Parents...
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what will you do if your dad is cheating on ur mum behind your back?
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adult affairs let them ownself settle.....
u can start thinking to choose which side
if u oredi adult, can make plans to be on ur own -
let them do wat they wan..
u mind ur own future and choose which parent to follow -
what u all mean by follow??? issit that they are bound to get divorced??
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divorce is not certainOriginally posted by mir4cle:what u all mean by follow??? issit that they are bound to get divorced??
i know of long-time couples who close 2 eyes to their spouse having affairs so tt to keep the marriage and oso for the sake of children
and hoping the spouse will hui tou shi an....
unless the spouse die die wanna be with the other one and dun want this family liao, then divorce loh -
When situation is at this stage, guess we have to look and it from a few perspectives...Originally posted by mir4cle:what will you do if your dad is cheating on ur mum behind your back?
1. Is your dad still providing for the family financially, emotionally and physically?
If yes, then his flings is just to satisfy his sexual needs. Some men are more sexual active than others. Just like when you feel hungry, some men are hungry for sex - it's natural. Men can be sexually active up till more than 80 years of age. Even if they are not virile, they are horny (no bad connotations) And if they cannot get satisfaction from home, they will look elsewhere.
You just have to find some ways to educate him on STDs. Are you old enough? How did you find out?
You are in a very bad position to help your mum but getting more family engagements is needed to ween him of his craving for sex. Asia women, especially our parent generation, are usually less sexual active and the only reason for sex is procreation. Which, we homo sapient are not created that why...some even argued that we are polygamous!
2. If your dad is neglecting the family financially, emotionally and physically, then something must be done. This is usually the last straw. But before you go all out, your parents must go for marital counsellings. Sometimes it may help.
How did you find out? Is it recent of it's been a while? Need all these info to give better evaluation and advises. -
mira4cle,Originally posted by mir4cle:what will you do if your dad is cheating on ur mum behind your back?
What exactly issit you want to know ?
Does your mum knows about the affair ? -
Gain some benefits from the situation.
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yeah.Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:Gain some benefits from the situation.
blackmail ur father.
ask him pay u $50 per week to not tell ur mother
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it's been quite long le..
my mum knows and always hinted to me de..she's been closing an eye oso..
den jus now i checked my dad's chat history. lots of flirting done...
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just dun follow his footsteps in futureOriginally posted by mir4cle:it's been quite long le..
my mum knows and always hinted to me de..she's been closing an eye oso..
den jus now i checked my dad's chat history. lots of flirting done... 
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but ur father dunno that ur mum noes rite.Originally posted by mir4cle:it's been quite long le..
my mum knows and always hinted to me de..she's been closing an eye oso..
den jus now i checked my dad's chat history. lots of flirting done...
DEN START BLACKMAILING HIM.
take advantage of the situation.
and i feel sorry u.
sorry man. -
Your mum needs you now, emotionally. Just need to be there for her can le.Originally posted by mir4cle:it's been quite long le..
my mum knows and always hinted to me de..she's been closing an eye oso..
den jus now i checked my dad's chat history. lots of flirting done... -
actually, my dad is kinda aware that my mum knows..but he jus continues on lor..
he's still supportin my family financially. but the thing is, he's in china now(business) and it's like, even more convenient for him since he has sooo many female china friends.=\ -
knn. that bastard.Originally posted by mir4cle:actually, my dad is kinda aware that my mum knows..but he jus continues on lor..
he's still supportin my family financially. but the thing is, he's in china now(business) and it's like, even more convenient for him since he has sooo many female china friends.=\
Let me @ him.
Gonna Burn His ass!!! -
Gosh...TS u how old now?
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As long as he dun cheat behind her back is ok. Behind your back is another issue.Originally posted by mir4cle:what will you do if your dad is cheating on ur mum behind your back? -
ur mum needs u.
support her decision.
is she working right now? -
I don't know how old are you.Originally posted by mir4cle:it's been quite long le..
my mum knows and always hinted to me de..she's been closing an eye oso..
den jus now i checked my dad's chat history. lots of flirting done...
But, if you are a mature enough , I'd suggest you have a heart to heart talk with your father.
Go to China and spend some quality time with your father.
Let your father know that you respect him and looked up to him for a good example.
Tell him that you appreciate his sacrifice for the family so that he can make sure the family is well taken care of.
Let him know you understand that he is away from home and is lonely. And you hope that whatever he do, he will think of his family first.
Control your emotions and not let it become a argument.
But don't tell him you found out from your mother, as this would cause a big rift between your parents.
Let him know you came across the msgs while cleaning out the computer.
(I'm not sure how well your father knows computers, but most likely you can BS him a bit )
I'm pretty sure your mum must be hurting inside.
To have a husband betrayal , and be helpless to do anything about it for fear of tearing the family apart.
Is your mom a housewife ? or is she able to support herself ?
I would encourage your mother to start doing something to ensure she can be self sufficient soon. -
i wouldn't do this, if the mom is somewhat aware and accepting, then you keep mum and say nothing, there's no need to rock the boat....your dad is probably exploring mid-life fling and nothing else...Originally posted by jojobeach:I don't know how old are you.
But, if you are a mature enough man, I'd suggest you have a heart to heart talk with your father.
Go to China and spend some quality time with your father.
Let your father know that you respect him and looked up to him for a good example.
Tell him that you appreciate his sacrifice for the family so that he can make sure the family is well taken care of.
Let him know you understand that he is away from home and is lonely. And you hope that whatever he do, he will think of his family first.
Control your emotions and not let it become a argument.
But don't tell him you found out from your mother, as this would cause a big rift between your parents.
Let him know you came across the msgs while cleaning out the computer.
(I'm not sure how well your father knows computers, but most likely you can BS him a bit )
I'm pretty sure your mum must be hurting inside.
To have a husband betrayal , and be helpless to do anything about it for fear of tearing the family apart.
Is your mom a housewife ? or is she able to support herself ?
I would encourage your mother to start doing something to ensure she can be self sufficient soon.
the reality of things is that your mom is probably comfortable with the way things are and there's no desire in her to expose him...your dad knows that she knows and though for the wrong reason, he respects her enough to stay in the marriage...the person you need to talk to is not your dad but your mom and ask her if she intends to do anything about it... -
That is as good as asking TS to do nothing.Originally posted by countdracula:i wouldn't do this, if the mom is somewhat aware and accepting, then you keep mum and say nothing, there's no need to rock the boat....your dad is probably exploring mid-life fling and nothing else...
the reality of things is that your mom is probably comfortable with the way things are and there's no desire in her to expose him...your dad knows that she knows and though for the wrong reason, he respects her enough to stay in the marriage...the person you need to talk to is not your dad but your mom and ask her if she intends to do anything about it...
And everyday, the resentment towards the father will grow and grow.
Not a good way to maintain a good father child relationship, don't you think ? -
By the way Mir4cle, how is the relationship between your father and you ?
Do you have other siblings ? Are they close to your dad ?
In situations like this, the last thing you want to do is to ostracize your father.
Now is the time to tighten the bonds, not losen it.
If you don't have a fantastic relationship with your father , it is time to start building it. -
im 18. and yeah, i am in china w my dad. last nite i heard him speaking to a lady on e phone. den he said he's alone now. =\ he thot i sleep alr but actually i havent.
i have a brother and me and my bro not very close to my dad. maybe it's because of the influence of my mum?
my mum's working part-time..but earning very little..like $4.50/hr or sth.
i was thinking of writing a letter to my dad before i leave China..coz he's gonna stay here for quite a long time... -
I'm not sure if you are mature enough to handle this.Originally posted by mir4cle:im 18. and yeah, i am in china w my dad. last nite i heard him speaking to a lady on e phone. den he said he's alone now. =\ he thot i sleep alr but actually i havent.
i have a brother and me and my bro not very close to my dad. maybe it's because of the influence of my mum?
my mum's working part-time..but earning very little..like $4.50/hr or sth.
i was thinking of writing a letter to my dad before i leave China..coz he's gonna stay here for quite a long time...
But you may be more mature than anyone would give credit for.
Very likely your mom could have influenced your brother, the same way she could have influenced you. And it is not fair to you and your brother, neither is she being fair to your father.
Leaving a letter to your dad before you leave, means he has no chance to explain his side of the story to you. Is that being fair to him ?
You can summon your courage and talk to him.
Say something like this to start .
" Dad, thank you for taking care of us all these time. We really love you. And because of you, we are very fortunate to have a wonderful and supportive family.
But there is something that is really bugging me, and I really don't want to go home without having a adult-adult talk with you. The last thing I want is to have any misunderstanding between us.
I heard you talking to a lady last night, and I saw some messages while cleaning up the computer. I'm wondering, are you having second thoughts about the love you have for mom ?
I can understand that you are a man, and being away from your wife for such a long time , can make you very lonely. And you do have your needs too.
But I do hope you will do what is right for the family.
We love you, respect you and appreciate your sacrifices.
Both me and brother looks up to you and sees a great example of a loving father and a husband."
I know this can be an emotional time for you, if you cannot handle talking face to face.
You can pen this down into a letter, but make sure he gets the time to read it and response to you while you are still there.
Perhaps you can ask him out to a nice and quiet coffee place and hand this to him, let him read it and wait for his response.
Be strong. -
do not do anything yet...you could make it very bad for the whole thing to recover.....speak to your mother and ask if she needs to have this in the open...there are folks who can keep things under pretense and things move on...sometimes it works and other times it doesn't.....
at 18 and you want to engage your father? he'll probably get mad and may even leave the marriage to spite you.....you are in no position to confront and don't listen to some wise ass about writing some silly note.....picture this, when your father reads the letter and he says to you, "who the hell are you to teach your father!" then he leaves the family for some china slut...