Parental Control.
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I'm 17/f this year, but my parents keep a tight control over me. I got two younger brothers. I tried to be a good daughter, I gave in to their every wants and tried to obey them. Everyday I come home after school, and don't even go out on weekends because thats what they wanted.
I pass every exams and did fairly well to get on smoothly in my education journey, and ended up getting into a junior college against my wish. My parents opposed to me going poly as they think that poly is not a good route. They expect the best from me, in studies wise and behaviour, but doesn't expect anything from my younger brother.
I failed badly for my jc, and I didn't know what how to tell my parents that. My mum die die also want me to promote, retain is like disgrace to the family, as so she sees it. And until know, I don't know how to tell it to her.
My mum is extremely bias to my younger brother, but I tried to live with it. The treatment we have is totally different, she shouts at me over the slightest thing, but talks to my brother very nicely. She doesn't let me out because she sees no need in it, but let my younger brother out. Even going back to school during the holidays, she demands a proof like a teacher acknowledged form or something.
Recently they went to print out my detailed phone list, showing all the calls I made and recieved for no apparent reason. I did not overspend on my bill either. I don't know what for, than my mum starts scolding me and saying that I am making use of my parents and that I am just putting on an act to be obedient and stuff. She claims that she is the best parent around, and I should count myself lucky. My mum thinks that she is always right, and recently she refuse to talk to me or even respond to me. I feel hurt, and it bothers me a lot.
I don't know what she wants from me, all she ever do is to shout at every single thing I do. I can't even go out, I don't know what to do at all. The last time I tried leaving house at 15, my parents caught me. During that 2 months school holiday I was kept at home. My handphone got confiscated, I couldn't use the computer and cannot step out of the house at all. From than on she keeps threatening me with the police and girls home. And claimed that I am beyond parental control.
I don't know where I went wrong. I tried talking to my mum, but she just won't hear of it. She say she will trust me, but it goes back to square one after some time. I feel like she's driving me up to the wall, and I got nowhere to go. Everything I do is wrong, talking back seems useless. I feel like I'm trap in a confined space, unable to take a step foward or backward.
And today she warned me if I were to step out of the house, she will call the police immediately. I cannot take it anymore. 17 years, and I really cannot stand it but I really don't know what else to do.
Any help...?
sorry for the long entry.
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eh, i cant think of any good ways to help u, except chatting with the forumites here in sgforums.
serious -
I think you and your parents really need to seek some professional help.
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Before I say anything further.Originally posted by tjrain:I'm 17/f this year, but my parents keep a tight control over me. I got two younger brothers. I tried to be a good daughter, I gave in to their every wants and tried to obey them. Everyday I come home after school, and don't even go out on weekends because thats what they wanted.
I pass every exams and did fairly well to get on smoothly in my education journey, and ended up getting into a junior college against my wish. My parents opposed to me going poly as they think that poly is not a good route. They expect the best from me, in studies wise and behaviour, but doesn't expect anything from my younger brother.
I failed badly for my jc, and I didn't know what how to tell my parents that. My mum die die also want me to promote, retain is like disgrace to the family, as so she sees it. And until know, I don't know how to tell it to her.
My mum is extremely bias to my younger brother, but I tried to live with it. The treatment we have is totally different, she shouts at me over the slightest thing, but talks to my brother very nicely. She doesn't let me out because she sees no need in it, but let my younger brother out. Even going back to school during the holidays, she demands a proof like a teacher acknowledged form or something.
Recently they went to print out my detailed phone list, showing all the calls I made and recieved for no apparent reason. I did not overspend on my bill either. I don't know what for, than my mum starts scolding me and saying that I am making use of my parents and that I am just putting on an act to be obedient and stuff. She claims that she is the best parent around, and I should count myself lucky. My mum thinks that she is always right, and recently she refuse to talk to me or even respond to me. I feel hurt, and it bothers me a lot.
I don't know what she wants from me, all she ever do is to shout at every single thing I do. I can't even go out, I don't know what to do at all. The last time I tried leaving house at 15, my parents caught me. During that 2 months school holiday I was kept at home. My handphone got confiscated, I couldn't use the computer and cannot step out of the house at all. From than on she keeps threatening me with the police and girls home. And claimed that I am beyond parental control.
I don't know where I went wrong. I tried talking to my mum, but she just won't hear of it. She say she will trust me, but it goes back to square one after some time. I feel like she's driving me up to the wall, and I got nowhere to go. Everything I do is wrong, talking back seems useless. I feel like I'm trap in a confined space, unable to take a step foward or backward.
And today she warned me if I were to step out of the house, she will call the police immediately. I cannot take it anymore. 17 years, and I really cannot stand it but I really don't know what else to do.
Any help...?
sorry for the long entry.
Have you spoken to your father? Does he listen to you? The reason why I am asking is because you appear to be focusing on your mother and nothing is said about your father.
With an environment like that, I can see why you don't do well in JC. Your mom sounds rather controlling. In a way , she is overprotective of you because you are a girl ( "easier to get into the 9 months problem , if you get what I mean" ). -
hmm. sounds familiar.
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I guess I am luckier because I have a foul temper.
The girls' home threat - from what I read , your mom loves "face". As for the threat , it is unlikely. She seems rather paranoid when it comes to you and like I said earlier ...it is because you are a girl. -
I think you have reached the age where u can at least decide for ur own... I think you mum is way X >100 too protective of you.
Did sth happen in the past =s?
Try seeking ur relative's help? Maybe teacher could help too. If she don't allow you to go out... how to meet up and do projects with ur friends? You need ur own life... you're big enough now... stand up and clarify ur emotions and thoughts all that with ur parents. I don't think you should be staying at home all the time... you should go out, meet up with friends, catch a movie, go zoo =S .... Don't waste precious time away~~!! You can't get it back.... -
Based on your nick, just curious, are you from 'tjc' ?
I seriously think your mum needs counselling or something. I think she's way over the league of overprotectiveness. Try approaching a teacher, or some other adult whom you trust and tell them your problem. I am sure you have got relatives, like uncles and aunts who would be concerned about you right ? But just remember you are not out in this world to be alone like how you are feeling right now. There will always be people who will love you and care for you want to help you. -
hey. about the results.....
sit down and tell your parents calmly...
that even if you got promoted, you wouldn't make it for the a levels...
why not just repeat j1 and consolidate your content? you can also read up jc2 stuff at your leisure, which ensures a slower learning pace and all.... -
My dad listens to my mum, and I tried talking to him. He tried reasoning with my mum, but my mum just shouts at him and said 'no'. And thats basically the end of it.
My mum thinks that if my cousins can get promoted to jc2, and if people around me can do it, why can't I do it.
Its no use talking, she just shouts and thinks that she is right all the time. -
do you really want to be retained? or are you just wanting because of your mum? do you think you can do well if you buck up and study hard for th A's?
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do your friends know about this situation between you and your mom?
how are your relationships like with your friends? (esp since your mom doesnt let you out...)
how about teachers? is there one you can talk to about you not being able to promote to J2 and that your mom most probably will not accept it...
try the school counsellor. he/she will be able to get in touch with your mom and try to talk to her.
or you can try to write a letter to your mom. explaining how you feel etc. but if you ever want to do that, think before you write and choose your words carefully... -
Ok. I think it is time for you to go out with your father for coffee and have a heart to heart chat with him. Tell him what you told us. Cry, wail , do what you have to get him to stand the ground with your mother. I don't know the whole story but if you are a good kid , your dad sees that , he will help you out.Originally posted by tjrain:My dad listens to my mum, and I tried talking to him. He tried reasoning with my mum, but my mum just shouts at him and said 'no'. And thats basically the end of it.
My mum thinks that if my cousins can get promoted to jc2, and if people around me can do it, why can't I do it.
Its no use talking, she just shouts and thinks that she is right all the time.
From what I know of my dad when I was a troublemaking teenager, my dad didn't want to interfere til it gets very bad because apparently my mom can chant for 3 days nonstop at him and he didn't want to ursurp the mothering role. Might be the same case with your dad - I am just taking a wild guess here. -
sounds like overprotective family... get some social services person to help u out...
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tell her she cant report to the police unless ur missing for 24 hours.
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Please lor... you have good parents... me had to pay for everything I want to get, game consoles, handphone and bills...
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Did she complain about allowance???Originally posted by caleb_chiang:Please lor... you have good parents... me had to pay for everything I want tget, game consoles, handphone and bills...
She is complaining about the tight rein the parents have on her, and given that,doubt she is allowed to make too many calls either.
What has your "working hard to satisfy your material needs" got to do with her issue?
I doubt she can work part time anyway since she is not allowed out of the house. -
Even good parents make mistakes.Originally posted by caleb_chiang:Please lor... you have good parents... me had to pay for everything I want to get, game consoles, handphone and bills...
My parents made me pay for everything I want to get as well. My parents are not bad parents - they just want me to learn the value of money and how hard it is to earn.
So don't complain. If you want luxuries than necessities , work to pay for them then. -
this is around my situation.
1.speak to ur dad.
2.talk logically with ur mom (not the repetitive stuff)
3.drastic changes which may infuriate her
that is what i did, sadly the first 2 did not change my mom's mindset so i took the third. -
tjrain,
You are at an age when most doting parents would be sharpening their axes to ward off lecherous men, because you are blossoming into a woman.
A very critical period of time, if they do it right, they will either make you or break you.
I reckon you must be some what "pretty".
AND
I reckon your family falls under the middle-upper to upper class category.
Your mom is ... possibly... being controlling... maaayyybe protective. But the right word is "Insulating". Typical practice of parents in those categories.
Your mom has good reason to push you into JC-Uni path.
Guess where Kate Middleton meets Prince William ?
Now, you heard of those stories , 19 year old with great potential quit school because her boyfriend refused to use condoms and gave birth to a baby whom her own parents have to adopt, TWICE ? Sounds familiar ? Yep, that was my mom.
Think about it for a minute. What would you do if you have a daughter of your own whom you loves very much. when she is your age, how will you handle her?
Will you let her do what she wants with her life, and PRAY that she will not end up a pregnant teenager and drop out of her possibly glamorous destiny to destroy her life because of some naive decisions ? -
Originally posted by jojobeach:
A poly grad can also go to University and do well . And Kate Middleton met Prince William in University not in some high school or college. Your point exactly?
tjrain,
You are at an age when most doting parents would be sharpening their axes to ward off lecherous men, because you are blossoming into a woman.
A very critical period of time, if they do it right, they will either make you or break you.
I reckon you must be some what "pretty".
AND
I reckon your family falls under the middle-upper to upper class category.
Your mom is ... possibly... being controlling... maaayyybe protective. But the right word is "Insulating". Typical practice of parents in those categories.
Your mom has good reason to push you into JC-Uni path.
Guess where Kate Middleton meets Prince William ?
Now, you heard of those stories , 19 year old with great potential quit school because her boyfriend refused to use condoms and gave birth to a baby whom her own parents have to adopt, TWICE ? Sounds familiar ? Yep, that was my mom.
Think about it for a minute. What would you do if you have a daughter of your own whom you loves very much. when she is your age, how will you handle her?
Her mom may have a good reason to push her into the time old route of JC-Uni but if you read further, she is not doing well in JC . So that does not help her at all into that route.
The thing is I don't know the whole story and neither do you, best way is to get her to talk to her dad because he will have the experience of her relationship with her mother. -
if her mum doesnt let her go out, does that count as wrongful restrainment?
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agreed in some ways but i guess some parents do it the wrong way.Originally posted by jojobeach:tjrain,
You are at an age when most doting parents would be sharpening their axes to ward off lecherous men, because you are blossoming into a woman.
A very critical period of time, if they do it right, they will either make you or break you.
I reckon you must be some what "pretty".
AND
I reckon your family falls under the middle-upper to upper class category.
Your mom is ... possibly... being controlling... maaayyybe protective. But the right word is "Insulating". Typical practice of parents in those categories.
Your mom has good reason to push you into JC-Uni path.
Guess where Kate Middleton meets Prince William ?
Now, you heard of those stories , 19 year old with great potential quit school because her boyfriend refused to use condoms and gave birth to a baby whom her own parents have to adopt, TWICE ? Sounds familiar ? Yep, that was my mom.
Think about it for a minute. What would you do if you have a daughter of your own whom you loves very much. when she is your age, how will you handle her?
for your education, i agree, JC uni route might nt suit everybody, but i guess u have your own rights to choose your own path.
sadly, many parents still thinks that JC uni is the best route. i think your mum needs to look at the world clearly with alternative pair of eyes.
DISGRACE? you will be comforted to noe i am a retain JC student in the past (in poly now), and yet i am doing okok in poly now. i once think that, omg, so diu lian being retained but my parents didnt think it was diu lian.
let me say this in CAPS: PARENTS OUT THERE, RETAINING IS NOT A DISGRACE! YOUR CHILD NEED YOUR SUPPORT!
"You are at an age when most doting parents would be sharpening their axes to ward off lecherous men, because you are blossoming into a woman.
A very critical period of time, if they do it right, they will either make you or break you."
i agree. which parents with daughters wouldnt be afraid?
but some parents simply control them with their freedom and thats it.
from my opinion, i think it shld be reminders, nt scolding and restricting. the more u control, the more they wan to fly. true, i agree that when the child has just entered sec sch, tighter control is very impt, but when the child has reached 16 or 17, he or she shld be give some freedom and learn how to use and NOT abuse it.
i do not know if you are "pretty" that your mum thinks that u will attract those humsup guys, but i say that your looks shld not be an issue. i noe a lot of pretty girls who doesnt have this problem.
i suggest u take this problem with an open heart. talk to ur mum, ur dad, ur bro. your teachers
. they cant control you forever de right?
cheerup! so ya, u retaining? or can promote for ur studies? -
Originally posted by fymk:
Her mom does not know she is not doing well in her JC.
A poly grad can also go to University and do well . And Kate Middleton met Prince William in University not in some high school or college. [b]Your point exactly?
Her mom may have a good reason to push her into the time old route of JC-Uni but if you read further, she is not doing well in JC . So that does not help her at all into that route.
The thing is I don't know the whole story and neither do you, best way is to get her to talk to her dad because he will have the experience of her relationship with her mother.[/b]
She did ask her dad for help and he couldn't be very helpful.
Yes, my point exactly. Social insulation. -
Just like some have said, I believe you need someone to help you out of this situation, because it'd be difficult for you to do this alone. Talk to a trustworthy adult. A teacher, a relative or a counsellor, anyone who can be seen as mature. Tell the person your problems and let him/her talk to your parents about it. Your parents are unable to accept your point of view because they may think that you're not mature enough. But they should be more willing to accept the advices of a person they see as mature.
It isn't right for parents to compare their children with those of their relatives. It's unfair as not everyone is intellectually-gifted. I believe they're forcing you to go through this because you're the eldest child and more so because you're female. As for the threats of calling the police and sending you to a girl's home, don't take them too seriously, 'cause I doubt your mum will bear to do what she say. And she probably won't since she cares about her face so much.