men men bu le
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No wonder your guy treats you this way.Originally posted by petti:i choose to trust him on that.
Because you'd belive all his bull anyway, all he has to do is give stupid excuse.
No question ask policy.
Gotta keep your man on his toes sometime. -
In a relationship, through understanding, we build trust. On my understanding of him, i trust that he wont lie to me on such factual things.Originally posted by jojobeach:No wonder your guy treats you this way.
Because you'd belive all his bull anyway, all he has to do is give stupid excuse.
No question ask policy.
Gotta keep your man on his toes sometime.
i am a skeptical person, and i dont trust people just like that. i know him for 2 years before we are together. he has a good track record of not being a cheat. In fact, he is a direct and outright guy. I see not reason to doubt him. i choose to trust him, and it is not blind trust -
That's good.Originally posted by petti:In a relationship, through understanding, we build trust. On my understanding of him, i trust that he wont lie to me on such factual things.
i am a skeptical person, and i dont trust people just like that. i know him for 2 years before we are together. he has a good track record of not being a cheat. In fact, he is a direct and outright guy. I see not reason to doubt him. i choose to trust him, and it is not blind trust
You know him better than anyone of us here.
Well, then if this is the case.
I suppose all you need to do is know when and how to negotiate with him about this issue that has been bugging you.
You and I know well that in a relationship, everything is about compromising.
Then there is no longer any need for you to feel unhappy about this anymore. Right ?
After all, you did allow him to leave you out of this. -
Maybe he needs some time off to hang out with his friends.
And his friends, all guy, all said don't bring their gf to bkk, so
naturally, he will tell you that you not to go...
But I don't understand what is ur bf's priority.... -
In that case, then there isn't much you could do that hasn't already been suggested. Either way, you really shouldn't be unhappy if you can live with his "reasons" since you place so much faith and trust in him.Originally posted by petti:Yes, i told him explicitly. but he told me going to pray is important for his career and i cant join since it is tiring and all-men trip.
When a man uses career as a reason, it leaves the woman very little room to say no, isnt it? -
Like i said it earlier, and i shall say it again, the question is never about trust.Originally posted by walesa:In that case, then there isn't much you could do that hasn't already been suggested. Either way, you really shouldn't be unhappy if you can live with his "reasons" since you place so much faith and trust in him.
the question is where do i stand in his heart when he knew that i have been dying for a holiday, if i miss this opportunity, i cant do it until next year, yet when i first asked him, he said he was busy but could join his friends for praying. knowing that i am really upset about it despite i did not kick up a fuss (he saw me tearing telling my fren once), why is he turning a blind eye to my unhappiness?
Where do i stand? -
oh, then i have nothing to say.. settle yourself this prob . time wil tell. mayb hes just duno wat to do when he saw u that wayOriginally posted by petti:Like i said it earlier, and i shall say it again, the question is never about trust.
the question is where do i stand in his heart when he knew that i have been dying for a holiday, if i miss this opportunity, i cant do it until next year, yet when i first asked him, he said he was busy but could join his friends for praying. knowing that i am really upset about it despite i did not kick up a fuss (he saw me tearing telling my fren once), why is he turning a blind eye to my unhappiness?
Where do i stand? -
petti girl, don't get so upset.Originally posted by petti:Like i said it earlier, and i shall say it again, the question is never about trust.
the question is where do i stand in his heart when he knew that i have been dying for a holiday, if i miss this opportunity, i cant do it until next year, yet when i first asked him, he said he was busy but could join his friends for praying. knowing that i am really upset about it despite i did not kick up a fuss (he saw me tearing telling my fren once), why is he turning a blind eye to my unhappiness?
Where do i stand?
Would you have been so upset if he had scheduled the prayer trip during time when you are not having off track time ? Like when you are not having your holiday ?
You are upset also because he left you high and dry, making such short notice trip away from you.
If he had told you way in advance and you could have plan something else for yourself, perhaps you will not be upset ?
It's not that you are not important.. I think you can avoid this kind of situation again during your next mid year vacation, but you gotta talk to him and let him know.
Juggling two person's schedule is always a challenge.
For myself, my partner has access to my annual calender and I have access to his. We update each other's calender when there are important dates to remember.
Sometimes men can be so thick headed. But that's how they are, gotta take the good with the bad.
And always remember, communication is key to any good relationship. -
Yes, guess if his away is not during my vacation, things would be much better. And if he had told me in advance (despite impossible, cos his trip is such a last minute one), i will be in europe now.Originally posted by jojobeach:petti girl, don't get so upset.
Would you have been so upset if he had scheduled the prayer trip during time when you are not having off track time ? Like when you are not having your holiday ?
You are upset also because he left you high and dry, making such short notice trip away from you.
If he had told you way in advance and you could have plan something else for yourself, perhaps you will not be upset ?
It's not that you are not important.. I think you can avoid this kind of situation again during your next mid year vacation, but you gotta talk to him and let him know.
Juggling two person's schedule is always a challenge.
For myself, my partner has access to my annual calender and I have access to his. We update each other's calender when there are important dates to remember.
Sometimes men can be so thick headed. But that's how they are, gotta take the good with the bad.
And always remember, communication is key to any good relationship. -
The answer is you do not stand a place in his heartOriginally posted by petti:Like i said it earlier, and i shall say it again, the question is never about trust.
the question is where do i stand in his heart when he knew that i have been dying for a holiday, if i miss this opportunity, i cant do it until next year, yet when i first asked him, he said he was busy but could join his friends for praying. knowing that i am really upset about it despite i did not kick up a fuss (he saw me tearing telling my fren once), why is he turning a blind eye to my unhappiness?
Where do i stand?
Your problem is that you love him more than he loves you and you are willing to think that you trust him so much.
If he cares about you he will take good care of you instead of leaving you behind.
Is up to you since you are the one who will be suffering from it not us.
some small advice.
Since such a small thing like bringing you to a holiday he also hack care. What do you think when you 2 get married? -
Well, perhaps that is how he keeps you planted to the ground instead of flying off elsewhere without him. By giving you last minute plans, he know you can't go anywhere other than stay put and wait for him.Originally posted by petti:Yes, guess if his away is not during my vacation, things would be much better. And if he had told me in advance (despite impossible, cos his trip is such a last minute one), i will be in europe now.
Just let him know for his next prayer trip, he will have to schedule it in advance, and not be during your vacation time.
After this incident, and after you have voiced out your thoughts and requests, if he still remains so thick headed, then perhaps it is really time you question your standing in his heart.
This is perhaps a small little hiccups in your relationship. Let it pass.
(unless he's been doing this kinda crap many times before) -
X2.....Originally posted by hiphop2009:guys need a space of their own... -
TS,Originally posted by petti:my friends noticed that i have been men men bu le lately and asked me why last night. i think i have been unhappy because of my boyfren.
i am on leave lately for about 1 month. being a holiday lover, i asked my boyfren to go holiday with me. but he said he is really busy, despite disappointment as my next leave will be next year, so we only settled for a 3 day 2 night weekend getaway.
but he then arranged with his frenz to go to bangkok say to pray pray during this one month. i was naturally unhappy, but i kept quiet, and said i wanna go since i love holiday. but he said no, said the journey is to pray, will be too tiring and i wont enjoy it. and all guys, i wont like it. since he was so insistence that i should not go, i did not insist.
now that he is there, despite trying to accept it, i think i am really unhappy. i have been off colour, i didnt notice until my friends pointed it to me. and they go party there everynight, where got too tiring? i think. why cant i go? plus i am on one month leave, which only happens once a year, why wouldnt he understand why i want to go?
i dont know. i am typing here because i really men men bu le. please do not flame me, if you wanna help, talk sense into me instead of flaming me.
While the advice on not trusting guys who will come back with HIV and stuff like this are well-meaning, since you said you trust your guy, I will take it that he is to be trusted.
In that case, perhaps one reason why your bf wants to go to Bangkok with his friend is because he needs that personal space.
No doubt, he made a mistake by overlooking the fact that you really love to be on holiday with him at this point, and the fact that you have taken one whole month's holiday, and itching to go somewhere.
Perhaps he doesn't know it means a lot to you for you to tour the world with your loved one, that's him.
Back to the personal space thing, sometimes we guys do need total time off, that is, time without having to worry about our gf's concerns, comments, and moods.
When I was younger, I used to not really like my gf tagging me along with outings with my guy friends, because somehow they found it harder to talk to me, and I find it harder to give my full attention in guy banter.
Occasionally, when other guys bring their gfs along, my gf will find some reason not to be too happy at the other girls, often rightly so, but it adds to the "pressure" of the situation, which makes it a very dampening thing.
Sometimes all we guys want is a chill-out moment, talk crap session, and I hope you realise that doesn't necessarily take away the fact that he loves you.
Instead of being upset and angry at him, perhaps you need to talk to him about his needs for personal space, as well as your disappointment at being shortchanged this time around, so that he doesn't make the same mistake next time around.
No guy is perfect from the start, therefore make your guy perfect by telling him what your needs are in a non-offensive manner. -
Actually, girls also need personal space, not just guys.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:TS,
While the advice on not trusting guys who will come back with HIV and stuff like this are well-meaning, since you said you trust your guy, I will take it that he is to be trusted.
In that case, perhaps one reason why your bf wants to go to Bangkok with his friend is because he needs that personal space.
No doubt, he made a mistake by overlooking the fact that you really love to be on holiday with him at this point, and the fact that you have taken one whole month's holiday, and itching to go somewhere.
Perhaps he doesn't know it means a lot to you for you to tour the world with your loved one, that's him.
Back to the personal space thing, sometimes we guys do need total time off, that is, time without having to worry about our gf's concerns, comments, and moods.
When I was younger, I used to not really like my gf tagging me along with outings with my guy friends, because somehow they found it harder to talk to me, and I find it harder to give my full attention in guy banter.
Occasionally, when other guys bring their gfs along, my gf will find some reason not to be too happy at the other girls, often rightly so, but it adds to the "pressure" of the situation, which makes it a very dampening thing.
Sometimes all we guys want is a chill-out moment, talk crap session, and I hope you realise that doesn't necessarily take away the fact that he loves you.
Instead of being upset and angry at him, perhaps you need to talk to him about his needs for personal space, as well as your disappointment at being shortchanged this time around, so that he doesn't make the same mistake next time around.
No guy is perfect from the start, therefore make your guy perfect by telling him what your needs are in a non-offensive manner.
So why do guys restrict their girls from traveling ?
Kinda double standard isn't it ? -
he came back last nite and we met up today.
he said he could sense that i was unhappy during his numerous phone calls to me in bangkok. i tried explaining why i was unhappy. and he said that i dont trust him, i tried many times that i do trust him, and also tried to explain why i was unhappy. but he just insisted that i dont trust him.
he said i have to understand how important his career is to him and i have to understand he has to go. i said i understand and i tried to explain why i was unhappy again, but it just wont go through. and he said i have to understand how important his career is to him and i have to understand he has to go. and he cant afford to understand why i am unhappy. he said since i am so unhapy we should take a break and cool down, he doesnt want to see me unhapy. so i agreed and was firm to break off despite he tried to strike more conversation before i left. -
He refused to validate your feelings.Originally posted by petti:he came back last nite and we met up today.
he said he could sense that i was unhappy during his numerous phone calls to me in bangkok. i tried explaining why i was unhappy. and he said that i dont trust him, i tried many times that i do trust him, and also tried to explain why i was unhappy. but he just insisted that i dont trust him.
he said i have to understand how important his career is to him and i have to understand he has to go. i said i understand and i tried to explain why i was unhappy again, but it just wont go through. and he said i have to understand how important his career is to him and i have to understand he has to go. and he cant afford to understand why i am unhappy. he said since i am so unhapy we should take a break and cool down, he doesnt want to see me unhapy. so i agreed and was firm to break off despite he tried to strike more conversation before i left.
Did he agree that this same situation will not happen again ?
That he will schedule the prayer visits not to clash with your holidays next time ?
Let him some time to think about this issue. -
A relationship is about 2 people, where mutual understanding is required. when one party has already decided that what he has take priority, without even bothering about understanding the feelings and thoughts about the other party, where will this relation ship head?
I am a very modern woman, yet with traditional values. A man's role is to protect his woman, while her role is to support him. I do not see how he protects me or will protect me when there is no even intention to understand. -
Yes, I agree , totally.Originally posted by petti:A relationship is about 2 people, where mutual understanding is required. when one party has already decided that what he has take priority, without even bothering about understanding the feelings and thoughts about the other party, where will this relation ship head?
I am a very modern woman, yet with traditional values. A man's role is to protect his woman, while her role is to support him. I do not see how he protects me or will protect me when there is no even intention to understand.
He seems to only wants you to understand him, but not wanting to even understand your feelings.
You seem a reasonable woman.
I wonder, if you are settling for someone lower than you.
When I dated a guy with a lower education than myself, this is the same situation I get. Perhaps it is the same with you now.
Now that I upgraded to a guy with more maturity and education, these problems don't surface at all. -
TS, some of the forumites here have a point,
I for one believe that no relationship will work without trust... hence i trusted too much...
now i learn that what i held onto, "his words" believing that he "won't lie to me" may be just being plain naive....
i don't know what to tell you, other than that in a relationship, things gotta balance.
If u find that you are always the one accomodating to him, and he's not willing to sacrifice somethings for you, then think again!!!
he made an obvious CHOICE (IMO) to go on a "pray pray" trip with his friends, and not on a longer holiday with you.
and an even more obvious CHOICE (Still IMO) to not let you go along.
take this time alone to think.
write down all the FACTs that you know. all the complains u may have deep in your heart.
then read it, pretend that this letter is from a friend complaining to you abt her bf. read it objectively. -
you won't get everything you want in the world...
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hmm his trip is for business purpose or for pleasure?Originally posted by petti:he came back last nite and we met up today.
he said he could sense that i was unhappy during his numerous phone calls to me in bangkok. i tried explaining why i was unhappy. and he said that i dont trust him, i tried many times that i do trust him, and also tried to explain why i was unhappy. but he just insisted that i dont trust him.
he said i have to understand how important his career is to him and i have to understand he has to go. i said i understand and i tried to explain why i was unhappy again, but it just wont go through. and he said i have to understand how important his career is to him and i have to understand he has to go. and he cant afford to understand why i am unhappy. he said since i am so unhapy we should take a break and cool down, he doesnt want to see me unhapy. so i agreed and was firm to break off despite he tried to strike more conversation before i left.
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this trip is to go with his frenz to pray for career.Originally posted by rainee:hmm his trip is for business purpose or for pleasure? -
Huh! Zarkie, you love single life, so you want to leave me alone.Originally posted by Zarks:mayb TS's bf already promised his fren to go Thailand 1st?or wat?
Sigh,, why dont u talk to him bout this.. just tell him how u feel... if you kept it inside.. u wont b happy and might not know the truth...
sigh, thats y i love single life.. for now..
Ok, next time we go out, i order single scoop ice-cream for you just to make you happy. -
I think it is nonsense he won't even consider bringing you along. Why can't you go with him together to pray? And if he says it will be tiring for you, how would he know? He is not you, after all.Originally posted by petti:this trip is to go with his frenz to pray for career. -
In that case, why prayer cannot ask you to go meh? Both of you can pray for love forever, happiness and peace.Originally posted by petti:this trip is to go with his frenz to pray for career.