Parental Control.
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wat is yur mum horoscope?
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Hmm,your parents seem to be too strict already.haha,is like that one if parent too strict you will rebell.if you leave home you got no money,no friends,parent support more worse.If,you are bored properly ask your friends come to your house tell your mom nicely i believe she will allow.say that,you are bored,have your friends come and talkOriginally posted by tjrain:I'm 17/f this year, but my parents keep a tight control over me. I got two younger brothers. I tried to be a good daughter, I gave in to their every wants and tried to obey them. Everyday I come home after school, and don't even go out on weekends because thats what they wanted.
I pass every exams and did fairly well to get on smoothly in my education journey, and ended up getting into a junior college against my wish. My parents opposed to me going poly as they think that poly is not a good route. They expect the best from me, in studies wise and behaviour, but doesn't expect anything from my younger brother.
I failed badly for my jc, and I didn't know what how to tell my parents that. My mum die die also want me to promote, retain is like disgrace to the family, as so she sees it. And until know, I don't know how to tell it to her.
My mum is extremely bias to my younger brother, but I tried to live with it. The treatment we have is totally different, she shouts at me over the slightest thing, but talks to my brother very nicely. She doesn't let me out because she sees no need in it, but let my younger brother out. Even going back to school during the holidays, she demands a proof like a teacher acknowledged form or something.
Recently they went to print out my detailed phone list, showing all the calls I made and recieved for no apparent reason. I did not overspend on my bill either. I don't know what for, than my mum starts scolding me and saying that I am making use of my parents and that I am just putting on an act to be obedient and stuff. She claims that she is the best parent around, and I should count myself lucky. My mum thinks that she is always right, and recently she refuse to talk to me or even respond to me. I feel hurt, and it bothers me a lot.
I don't know what she wants from me, all she ever do is to shout at every single thing I do. I can't even go out, I don't know what to do at all. The last time I tried leaving house at 15, my parents caught me. During that 2 months school holiday I was kept at home. My handphone got confiscated, I couldn't use the computer and cannot step out of the house at all. From than on she keeps threatening me with the police and girls home. And claimed that I am beyond parental control.
I don't know where I went wrong. I tried talking to my mum, but she just won't hear of it. She say she will trust me, but it goes back to square one after some time. I feel like she's driving me up to the wall, and I got nowhere to go. Everything I do is wrong, talking back seems useless. I feel like I'm trap in a confined space, unable to take a step foward or backward.
And today she warned me if I were to step out of the house, she will call the police immediately. I cannot take it anymore. 17 years, and I really cannot stand it but I really don't know what else to do.
Any help...?
sorry for the long entry.
I think your parent also concern about you.But,too concern already la.17,already!! should have freedom mah dun cage you like a bird at home.But trust me,all your parents do is for your good when one day,you realised you propberly 20+.but your parent to over already. -
talking about DPRK...well....i ask u all...when singers like jay chou, jacky cheung come sg for a concert and in the midst of the concert what would u guys do....but when south korean singer shinwa and the band baby vox went over there to perform in pyongyang..the crowd was in complete slience(it's not the north korean audiences wanted it this way but they cannot in case they tio arrested for making noises)....and also in sg...SAF only will control hair cut but in DPRK it's nation-wide for males...as for as i know they not even allowed to surf internet....see how fortunate we are....Originally posted by Where Is God:Where do you come from? North Korea?
Sorry, but in Singapore, I believe we practice democracy and respect personal rights and liberty.
....as someone have mentioned extreme parental controlling will bring about being anti-social(me is an example) or being rebellious till extent of breaking the law...and i add in a third one..which is become insane....TS...to this state u will need to do something drastic to ya mum or u will eventually cant take it and have a mental breakdown which further more makes ya dad more guility since he did not try his best to help u while there's a window of opportunity presented... -
Democracy? Personal rights?Originally posted by Where Is God:Where do you come from? North Korea?
Sorry, but in Singapore, I believe we practice democracy and respect personal rights and liberty.
You alre mentioned they'r jus beliefs, so what are you trying to say??
From what I know there's none here... .. Not even Free Speech -
lets not drag speaker corner's issue over here to avoid getting out of point.Originally posted by kerts:Democracy? Personal rights?
You alre mentioned they'r jus beliefs, so what are you trying to say??
From what I know there's none here... .. Not even Free Speech -
damn jialat sia.. do you want me to adopt you
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anyway, i always believe in peaceful resolution.
however, i dun deny that doing drastic action can solve problem too. -
indeed....if i nv go drastic for my case....i guess i would end up in IMH already liao....or dead(commit suicide)...Originally posted by hiphop2009:anyway, i always believe in peaceful resolution.
however, i dun deny that doing drastic action can solve problem too. i am surviving w/o anyone and i work to maintain my freedom....life may be hard for me but i will not look back as i am more confident of myself compared to the past.... -
It is her choice what she wants to do. Right now she ain't doing well. If you have kids in the future , it is better to encourage and support them to excel in something they are interested in rather than do the blind paper chase.Originally posted by kerts:tjrain, what your mum is doing you definitely won't like it. But it's for your own good. Think about it, they have live in this world for 40 years? whereas you only 17 years, and out of which you only started to see the world since 13, sec 1, which is only 4 years.
There are many types of ppl out there and dangerous things that may happen to you. So she is just "better be safe than sorry". You may think she favors the younger child more, but the youngest child happens to be a boy. Boys won't get pregnant, girls do. Try your best to listen to her, sometimes voice up. It doesn't matter if she doesn't listen, it's perfectly normal. Just follow what she says and you will be glad you listened to her when you finish your studies. You will gain your complete independence when you start working, most probably.
with regards to poly or JC, your mum did the most sensible choice (it may not be the right choice, but it's the most safest route to choose) If I have my kids in future, I'll want them to be in JC as well, cos after you graduated from uni, your future will be smooth sailing!
Try to endure ok? after your JC, go uni. Only after uni you can start to enjoy the fruits of your labour. You will be thankful to your mum and hopefully you still can remember me
Look at me, I'm trying so hard to get a degree now (I've lost touch w studies), but for you it shouldn't be too difficult.
But if you really tried your best and really can't do well in JC (that's sad) den you may consider going to poly. That's really your last alternative.
Hope these helps you in your life
Back to the TS , if we look at the future of how it is all going to be like:her mother will start dictate to her which degree to take and which job to do. Then it will come to which man she can marry. Right now her mother is not creating a conducive environment for her to grow in . If I am not wrong, it somehow will affect her studies since she is being compared to her cousins. -
wah sound like a nice guai girl haha
anyway you should pursue what you want not what your mum want
explain that the reason of your failure as a lack of interest and u want to enter that "certain" poly course
it might or might not work -
Are you sure there is no free speech?Originally posted by kerts:Democracy? Personal rights?
You alre mentioned they'r jus beliefs, so what are you trying to say??
From what I know there's none here... .. Not even Free Speech
Yes, it's arguably true the government has done much to restrict us in terms of speech and demonstration. But to say that there is no free speech at all, you must be living in a cave.
Look at celebrities/ quasi-celebrities like Hossan Leong and Mr Brown, they have demonstrated that free speech, with regards to sensitive political issues, is possible.
Besides, even if there is no free speech in Singapore, it's no excuse for parents to exercise such strict control on their kids. -
Shout back at your mum.
Print all the comments made by all the forumnites here and throw it in her face.
If she does not care, move out.
And i dont think that you can be send for BPC for all these minor things you do. -
Disagree totally.Originally posted by kerts:tjrain, what your mum is doing you definitely won't like it. But it's for your own good. Think about it, they have live in this world for 40 years? whereas you only 17 years, and out of which you only started to see the world since 13, sec 1, which is only 4 years.
There are many types of ppl out there and dangerous things that may happen to you. So she is just "better be safe than sorry". You may think she favors the younger child more, but the youngest child happens to be a boy. Boys won't get pregnant, girls do. Try your best to listen to her, sometimes voice up. It doesn't matter if she doesn't listen, it's perfectly normal. Just follow what she says and you will be glad you listened to her when you finish your studies. You will gain your complete independence when you start working, most probably.
with regards to poly or JC, your mum did the most sensible choice (it may not be the right choice, but it's the most safest route to choose) If I have my kids in future, I'll want them to be in JC as well, cos after you graduated from uni, your future will be smooth sailing!
Try to endure ok? after your JC, go uni. Only after uni you can start to enjoy the fruits of your labour. You will be thankful to your mum and hopefully you still can remember me Look at me, I'm trying so hard to get a degree now (I've lost touch w studies), but for you it shouldn't be too difficult.
But if you really tried your best and really can't do well in JC (that's sad) den you may consider going to poly. That's really your last alternative.
Hope these helps you in your life
Forcin a child to do what he/she dont like is not for her own good. TS did mention that she intends to go poly isnt it, she sure has a ideal course of hers in her mind. For the 'there are many types of people' and the 'pregnant' thing, does goin out with friends make you pregnant? This is extremely laughable anyway
And what guarantees you that one's future will be 'smooth sailing' and you get to 'enjoy the fruits of your labor' after graduated from uni!? I dont know man! -
i all for this.....this would be my most heartfelt advocation...MOVE OUT!!!!Originally posted by Xephone_xenon:Shout back at your mum.
Print all the comments made by all the forumnites here and throw it in her face.
If she does not care, move out.
And i dont think that you can be send for BPC for all these minor things you do. -
it is nt easy to move out. further more TS is only 17 years old.Originally posted by kengkia:i all for this.....this would be my most heartfelt advocation...MOVE OUT!!!!
moving out shld be the last option when all other option s has been throughly exhausted. -
agree with you.Originally posted by Lorry`:Disagree totally.
Forcin a child to do what he/she dont like is not for her own good. TS did mention that she intends to go poly isnt it, she sure has a ideal course of hers in her mind. For the 'there are many types of people' and the 'pregnant' thing, does goin out with friends make you pregnant? This is extremely laughable anyway And what guarantees you that one's future will be 'smooth sailing' and you get to 'enjoy the fruits of your labor' after graduated from uni!? I dont know man!
some mothers read too many newspaper abt nowadays teenager having casual sex and becoming pregnant (lian he wanbao is one of the "culprit" newspaper which always report gossip news), den v scare the daughter will go f arnd and get cheated by guys. VERY laughable indeed. i have tried to write into lian he zao bao abt the over emphasis of such news but so far i have not done so.
anyway, i am sure TS noes wad she wan (better den those who dun even noe where to go). make ur own decision. it is ur life, not ur mum's. -
TJRain,
So you think your mom is doing the wrong stuff to you.
What do you think is the better way ?
Do you want her to be bo chap ?
Do you want to live your life the way you want and ignore their intentions ?
What happens if you quit JC and join Poly but still you do badly in Poly ?
Are you SO certain you will do well in the new route ?
To me, if you cannot even survive JC, you won't be able to survive Poly either.
If you cannot study, you cannot study. Don't blame it on the subjects.
Forget about how well your Secondary school results are, those are chicken feed if you ask me. The real challenge are the University's subject.
And it seems you have already failed at the intermediate level. Poly/JC is just part of a weeding out process.
Perhaps you should just give up, get yourself a man, get married and be a small woman ( xiao nui ren) and have many children. This way, your mom will give up hope on you and not bother you so much.
Since you are not slated to become someone important, why try so hard and dissapoint your love ones anymore ? -
hmm seriously.. my plight could be eerrieely similar. I failed my promos terribly. And my folks were also dead against in insisting that. i continue to Year 2...
However, i insisted that i repeat my Year one. Because seriously.. lets face it, your fundamentals in Yr 1 is weak.. thats why the poor result; hence, continuing to Year 2 with such poor foundations is certainly suicidal and will lead to really lousy A level results bah.
I think the best decision i made in my life was to repeat my Year 1 in Jc. I made a whole new set of better friends, and because i went thru my 1st Year one already... I was more or less comfortable if not steady and stable when.. i re-read my repeated Year 1 again. Reading it a 2nd year. was really so much clearer.. and the clarity in the coursework was really appreciated. Of course sure.. the 1st 3 months will be uncomfortable for u.. becz ur Year 1 peers are in their Sec skool uniforms, while you are already in ur college uniform ler. Sure no big deal... you will get over it. Do not be ashamed that you repeated. It is rather common bah. Think of it. as giving yourself a second to proof to yourself that you can indeed perform and do well bah. And yeah i did very well in my A level exams. ;-)
Of Course, the above is given to you ONLY if u decide to continue to pursue the JC path. If at this time, you may think it is a Good time to Move on PoLY.. you could also do it bah. I mean convince your mum, that given your promo results, this is indeed indicative that you are not cut for College life. Thus you want to enter PoLy. Perhaps it would be helpful if the Poly course you are pursuing also has great economic value like.. e.g. Business/finance/banking, shipping/maritime or..engineering/aerospace diplomas... thus you can convince your mum and say hey, "this is a $$$ making diploma.."
As to the.. grounding by your mother; i think. currently.. you are still below 21 so.. heh.. a lot of stuff.. you will still ned parental consent and all bah. Hmm.. nonetheless, i guess.. perhaps its wise to moderately challenge your mum's authority for a while. Insist on going to School/library/or just to meet your friends over the weekend. If she locks you up, call the police and file for illegal imprisonment. If she takes away your mobile phone(thus preventing you from calling), You just scream and scream and scream from your room and beg your neighbours to call the police for you. When the police does arrive, lets see who is at the losing end.
I think she threatened you that if you go out, she will call the police and send you to Girls Home. Well.. Haha.. frankly, that is jz bull crap frm your mum. It is not against the law for you to leave the house and be in public. On the contrary it is illegal for them to imprision you. Calling the police is futile because you did not break any laws. Either can she send you to a Girls Home because this order can only be effected by the courts. And To be eligible for Girls Home, you also need to break the laws first. There is no way.. your mum can Place u in the Girls home just like that.
Sometimes.. parents. just use empty threats to scare children into submission. So yeah..the 1st step in gaining freedom is always very very difficult. If all else fails, call the MCYS hotline... and ask for a social counsellor.. -
i think TS will appreciate dat we give her constructive and useful comments. you are in no way helping her and sounds like her mother.Originally posted by jojobeach:TJRain,
So you think your mom is doing the wrong stuff to you.
What do you think is the better way ?
Do you want her to be bo chap ?
Do you want to live your life the way you want and ignore their intentions ?
What happens if you quit JC and join Poly but still you do badly in Poly ?
Are you SO certain you will do well in the new route ?
To me, if you cannot even survive JC, you won't be able to survive Poly either.
If you cannot study, you cannot study. Don't blame it on the subjects.
Forget about how well your Secondary school results are, those are chicken feed if you ask me. The real challenge are the University's subject.
And it seems you have already failed at the intermediate level. Poly/JC is just part of a weeding out process.
Perhaps you should just give up, get yourself a man, get married and be a small woman ( xiao nui ren) and have many children. This way, your mom will give up hope on you and not bother you so much.
Since you are not slated to become someone important, why try so hard and dissapoint your love ones anymore ? -
judgemental bitch at 12 o'clock... [Originally posted by jojobeach:TJRain,
So you think your mom is doing the wrong stuff to you.
What do you think is the better way ?
Do you want her to be bo chap ?
Do you want to live your life the way you want and ignore their intentions ?
What happens if you quit JC and join Poly but still you do badly in Poly ?
Are you SO certain you will do well in the new route ?
To me, if you cannot even survive JC, you won't be able to survive Poly either.
If you cannot study, you cannot study. Don't blame it on the subjects.
Forget about how well your Secondary school results are, those are chicken feed if you ask me. The real challenge are the University's subject.
And it seems you have already failed at the intermediate level. Poly/JC is just part of a weeding out process.
Perhaps you should just give up, get yourself a man, get married and be a small woman ( xiao nui ren) and have many children. This way, your mom will give up hope on you and not bother you so much.
Since you are not slated to become someone important, why try so hard and dissapoint your love ones anymore ?
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ok! let's not get out of topic..Originally posted by hiphop2009:lets not drag speaker corner's issue over here to avoid getting out of point.
anyway there's no right or wrong in these, jus wat's e best approach.
For me I'm standing from the point of the parents, not kids sorry.
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Personally, i think that overprotect kills the person instead. U do not have the opportunity to interact with others and expand ur social circle which hampers your social skills. I have been in that situation so i noe..Originally posted by aremeis:Hi,
Do you know the story "The Mother Crow"? Read it and you will understand what the mother is trying? You think all that raving and ranting is driving your friend to the wall? What happens when she is out working in the society one day as a CEO? See whether the pressures from the board is gonna be lesser than what she gets from her loving mother.
But this is not the main pt. The pt is to try your best influence around her...aunts uncles your father even, to see your point of view and change her. This is wat i feel is your best chance of getting out of this situation. However, if you feel that her overprotective behaviour is getting out of control, u may wan to seek professional help...
This may sound immature but only use rebelling as a last resort. And even if u really rebel, u must show her that whatever you have done actually showed results. For example if u choose to retain against her wishes, get a fantastic result for ur next promos and then in ur A lvls and show her the results. This may actually gain her trust in you.
good luck! -
Exactly what i wanted to say. Lol. Btw,i believe JC is stressful, to get into a JC is already an achievement.Come on,we should be encouraging her and not jus add salt to the wound.Originally posted by hiphop2009:i think TS will appreciate dat we give her constructive and useful comments. you are in no way helping her and sounds like her mother. -
Sounds serious.
*scratch head.
Chatting here would be a good escape from your woes for the time being I guess.
At first I thought is classic rebellious teen case, but then as I read on, it just got ridiculous.
Cannot go out? -
And don't do anything funny hor. Need to confide or spill whatever out here, don't need to hold back.
Had sucidal cases before.