Is this betrayal?
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Are we in the same century?Originally posted by 798:good bf n gf will not partying at pub. -
Precisely. Why is there NO men to debate on this?Originally posted by jojobeach:petti,
Look, if he cannot accept that you do it to him.
Why is it ok for him to do it to you ?
Your previous post " I asked him, would you accept if i tell another man, infront of you, he is cuter than you, can you accept it? he couldnt. " -
i am actually coming from outer space to destroy the earth. :3Originally posted by petti:Are we in the same century? -
Why u wana prove by debating? That he cannot do it just bcos he cannot accept u saying other guy cute?Originally posted by petti:Precisely. Why is there NO men to debate on this?
Anyway this is a topics with alot of interesting views from many...really open up my eyes more
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Yes...Originally posted by SpeedStar:Why u wana prove by debating? That he cannot do it just bcos he cannot accept u saying other guy cute? -
i tot u came from neh neh space?Originally posted by 798:i am actually coming from outer space to destroy the earth. :3
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if the husband is a CEO of some company, yes, she is a wise woman.Originally posted by fymk:One wise poster once said this about his colleague's wife when asked if she gets jealous when her husband looks at other women. She just said " It is like looking at restaurants and deciding what to eat. Who cares as long as he comes back and eats at home".
It is the wise words of a woman.
if the husband is just some employee in a company, nope, she can be a wise woman by leaving him.
though its advisable to close one eye at times. -
well said!Originally posted by fymk:One wise poster once said this about his colleague's wife when asked if she gets jealous when her husband looks at other women. She just said " It is like looking at restaurants and deciding what to eat. Who cares as long as he comes back and eats at home".
It is the wise words of a woman.
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Originally posted by 798:good bf n gf will not partying at pub.
Me dun party in Pub leh... In fact never party before... but... I work in Pub...Originally posted by petti:Are we in the same century?
Am I from different century too? Pls advise -
becos we r now busying bioing at sggirls.Originally posted by petti:Precisely. Why is there NO men to debate on this?
women r more jealous creature than men. we dun mind gals worship tom cruise, rain, justin timberlake, etc or some monks; but women r mad when we ooz at fiona xie.
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If he still insist on doing it but cant take it when u do it, i suggest u get that bugger out of ur life. Its not something comparing woman and man, rite?Originally posted by petti:Yes...
Anyway somehow it gives me a feeling that u already 'confirmed' ur mindset liao, so no matter what I say, its pretty useless. I shall end my post here in wishing u good luck!
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Let's not generalise on that i think. My boyfriend's jealousy is pretty well-known too.Originally posted by 798:becos we r now busying bioing at sggirls.
women r more jealous creature than men. we dun mind gals worship tom cruise, rain, justin timberlake, etc or some monks; but women r mad when we ooz at fiona xie. -
then i think both of u r well-match!Originally posted by petti:Let's not generalise on that i think. My boyfriend's jealousy is pretty well-known too.
i think in r/s u need to go this kind of test, no doubt u r jealous when such thing happen becos both of u MIND of each other.
it will be silly thing to break up over a minah had said. -
Please lor.Originally posted by 798:becos we r now busying bioing at sggirls.
women r more jealous creature than men. we dun mind gals worship tom cruise, rain, justin timberlake, etc or some monks; but women r mad when we ooz at fiona xie.
If that rain/justin timberlake or that some monk your gf is fantasizing about is her next door neighbor or her work colleague, I doubt you will be so " generous". -
Precisely!Originally posted by jojobeach:Please lor.
If that rain/justin timberlake or that some monk your gf is fantasizing about is her next door neighbor or her work colleague, I doubt you will be so " generous". -
They don't want to debate because they know your bf is still wet behind his ears, donno how to treat his own girl right.Originally posted by petti:Precisely. Why is there NO men to debate on this?
They are just waiting for you to dump him, so they can come and show you how a "real" man treats a woman. -
With the greatest respect to some well-intended postings, I find some of the views here absolutely laughable. If you're going to follow them, I'd be amazed if this relationship of yours would even last another 6 months (well, maybe exaggerated, but you get the drift), much less a lifetime (if that's even your ultimate aim). Ultimately, this is another example of a relationship founded on the basis of insecurity.
For a start, whatever your take is on the incident, you're pretty much entitled to it. That said, I just can never fathom how affirming a belief on the basis of someone else's views (so what if your mutual friends vouch for his (un)faithfulness? ultimately, it's what you think that matters) or adopting a tit-for-tat approach (as some have foolishly suggested that you do "not commit fully" to this relationship - look, if you aren't going to commit, why not just call it a day? it's going to do both of you a world of good, instead of sparking a tit-for-tat war) would actually rectify this problem. While the facts of the circumstances are seemingly innocuous to me, you could interpret it very differently - which you're entitled to do, obviously.
That said, this is your relationship - not mine or your mutual friends' - and ultimately, it's you who will be taking full stock and responsibility for what comes out of it. It's pretty much senseless for you to seek the validation or repudiation of whatever your values or perception of this incident to be - ultimately, if this incident is unacceptable to you, it wouldn't matter an iota if everyone told you it's actually pretty harmless.
The least you could do - if you believe this relationship is still special and worth something - is give this a fair shot at working by ironing out the differences with your beau through the communication of your fears and worries. By that, I don't mean communicating nonsensical ideas like ensuring equality and playing on each other's insecurity (your beau, from your description, is hardly a secure person to begin with) through reasoning that he shouldn't have done what he did because he wouldn't be ready to put up with something similar involving you and another guy. Ultimately, all relationships are founded on the basis of give-and-take and an inherent problem that seems to surface in many insecure relationships often stem from both parties wanting to take more than they're prepared to give.
On the other hand, if you believe this relationship to be condemned beyond salvation, you might just want to call a halt to proceedings - either way, I'm sure you wouldn't want either course of action to be a result of anyone's influence other than yours and yours exclusively. That way, at least it'd be much easier for you to live with your own decision even if you should get it wrong. Do yourself a favour and start having more faith in your convictions and actions regardless of how you perceive this incident. -
Originally posted by walesa:
Good posting, Walsea! Clap clap
With the greatest respect to some well-intended postings, I find some of the views here absolutely laughable. If you're going to follow them, I'd be amazed if this relationship of yours would even last another 6 months (well, maybe exaggerated, but you get the drift), much less a lifetime (if that's even your ultimate aim). Ultimately, this is another example of a relationship founded on the basis of [b]insecurity.
For a start, whatever your take is on the incident, you're pretty much entitled to it. That said, I just can never fathom how affirming a belief on the basis of someone else's views (so what if your mutual friends vouch for his (un)faithfulness? ultimately, it's what you think that matters) or adopting a tit-for-tat approach (as some have foolishly suggested that you do "not commit fully" to this relationship - look, if you aren't going to commit, why not just call it a day? it's going to do both of you a world of good, instead of sparking a tit-for-tat war) would actually rectify this problem. While the facts of the circumstances are seemingly innocuous to me, you could interpret it very differently - which you're entitled to do, obviously.
That said, this is your relationship - not mine or your mutual friends' - and ultimately, it's you who will be taking full stock and responsibility for what comes out of it. It's pretty much senseless for you to seek the validation or repudiation of whatever your values or perception of this incident to be - ultimately, if this incident is unacceptable to you, it wouldn't matter an iota if everyone told you it's actually pretty harmless.
The least you could do - if you believe this relationship is still special and worth something - is give this a fair shot at working by ironing out the differences with your beau through the communication of your fears and worries. By that, I don't mean communicating nonsensical ideas like ensuring equality and playing on each other's insecurity (your beau, from your description, is hardly a secure person to begin with) through reasoning that he shouldn't have done what he did because he wouldn't be ready to put up with something similar involving you and another guy. Ultimately, all relationships are founded on the basis of give-and-take and an inherent problem that seems to surface in many insecure relationships often stem from both parties wanting to take more than they're prepared to give.
On the other hand, if you believe this relationship to be condemned beyond salvation, you might just want to call a halt to proceedings - either way, I'm sure you wouldn't want either course of action to be a result of anyone's influence other than yours and yours exclusively. That way, at least it'd be much easier for you to live with your own decision even if you should get it wrong. Do yourself a favour and start having more faith in your convictions and actions regardless of how you perceive this incident.[/b] -
haha..Originally posted by jojobeach:Please lor.
If that rain/justin timberlake or that some monk your gf is fantasizing about is her next door neighbor or her work colleague, I doubt you will be so " generous". -
I see this as harmless, he was just trying to humour the 7-11 girl.Originally posted by petti:I think you are mistaken. I have absolute confidence in myself. Besides, whether how pretty or sexy am i is not the issue. Neither is how sexy she is. And neither is her intention in telling me.
The issue to me is, why is he saying that to another woman? And as if it is not bad enough, he said it within one to two metre away from me? What does this signify?
P/s: i asked him if he said that, he replied he did. -
Many a times women has this notion of a 'perfect love' or perfect relationship that must be smooth sailing all the way. But in reality there is no such thing of a perfect relationship. Every lasting relationship will always have their ups and downs and will always go through many many trials and errors.
Dare my wife and I claim we have a perfect marriage even though we have waded through almost 2 decades of trials and errors? Nope we didn't. But we count our blessing that we are still together and happy. There is still a long future ahead of us that will still continue to test our love for each other. What do we do? We will continue to face it together. Come what may we will try to overcome it.
There was a time in my life I was looking at other women! Why? I don't know honestly. Not that I don't love my wife and sons or got bored with them. It was an unexplainable phase I was going through. Surprisingly my wife saw it and instead of making a fuss or screaming and shouting about it she helped me overcame that phase. That is how good and understanding she was and still is. For that I do thank her from the bottom of my heart.
Now, if one day she is going to go through the same phase I went through. Will I be there to help her or will I straight away penalise and blame her? You bet I will do what she has done for me and help her through that phase too.
People go through changes in their lives all the time. And that is a fact not a myth. Learn to recognize these signs and help that person you love to cope with the changes instead of instantly pinpointing his/her faults.
TS, remember there is no such thing as perfect love. If you can't even withstand this small trial then I suggest you evaluate this relationship thoroughly before continuing on. Otherwise in the long run you will suffer and so will your boyfriend. -
Thats why they say that nowadays people are so quick to jump into divorce. A bit cannot then divorce, not willing to iron out the bumps and nicks
Anyway to the threadstarter, would it be very different if he just said sorry and hong u? -
Originally posted by walesa:
With the greatest respect to some well-intended postings, I find some of the views here absolutely laughable. If you're going to follow them, I'd be amazed if this relationship of yours would even last another 6 months (well, maybe exaggerated, but you get the drift), much less a lifetime (if that's even your ultimate aim). Ultimately, this is another example of a relationship founded on the basis of [b]insecurity.
For a start, whatever your take is on the incident, you're pretty much entitled to it. That said, I just can never fathom how affirming a belief on the basis of someone else's views (so what if your mutual friends vouch for his (un)faithfulness? ultimately, it's what you think that matters) or adopting a tit-for-tat approach (as some have foolishly suggested that you do "not commit fully" to this relationship - look, if you aren't going to commit, why not just call it a day? it's going to do both of you a world of good, instead of sparking a tit-for-tat war) would actually rectify this problem. While the facts of the circumstances are seemingly innocuous to me, you could interpret it very differently - which you're entitled to do, obviously.
That said, this is your relationship - not mine or your mutual friends' - and ultimately, it's you who will be taking full stock and responsibility for what comes out of it. It's pretty much senseless for you to seek the validation or repudiation of whatever your values or perception of this incident to be - ultimately, if this incident is unacceptable to you, it wouldn't matter an iota if everyone told you it's actually pretty harmless.
The least you could do - if you believe this relationship is still special and worth something - is give this a fair shot at working by ironing out the differences with your beau through the communication of your fears and worries. By that, I don't mean communicating nonsensical ideas like ensuring equality and playing on each other's insecurity (your beau, from your description, is hardly a secure person to begin with) through reasoning that he shouldn't have done what he did because he wouldn't be ready to put up with something similar involving you and another guy. Ultimately, all relationships are founded on the basis of give-and-take and an inherent problem that seems to surface in many insecure relationships often stem from both parties wanting to take more than they're prepared to give.
On the other hand, if you believe this relationship to be condemned beyond salvation, you might just want to call a halt to proceedings - either way, I'm sure you wouldn't want either course of action to be a result of anyone's influence other than yours and yours exclusively. That way, at least it'd be much easier for you to live with your own decision even if you should get it wrong. Do yourself a favour and start having more faith in your convictions and actions regardless of how you perceive this incident.[/b]
I have to agree with walsea, since he has posted a couple of points which I would have said as well.
It's not about the comment that devastate your day and probably coerced you to rethink if this actually classify as a form of betrayal - it's more like allowing a stranger or circumstance to sway your relationship with mere statement.
It seemed to me that your boyfriend is more inclined towards entertaining the woman than a literal or suggestive remark.
Not concurring that being flippant is right - but I seriously think that it shouldn't bring about such a heavy charge like betrayal. Not every crime will warrant a death-sentence - if it does manifest in your relationship, it would be vehemently intensive love affair.
Cheers -
no debatable topic here.. the guy's wrong.. for a fact.. if your bf loves you, he won't be chatting with the 7-11 girl..
how ridiculous.. just buying a pack of cigarettes and he can chat with someone..? wtf seriously.. if the cashier talk to me i prolly will be irritated.. there's no doubt he's being an a55hole..
it's not that hard to rationalise it u know, petti.. im sure u wouldn't be responding positively to a male stranger who comments about ur boyfriend.. so im quite sure it should be the same for him..
destructive comments from me aside, did u ask him why he said that? force a definite answer out of him, not those lame rhetoric 'u honestly think she was prettier than u?' kind of crap.. make ur feelings known to him.. we guys don't know what u girls are thinking unless u say it u know..
of course, about the forgiving part, if he was just being sarcastic to the cashier, then no problems with it.. if not, u will have to drill it into him no more such crap.. if it still falls on deaf ears then just forget it.. we all have a moment of folly.. but if he doesn't realise his, you will just have to give him the boot.. u are lucky u see this 6mths into ur r/s, not marriage..
good luck.. -
hi, hope i am not too late in this thread, well i am a guy but i do find this unacceptable. this is what we call lack of discipline. bear in mind...please understand the real meaning of discipline. dont call yourself you are disciplined enough even though you have been loving and caring, never misses any dates or late for anything but behind his or her back, did something small flirtatious act like that.... thats absurd you know.Originally posted by petti:You and your boyfriend go to a party, and you accompanied him to a convenience store nearby to get ciggies. He went into the store while you waited for him outside. Waited for a few seconds and decided to go in to join him.
The convenience store keeper, a rather plump yet sexy malay girl said to you "guess what did you bf said to me. i was asking him is that sexy girl outside your gf, and he told me "not as sexy as you""
Is this betrayal? Is this acceptable to you?
well to all, guys and girls alike, cant you commend about the strengths or good points of ur loved ones in front of others. well i am not saying we have to lie or what....if he or she has some weakness in anything, just confront them and tell them nicely....not in front of others. it also sounds like making fun of your loved ones, though you didnt mean it in the first place. you made fun of that malay girl rite, at the same time, you successfully did the same damage to your loved ones, do you know that?
well, try to fit in other people's shoes, if you cannot accept that behaviour by your loved ones, then better stop doing that or even contemplating of doing it. well i quite disagree with some people here saying you can love your loved ones but dont trust him or her totally. to me, you have to trust him or her, otherwise no point to be together, its suffocating everyday wondering what he or she has done behind my back. but what i wanna stress here is trust with your heart...as long not blindly then its acceptable.
but i do agree with some people here saying there are no perfect couples, we make mistakes and hence we shouldnt jump into conclusion too early. make sure he realises his mistake, tell him dont repeat this act anymore...coz giving him death sentence too early is not fair....anyway just my point of view here....remember....whatever you say counts, so be careful on what you say to anyone ok. cheers. wish you all the best in your relationship.