girls, would you....
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Maybe this has more to do with how the guy handles difficulties/problems he encounter?Originally posted by walesa:To the part in red, what's your stereotype of a "girl who behaves like a man"? If it's purely a matter of security and confidence, why not? As a matter of fact, I personally find such women very attractive.
Look, the geist of the matter does not centre on gender stereotypes - insecurity plague both genders and just because insecure women have a higher tendency to exhibit qualities revealing their insecurity doesn't render them inferior to insecure guys (of course, insecure women are no better than insecure guys and it should hardly come as a surprise such people invariably end up with their kind). The fact is, if you regard insecurity to be a turn-off (which I do in the case of excessive insecurity), it is a turn-off regardless of your gender.
With regard to the threadstarter, the answer to your question has pretty much got to be in your own mind. Are you prepared to live with him for who he is? At the end of the day, it really isn't an issue of what others perceive that matters.
If you can handle and resolve problems, would you constantly whine about it ?
Likely, NO.
Getting emo frequently is just very , un-manly.
Men can and should cry once a while. Women don't necessarily dislike men who show their vulnerability ONCE A WHILE.
In fact, when a man cry, my heart soften.
BUT to do it like what TS mentioned..... is a little tooo.... over the top.
Successful people are very seldom/hardly WHINY.
They have a problem, they get down and get it resolved.
They may cuss at it, complain about it when it happens, seek second opinions. etc. But at the end of the day, they seek solutions to deal with it.
It is part and parcel of sifting out the winners and the losers.
And yes, part of the natural selection process to avoid such whiny/emo male.
How a woman behaves like a man is rather relative to each individual.
To me, a woman to behaves like a man, is perhaps someone who .... hmmm.... hurls vulgarities every other sentences, wears boxers underwear and walks like theres a lam pah between her legs.
The guy I dated before was well accomplished in his career.
But, his whining was really to seek my attention, because he want me to pay more attention to him. Sad to say, he was a mommy's boy. And he constantly compared myself to his mother. -
omg papercut!
ur back!
rmb me mah?
jus date the fella. he trusts you. -
[quote]Originally posted by papercut87:
date a guy who is very nice and caring to you but the only thing u cannot tolerate is his vulnerability and sensitivity? like he gets emo, jealous and hurt very easily (not angry) over small issues or things you say... whereby sometimes u dont even know that u've hurt him..
because of that, he thinks alot and gets really depressed after that... and comes pouring everything out to you.. and u have to listen him out. in summary, its always the girl who is stronger (emotionally) and the one comforting the guy..
but other than that.. he's seems pretty ok.... like he has pretty gd qualities of a partner.. how?
guys, is it normal to be like that?[/quote]
No, this is simply immaturity, we gals need man with security or at least more mature than us to guide us along. We need a mature hand to take us on, so what if u have good qualities as handsome, tall, polite etc etc, but if you are very emotional type, sori, we are not hospital nurses, no time to attend to your emo and hurt feeling.
As for the yr last question, since you asked guys or perhap gays, I have no comment on it. -
That's the point - natural selection process or not, you just can't stereotype the behaviour as being an associative trait of a particular gender.Originally posted by jojobeach:Maybe this has more to do with how the guy handles difficulties/problems he encounter?
If you can handle and resolve problems, would you constantly whine about it ?
Likely, NO.
Getting emo frequently is just very , un-manly.
Men can and should cry once a while. Women don't necessarily dislike men who show their vulnerability ONCE A WHILE.
In fact, when a man cry, my heart soften.
BUT to do it like what TS mentioned..... is a little tooo.... over the top.
Successful people are very seldom/hardly WHINY.
They have a problem, they get down and get it resolved.
They may cuss at it, complain about it when it happens, seek second opinions. etc. But at the end of the day, they seek solutions to deal with it.
It is part and parcel of sifting out the winners and the losers.
And yes, part of the natural selection process to avoid such whiny/emo male.
How a woman behaves like a man is rather relative to each individual.
To me, a woman to behaves like a man, is perhaps someone who .... hmmm.... hurls vulgarities every other sentences, wears boxers underwear and walks like theres a lam pah between her legs.
The guy I dated before was well accomplished in his career.
But, his whining was really to seek my attention, because he want me to pay more attention to him. Sad to say, he was a mommy's boy. And he constantly compared myself to his mother.
Put it this way, I don't think any guy in his right mind (I am talking about mature guys who are looking for life partners, not teenagers having their first relationship here) would want a terribly insecure woman who isn't sure of anything either - after all, who in their right mind would want their children raised by a spouse who seems incapable of making decisions? Evidently, shying away from the insecure isn't something exclusive to women. In fact, this quality isn't exclusive to relationships. Go to any job interviews and, given a choice, interviewers would plump for confident people over the insecure ones any day.
Anyway, my point about a girl who acts like a guy isn't exactly what you had in mind - if anything, I was extolling the merits of confident, self-assured women who view themselves as every bit an equal to their male counterparts. Even in that context, I wouldn't go so far as to say confident spouses are tailor-made for everyone and ultimately, it's still down to the individuals to determine what's their best-fit.
On a sidenote, guess you must have had a pretty harrowing experience given the countless inepts you seem to have dated... -
So is that a complement or a complain?Originally posted by bladez87:yun, why you always got so much to type de ah? and always so structured. machiam taken out from a book and chucked here.
Cheers -
I started dating at a pretty young age.Originally posted by walesa:On a sidenote, guess you must have had a pretty harrowing experience given the countless inepts you seem to have dated...
Not really harrowing, more like eye opening. And they get better the next round.
Some are indeed inepts, some are just bad timing.
Never believe in taking the first guy to be the last.
I'd rather test drive several first, before making my decision to put my life long happiness into the hands of one man.
Put it this way, if I didn't try out so many, how would I know which is best for me ?
The more guys I date, the easier to understand them.
Very much like a clinical research. -
Men are actually very emotionally vulnerable even though they may seem very tough in the outside.
If they are so in touch with their sensitive sides, then I hop he is sensitive to you too, and not only towards his own feelings.
Maybe he should learn to control his emotions and not get emotional over every little things. -
I think you hit the nail on it's head girl.Originally posted by Quinsy:Men are actually very emotionally vulnerable even though they may seem very tough in the outside.
If they are so in touch with their sensitive sides, then I hop he is sensitive to you too, and not only towards his own feelings.
Maybe he should learn to control his emotions and not get emotional over every little things. -
Haha, I was just speaking from experience.Originally posted by jojobeach:I think you hit the nail on it's head girl. -
Much as you're entitled to live your life as you deem fit, I certainly wouldn't go so far as to say the first relationship will definitely not work out. Such stereotypical mindsets are pretty much counter-productive IMO.Originally posted by jojobeach:Put it this way, if I didn't try out so many, how would I know which is best for me ?
The more guys I date, the easier to understand them.
Very much like a clinical research.
Fact of the matter is, there will always be someone better out there (by the law of averages, at least), so are you going to keep searching for an eternity? On the other hand, it isn't quite like shopping for groceries either where you could go back to the stall offering the best deal once you've passed up a chance. Hence, wherever you choose to draw the line, you're ultimately still taking a chance - then again, that's life.
After all, if there were no divorces and family disputes, there'd be no solicitor specialising in family matters.
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Indeed a chance I'm willing to take.Originally posted by walesa:Much as you're entitled to live your life as you deem fit, I certainly wouldn't go so far as to say the first relationship will definitely not work out. Such stereotypical mindsets are pretty much counter-productive IMO.
Fact of the matter is, there will always be someone better out there (by the law of averages, at least), so are you going to keep searching for an eternity? On the other hand, it isn't quite like shopping for groceries either where you could go back to the stall offering the best deal once you've passed up a chance. Hence, wherever you choose to draw the line, you're ultimately still taking a chance - then again, that's life.
After all, if there were no divorces and family disputes, there'd be no solicitor specialising in family matters.
It is but a small price to pay, for what I have gained so far.
Right now, I'm happy with my find. Not exactly a perfect man, well, at least he isn't a big mistake like those in my past.
To get to where I am now, some painful decisions and sacrifices need to be made.
Even if there be no happy endings to this one, I'm content with just having a chance to live it.
After all, my happiness does not solely depend on some one else, but myself.
Just like the search for that perfect ride, it's great if I can find one, if not, I'm just as happy walking on my two feet.
Men do get better with age. -
there will always be a limit to everything, you weigh the pros & cons in every R/S. this is no different, if you want it so badly, you'll learn to tolerate & be understanding.
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I wouldn't. It can be very tiring to take care of his feelings.Originally posted by papercut87:date a guy who is very nice and caring to you but the only thing u cannot tolerate is his vulnerability and sensitivity? like he gets emo, jealous and hurt very easily (not angry) over small issues or things you say... whereby sometimes u dont even know that u've hurt him..
because of that, he thinks alot and gets really depressed after that... and comes pouring everything out to you.. and u have to listen him out. in summary, its always the girl who is stronger (emotionally) and the one comforting the guy..
but other than that.. he's seems pretty ok.... like he has pretty gd qualities of a partner.. how? guys, is it normal to be like that? -
guy who cannot control his own emotion will bring disaster to any rs. cuz he dont know what is he doin and cant control a simple thing and all based on his stupid feeling and not brain. sory this kind of guy really need to grow up be4 get into any rs.
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Papercut's way out of your league lah!Originally posted by gigabyte14:wa, papercut is back
Guys who are emo are wussbags to me.
The guy TS has described seems to be suffering from some kind of inadequacy in self-esteem, thus his insecurity leh. You sure you want this kind of guy?
Seems like he's not ready for serious relationship yet wor.....