time claiming that you don't understand her.
In a relationship, it requires frequent interaction between two person.
Alas, while you are expected to be spending quality time with her, you are catching up with your rest.
The kind of feeling for her is like... you are here, but not really here.
The only way you can salvage this relationship, is to invest more time and effort.
If you are already feeling over stretched, perhaps it is time you re-evaluate your priorities, and decide what/who you need to let go.
Please don't expect a 21 year old to behave like a 31 year old.
Truth be told, even a 31 year old woman can behave like a 21 year old when it comes to demanding attention from her man.
Have you tried validating her feelings, instead of only expecting her to accept your current predicament?
Note:
Your situation is different from the forumer Kennyrogers.
While he has a light at the end of the tunnel.
Yours is a lonely, and dark one with no end in sight.
It is not easy to find a woman willing to walk in your lonely tunnel for very long.
Unless she is one who is busy with her own life and career herself.
But will you be able to endure the neglect from her ? -
Hello JojoOriginally posted by jojobeach:Shrekho,
Somehow, I feel that it is not the right time for you to be in a relationship.
You have no time to nurture one.
While you claim that she does not understand you, she is probably at the same time claiming that you don't understand her.
In a relationship, it requires frequent interaction between two person.
Alas, while you are expected to be spending quality time with her, you are catching up with your rest.
The kind of feeling for her is like... you are here, but not really here.
The only way you can salvage this relationship, is to invest more time and effort.
If you are already feeling over stretched, perhaps it is time you re-evaluate your priorities, and decide what/who you need to let go.
Please don't expect a 21 year old to behave like a 31 year old.
Truth be told, even a 31 year old woman can behave like a 21 year old when it comes to demanding attention from her man.
Have you tried validating her feelings, instead of only expecting her to accept your current predicament?
Note:
Your situation is different from the forumer Kennyrogers.
While he has a light at the end of the tunnel.
Yours is a lonely, and dark one with no end in sight.
It is not easy to find a woman willing to walk in your lonely tunnel for very long.
Unless she is one who is busy with her own life and career herself.
But will you be able to endure the neglect from her ?
Truth hurts, and sadly you are right. Your message does sting me, but
it is the harsh reality I have to face.
What I do not understand is the lonely tunnel.... Do I sound so bad? -
Well.. actually.. not that bad for a woman who works in a brothel.Originally posted by shrekho:Hello Jojo
Truth hurts, and sadly you are right. Your message does sting me, but
it is the harsh reality I have to face.
What I do not understand is the lonely tunnel.... Do I sound so bad? -
bro.. i face the same prob as u b4.. n i m pretty sure i make the correct decision.
I dump my then gf for being so immature, everybody deserve to have someone to love u for wat u r. -
I don't know what happens when you travel and if there is even any communication between the both of youOriginally posted by shrekho:elindra
Congrats to your marriage, no matter how ago was it! I guess you and your
husband have managed to worked it out. It is something which I should try
to follow, which is also something where I am still directionless.
But usually all these insecurity is due to a lack of communication.
It takes afford and work and yes it can be tiring but ultimately if the both of you tide through this patch, it will be worth it. -
I like this guy... he appreciates and read's everyone posts.. and replies to every single one!!
Good man! -
Hi! Not sure what you meant... I don't have a habit of visiting brothelsOriginally posted by jojobeach:Well.. actually.. not that bad for a woman who works in a brothel.
nor I am one working there as well.. -
Hello elindra and Tissot1853
Thanks for your reply and advice.
BadzMaro
Just being polite and courteous as people who posted here
did put in effort or thoughts. One must learn to appreciate the effort
of others.
I had some booze today, make it like 1am, at some pub. My senior
was telling me and informing lots of stuff which I have missed out and
I ought to do some relfection.
One thing is appreciation. If I can appreciate help from others, why can't I
appreciate the small things she do? Vice versa, I have never done small
things or favours, cos most of them is major issues.
I have missed out the importance of love. Love is not about being rigid and
regimental with life. Love does not need a partner to bark orders or give
commands. Sometimes, love just need a little verbal support from the
partner.
Crimes mentioned above regarding love is what I have committed. The
person who needs to do some soul searching is not her, but me.
Now that I am no longer at war with myself, I have made peace with
my GF and me.
I apologised thru sms for the neglect and over-protection towards her. Sometimes, people need to fall down to learn, and when they do,
a little verbal support will do. No need for barking commands or orders
so that she does not fall down. True, falling hurts, but once bitten twice
shy, twice bitten, never again.
If you are curious on what my friend told me, drop me a PM, as it is a little
long winded and not necessary here.
To all who had posted, thanks again for the effort and thoughts. It is now
I, who has to do a little more thoughts and soul searching. Off course, she
still have to grow a little more mature, for our future and relationship.
Have a nice weekend ahead!!!! -
What I meant , was simply. ( no offense to those who work there)Originally posted by shrekho:Hi! Not sure what you meant... I don't have a habit of visiting brothels
nor I am one working there as well..
Your gf needs love and attention, not just money you earned.
I've read your last message. Good thing you awake before disaster strikes.
Whoever your friend is whom had given you some much needed advise, did a good job.
Good luck. Cherish what you have now. For once it is gone.. it's gone. -
Hello People
There is more than enough break ups and rejections in AA, so I think using
back this thread can save some space.
If you had been following this thread, I was supposed to have made
peace with my GF and me.
But like according to Jojo, this came a little too late...
It is like the calm before the storm, though we have been avoiding it, but
it will still blow and come over, leaving wrecks in its trail.
I have just caught my GF 2 timing me.
A very nice tall chap, fit, strong and handsome. Something like
every girl's dream. From my POV, that guy looks perfect. Behavior
is very gentleman and polite.
This is the second time she is doing this, and I guess I really cannot forgive
her anymore. I cannot think of a good reason why either. Though at peace,
perhaps I just cannot give her the sense of security or comfort when she
needs it.
The problem may not lie with her, but with me.
Anyway, thanks to all whom have wished me well and given me sound
advice. Have a good work week ahead. -
We all went thru the same phase as you but for you maybe this 2 timing is a better way out for you. For a relationship that does not have a good ending is better to end it early.Originally posted by shrekho:Hello People
There is more than enough break ups and rejections in AA, so I think using
back this thread can save some space.
If you had been following this thread, I was supposed to have made
peace with my GF and me.
But like according to Jojo, this came a little too late...
It is like the calm before the storm, though we have been avoiding it, but
it will still blow and come over, leaving wrecks in its trail.
I have just caught my GF 2 timing me.
A very nice tall chap, fit, strong and handsome. Something like
every girl's dream. From my POV, that guy looks perfect. Behavior
is very gentleman and polite.
This is the second time she is doing this, and I guess I really cannot forgive
her anymore. I cannot think of a good reason why either. Though at peace,
perhaps I just cannot give her the sense of security or comfort when she
needs it.
The problem may not lie with her, but with me.
Anyway, thanks to all whom have wished me well and given me sound
advice. Have a good work week ahead.
I guess in your heart you are glad that she found someone who loves her and can be there for her when she needs help.
take care and remember try not to date gals who are too young. -
TS,a nice chap u are. U just need a bit more of luck in r/s. With yr heavier workload and frequent travel of work. I think u need a mature and indepedant lady(Pls ! No more 21yrs old little gal) to be yr partner in future. But in the meant just enjoy yr singlehood and no hurry!Originally posted by shrekho:Hello People
There is more than enough break ups and rejections in AA, so I think using
back this thread can save some space.
If you had been following this thread, I was supposed to have made
peace with my GF and me.
But like according to Jojo, this came a little too late...
It is like the calm before the storm, though we have been avoiding it, but
it will still blow and come over, leaving wrecks in its trail.
I have just caught my GF 2 timing me.
A very nice tall chap, fit, strong and handsome. Something like
every girl's dream. From my POV, that guy looks perfect. Behavior
is very gentleman and polite.
This is the second time she is doing this, and I guess I really cannot forgive
her anymore. I cannot think of a good reason why either. Though at peace,
perhaps I just cannot give her the sense of security or comfort when she
needs it.
The problem may not lie with her, but with me.
Anyway, thanks to all whom have wished me well and given me sound
advice. Have a good work week ahead. -
Anyway, it is a globlised economy out there, more and more jobs is going to need travelling, esp those professionals and specialists, you should therefore get her to know your colleages, any company gatherings, bring her along, let her have the feels of the job you are doing now, she can get the true from your colleagues, their spouses or gf must have also made alot of sacrifices in waiting for their loveones to return.Originally posted by shrekho:Hello All
angel7030:
She somehow does not understand me and my job, because we are from
totally different field of work. Chemical versus Computers......
I have told her about future delegation, but her stand point is rather
negative. She asked this, " How are you going to respond to the children
in the future?" It's something which I can't reply yet, as I don't know what
holds in the future. -
i had actually wanted to advice u to show ur gf more care. cos i can relate to what she is feeling. i am in fact going through the same phasse as what she is going through. and i can tell u your care, your gentle words, actions and patience is all your relationship needs to make everything become better for the 2 of u.
but now that the relationship has turned to this stage, i feel sorry for u and her. the man might not be the better one than u are.
u are partly the factor who drove her to the arms of another person.
the next gal that u wan to make her ur gf, pls give her the love and care she deserves. girls become "nonsensical" as what u call it when they dun get the care and attention they desire from the person they care about.
u should worry when they dun need ur care and attention. -
Hello All
It's not totally lost yet. We met up to talk over things.
We had come to a conclusion of a month holiday with each other.
Check our feelings, clear our thoughts.
She still loves me, as I can feel it deep, just that she must have
missed the feeling of chase or romance, which I had never provided in our
journey together.
During our conversation, she had spoken clearly about my merits and demerits. Argued a little, but both of us are understand each other points, regardless of good or bad.
Even love need a little holiday.
I will remember this thread and dig it up a month later, to say the final
conclusion and outcome. All things that have a beginning, must have an
end.
Who knows, maybe we will end it, maybe not.
Thank you all. -
"As an engineer, I do think about solutions... But somehow, solutions for human behavior is out of my handling ability"Originally posted by shrekho:That's very insightful, and positive thinking.
Call her every night when overseas.
- Not possible as she will also give me nonsense on the phone, and I would
feel miserable after the call.
Send her flowers when overseas.
-Done that once, and she is not exactly thrilled or anything.
Buy her presents from overseas.
- I always do that.
Take her along when going overseas.
-A big not possible! No such arrangements from company.
Write letters, tons of it, when overseas.
-Never done this before, but perhaps I can start with email.
Fix webcam and see each other every day when overseas.
-Yes, tried and same as first one. At random, she will start something and I
would feel miserable after webby conference.
As an engineer,perhaps by default, I do think about solutions. That's why
I am always sent overseas.
Somehow, solutions for human behavior is out of my handling ability.
Well... at least, yr problem is half solved.... at least, u do noe wat is the problem behind these relationship... So do u want some1 to help u handle solutions for human behavior ??? cannot be wat.. this may be yr weakness( at least u noe it) but u can improve it...
Try not to confine yr views, thinkings and feelings to only logical , rational reasonings... Try something different .... Try something tat u and her think is impossible...
Trying to change her thinking may be difficult... But I suggest perhaps u should try to change yrs ... A relationship with ONLY logical, rational reasonings is very dulll -
Hello People
Here I am in China again. I wonder why am I here.
Reservist started in early November, the moment it ends, I am in China.
Lots envy me of travelling around, looking at the dragon economy, while I envy
them for the place they have, the friends they managed to keep in contact,
the ground they get to keep. I am losing all of mine.......
My circle of people is getting smaller and smaller, as I don't know who
to call or how to get people out. For a 26 year old, this is kinda loser
feeling. Neither do I have the courage to chat people up in pubs... <-LOSER!!!
We have officially split, for the while.... My heart aches till now. Worst part,
I am alone here in China again. It yearns for her, but I know I can't see her
yet. I can't see her cos I am learning not to yell at people or get frustrated
with illogical or sily things during important and serious stuff.
Still.... I yelled at the customer engineer lately, for not understanding simple
things like clicking here and then there. Nearly punched one when he asked
me stupid questions.
When can one learn to become a little less bad and a little better self? -
Your expectations for the people around you are unrealistic. Thats the reason why you are so impatient with behaviours you deemed inferior to yours.Originally posted by shrekho:Hello People
Here I am in China again. I wonder why am I here.
Reservist started in early November, the moment it ends, I am in China.
Lots envy me of travelling around, looking at the dragon economy, while I envy
them for the place they have, the friends they managed to keep in contact,
the ground they get to keep. I am losing all of mine.......
My circle of people is getting smaller and smaller, as I don't know who
to call or how to get people out. For a 26 year old, this is kinda loser
feeling. Neither do I have the courage to chat people up in pubs... <-LOSER!!!
We have officially split, for the while.... My heart aches till now. Worst part,
I am alone here in China again. It yearns for her, but I know I can't see her
yet. I can't see her cos I am learning not to yell at people or get frustrated
with illogical or sily things during important and serious stuff.
Still.... I yelled at the customer engineer lately, for not understanding simple
things like clicking here and then there. Nearly punched one when he asked
me stupid questions.
When can one learn to become a little less bad and a little better self?
I hope you didn't yelled at the china colleague, as Singaporeans who go there for work are considered proud and prudish snobs in their eyes.
One of my colleague told me, he used to hate working with Sgreans, because we think we are so smart. And wouldn't hesitate to shoot a dozen of us given the chance.
It's all about your perspective in life and the level of humility you gained. Not an easy task, considering how sheltered our lives are. -
Hey...Originally posted by shrekho:Hello People
Here I am in China again. I wonder why am I here.
Reservist started in early November, the moment it ends, I am in China.
Lots envy me of travelling around, looking at the dragon economy, while I envy
them for the place they have, the friends they managed to keep in contact,
the ground they get to keep. I am losing all of mine.......
My circle of people is getting smaller and smaller, as I don't know who
to call or how to get people out. For a 26 year old, this is kinda loser
feeling. Neither do I have the courage to chat people up in pubs... <-LOSER!!!
We have officially split, for the while.... My heart aches till now. Worst part,
I am alone here in China again. It yearns for her, but I know I can't see her
yet. I can't see her cos I am learning not to yell at people or get frustrated
with illogical or sily things during important and serious stuff.
Still.... I yelled at the customer engineer lately, for not understanding simple
things like clicking here and then there. Nearly punched one when he asked
me stupid questions.
When can one learn to become a little less bad and a little better self?
Hope you are getting better. It really takes time for your heart to heal. But just don't take your emotions out on an innocent fella. You gotta be logical at work. Don't bring your emotions there. Sounds easy but really difficult, still you gotta try.
According to your posts earlier on, I can derive that you are actually quite a nice guy. But like many who have said, it might not be the right time for you to be indulged in a relationship. As ladies need attention and words of love and care every now and then.
A man with a stable career and knows what he wants is more attractive than someone who have a job and directionless of where he is heading. I believe you will be able to find someone who looks at the same point as you. Good luck!
PS: This time round, get a mature lady. (In terms of thinking, at the very least). -
so how long will the split be?Originally posted by shrekho:Hello People
Here I am in China again. I wonder why am I here.
Reservist started in early November, the moment it ends, I am in China.
Lots envy me of travelling around, looking at the dragon economy, while I envy
them for the place they have, the friends they managed to keep in contact,
the ground they get to keep. I am losing all of mine.......
My circle of people is getting smaller and smaller, as I don't know who
to call or how to get people out. For a 26 year old, this is kinda loser
feeling. Neither do I have the courage to chat people up in pubs... <-LOSER!!!
We have officially split, for the while.... My heart aches till now. Worst part,
I am alone here in China again. It yearns for her, but I know I can't see her
yet. I can't see her cos I am learning not to yell at people or get frustrated
with illogical or sily things during important and serious stuff.
Still.... I yelled at the customer engineer lately, for not understanding simple
things like clicking here and then there. Nearly punched one when he asked
me stupid questions.
When can one learn to become a little less bad and a little better self?