girlfriend going out with other guys
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wha ppl put jar u put bolsterOriginally posted by moletan2003:ya i have always put in a lot of effort in my relationships. cook for her, fetch her from work, buy gifts for her, write letters, pick saga seeds make it into a bolster. Everything that i can think of however its just my financial instability which is going to lack soon that prevents her commitment. But i stilll belived that forsaking my job for the degree is the correct thing to do with or without her.
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How old are u TS?
Why restrict yourself to 1 girlfriend when u could and should be having lots of female friends at present? Are you getting a girlfriend because everyone's doing so and is the in-thing to do?
Are u 2 ready to commit to a life together?
If not, get ya ass to move on!
The girl is right and sensible - she and you should get to know more friends of the opposite sex and noy unduly restrict yourselves.....
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yes what you say makes sense to me, I should be knowing more girls and not restrict myself only to one only. Am I going to commit myself to marriage? I think i really need to consider my options.
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so, roughly u tink wads her answer after the cooldown period?
Confront the guy la. like infantry say, give him RHK.
seriously, i hate people hu gets into a relationship but gives up halfway for another r/s.
If not serious, den don get into a r/s la. . .
tis referring to the increasing trend of gerls cheating on their partners.
How fckle minded they can be
aniwaes TS, u're welcomed at singles club
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She told me herself all the problems that we are facing. So yesterday when I told her to cold off for awhile, i quoted exactly what she told me. Plus the fact that i acknowledge the problems. Deep down inside I still love her but knowing the type of girl she is.... I think it will be 30% chance.
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You ask for cooling period , AFTER she told you the problems ???!!!!Originally posted by moletan2003:She told me herself all the problems that we are facing. So yesterday when I told her to cold off for awhile, i quoted exactly what she told me. Plus the fact that i acknowledge the problems. Deep down inside I still love her but knowing the type of girl she is.... I think it will be 30% chance.
Why you go dig your own grave ?
Haiz.. big mistake. -
I guess it is good as well why would i want to be with someone who is not interested in a stable relationship? Do i deserved to be treated as such? If she can telll me that we are not married and reserve the right to chose her friends than i can also equally demand the same stand. All i want is her faith in me. I am tired also of giving and giving and end result she is still considering? It is very painfull and hurting for me
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communication. its very very very impt.
from ur previous posts it seems that she is going to another guy.
talk to her.
knw wat she really wants. if she wans to leave let her go then. no pt having 1 way communication coz in the end u are the one being hurt. not her.
Nothing can stop love from dying.
Nothing can also stop love from growing.
Love can be maintained only when both parties "sees the same direction"
take care man. There is still a long life journey ahead. -
I think at least ur gf bothers to tell u she is going out with this guy. Also, if she wants to be with this guy, she would have leave u long ago. Maybe her intention is only in making more frends?
The cool off period might be a good time for both of u to re think about the relationship. MAybe she might just not be the one for you. But perhaps u should also trust ur gal more since u all have been together for so long.. -
Opinion:
Hi, i can see that your very worried about ur gf, need to remain calm and cool.
Have u seen the guy before?
Did he have things superior than you? (Eg.Paper qualification, looks, character...)
By right, that guy should not do that (snatching people's girlfriend is not right).
That guy is "Zian(4) Gu(3) Tou(2).
I've met this kind of people before, just find some chance to shame and humiliate him, if ur gf is materialistic it's not too late to know now.
If ur young, 2 years still ok(can still find other girl) otherwise u may consider to maintain the relationship if u really aceept it. -
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i will confirm feel jealous also
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Congrats that she left.
At least you know now she is not the one for you for the fact that she is unable to commit her mind on you.
Make choices and don't look back. -
Ya the future looks bleak.... I know because of her fifth time going out with this guy and she broke her promise of not seeing him again. Is promises important?? Am I sensitive?? What I belived in is that she should not break her promise to me after sounding off my concern to her. She never the less broke her promise and I must admit that she is reconsidering her options. It will happened sooner or later if her heart is not with me. At least i have woken up my idea. I dont think i should see the guy, there is really no point in doing that cause it is not that guy's problem. If my girlfriend is serious about me she would not even bother about him. I am sad that she has chosen to do this though.
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take care dude.
it is okay dat u give up ur job to purse ur degree.
i think she is stupid leh, when u finish ur studies, u are more likely to get a job with a higher pay lo.
anyway, we are nt in ur relationship, but we can only ask u to take or give u the best advice dat we can give. -
I dont think i should confront that guy. It is not his problem but rather my girlfriend. She is not sure of her feelings for me and for that I feel disappointed in myself. I feel like calling her and tell her we should break off.
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btw do you mind letting us know of the outcome of your situation when you finally solve it? thanks
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Yes i will but should i solve it now today or wait til Jan??
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Depends on how sure you are of your decision. If you are very sure of your decision now, then prolly need not waste time? Make sure that you make a decision you wont regret. Good luck!Originally posted by moletan2003:Yes i will but should i solve it now today or wait til Jan?? -
Personally i think this is the worst part in a relationship when the couple say they need time to reconsider. When they try to get back together, the feeling will nv be the same again. I suggest you give up on her and concentrate on your studies, i think there is still someone out there need your love more than her.Originally posted by moletan2003:Guys thanks so much for all your input. I already know the problem of my relationship the cooling off period is meant as a gauge for me to see her affection for me. I can roughly know the answer. Anyway she went out alone with this guy for a drink. The last time my ex did this she left with another guy. I really thank you all for your kind words :} -
In my opinion, you should not continue this relationship with her. Please allow me to explain.Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi I am having some problem with my girlfriend and need some advice. Recently, my girlfriend have been going out with this particular guy for about 5 times since may this year. I ask her why is it that she is going out with him? and she explained that it is because that she just wants to know more friends.
I understand that it is perfectly fine to know more friends, however I think that the guy is interested in her hence his persistence. And I did voice out my concern to my girlfriend and she promised me she will not go out with him again. That was 2 months ago. Yesterday, she went out with him again.
Today, I told her in person that we should stop seeing each other for a month and really decide on whether we should continue with this relationship. She agreed.
I have been with my girlfriend for about coming to 2 years. Currently I am a civil servant but come next year Jan I will be quitting my job and concentrate on my degree. I took this step to enhance my paper qualification so as to increase my chance of getting a better paid job. She is supportive but she also understand that I will not be able to be as stable as before when I quit my job.
I am sad that this has happened but I also need some assurance from her. Am i selfish in asking her to stop seeng this guy?? objectively there is nothing wrong with her seeing other guys. emotionally, i am actually quite bothered by her willingness to go out with him. I am very sad cause I have put in alot of effort in maintaining this relationship but she is just not being helpful.
(1) Putting the relationship to risk
In a relationship, if the person views the relationship importantly, the person will not want to risk the relationship. Going out alone with another guy on outings can easily send the wrong idea to the other guy. At the same time, she will never know what will happen during the outing. I don't want to elaborate on a recent uproar over a sgforum member's allegations against a moderator's issue. There is nothing wrong in getting to know more people. But why does it have to be alone with another guy? There's nothing more she should probe into another guy's life apart from what is achievable going out in a group outing.
(2) Supportive of temporary break up
I will use the word breakup as she will be entitled to do anything she wants during this period when you two are not meeting up. This 'anything' includes getting emotionally, sexually involved with another person. Or she probably had already. In a normal case, the other party will not be supportive towards a temporary stoppage of meet ups.
(3) Pursuit of higher education
While I applaud your determination to scale higher in your educational level, I must remind you that it is a big commitment in all aspects. Including financially. An extra commitment will mean an extra stress. You will be virtually crippled financially if you resign from employment. Even after you receive your degree, you will also need some time to consolidate your foundations in the industry as a new graduate considering your temporary absence from the working sector. On the contrary, have you gave thought to a part time degree instead?
Please allow me to analyse your character based on what you said. You're a very responsible person who has a certain degree of ambitions towards a better employment leverage. At the same time, you are somewhat authocratic and want things to be done in your way in most of the times. Slightly towards the possessive type of bf.
Therefore, I think that you need to let go of this relationship and seek another one. But at your current stage, I would greatly encourage you to concentrate on your career. A suitable girl will come by your life again to help you get over the part your current love is vacated. A good time to talk about relationship is after you have been well stabilised financially. Of course unless God arranges for someone before that instead.
Do not feel compelled to agree or disagree with me in main. You may want to convert to PM if you wish to discuss further. -
I dun mind once in a while. but so often like once or twice weekly is too much.
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no need to react, since you are in a 'cooling' period, just let it be so and move on with your life...let her do the approaching.....if she doesn't, then don't bother with her anymore....regardless, you should consider this over and done with....Originally posted by moletan2003:Yes i will but should i solve it now today or wait til Jan??
go for your education, make yourself more attractive with your career....i presume you are still young, there's plenty of time and ladies out there...this one has shown she is ready to betray you, why cling on to her..... -
Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi I am having some problem with my girlfriend and need some advice. Recently, my girlfriend have been going out with this particular guy for about 5 times since may this year. I ask her why is it that she is going out with him? and she explained that it is because that she just wants to know more friends.
I understand that it is perfectly fine to know more friends, however I think that the guy is interested in her hence his persistence. And I did voice out my concern to my girlfriend and she promised me she will not go out with him again. That was 2 months ago. Yesterday, she went out with him again.
Today, I told her in person that we should stop seeing each other for a month and really decide on whether we should continue with this relationship. She agreed.
I have been with my girlfriend for about coming to 2 years. Currently I am a civil servant but come next year Jan I will be quitting my job and concentrate on my degree. I took this step to enhance my paper qualification so as to increase my chance of getting a better paid job. She is supportive but she also understand that I will not be able to be as stable as before when I quit my job.
I am sad that this has happened but I also need some assurance from her. Am i selfish in asking her to stop seeng this guy?? objectively there is nothing wrong with her seeing other guys. emotionally, i am actually quite bothered by her willingness to go out with him. I am very sad cause I have put in alot of effort in maintaining this relationship but she is just not being helpful.
You have re-encountered a situation previously occurred in the past - that your girlfriend has decided to date another guy outside this relationship and began to question or review the existence of your relationship.
Albeit I do not know you personally, unless you are somehow fortunate enough to find someone that appreciate your sort of personality and definition of love that you share, you may want to do some quiet introspection to uncover where the rot first began in your relationship. I reckoned that the last thing you would ever want to see is this same vicious cycle befalling on you again for the third time or beyond.
A perfectly satisfied woman can never be seduced - surely, there must be that little subconscious frustration or unsatisfied needs that go unnoticed throughout the course of your relationship, which conjured the 'push' factor for her to look elsewhere. I won't say that it's unreasonable for you to be insecure, because somehow, your woman does show signs of drifting and you seemed powerless to do anything.
Somehow the excuse of having 'to know more friends' is but a facade to date other guys and to jump ship when the opportunity arises.
The crack is NOT caused by her trying to expand her social circle outside that of her relationship - but rather, if the introduction of this guy could possess the power to devastate your relationship, I say it's more than meets the eye because if your relationship of two years cannot even handle the appearance of one fellow - looks like the structure of your relationship isn't as sturdy as you might thought it could be.
Love can withstand any adversity ONLY if it's true to its highest and most sacred intention. Superficiality and inferior love will only crumble with the passing of time for a feeble relationship cannot endure the decomposition nature of time. Time, being the greatest test of love, will always seek to comminute - what years of relationship you took to build - overnight... like how fragile a glass can be... smashing delicately against the brick wall.
Sadly, if your love decides that she wants to out, there's little you could possibly do to restore this damaged relationship. For love has neither auto-save nor backup function to return back to the 'golden age' of your relationship. Your request for a cool down period probably hints that this relationship is almost as good as gone.
A cool down period hardly serve its original purpose - more often than not, it's usually served as a preparation for one to leave the shore to pursue new isles.
This period might just give her enough clarity to take flight and fly high. And you: the time for acceptance and the courage to walk forward.
Cheers -
Wow Yunhaier, you blow me off as always. Well said and so damn true.