Problem zzz
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TS i think u should really think again if u really wanna be with this guy.. again and again he failed to keep his promise.. and he doesnt seem this matter really important to u...
U 've been dissapointed with him over and over again.. do u really wanna be with this kind guy in future? A man without his word is not a man and hard to be trusted
Love isnt only about feeling, my dear.. its everything.. its between u and him..but i only see ur the only one working this out -
ya agree, if he fails to keep his promise, he cannot be trusted. But then again, how many of the guys who have a girlfriend wouldn't just promise for the sake of stopping the girl from worrying or just to keep her mouth shut for just 5mins?Originally posted by Zarks:TS i think u should really think again if u really wanna be with this guy.. again and again he failed to keep his promise.. and he doesnt seem this matter really important to u...
U 've been dissapointed with him over and over again.. do u really wanna be with this kind guy in future? A man without his word is not a man and hard to be trusted
Love isnt only about feeling, my dear.. its everything.. its between u and him..but i only see ur the only one working this out
What do you do when she says, "dearrrrr, can buy me this diamond ring?" or other stuffs like bags, clothes when you're not even earning $$.
What do you do when she says, "dearrrrr, can you bring me to the moon by tomorrow?" and she keeps bugging you day and night, she gives you the sad/black face throughout the whole relationship or threatens to break up with you unless you promise. Because you love her so much, you agreed. Can you do as you promised? If he can't do it, the guy = cannot be trusted?
Zarks I don't think you have had a girlfriend. You don't know what kind of unreasonable things girls can ask you to promise. Don't talk about girl friends, if your mother ask you to promise as above, can you honour your words? If you can't, you're useless, you suck, you cannot be trusted?
Sorry, this is nothing personal. -
To TS,
If you don't like the way your boyfriend handles your smses, then feel free to break up with him. Unless you can deal with the way he does to your smses, this problem will haunt you as long as your relationship last.
But, I would like you revise your expectations of your current and next boyfriend. If you love him, love him for the way he is. Don't change anything for that is what made you attract to him at first. If he changes for the better, thats a bonus. If not, I don't think you have the right to force him to change. Once again, if you find him not replying to your sms is hindering your feelings towards him, break up, and don't go back to this relationship again. -
mmm but then it just an sms. If relationship is dependent on the way he handle your sms, then it is rather easily gone. No growth in the relationship too.
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scared he'll try something "funny"
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Yes, i have to admit you 're absolutely correct.. I dont have a gf like above attitude for demanding this and threaten me this and that and being unreasonable.Originally posted by cloud210:ya agree, if he fails to keep his promise, he cannot be trusted. But then again, how many of the guys who have a girlfriend wouldn't just promise for the sake of stopping the girl from worrying or just to keep her mouth shut for just 5mins?
What do you do when she says, "dearrrrr, can buy me this diamond ring?" or other stuffs like bags, clothes when you're not even earning $$.
What do you do when she says, "dearrrrr, can you bring me to the moon by tomorrow?" and she keeps bugging you day and night, she gives you the sad/black face throughout the whole relationship or threatens to break up with you unless you promise. Because you love her so much, you agreed. Can you do as you promised? If he can't do it, the guy = cannot be trusted?
Zarks I don't think you have had a girlfriend. You don't know what kind of unreasonable things girls can ask you to promise. Don't talk about girl friends, if your mother ask you to promise as above, can you honour your words? If you can't, you're useless, you suck, you cannot be trusted?
Sorry, this is nothing personal.
But i have a very lovely and understanding gf.. so sorry to dissapoint u cuz im very proud with my gf now for her maturity
Anyway, if things happen like above,
If my gf always bother me day and night, then i'll just make her understand. If she doesnt, its just the matter of time before breaking up.
If my gf ask me to promise to buy her diamond, i will just say i cant promise her that.. i dont get it for some guys who promise gal anything but they know they cant keep their word for it,
If my gf wants me to bring her anywhere that she likes to go, i wouldnt mind but it always depend if im really free. i wont purposely bring her to anywhere at any time that is not very convinient to me or im too tired for it and ended up being moody later on.
If my gf threaten to break up for some foolish reason, i wont give a damn too. Who want a gf to threaten this and that like a kid.. ? To me ,that is not love. If she really meant it, then i will too. I see no point of being together with a person who cant understand how u feel but themself.
Seriously, i think all above are only your opinion perhaps based on ur terrible experience with gals or maybe thats what u heard from other people. Who knows?
Thats why people said dont promise anyone if you know you cant make it. Those guys above that u stated seems to promise their gf / mom blindly and at the end they make themself look like a jerk for not keeping promise. So, whos the one started this? Its guy / gal themself for making promises that they know they cant make it bcuz of so-called love? C'mon
For TS, i dont think she is the very demanding type, her bf should have at least reply her an simple sms. But her bf failed to do so even he promised and that is only a simple things for a guy to keep their word rather than buying a diamond. Maybe some of guys here prefer their gf to not care where they been or what they do. But i somehow prefer my gf to show some concern to know where i go or do.
Different people, different view. Nothing personal here. -
But TS, even though you're correct bout how he failed to keep his promise and hes a jerk. theres another thing that u can do too.
Since previous issue, he seems to not reply u sms right? If you really love him, just try to tolerate his behaviour on this, just let him know that u would appreciate it if he at least tell u if u sms / call him.
Then you see how things will change. Why dont u try to talk bout this matter with him of why he is behaving this way. Tell him u want to hear his honest opinion on how u want him to reply to u and that u want to understand him.
i dont know bout ur bf, but seems that he promised u bcuz he loved u but didnt really honestly wan to keep his promise on that.. That might be his habit of not replying to u. Time will tell. Give him some time. U will see how things will change. -
I think it is not because she wants to know of every single details when he goes out, she just wants to know that he is someone who can keep his promise.
The guy promised her to give her a SMS when he is going out. Why make this promise if he can't keep it? When you make a promise, of course the other party expects you to keep your words. Making a promise just because you want to escape from an argument is not right. Maybe you can escape the argument at the moment, but more will pop up in the future.
So a word of caution to every guy out there: DON'T make a promise that you think you CAN'T keep. It makes you look bad in front of the girl and she will gradually lose trust in you.
Most people said you want the girl(fgfm) to give the guy some trust. But has he done anything to earn her trust? Trust is not given freely, it is only given when one feels secure and feels that the other party is trustworthy.
I would not say that TS is not in the wrong. Can't expect the bf to keep reporting to you la everytime he goes out, esp if just go out for a short while nia. He is already a big boy, so I think he can take pretty good care of himself
So don't worry too much yea 
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If a girl asks something as unreasonable as that (esp the bringing the moon part, gosh I never even asked that to my dear lolz), then it is the bf's job to convince her that he does not have the ability to do that and not just give in and promise her that he will. And if the girl is mature enough, she would understand the reasoning given. If not, then maybe the girl has a mentality and IQ of a 10 year old and is not suitable to be in a rs. So break up sooner is better than laterOriginally posted by cloud210:ya agree, if he fails to keep his promise, he cannot be trusted. But then again, how many of the guys who have a girlfriend wouldn't just promise for the sake of stopping the girl from worrying or just to keep her mouth shut for just 5mins?
What do you do when she says, "dearrrrr, can buy me this diamond ring?" or other stuffs like bags, clothes when you're not even earning $$.
What do you do when she says, "dearrrrr, can you bring me to the moon by tomorrow?" and she keeps bugging you day and night, she gives you the sad/black face throughout the whole relationship or threatens to break up with you unless you promise. Because you love her so much, you agreed. Can you do as you promised? If he can't do it, the guy = cannot be trusted?
Zarks I don't think you have had a girlfriend. You don't know what kind of unreasonable things girls can ask you to promise. Don't talk about girl friends, if your mother ask you to promise as above, can you honour your words? If you can't, you're useless, you suck, you cannot be trusted?
Sorry, this is nothing personal.
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hey i think you are treating r/s too lightly here. to be together, it takes commitment, acceptance and forgiveness. if you cant be flexible and insist everything goes your way, no r/s will last.Originally posted by cloud210:To TS,
If you don't like the way your boyfriend handles your smses, then feel free to break up with him. Unless you can deal with the way he does to your smses, this problem will haunt you as long as your relationship last.
But, I would like you revise your expectations of your current and next boyfriend. If you love him, love him for the way he is. Don't change anything for that is what made you attract to him at first. If he changes for the better, thats a bonus. If not, I don't think you have the right to force him to change. Once again, if you find him not replying to your sms is hindering your feelings towards him, break up, and don't go back to this relationship again.
Unless your other half has commited certain unforgivable crime that you or your culture cannot accept, pls learn to give and take. -
mmm i guess ts is hurt and upset over the broken promise and for her bf taking her lightly.. esp they had just patch back 3 wks ago.. a vulnerable period of time.. her mind and emotion is probably weak and fill with insecurity.. and her bf probably has sweet-talk her before ?? ( there kind of trauma )
I still stand by.. don't kick a big fuss over it... Communication and try to reach a mutual understanding..Originally posted by fgfm:My boy and I patched somewhere 3 weeks back and we had this agreement.
He was to tell me when he was going out with his friends so as to prevent unwanted arguments over long waits of smses which usually lead to me being worried about his safety and sometimes, even frustration. Things went on fine the first few days/weeks as we spent our 'honeymoon' period together after being separated for a month. But recently, the same shit happens again.
He would go out with his friends till late night without letting me know. And I would usually assume that he's at home playing online games or sleeping. The first time he did it, he told me he has forgotten to tell me and apologised. I didnt kick up a fuss about the whole matter because, well. I thought it really slipped off his mind.
Just at the next day, he went out without telling me AGAIN. It pissed me off again as its just directly the next day and its unbelievable how he can forget things so easily. And moreover, I felt like he didnt seem to care about me again.
We msged this afternoon, but till now he hasnt replied my sms. I am suspecting he is out with his friends again without telling me. I dont know how will I react when I receive his sms. I really dont think I deserve such a treatment. It hurts me too, because it seems to me that he has the mindset of, "Aiya, its okay if she's angry lah. Just sweet talk her will do. She will SURELY forgive me."
Is sending an sms just to inform me that difficult? I dont need him to tell me about his every single movement, I just want to know that he's not home.
Is it really that difficult? Guys? -
Agreed. Everyone will change somehow during the course of the relationship. By insisting the other party accept you as it is, aren't you asking her to change as well?Originally posted by dibilo:hey i think you are treating r/s too lightly here. to be together, it takes commitment, acceptance and forgiveness. if you cant be flexible and insist everything goes your way, no r/s will last.
Unless your other half has commited certain unforgivable crime that you or your culture cannot accept, pls learn to give and take. -
First thing, I would like to congratulate you for having such a girlfriend. I think an understanding and mature girlfriend is what most men(or just me) wishes to be with.
In some unfortunate one way relationship, one party is willing to accept the other's flaw while the other can't. Extreme cases could be one party sacrificing everything for the other, terms like money, freedom, family, friends and dignity. These people can go to the heavens or hell for their loved ones. And all they wish is the other party be with them just as much TS would want her bf to reply a sms. Thus resulting in over promise beyond their means and capability.Originally posted by Zarks:If my gf threaten to break up for some foolish reason, i wont give a damn too. Who want a gf to threaten this and that like a kid.. ? To me ,that is not love. If she really meant it, then i will too. I see no point of being together with a person who cant understand how u feel but themself.
Thats why people said dont promise anyone if you know you cant make it. Those guys above that u stated seems to promise their gf / mom blindly and at the end they make themself look like a jerk for not keeping promise. So, whos the one started this? Its guy / gal themself for making promises that they know they cant make it bcuz of so-called love? C'mon
Some would just want to save a trouble/quarrel knowing this would just spell for future disasters. These people most likely already prepared for a breakup, they just don't wan to pop the question so that they won't seemed like the bad guy and gain some sympathy from others.
Fortunately, mine's not that bad though she could be unreasonable at times, but was worst last time. We had a few talks with each other and have agreed to compromise to each other demands. Our relationship was taken to greater heights from then onwards. I think there must be some sort of give and take. Rather than TS just asking to promise, she could have asked if her bf minds anot. Like before asking your bf to buy a diamond for you, would it be nicer if you ask or find out his financial capability? It is meaningless for your bf to go bankrupt just to give you a diamond so that you know that he loves you so much. Are you ready to live a poor lifestyle with your bf if he does that?Originally posted by Zarks:For TS, i dont think she is the very demanding type, her bf should have at least reply her an simple sms. But her bf failed to do so even he promised and that is only a simple things for a guy to keep their word rather than buying a diamond. Maybe some of guys here prefer their gf to not care where they been or what they do. But i somehow prefer my gf to show some concern to know where i go or do.
He probably thinks smsing you each time he goes out is ridiculous. With that kind of mindset, he'll never reply you as i guess he promised you for the sake of keeping you happy and saving him a torture from what you would do if he does not promise. Before asking for a promise, let him understand the reasons behind it, for men needs reasons to do things and i mean reasonable reasons. Not reasons like you worry he might get involved in a car accident each time he goes out because he seldom go out, this is ridiculous.
1) you're not going to be of any help despite knowing. (he wouldn't want you to know either, he would wish he could faster recover and go back to you like nothing happened)
2) trust me, you won't want the things you worry to happen, you're indirectly cursing him to get involved in an accident.
These are excessive care and needless concern. It's tying your guy down. Frankly speaking, I think TS is being a liability to her bf. Rather than being angry about him not replying your sms, trade for something else. Like a shopping date/spree. That way, both of you can spend time together, you don't need to worry about him in a accident without you knowing, you're happy and he's sad for his hole in the pocket for not replying your sms
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I do not take r/s too lightly. Like you, I also believe it takes commitment, acceptance and forgiveness too! Based on what TS has posted, I think TS is insisting everything to go her way. She couldn't get the hint that her bf is silently protesting to her demands or she had chose not to. She's not accepting the fact that her bf does not want to sms her everytime he goes out since he have promised but has not made any effort to fulfill it. They should talk it out and lay out the cards and come up with a solution together. But if TS thinks the "sms me whenever you go out" policy must be enforced and not compromised, just do a straight break up, don't bother the guy because its going to be the same after talking if neither of them is willing to compromise.Originally posted by dibilo:hey i think you are treating r/s too lightly here. to be together, it takes commitment, acceptance and forgiveness. if you cant be flexible and insist everything goes your way, no r/s will last.
Unless your other half has commited certain unforgivable crime that you or your culture cannot accept, pls learn to give and take.
When i say compromise, i mean both side compromise each other. one party compromise the other totally. -
mmm i think cloud provide a good insight here...
From Ts's perspective, "hey it is really nothing that bf should at least sms "( a simple gesture but hey the ger really just worried )" but then the bf might think it is ridiculous to do it and perhaps feel being controlled.. thus can explain why he isn't motivated to sms u . U can expect the same problem over and over again cos he see no motivation in smsing u again.
He has no idea what is his gf's intention. Unnecessary misunderstanding comes about when the common ground is being poorly understood.. There is no mutual understanding and agreement beforehand. Sometime, we can't expect our other half to know what we want.. a win-win deal and communication should be strike or else just break off lor.. even though i don't think the sms thingy is the main problem..
It is how both of you handle the relationship and communicating with one another. -
Oh yes, i think guys should have more courtesy to tell their gfs about where they are going, even if going out with friends, it should be a compliment where each respect each other position.Originally posted by fgfm:My boy and I patched somewhere 3 weeks back and we had this agreement.
He was to tell me when he was going out with his friends so as to prevent unwanted arguments over long waits of smses which usually lead to me being worried about his safety and sometimes, even frustration. Things went on fine the first few days/weeks as we spent our 'honeymoon' period together after being separated for a month. But recently, the same shit happens again.
He would go out with his friends till late night without letting me know. And I would usually assume that he's at home playing online games or sleeping. The first time he did it, he told me he has forgotten to tell me and apologised. I didnt kick up a fuss about the whole matter because, well. I thought it really slipped off his mind.
Just at the next day, he went out without telling me AGAIN. It pissed me off again as its just directly the next day and its unbelievable how he can forget things so easily. And moreover, I felt like he didnt seem to care about me again.
We msged this afternoon, but till now he hasnt replied my sms. I am suspecting he is out with his friends again without telling me. I dont know how will I react when I receive his sms. I really dont think I deserve such a treatment. It hurts me too, because it seems to me that he has the mindset of, "Aiya, its okay if she's angry lah. Just sweet talk her will do. She will SURELY forgive me."
Is sending an sms just to inform me that difficult? I dont need him to tell me about his every single movement, I just want to know that he's not home.
Is it really that difficult? Guys?
My bf also used to call me, and the first question is "where are you! my dear"
And even in toilet, i also replied him lao sia lah.
If your bf do not like to call or sms about his whereabout or simply do not bother to let you know, you should do the same to him lah, you can also go out with friends and dun inform him, go tour also dun inform him, go anywhere also dun need to inform him. Then let see how he feels and reacts, if he dun care and feel normal, then I guess he is not serious about this relationship, call it off and get a more caring and responsible guy ya. -
I think we should learn to see from girls' perspective rather than just us guys.
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X1 X2 X3Originally posted by Zarks:Guys, i think u all should read again.. why jump into conlusion that she is thinking his boy is meeting with other gal or ONS? she never even mention one and for now she just think his boy go out with his friends.. thats all.. why u all make things complicated
U guys know wat,, for ppl to trust u, u should do or prove something for them to trust.. blind trust is kinda ridiculous nowadays.. and shes a gal la.. gal need security.. gosh u guys suck
totally agreed....think some folk here is over reacted...
maybe they all so worried being tigh down...& always use trust as a excuse.... -
Originally posted by Zarks:Yes, i have to admit you 're absolutely correct.. I dont have a gf like above attitude for demanding this and threaten me this and that and being unreasonable.
But i have a very lovely and understanding gf.. so sorry to dissapoint u cuz im very proud with my gf now for her maturity
Anyway, if things happen like above,
If my gf always bother me day and night, then i'll just make her understand. If she doesnt, its just the matter of time before breaking up.
If my gf ask me to promise to buy her diamond, i will just say i cant promise her that.. i dont get it for some guys who promise gal anything but they know they cant keep their word for it,
If my gf wants me to bring her anywhere that she likes to go, i wouldnt mind but it always depend if im really free. i wont purposely bring her to anywhere at any time that is not very convinient to me or im too tired for it and ended up being moody later on.
If my gf threaten to break up for some foolish reason, i wont give a damn too. Who want a gf to threaten this and that like a kid.. ? To me ,that is not love. If she really meant it, then i will too. I see no point of being together with a person who cant understand how u feel but themself.
Seriously, i think all above are only your opinion perhaps based on ur terrible experience with gals or maybe thats what u heard from other people. Who knows?
Thats why people said dont promise anyone if you know you cant make it. Those guys above that u stated seems to promise their gf / mom blindly and at the end they make themself look like a jerk for not keeping promise. So, whos the one started this? Its guy / gal themself for making promises that they know they cant make it bcuz of so-called love? C'mon
For TS, i dont think she is the very demanding type, her bf should have at least reply her an simple sms. But her bf failed to do so even he promised and that is only a simple things for a guy to keep their word rather than buying a diamond. Maybe some of guys here prefer their gf to not care where they been or what they do. But i somehow prefer my gf to show some concern to know where i go or do.
Different people, different view. Nothing personal here. agreed!
guys! promised is a promised! -
When people are upset, people tend to imagine things and so till you got the facts right, don't take yourself seriously. U seems to be distressed and having the paranoids thought abt your bf... which are unnecessary and unhealthy .
Guys, don't promise anythings when you can't make the promise.. you just make demean your own value of woman's trust in you.
Well, saying this, i know some guys might break their promise occasionally but on the other hand, they stay faithful to their love. They are those who keep their promise but on other hand might have more serious personality flaws. U get what i mean ? .. What is exactly taking you seriously ?
You can perceive his action as "he is not taking you seriously" but it is really so??? To what extent does he not taking you not seriously. Did he perform any actions that portray that he has not taken you seriously in the past ? Did he cared for you and has also been taking you seriously in the past?
When two individual stay together for a long time, there bounds to be conflict of interests. Sort them out with care and respect.. -
There is a difference between taking out his hp to sms you willingly or out of obligation. the latter is more like a chore, and its not as easy as jus an sms...Originally posted by fgfm:It isnt wrong to care for the one I love isnt it? Its ridiculous that you say I am providing excessive concern when all I wanted is for him to sms me.
JUST SMS. It doesnt take much time to do so.
the more u demand that from him, the more this simple action becomes repulsive and dread.
I suggest you stop doing that , and give him some space.