Breakup
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I can't help but feel there are some parts "missing" in this story.
Which is probably what led to the other comments about the TS being a jerk.
Basic Cynicism 101.
But the point isn't what he has/hasn't done.
Or what SHE has or hasn't done.
The topic that should be focused on is "How does one move on"...
TS,
You (and so many others before you) have found yourself in a situation where a big part & routine in your life has ended.
The "Big Void in the heart" that many refer to basically means "spare time".
Thus, Time Managment is probably the best solution for you at the moment.
Keep yourself busy and find new ways to fill in the time that used to be dedicated to the routine of the relationship you had with said ex-girlfriend.
Many like to say this is easier said than done(again...unecessary cynicism)...but everyone knows it isn't impossible.
During this time management, it is vital that you cut all contact with the EX as she seems to be the type of girl who thinks with her heart,not her head.
If she has any sense at all, she will not complicate matters any further (especially since she has chosen to move on) and leave you to rebuild your life....one that doesn't revolve around her.
During the periods where you find the urge to reminisce about the past with her, focus on points that you can take out of this "big experience" in your life and how you can use these points to better understand yourself,your limitations,your expectations and tell yourself that "these points serve as a lesson...to better yourself for the next person who WILL come along and love you as much as you WILL love them.
Wallowing in self-pity will not help you in any way, and should be avoided.
Everytime you feel the need to classify yourself as a "victim" in life, you strip away a part of your own self esteem (knowingly or unknowingly).
DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. -
she got bored of u. Come on men, try not to be too nice to ur girlfriend if not u are getting bored. U must be funny, a joy source , realiable , stable , money loaded, full of life and friend without her ( tat means tell her story about ur friends , make her know that u are extrovert). Get these thing in place, u will have a girl beside u forever. Are u boring. YES I BET 1 million in. Now switch ur role with ur girlfriend, if u had a boyfriend like u , will u get bored. YES . Think about it. U ARE BORING SHIT CHANGED IT.
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Wha, u r a very lor sor man, long winded men, i think if i am yr gf, i will also leave you for good, so long winded...keep it short, sharp and straight to the point will do yaOriginally posted by L.o.s.t:Broke up with my gf almost 3 weeks ago..
We had a wonderful time (almost 14 months) together. IÂ’m not those romantic type nor not good looking.. So I gave in everything she wanted to her.. what she wanted, I will get it for her, what she need to do, I will try to assist her or help help her to do it. We spent all our time together. I was in the final yr of my uni while she was in her second yr. I moved back to hall for the first sem to spend more time with her as she was just staying outside school while I stay near central area. Finally in my last sem, I got a single room, she moved in with me and it was almost the feeling of being husband and wife as we would do everything together as we are beside each other 24/7. We talked of getting engaged once she graduate and getting married once she completes her masters. She always said she was very sure that IÂ’m the one for her.
I graduated and went back to complete the last 3 months of my NS as I was a disruptee. She had a part time job but we will still meet everyday either to go out for dinner or shopping (she loves shopping and we would go out everyday last time).. Before ord, I got a job and everything seemed so right and wonderful.. Then suddenly one month ago, I was at her house on Sunday as usual to accompany her for dinner (she usually skips her meals if she doesnÂ’t have anyone to accompany her as both her parents are working and her sis is also lazy). She said that she donno the feeling of being single as she had been in quite a lot of r/s before and she was too young to commit (she have a lot of male frens ard her). I asked her if she was thinking of breaking up but she said she still wanna to be with me. She even left an alarm in my phone saying that she will love me forever and ever..
The next day, she started to tell me not to look for her after work (I used to go find her in school after work everyday), saying that she is busy with her school stuffs, it is very tiring for me and we can always meet up during the weekend.. I was reluctant as I was not really used not seeing her but tot it would be good as she can concentrate on her school work and I can concentrate on my new job too. But we would still talk on the phone as usual (we talk every night before we sleep), saying that we missed each other and lets go for a movie as we had only watched one movie together Icoz she only wanted to shop whenever we went out). I went to find the timings but in the end she complained that she had too much work and postponed the event. Asked her out for a quick dinner but she said sheÂ’s tired. Wanted to takeaway dinner to her house like what I would do during exams last time but she refused too. Then came Friday and I went back sch to find her as I bought something from candy empire for her. I didnÂ’t tell her that I was going to look for her but I asked her fren where they were.
When I appeared, she looked shocked and turned to her fren saying ‘F, why is he here? What happened to ******?’ I was quite shocked by her behavior and naturally I wasn’t happy. The dinner was also weird as she behaved strangely. She explained later that nite that she was afraid that ****** (a fren who her fren intro to her and they were quite closed to each other now as she hate to study alone and ****** will accompany her as he stays in hall) will not have any seats as we were taking her fren’s car out for dinner and there were quite a few of us. I tot its funny as we used to squeeze more ppl in the car before. Then I asked her about our plans to go out the next day but she said that she’s meeting her ex and she will be tired after that. I don’t wanna force her but was very upset actually as I was looking forward to Sat and partly of what happened in school. Sat passed and came Sunday, she called me at 4pm saying that I don’t need to buy her dinner, she can take care of herself.. so I went to take a nap.. she called me at 419 saying that she had no more feelings for me and she wanna break up. I was stunned and never said much. She said she’s sorry. -
ya la i can guess her girlfriend leaves him is because he is monotonus in life. a boring gay
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What has being monotonous/boring got to do with being gay?Originally posted by xcloud23x:ya la i can guess her girlfriend leaves him is because he is monotonus in life. a boring gay
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i think you'll have to accept the breakup first before attempting to recover from it.
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Hey TS,
Things happen in the relationship, things change... there's no prevention for that,
were you a jerk? were you a nice guy? was she the bitch? was she the nice one? all these qns only the 2 of u can answer.
What I think is that in any relationship, there is no ONE person who IS the Jerk, and ONE nice person. I believe itÂ’s a little of bothÂ… like in this situation I acted like a jerk, but I was nice in the other situationÂ…
Unlike jojo, I do believe that even if the guy is a nice guy (in general), the gal may still leave.... this is compactibility, chemistry, or as T.Ryousuke mentioned, the Xfactor...
It happened to me once, my ex was pretty much Mr Niceguy, donÂ’t get me wrong, he has his temper too and we do quarrel, but he will do whatever in his power to give in to meÂ…. He was willing to change for me. But the thing is, the more he is willing to change, the more he gave in, the more I felt like a bitch, I felt demanding, and selfish, and in turn I hated myself.
So I ended it, I decided that I Need someone who will stand up to my demands, and not give in all the time, I need someone whoÂ’ll love himself more so that he will not be ever-willing to change everything abt himself for my sake.
I donÂ’t know if this makes sense to u, but that was my side of the breakup. -
What you really wanted was someone who will give you what you need without having to demand and biatch for it.Originally posted by smudgey:Unlike jojo, I do believe that even if the guy is a nice guy (in general), the gal may still leave.... this is compactibility, chemistry, or as T.Ryousuke mentioned, the Xfactor...
It happened to me once, my ex was pretty much Mr Niceguy, donÂ’t get me wrong, he has his temper too and we do quarrel, but he will do whatever in his power to give in to meÂ…. He was willing to change for me. But the thing is, the more he is willing to change, the more he gave in, the more I felt like a bitch, I felt demanding, and selfish, and in turn I hated myself.
So I ended it, I decided that I Need someone who will stand up to my demands, and not give in all the time, I need someone whoÂ’ll love himself more so that he will not be ever-willing to change everything abt himself for my sake.
I donÂ’t know if this makes sense to u, but that was my side of the breakup.
Because the moment you open your mouth to ask for that special request, it has lost it's rightful meaning.
Your departure with that ex, had a lot more to do with disappointment than anything else.
You are just tired of having to tell him what you want, even on issues which are to you, relationship common sense which we thought they should know.
We want someone who knows how to handle us. Not a robot to do our bidding. -
you are only PARTIALLY correct.Originally posted by jojobeach:What you really wanted was someone who will give you what you need without having to demand and biatch for it.
Because the moment you open your mouth to ask for that special request, it has lost it's rightful meaning.
Your departure with that ex, had a lot more to do with disappointment than anything else.
You are just tired of having to tell him what you want, even on issues which are to you, relationship common sense which we thought they should know.
We want someone who knows how to handle us. Not a robot to do our bidding.
that's what most gals want...
but if what i want and what i need is not what he is, If he has to change so much just to suit me, then what i want, or need is not him....
all relationships change us in one way or another, but if we have to change 180degrees, just to suit the other party, that's not worth it. -
i think its typo errorOriginally posted by Clandestine:What has being monotonous/boring got to do with being gay? 
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She's just infatuated with that guy, and wanted a new breathe of air.
Don't worry dude, I believe within 3 months she will be back to your side.
Don't lose hope! May the love be there forever. -
Love,
Isn't how much you show you can get
but how much you can give.
It's not about giving up but holding on.
Not about how you say "I love you"
but how you show it's true. -
Originally posted by L.o.s.t:I was in a state of shock after that.. She was already the main focus of my life.. Everything in my life revolved ard her.. After that, she msg me abit and I wished her luck for her upcoming quizzes. I missed her and would cry every night in bed. I didnÂ’t expect that things will end so abruptly. We went on like this until Sunday when she told me sheÂ’s going to a guyÂ’s house to watch a soccer game. I asked her why she din mentioned the guy to me before and she said heÂ’s juz a fren she known in sec sch. I was very upset as I canÂ’t imaging her to be with a guy even though they are only watching soccer.. I cried and she called me later saying that they were in a group and there are other guys ard too but they are all frens to her. She explained that the reasons that she wanna break up; sheÂ’s too young, she donÂ’t wanna me to wait for her in case she hurts me (seriously even at that time, I canÂ’t accept the truth). Finally, I made up my mind and wished her all the best for her future.
Hi Threadstarter,
But we would still sms each other .. I roughly accepted and was trying to get on my life. Then she msg me the next sunday saying that she juz wanted me to know that she missed me. I tot since she had a quiz the next day, she would skipped her dinner again. So I went to get dinner, snacks and herbal tea as she was complaining sheÂ’s unwell. I left the things outside her house and left. When I was at the void deck, I called her saying that I brought her dinner. She asked why I was there and since I was there, I should go find her. We went to her living room to watch tv while she ate her dinner. Then, she said she wanna study and lets go to her bedroom where she could study. I was abit reluctant as I think I should leave straight. But once she hugged me in her living room, I told her that I missed her. We kissed and hugged later (nothing more). She slept in my arms on her bed. Everything seems back to normal. I asked her if we would have a chance to be together again. She donÂ’t wanted to answer but I told her to say the truth. Either thereÂ’s chance or not. She replied therÂ’s chance but she donÂ’t wanna promise.
We would then sms and talk abit on the phone after that sun.. Then on wed, she told me she tink its really impossible between me and her and sheÂ’s sorry. She said sheÂ’s a bitch for doing such things to me. She appreciated everything that she did for me but she donÂ’t wanted hurt me anymore. I told her to meet up again to clear things up. The whole affair is dragging and its affecting both of us. Later that nite, she said she felt thereÂ’s nothing to talk. I got upset and I scolded her for toying with my feelings, she wasnÂ’t serious about out r/s, IÂ’m someone who does everything for her and the moment IÂ’m not in school, IÂ’m dumped. She put down the phone.
I made up my mind not to think of her anymore. Totally disappointed. I spent more time at work and tried to look around for some courses or volunteering work I can do since I have free time on my own now. My frens and some of her frens also consoled me saying that I will find a better gal next time. And I was actually feeling much better than I was previously. Then she called me on Sunday when I was out with my classmates saying that what I said was totally wrong, she really loved me that time. I tot that IÂ’m recovering but the call totally brought me back to the initial stage. We ended our conversation saying that good luck to each other and maybe we can meet on the next weekend as she wants to buy clothes. I din called her after that even though I still miss her but I was determined to stop it. She msn on Monday nite saying that sheÂ’s gonna fail her quiz and sheÂ’s not gonna make it.. as usual, I consoled her asking her to put in more effort and start her exam revision earlier. Upon hearing her voice, I canÂ’t help but think of our r/s again.. why everything turned out this way.
Then yesterday nite, she msn me saying that she is attached now. Her new bf is the ******. I already guessed it could be him but I canÂ’t help but felt that he is one of the reasons why we broke up. HeÂ’s always there for her while I can only see her at nite. But when I asked her if sheÂ’s happier with him than when she was with me and she said sheÂ’s happier when sheÂ’s with me.
I donno if I should be happy or sad. She was my first gf and I really loved her.. Even though I knew that her heart isnÂ’t with me anymore but I cannot accept it. Not especially when she got herself a bf so soon.. is this normal? The things and the feelings I have now? Are they all normal? Even her frens said that she was in the wrong, one even scolded her. I was very closed to her frens as I spent all my time with her and all her frens like me and said IÂ’m a very nice guy and my ex was very fortunate to meet me. But its all slant condolence to me now.. IÂ’m going crazy soon and there seems to be no end to this prob.
Can anyone here please help? Please
To me, she is a girl who doesn't know what she wants in life.
I don't know what went wrong between you and her, because you gave no indication of any quarrel, or any miscommunication, and everything seems to be so out of the blue.
I think she is very selfish in trying to keep you as a backup, while having a current bf. The words in bold strongly suggest that, and I am surprised nobody in this forum picked that up yet.
Who is she trying to fool, herself, TS, or her new bf?
In any relationship, there has to be give and take. You have put in your share, and I think smudgey has a point. Sometimes, if you give too much, the girl feels that it simply isn't right. Most girls want their man to love them and be their own person.
Whether you are good enough for her or not, is another story. But she shouldn't dangle carrots while eating another.
For now, please move on with your life. You deserve another type of girl. -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Jojo, I am surprised you react so strongly.
Be honest.
You were a jerk to her , that's why she left you.
Let's be very truthful now.
No woman will leave a man if he is such a nice guy as what you would hope to believe.
Once you have admitted that you've been a jerk to her, and that you deserved to be dumped. You will get over it faster.
Guys who pretend to be Mr Nice guy, is just what it is, FAKE.
So stop that "I'm such a nice guy, why did she has to leave me " Bull shiate. OK ?
Which areas of TS's text suggested that he's a jerk?
Yes, there are guys who are absolute jerks, but hey, some girls are not quite far away from that category too.
For your words in bold, sometimes women will leave men whom they think are not up to their standard, even though they are nice guys and not jerks.
To me, TS is simply unfortunate to be caught up with a girl who desires for greener pastures.
I wouldn't say seeking for greener pastures is wrong or right, in fact, if TS's girl doesn't like him, she should cut him off totally, like you seemed to indicated you have done before in your previous r/s, instead of wishywashy-ing and dangling so many carrots.
I thought girls like this are ....
... simply the female version of jerks. -
I think this makes a lot of sense, in TS's context.Originally posted by smudgey:Hey TS,
Things happen in the relationship, things change... there's no prevention for that,
were you a jerk? were you a nice guy? was she the bitch? was she the nice one? all these qns only the 2 of u can answer.
What I think is that in any relationship, there is no ONE person who IS the Jerk, and ONE nice person. I believe itÂ’s a little of bothÂ… like in this situation I acted like a jerk, but I was nice in the other situationÂ…
Unlike jojo, I do believe that even if the guy is a nice guy (in general), the gal may still leave.... this is compactibility, chemistry, or as T.Ryousuke mentioned, the Xfactor...
It happened to me once, my ex was pretty much Mr Niceguy, donÂ’t get me wrong, he has his temper too and we do quarrel, but he will do whatever in his power to give in to meÂ…. He was willing to change for me. But the thing is, the more he is willing to change, the more he gave in, the more I felt like a bitch, I felt demanding, and selfish, and in turn I hated myself.
So I ended it, I decided that I Need someone who will stand up to my demands, and not give in all the time, I need someone whoÂ’ll love himself more so that he will not be ever-willing to change everything abt himself for my sake.
I donÂ’t know if this makes sense to u, but that was my side of the breakup.
I have seen friends who try so hard with girls and yet all they come across is simply a nice guy.
I myself have found, in my idle youth, that trying to please girls too hard sometimes give them a feeling that I am mindless, of little backbone and am just a "robot".
TS, just be your own man, and find a simpler girl to love. -
Join the dark side.
It's already over. Might as well pick things up from here and get moving.
Forget about that playful woman.
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yea just be urself.... i did mistake on my 1st love also.. treated my ex too good... but wat to do , i was young tat time. and so i learnt my mistake
BE yourself is better than changing yourself for your gal.. love means live together accepting weakness and share everything..
But too bad.. some gals will talk stupid things like you're too good for her, she doesnt deserve this and that.. but in their mind , they jus wan to leave u..
all the talks makes no sense whenever gals talk this and that to leave the guy who really loves them..
For me, its all bullshyt
Dear TS. just forget that gal who doesnt appreciate all your effort... some gals just dont see guys effort and they somehow dont even do anything to show any effort
TS, nex time just be urself whenever u be with your future gal.. dont have to treat them too good. Be yourself is the best feeling you can get when u be with some1 u love.. if they cant accept that then leave them.. no point be together with some1 who cant accept who you are.. its just wasting time -
true la... no need to please gal very hard as if they are the queen.. Be yourself is the bestOriginally posted by ordinaryguy32:I think this makes a lot of sense, in TS's context.
I have seen friends who try so hard with girls and yet all they come across is simply a nice guy.
I myself have found, in my idle youth, that trying to please girls too hard sometimes give them a feeling that I am mindless, of little backbone and am just a "robot".
TS, just be your own man, and find a simpler girl to love.
Some gals like to seek attention , lie for fun and also take things for granted.. for these kind of ppl, theres no need to please them -
I agree with Zarks and Odinaryguy32,
Doing your best in a relationship, trying your best to keep it alive is one thing. ThereÂ’s nothing wrong with that.
You have to really know WHO you are. What makes you different from the guy next to you, what is it that makes you, you.
As I have mentioned, everyone will change when a relationship starts, we all have to make slight changes in our lives/characters to make room for your partnerÂ….
But there has to be a point/limit to how much you should changeÂ… thereÂ’s such a thing as changing TOO much, to a point, you lose the essence of WHO you areÂ…
And when you lose your essence, you’ll fade into the background, and your partner will once again feel like “where’s the man I fell for?” -
but when you are in a R/S
you tend to be more attentive, etc, cause she ur gf or sth
but wouldnt that, wouldnt that changed urself huh?
considering that she liked you in the first place cause you tease her or sth?
juz my 0.02 -
Hi guys, my apologies for another long post
IÂ’m nice to her coz she used to complain how her ex used to treat her and I would get angry at the things her ex did. Apparently this was the main reason why they broke up. ThatÂ’s y I know that I must be nice to her. My attachment colleagues always tell me not to always give in as she will take me for granted but I just couldnÂ’t help it. SheÂ’s my first gf and I really want our r/s to last.
To smudgey, I can understand how u felt. Coz tats what my gf told her frens and me. She felt that I have been giving in to much to her especially ever since I left school, to the extent of finding her everyday even though she knew that I were tired after work. But I did that coz she used to say that she wanted to see me everyday. Initially when we got together, those days where I went for my soccer or meet up with my frens, we will never fail to quarrel as she will kicked out a big fuss. But when I asked her to join us (for dinners), she will say that she is shy and she don wanna go. And the main reason why I gave in a lot to her when I graduated was becoz I don wanna her to feel tat IÂ’m a different person once I started working. We had limited time together, I really wanna her to feel that IÂ’m still the same person who cares about her.
IÂ’m tired of the whole thing. I know I canÂ’t bear to lose her but she told me last night that she thinks itÂ’s really over for us. She thinks itÂ’s not possible for our love to come back. She said she missed the times we spent together but she has no feelings for me anymore. She gave me this example; she used to like the titbit, hello panda a lot (I used to buy this very often for her) but now she said she don like it anymore. She said this is roughly how she feels now. I reminded her that she always said that she loves me more when I said I love her. She just replied that maybe her definition of love is different from me.
All my frens are telling me to give up on her while her frens told me to give her some time. But I guess its becoz they still donno sheÂ’s attached as she said she wanna me to be the first to know. I wanna end the whole thing but IÂ’m afraid that she might call me again and things will start from the beginning again. IÂ’m not trying to gain sympathy here but IÂ’m asking for advice on what I can do coz IÂ’m really lost and confused.
Sorry to bored u guys again -
tink the prime factor is tat u wasnt the guy she wanted... she like the new guy so she use all sorts of reasons to get rid of u... watever it is jz pickurself up n look ahead... now u can go for working gals tis time...
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Girls do change their mind regarding what they or they do not like very often.Originally posted by L.o.s.t:Hi guys, my apologies for another long post
IÂ’m nice to her coz she used to complain how her ex used to treat her and I would get angry at the things her ex did. Apparently this was the main reason why they broke up. ThatÂ’s y I know that I must be nice to her. My attachment colleagues always tell me not to always give in as she will take me for granted but I just couldnÂ’t help it. SheÂ’s my first gf and I really want our r/s to last.
To smudgey, I can understand how u felt. Coz tats what my gf told her frens and me. She felt that I have been giving in to much to her especially ever since I left school, to the extent of finding her everyday even though she knew that I were tired after work. But I did that coz she used to say that she wanted to see me everyday. Initially when we got together, those days where I went for my soccer or meet up with my frens, we will never fail to quarrel as she will kicked out a big fuss. But when I asked her to join us (for dinners), she will say that she is shy and she don wanna go. And the main reason why I gave in a lot to her when I graduated was becoz I don wanna her to feel tat IÂ’m a different person once I started working. We had limited time together, I really wanna her to feel that IÂ’m still the same person who cares about her.
IÂ’m tired of the whole thing. I know I canÂ’t bear to lose her but she told me last night that she thinks itÂ’s really over for us. She thinks itÂ’s not possible for our love to come back. She said she missed the times we spent together but she has no feelings for me anymore. She gave me this example; she used to like the titbit, hello panda a lot (I used to buy this very often for her) but now she said she don like it anymore. She said this is roughly how she feels now. I reminded her that she always said that she loves me more when I said I love her. She just replied that maybe her definition of love is different from me.
All my frens are telling me to give up on her while her frens told me to give her some time. But I guess its becoz they still donno sheÂ’s attached as she said she wanna me to be the first to know. I wanna end the whole thing but IÂ’m afraid that she might call me again and things will start from the beginning again. IÂ’m not trying to gain sympathy here but IÂ’m asking for advice on what I can do coz IÂ’m really lost and confused.
Sorry to bored u guys again
To me, the titbit, hello panda thing are just convenient excuses.
There is something she doesn't like you about, but she herself cannot/is unwilling to tell you.
The fact that she said she missed your good times together signified that she still liked something about you, but not enough to want to be with you.
She's being fickle, she's afraid she might not find a better guy, but at the same time she doesn't want to let go of you totally for fear of loneliness or looking like a loser.
She's being selfish, because in doing so, she cares not about your inner torment.
To strengthen your resolve, try changing your phone number. Don't have to let her know about it.
And go out to meet other girls. There are plenty of sweet demure pretty girls out there wanting a Prince Charming.
Life is full of options, pal.
You'll get over it. -
That's not considered changing yourself.Originally posted by yiha093:but when you are in a R/S
you tend to be more attentive, etc, cause she ur gf or sth
but wouldnt that, wouldnt that changed urself huh?
considering that she liked you in the first place cause you tease her or sth?
juz my 0.02
Changing yourself in an unhealthy manner means that your needs go unfulfilled.
Paying for a meal, sending a girl home, and buying her gifts are simple acts of love.
But forcing yourself to accompany her when you are dead tired is giving in, and stressing yourself too much, and at the same time putting pressure on the girl to be grateful about it, when she may not be. -
Originally posted by L.o.s.t:
Lost,
To smudgey, I can understand how u felt. Coz tats what my gf told her frens and me. [b]She felt that I have been giving in to much to her especially ever since I left school, to the extent of finding her everyday even though she knew that I were tired after work. But I did that coz she used to say that she wanted to see me everyday. Initially when we got together, those days where I went for my soccer or meet up with my frens, we will never fail to quarrel as she will kicked out a big fuss. But when I asked her to join us (for dinners), she will say that she is shy and she don wanna go. And the main reason why I gave in a lot to her when I graduated was becoz I don wanna her to feel tat IÂ’m a different person once I started working. We had limited time together, I really wanna her to feel that IÂ’m still the same person who cares about her.
[/b]
the words in bold is your answer.
She has already given u your answer "She thinks itÂ’s not possible for our love to come back"
Look at it this way. Right now she says what she can't take is the fact u keep giving in to her. - you can tell her that you will Stop giving into her..... but isn't that changing yourself once again to suit her?
I do believe, that there's always a point in the relationship that once passed, nothing can rekindle the love again.
I know it's hard, but pls move on.