Parental Control.
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Encouraging TS to keep slamming herself against the wall is not very constructive either now, is it ?Originally posted by hiphop2009:i think TS will appreciate dat we give her constructive and useful comments. you are in no way helping her and sounds like her mother.
Let's face the fact, she cannot do it.
Why give her family false hope ?
Why pretend to be the star when she ain't cut out to be ?
Encouraging TS to go against her parents wishes are not very constructive either, correct ?
When relationship become strained, TS is the one facing them, not forumers like us.
Sure, we can cheer her on, teach her how to rebel against her own unreasonable parents, in the end, the one with a broken heart will be her parent, not ours.
After all, her parents are the one paying the bills, they are also the one putting TS through school.
She can blame her parents for not letting her have her way.
In the end, if life is no longer rosy, go blame them for making your life hell, that your life could have been better if they weren't so hard on you.
But is this truly justified ? Is this the way it has to be ?
Does TS has the confidence to do well in Poly ?
If she does, sure , full steam ahead.
If she fails, she will fall even harder than where she is heading now.
Don't let her parents have the chance to say " I told you so" in her face.
Like many who says, you choose your own path.
To TS,
Be honest to yourself, tell your parents the truth.
If you need to repeat your year 1, just do it.
If you cannot handle it, don't force yourself through just to please them.
It is better they re-evaluate their expectations of you now, rather than to realise their little bright star ain't that bright after all.
Giving them false hope is cruel. Because you know they love you very much.
It's too bad I sound like your mother, but honestly, I'm just asking you to be truthful to yourself.
You want freedom ? Fly like the birds? can you survive on your own yet ?
What is freedom when you cannot even stand on your own two feet ?
What kind of freedom will you get when you earn a meager income, making ends meet every day ? -
Nicely put. Some here ask her to actively seek freedom.Originally posted by jojobeach:Encouraging TS to keep slamming herself against the wall is not very constructive either now, is it ?
Let's face the fact, she cannot do it.
Why give her family false hope ?
Why pretend to be the star when she ain't cut out to be ?
Encouraging TS to go against her parents wishes are not very constructive either, correct ?
When relationship become strained, TS is the one facing them, not forumers like us.
Sure, we can cheer her on, teach her how to rebel against her own unreasonable parents, in the end, the one with a broken heart will be her parent, not ours.
After all, her parents are the one paying the bills, they are also the one putting TS through school.
She can blame her parents for not letting her have her way.
In the end, if life is no longer rosy, go blame them for making your life hell, that your life could have been better if they weren't so hard on you.
But is this truly justified ? Is this the way it has to be ?
Does TS has the confidence to do well in Poly ?
If she does, sure , full steam ahead.
If she fails, she will fall even harder than where she is heading now.
Don't let her parents have the chance to say " I told you so" in her face.
Like many who says, you choose your own path.
To TS,
Be honest to yourself, tell your parents the truth.
If you need to repeat your year 1, just do it.
If you cannot handle it, don't force yourself through just to please them.
It is better they re-evaluate their expectations of you now, rather than to realise their little bright star ain't that bright after all.
Giving them false hope is cruel. Because you know they love you very much.
It's too bad I sound like your mother, but honestly, I'm just asking you to be truthful to yourself.
You want freedom ? Fly like the birds? can you survive on your own yet ?
What is freedom when you cannot even stand on your own two feet ?
What kind of freedom will you get when you earn a meager income, making ends meet every day ?
Yet freedom comes with a price, a responsibility.
Not everyone has the maturity, the ability and the responsibility to wield freedom properly. -
nv read too many of the posts before this..but
imo such strict parental control shouldnt be enforced on a teen. we need to have some freedom and our own social circles. in addition if one is having troubles family matters its very unlikely that person can do well/concentrate in schoolwork.
but i think ur dad should stand up a bit more for you. he's a man, the one supposedly with the power in the family but he got silenced by ur mum with a "no!"???. zzz.
clear up this family matter first, maybe through some clarifications with ur mum. yr dad is probably ur best bet to get u out of this mess now...
and when you get your freedom, dont disappoint them(by getting into gangs etc). get a clear goal of what u wanna do/where u wanna go and make sure u live on with no regrets.
gd luck! -
i agree to a certain extent but life doesn't have to be about making the most money, driving the nicest car and going to work in a nicely pressed pin-stripe suit every day. the happiest people are rarely the richest.Originally posted by jojobeach:Encouraging TS to keep slamming herself against the wall is not very constructive either now, is it ?
Let's face the fact, she cannot do it.
Why give her family false hope ?
Why pretend to be the star when she ain't cut out to be ?
Encouraging TS to go against her parents wishes are not very constructive either, correct ?
When relationship become strained, TS is the one facing them, not forumers like us.
Sure, we can cheer her on, teach her how to rebel against her own unreasonable parents, in the end, the one with a broken heart will be her parent, not ours.
After all, her parents are the one paying the bills, they are also the one putting TS through school.
She can blame her parents for not letting her have her way.
In the end, if life is no longer rosy, go blame them for making your life hell, that your life could have been better if they weren't so hard on you.
But is this truly justified ? Is this the way it has to be ?
Does TS has the confidence to do well in Poly ?
If she does, sure , full steam ahead.
If she fails, she will fall even harder than where she is heading now.
Don't let her parents have the chance to say " I told you so" in her face.
Like many who says, you choose your own path.
To TS,
Be honest to yourself, tell your parents the truth.
If you need to repeat your year 1, just do it.
If you cannot handle it, don't force yourself through just to please them.
It is better they re-evaluate their expectations of you now, rather than to realise their little bright star ain't that bright after all.
Giving them false hope is cruel. Because you know they love you very much.
It's too bad I sound like your mother, but honestly, I'm just asking you to be truthful to yourself.
You want freedom ? Fly like the birds? can you survive on your own yet ?
What is freedom when you cannot even stand on your own two feet ?
What kind of freedom will you get when you earn a meager income, making ends meet every day ?
and freedom shouldn't be something you have to work for, it can be taken away if you fuck it up but everyone has a right to freedom, to live their life as they wish so long as it doesn't harm others, and i really can't stand parents who try to live through their kids - you bring someone into the world you have to accept that they're an individual and have their own hopes and dreams, maybe you can bring them up to make the responsible and correct decisions on their own and maybe in 10 years time the TS will realise that college was the right way to go but that's something she has to decide, we all have to make our own mistakes - even 17 year old girls. 1 year and she's an adult and by the sounds of it from the way things are decided for her she's gonna get thrown to the wolves. -
Too bad.. life isn't fair.
I think you should just endure. Cause you can't do much about it. Your under 21 , still under the care of your parents.
And I don't know much about the 'rules" in order to be put in the girls' home. But I have heard that parents can file their own children in home if they are rebellious.
I don't know if you have to break the law or whatsoever.
Hope that I am wrong.
Anyway since you can't do anything... then.. really endure bah.
She won't let you go out.. you invite your friends to your house.
I am the rebellious kind..
So anyway.. insist that you wanted to repeat. Your teachers will agree with you.
Perhaps.. you cry... in front of your mum and spill out your feelings.
"Yi ku, er nao, san shang dao"
But cry can liao.. don't "shang dao"
Move out.. and where will you stay? Your not earning a living yet.
Best way.. call your teachers.. school councillor. Ask them to make her listen to them.
When there's a will there's a way. -
wah seh
poor thing
just faster finish ur education lor
then can find job
then everyday can go out.
btw BPC is available @ 17 years old meh ? -
True, life is not about making money.Originally posted by Jezmeister:i agree to a certain extent but life doesn't have to be about making the most money, driving the nicest car and going to work in a nicely pressed pin-stripe suit every day. the happiest people are rarely the richest.
and freedom shouldn't be something you have to work for, it can be taken away if you fuck it up but everyone has a right to freedom, to live their life as they wish so long as it doesn't harm others, and i really can't stand parents who try to live through their kids - you bring someone into the world you have to accept that they're an individual and have their own hopes and dreams, maybe you can bring them up to make the responsible and correct decisions on their own and maybe in 10 years time the TS will realise that college was the right way to go but that's something she has to decide, we all have to make our own mistakes - even 17 year old girls. 1 year and she's an adult and by the sounds of it from the way things are decided for her she's gonna get thrown to the wolves.
And without money you'll have no life either.
The happiest person are not the richest, very true statement.
But the poor are hardly the happiest either.
Parents living their dreams through their kids is a urban myth.
Perhaps in the older times yes, but now, hardly applicable.
In order for you to feed yourself AND your family. You need to not only KNOW how to fish, you need to be GOOD at it.
This my dear IS a responsibility of any parent to ensure you are able to do.
With our high cost of living. Unless she marries a rich guy ( how likely is that). In order for her to live a decent life, equivalent or better to what she is having now, she needs financial abilities.
Her parents are trying hard to ensure she don't have to rely on a man to do just that.
Remember, your parents will not live forever.
Will you be able to let them rest in peace knowing you are able to take care of yourself when it's time for them to leave this mortal world ?
Many times, we tell parents, why don't you just let them fall on their faces so they will learn ?
Why try so hard , and make your children hate you ?
How many can actually harden their hearts and see their own children fall ? NONE.
They would all prefer their own children hate them, than to let them fail.
In order to teach the children responsibilities and how to make correct decisions, the parent themselves must be a responsible and good decision maker. ARE THEY ?
If your teacher is not very knowledgeable, how are they suppose to teach you well on the subjects?
I don't remember any textbooks about teenage responsibilities or how to make a good decision as a teenager either. Do you ? -
Im not in the right state of mind or position to advise u on this.
I hope We peeps from SGF made u feel better and more comfortable, even if for awhile.
I realli hope u can get through these phase of life, and i believe u will.
Hope u feel better!
Cheers! -
--> http://www.amazon.com/Teen-Proofing-Fostering-Responsible-Decision-Teenager/dp/0740710214Originally posted by jojobeach:I don't remember any textbooks about teenage responsibilities or how to make a good decision as a teenager either. Do you ?
lol -
i dun think i understand TS's plight, just like you wouldn't understand those who are suffering.
but let me tell you this.
some mums are always like this,, super egoistic. maybe she's abit over, but try to give in to her at all times. if you have to repeat, so be it, tell her right in her face, its either u repeat or drop school. HER CHOICE. you think she would ask you to drop ? i definitely don't think so. also, it seems that your mum has pride issues and that she wants you to be better academically than people she knows and get along with in order to escape shame.
i know of many such mums and things never worked out, most of their kids either leave home for good, some went insane or even worst cases - suicide.
i hope you do know what's good for you, if you have a BF, just leave home immediately, if she does loves you, she would put her pride down and look for you, if she doesn't bother, you can forget about having a mum like her.
if you do not have a bf, maybe stay at your friend's house for a couple of days ? make ur mum worried and at the same time guilty. about your brother's issue, think its just natural for mums to dote more on the males rather than the females.
and she cant lock you in, its absurd, threaten her with the law if she locks you in the house. she threaten you with girls home then you tell her, ok loh. cuz girls home only until 16 years old. call police, go call lah, you are not in the wrong.
and u can suggest to her : http://www.counsel.org.sg/
the best suggestion i can come out with is that if your mum continues to be like this, then you should escape from home the next time you leave for school, bring all your valuables and make sure you have friends who can be trusted, so that you could stay over, then start working.
if she looks for you, tell her what you feel, tell her to reflect, and until she is ready to change, you wont go back home, and tell her that the family is useless cuz ur bro is just some hopeless waste. if she don't bother, then i believe you could achieve better alone also.
most successful ppl are like this anyway.
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Why don't u tell your mother the truth about retaining j1. Paper can't keep fire and it is a matter of time that she knows.
I think you should try to stop pleasing your mother cos you want her to love you and to love you more than your brother. Often, we have heard people complaining about others who do not appreciate for what we have sacrificed for.. In this world, there is really only a rare few who know how to be grateful and appreciative.. Our loved ones might not be the ones who know how to be appreciative.
If you love yourself, stop pressuring yourself to please your mother. When something cause suffering for you, then perhaps you stop doing it for simple reason that you care for yourself.
There is this thing about reaching somebody's expectation and making there special someone proud. It will be positive when your mother keep encouraging you to reach a certain goal. However, it might not work as your mother is critical and prideful person. Your mum demands a lot from you and you feel perhaps as a daughter, you feel this obligation to meet her expectation.
Look at it in another way, she wants to push you to reach greater height. However, there is a fine line btw.. in living your life for your mother and for yourself. Don't hinge your emotion and physical well-being in living on her expectation.
In short, what i have been trying to say here is righting the views about your relationship with your mother...
I also think your mother loves you. She just demand alot from you. -
Wow, amazing.Originally posted by Jezmeister:--> http://www.amazon.com/Teen-Proofing-Fostering-Responsible-Decision-Teenager/dp/0740710214
lol
Have you read this book yet ?
TS,
Get this book for your mom lor.
Maybe it will help ? LOL. -
Teenage is really a time for one to learn and step out of one's comfort zone. Honestly, all those above who think it's alright for such strict parental control, really hasn't live his/her teenage years fully.
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HAR ????? !!!!!Originally posted by Where Is God:Teenage is really a time for one to learn and step out of one's comfort zone. Honestly, all those above who think it's alright for such strict parental control, really hasn't live his/her teenage years fully. -
tough one
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I think we are all living in a rather conservative society and that will include our parents. Everything about parenting will be trial and error and the amount of control also varies. Looking around you and you will see that there is little mention (if not never) about parents seeking counselling for their shortcomings. And to date there is never a definite yardstick for the amount of control for children. However, you do need to agree that the amount of intensity is definitely given in accordance to the child's response and doing.
Say what you like about the extremes but has it ever occur to you that there is definitely a reason behind it and 100% NOT ASKING FOR IT. As children the more you find that it is difficult to convince your parents despite what you have done.....NEVER NEVER take the walk out running away solution. I suggest that you seek for professional help. In all no parents wants anything to happen to their children, it is just that we all have our fallacies and high expectations. -
Nope, just felt like being a smartarseOriginally posted by jojobeach:Wow, amazing.
Have you read this book yet ?
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Hi Tjrain
Teenager above the age of 16 is not oblige to be put in girls home by their parents without their consent. You still are available to be put behind bar if you did some serious crime though.
I got a good solution to gain your freedom!
Go up to your dad with watery eyes and said you think you are adopted or you think you are not the child of your mum. Because the way you had been treated for the past life in the house. Tell them you were never appreciated or anything. Just burst out everything you post on the forum when they ask you why you thought so. Then they will know the seriousness of your problems and you will soon earn your freedom.
To some extent I can understand how you feel, as I was put in your situation before. My experience is not as worst as yours and I come up with a lot of crazy ideas to gain my rightful life. If that doesn't work you can come to me for more advice, just post here and ta ta new advice. Just DON'T seek DEATH as a resolve, it will not solve anything and result in worst case senario. And it is not worth it.
Good Luck!
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LOL!!! Why don't you suggest that TS mother join SG Forum and see her feedback?Originally posted by Eternal_SoulZ:Hi Tjrain
Teenager above the age of 16 is not oblige to be put in girls home by their parents without their consent. You still are available to be put behind bar if you did some serious crime though.
I got a good solution to gain your freedom!
Go up to your dad with watery eyes and said you think you are adopted or you think you are not the child of your mum. Because the way you had been treated for the past life in the house. Tell them you were never appreciated or anything. Just burst out everything you post on the forum when they ask you why you thought so. Then they will know the seriousness of your problems and you will soon earn your freedom.
To some extent I can understand how you feel, as I was put in your situation before. My experience is not as worst as yours and I come up with a lot of crazy ideas to gain my rightful life. If that doesn't work you can come to me for more advice, just post here and ta ta new advice. Just DON'T seek DEATH as a resolve, it will not solve anything and result in worst case senario. And it is not worth it.
Good Luck! -
Thanks everyone.. No, I did not commit any criminal offence. I am not saying my mum is evil or that she doesn't love me. I do not want total freedom, I just want the simple freedom of going out with friends, and have some privacy. I don't mind if she expects me to be home early. I tried my grandma, my aunty and my dad. They tried talking, it just doesn't work. I talked nicely to my mum yesterday again, nothing much happened.
I told my mum today in the morning that I've got to go to school tomorrow for my exam [oral presentation] , which is true. But she refused to believe me and started scolding me saying not to treat her as a three year old kid that she is not just born yesterday. I got very frustrated, and got my teacher to call my mum to tell her that. My teacher ask my mum to allow me to go to school today for some rehersal and tomorrow. My mum requested to sit in tomorrow for my exams, and got my brother to follow me to school today and sit in in my class...
I tried almost everything. I am so sick and so tired of it...I seriously cannot stand it anymore... -
tj,Originally posted by tjrain:Thanks everyone.. No, I did not commit any criminal offence. .................... I just want the simple freedom of going out with friends, and have some privacy. I don't mind if she expects me to be home early.
I told my mum today in the morning that I've got to go to school tomorrow for my exam [oral presentation] , which is true. But she refused to believe me and started scolding me saying not to treat her as a three year old kid that she is not just born yesterday. I got very frustrated, and got my teacher to call my mum to tell her that. My teacher ask my mum to allow me to go to school today for some rehersal and tomorrow. My mum requested to sit in tomorrow for my exams, and got my brother to follow me to school today and sit in in my class...
I tried almost everything. I am so sick and so tired of it...I seriously cannot stand it anymore...
I think your previous attempt to leave home could have sparked off this trust issue with your mother. Also, somehow I feel that there might be some other incidents that "snowballed" to what is happening to you today. I am not prying and asking you to put it out but to set your mind thinking and perhaps start working out a solution from there.
I can see that your mother has hesitation TRUSTING you and it is not without a reason. I know it is going to be difficult for her to regain her confidence in you, but there again you really need to be patient and control your behaviour and attitude..... -
have u tried talking to your brother? is he the kind who will help u speak up to ur mum or is he those kind who kicks u down further?
i dun have much advice for u sorry.. because my gf's mum is exactly like yours.. 19yrs old.. need consent form for class gathering..
and guess what.. my gf also retain jc yr1 de.. today A lvl maths paper..
there's one thing i need you to know though.. that whatever freedom, to go out with your friends, to go class outing, stay out late, it is going to be hard to realize.. i'm sorry to have to tell you that, but even if she accepts what your father, your grandma, your brother says and lets the leash loose, it's going to be bit by bit, month by month, year by year..
it's not going to be an easy ride, but don't give up, keep fighting for it.. keep talking to her, keep being $*($^$ by her, and one day it will get to her that what you ask for is a necessity, and not a luxury.. even though it may be impossible to see how what she does is for your own good (i don't see how locking you up is good either), I'm sure she does it in your best interest.. at least to her it's in your best interest..
another point to note is that from her behavior, i think it's quite obvious you have lost her trust in you, hence all the "don't treat me like 3-yr-old" crap from her.. work from there.. tell her your activity, then OFFER to get your teacher to talk to her.. and this must be an on-going process..
and about going out with your friends, if you don't have any exams or stuff and want to take a breather, sound pathetic, maybe by saying "ma, i very long never go out with my friends le, can i join them for blah blah tmr? i'll be back by dinnertime"..
last but not the least.. your studies.. well retaining sux.. but not retaining and going to yr 2 with crap foundation isn't a bed of roses either.. you have landed yourself, be it by accident or purpose, where you have to choose the lesser of the two evils.. retaining, the three syllables themselves sound like a dull thud to the back of your head.. the not-so-gracefulness attached to it, all your relatives' lame and fake shocking faces like they just realized they crapped in their pants, when they hear the word 'retain'.. it's not pretty im telling you.. the number of times my girlfriend cried in the 1st year repeat is just uncountable.. but thats the way it goes.. retaining is the only way for u to learn, to beef up ur foundation, to pave the way for an easier yr 2.. people go MI also 3 years what..
all in all.. you are at the bottom of a deep hole.. all the shit keeps coming down.. but mentally you have to be tough.. Know that whatever your mum says may be true, but if it isn't, dump it.. Never let her words bring you down.. i hope you can get something out of my long and drudgy post..
all the best
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You must have wasted your teenage years studying.Originally posted by jojobeach:HAR ????? !!!!! -
I think jojo is just commenting on your view about not living teenage life fully bcos of strict parenting......Originally posted by Where Is God:You must have wasted your teenage years studying.
In the first place, there would not be a prescription if there is no illness. See the point? You think controlling a child is effortless?? Well think again. -
I think that u need someone to talk to. The person have to understand ur situation and maybe persuaded ur parents to be less controlling..
in the meantime , u hve to show that u can handle and take care of urself and dun let men or people take advantages of u..
i think that ur parents are just worrying for u as u are a girl.
focus on the study although it is kind of miserable when u are not doing well in ur study , maybe u can go out with her friend to shop to relax urself or u can ask friends out to study together.
Tell ur parent u are going out to study then they will let u go out and u say that u study better outside and your friends are coaching u.. u are not playing and not up to mischief..
although u go out to study , u can go shopping and chat a bit.. But have to study a bit lor..