girlfriend going out with other guys
-
is it cox you spend too much time doing other stuff that you neglect her ? or she cant sense that you care for her that's why she go out with others. maybe you should reflect yourself first. then you'll find out wad's wrong bah. (: cheer up anyway.
-
i think u get jealous and possesive too easily, my $0.02, no offence.
-
i think she is getting bored of the r/s?
not meant to scare you or wat, but sometimes when r/s goes into stagnent period, it bores ppl. and the girl might wan to source for new enlightment or excitments.
your guys gonna to work tgt to overcome this unstable period, so i suggest a good tok with her? -
I dont really know what i should do now. I have been drunk the past few nights and nothing seems to be solved. I am just waiting for her to call me but I know the reply, i need to accept whatever god has put in faith of me. I am so tired. anyway a big thanks for all the kind souls who have bothered to reply to this mail. I promised that no matter what is going to happen, I will post the outcome in this forum which has been supportive of my situation. A million thanks to all of you
-
Hello dear (:
I've just typed one long post, but something went wrong and now I have to type it again (darn). But I'll cut to the point.
Please stop drinking your nights away, you know it does not solve anything, so stop doing it. Instead of thinking about her 24/7, build a wall around that thought, and do something to get that out of your mind. Hang out with your friends, make new ones, get a hobby. Anything but drown yourself in alcohol.
If I were you, I'd break up with her, even if it hurts me. Being hurt by her is much worse, in my opinion.
Why break up, you may ask.
There are two reasons - you can find out her true feelings, and maybe get rid of all the suffering you are going through.
There are 2 possible situations during the break up scene:
1) She'll accept it, no questions asked (or maybe just a "Why ?").
If this is the case, then you have made the right choice in breaking up with her, because if she does not show emotion, it means she does not feel as strongly for you as you do for her. And you deserve more than that.
2) She'll show emotion, cry, and ask questions like why, what went wrong, etc.
If she does something like this, then comfort her and tell her why you decided to break up with her. Tell her you don't feel that she's treating you as well as you treat her, and you don't want to waste your life away waiting for her to show her true feelings. If things go right, and you find out she really does love you, you still can take back your "break up". Ask for another chance for her to prove that she loves you.
Sometimes, the only thing you can do to get a heart to spill its true thoughts, is to just break it.
I hope this post helps, good luck with your relationship (: Any questions, just quote me and ask (: -
X2Originally posted by soleachip:If she goes out with other male friends regularly but only this particular chap is making you feel uneasy, then trust your gut. You have no real confirmation whether there is something fishy going on between them but dude, this line alone is bad enough - when your woman is ok with a cooling off period without putting up a fight or wondering why, her interest in you is waning. The real problem isn't the guy, because even if you manage to bash this one with a stick, there will come another, and another.
Fretting over her 'guy friends' is not going to help. And it is true that men don't keep pretty girls around for the sake of platonic friendship (unless they are blatantly gay), but by making her promise never to see him again you are showing her your insecurities and insecurity in a man is a bit of a turn off. Besides, if she wants to see him, there is no way you can stop her - it is impossible to keep any woman on a leash.
The biggest mistake you can possibly make dude, is making her choose between you and the boys. Why don't you demonstrate some confidence by telling her you are glad she is hanging out with these boys and if she wants to go out with a hundred others, she should be your guest and go ahead, play with them and have a good time?
Since she is perfectly fine with not seeing you for a month and then take some time off, don't call her, don't send her messages, make zero contact and find your life outside of this heavy duty relationship.
Just my two cents worth.
well said mate!! totally agreed!! -
my 2 cents:
love is to be happy. when u are not happy together, move on and keep the happy memories in your heart. ^^ -
Of course nothing will be resolved by getting drunk, silly. Otherwise this would be a much easier world to live in!Originally posted by moletan2003:I dont really know what i should do now. I have been drunk the past few nights and nothing seems to be solved. I am just waiting for her to call me but I know the reply, i need to accept whatever god has put in faith of me. I am so tired. anyway a big thanks for all the kind souls who have bothered to reply to this mail. I promised that no matter what is going to happen, I will post the outcome in this forum which has been supportive of my situation. A million thanks to all of you
It is ok to wallow in your sadness for a while, or to get drunk at times. But this is not the time. Not yet. Rather, this is the time for you to sort out your thinking about your relationship and your future. If a month later, things really dont work out, then start drinking. Numb yourself abit, then move on. -
Hi bro,Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi I am having some problem with my girlfriend and need some advice. Recently, my girlfriend have been going out with this particular guy for about 5 times since may this year. I ask her why is it that she is going out with him? and she explained that it is because that she just wants to know more friends.
I understand that it is perfectly fine to know more friends, however I think that the guy is interested in her hence his persistence. And I did voice out my concern to my girlfriend and she promised me she will not go out with him again. That was 2 months ago. Yesterday, she went out with him again.
Today, I told her in person that we should stop seeing each other for a month and really decide on whether we should continue with this relationship. She agreed.
I have been with my girlfriend for about coming to 2 years. Currently I am a civil servant but come next year Jan I will be quitting my job and concentrate on my degree. I took this step to enhance my paper qualification so as to increase my chance of getting a better paid job. She is supportive but she also understand that I will not be able to be as stable as before when I quit my job.
I am sad that this has happened but I also need some assurance from her. Am i selfish in asking her to stop seeng this guy?? objectively there is nothing wrong with her seeing other guys. emotionally, i am actually quite bothered by her willingness to go out with him. I am very sad cause I have put in alot of effort in maintaining this relationship but she is just not being helpful.
I am not a fatalist but there are things you can control and there are things you cannot. When an opportunity comes, grab it as hard as possible. And when it's slipping, the harder you grab, the faster it goes!
Sad but true, if your gf is ready to move on, there is no point in holding her back. However, please do not give up and throw everything away. Give her support like a friend would. Be ready...
Relationship can only be built up by honesty, care, concern, love, commitment, being understanding, excitement, and whatever nouns out there in this world....and tested over time. When a person start to seek new 'nouns', you know that there are gaps that need to be filled. And you didn't quite fill it as how she hopes to be. It's not what you didn't do, it's what you haven't done. Learn to grow from there. Character building is important for a good relationship.
Are you ready to accept her if she returns? Think about it and try to understand internally why? Either decision is ok but it's your decision. You must know why. Your decision will see test what kind of person you are.
If you can, take the time to concentrate on your study and enlarge your social circle. Meet new people. I supposed you are in your early twenties so time is on your side. There are much to be done.
When I bicker with my wife, I know that I DL her cos of the issue and not the person. Try to understand from your gf what is lacking. No need to be hunky glory I-will-sacrifice-and-take-pain type...just be sincere (your own self) and try to understand and learn.
Moving forward, try to learn where a relationship leads. Is she the potential wife? Or just another cute gal that fit your bill? What do you look for in a gf/spouse? Are you filling up to her standards? What do you need to do the attain that level?
Cannot answer these questions? Then maybe your relationship is still premature and should keep it an open relationship.
I personally always find it a joke when people said "I ask her to be my gf/bf"....why do you need to do that? If you enjoy the company of a person, spend more time together, take care of her, take care of yourself for her etc....title is just title. It is the responsible actions that win the day. -
u can't compromise, she doesn't care.....i say forget it & concentrate on your studies & its a wise investment when it comes to studies, at least ur sure of the results when u put hard work in it....cheer up & all the best in ur academic persuit
-
Originally posted by nehpyh:Hi bro,
I am not a fatalist but there are things you can control and there are things you cannot. When an opportunity comes, grab it as hard as possible. And when it's slipping, the harder you grab, the faster it goes!
Sad but true, if your gf is ready to move on, there is no point in holding her back. However, please do not give up and throw everything away. Give her support like a friend would. Be ready...
Relationship can only be built up by honesty, care, concern, love, commitment, being understanding, excitement, and whatever nouns out there in this world....and tested over time. When a person start to seek new 'nouns', you know that there are gaps that need to be filled. And you didn't quite fill it as how she hopes to be. It's not what you didn't do, it's what you haven't done. Learn to grow from there. Character building is important for a good relationship.
Are you ready to accept her if she returns? Think about it and try to understand internally why? Either decision is ok but it's your decision. You must know why. Your decision will see test what kind of person you are.
If you can, take the time to concentrate on your study and enlarge your social circle. Meet new people. I supposed you are in your early twenties so time is on your side. There are much to be done.
When I bicker with my wife, I know that I DL her cos of the issue and not the person. Try to understand from your gf what is lacking. No need to be hunky glory I-will-sacrifice-and-take-pain type...just be sincere (your own self) and try to understand and learn.
Moving forward, try to learn where a relationship leads. Is she the potential wife? Or just another cute gal that fit your bill? What do you look for in a gf/spouse? Are you filling up to her standards? What do you need to do the attain that level?
Cannot answer these questions? Then maybe your relationship is still premature and should keep it an open relationship.
I personally always find it a joke when people said "I ask her to be my gf/bf"....why do you need to do that? If you enjoy the company of a person, spend more time together, take care of her, take care of yourself for her etc....title is just title. It is the responsible actions that win the day.
Enlightment... thanks -
What does the question " Would you be my gf/bf?" really say?Originally posted by Uncertain: Enlightment... thanks
Options:
1. 'you can only be my gf and not see others';
2. 'you can be my gf and still see others';
3. ' you can be my gf, can't see others but I can behind your back';
4. 'you can be my gf and we all can see others'.
5. Feel free to add...
Whatever that's defined, the relationship will still undergo 'natural selection', matching attractiveness, ideal qualities, etc between partners...the most equilibrium ones will stay while others flutter around...
To me (subjective), making sure others enjoy my company, and I enjoy their company is the first step. When the time is right, then talk about stability and security. And then commitments. And then....There are order and priorities. Mess it up and the relationship might undergo unclear duress.... -
Friends i am so tempted to talk to her and ask her opinion but i know i cannot do that. I need to see for myself if she really loves me. If she does show her true feelings than of course i will be there for her. If she wants out than I am out too need to learn how to live by myself. But i know better than anybody else what her reactions will be, considering her persistence for a break up the other time. I beg her back just because I cannot bear to live without her. Now after seeing her actions and words I am so utterly dissapointed in myself for being unable to win her heart. I have put in my effort but sometimes love is just not enough you need other things as well....
I am thinking of doing volunteer work to keep me occupy for a while, anyway I am in my late 20s getting old already -
Moletan2003,Originally posted by moletan2003:Friends i am so tempted to talk to her and ask her opinion but i know i cannot do that. I need to see for myself if she really loves me. If she does show her true feelings than of course i will be there for her. If she wants out than I am out too need to learn how to live by myself. But i know better than anybody else what her reactions will be, considering her persistence for a break up the other time. I beg her back just because I cannot bear to live without her. Now after seeing her actions and words I am so utterly dissapointed in myself for being unable to win her heart. I have put in my effort but sometimes love is just not enough you need other things as well....
I am thinking of doing volunteer work to keep me occupy for a while, anyway I am in my late 20s getting old already
Why do you shape your life around her decision ?
My suggestion to you is this, move on.
Go make sure you will live a better life.
If she finds out you are down the pits since the break up. She will be more convinced leaving you IS the right choice.
The only way a woman will feel regrets for leaving a man is when she realized the man is happier without her.
Yes, go volunteer your time.
Go travel , go LIVE YOUR LIFE. -
Bro u still young dun beg for love, at least u had try yr best.
-
When logic and reason makes no sense and when listening to your heart is too irrational, use your gut. Dude, when your gut is telling you not to call this woman, don't call this woman. Don't make the move. Let her come to you.Originally posted by moletan2003:Friends i am so tempted to talk to her and ask her opinion but i know i cannot do that. I need to see for myself if she really loves me. If she does show her true feelings than of course i will be there for her. If she wants out than I am out too need to learn how to live by myself. But i know better than anybody else what her reactions will be, considering her persistence for a break up the other time. I beg her back just because I cannot bear to live without her. Now after seeing her actions and words I am so utterly dissapointed in myself for being unable to win her heart. I have put in my effort but sometimes love is just not enough you need other things as well....
I am thinking of doing volunteer work to keep me occupy for a while, anyway I am in my late 20s getting old already
Has she called? Left you messages? If she's leaving 20 messages and calling 5 times day, pounding on your doors and begging you to take her back, then maybe you'll have a chance with her (apparently not). You have done everything you could. You've begged. You've made the effort. You've told her that you love her. So if she no longer digs you, she no longer digs you. Let your ego take the beating because there is nothing left to do. Just let it sink in. Then ride it out.
When your girl is acting cold towards you, don't start getting down on your knees and begging for her again. Why beg? Why hang around for more beating?
You're just feeling the pain from rejection that's all and it happens to the best of us. Take care dude. Before committing to a woman, best to commit to yourself. -
I've noticed a common mistake men tends to make.
In times of adversity in the relationship, men calls for a "cool off" break.
Bear in mind that, you are in a relationship with a woman, NOT A MAN like yourself.
A woman is like a pendulum, when you see the swing losing it's speed, you give it another good swing. NOT ASK FOR A TIME OUT.
You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~.
The time out method works for men, I agree. BUT YOU ARE NOT DATING A MAN.
UNLESS your woman is so fugly, that no other man will want her.
The chances are, she WILL see greener pastures elsewhere.
Don't cry if you insist if she really loves you, she wouldn't leave you.
The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT.
A time out = abandonment. Women DO HAVE abandonment issues. OK ? -
I totally agree with Jo.Originally posted by jojobeach:I've noticed a common mistake men tends to make.
In times of adversity in the relationship, men calls for a "cool off" break.
Bear in mind that, you are in a relationship with a woman, NOT A MAN like yourself.
A woman is like a pendulum, when you see the swing losing it's speed, you give it another good swing. NOT ASK FOR A TIME OUT.
You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~.
The time out method works for men, I agree. BUT YOU ARE NOT DATING A MAN.
UNLESS your woman is so fugly, that no other man will want her.
The chances are, she WILL see greener pastures elsewhere.
Don't cry if you insist if she really loves you, she wouldn't leave you.
The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT.
A time out = abandonment. Women DO HAVE abandonment issues. OK ?
Show support cos she's also into another unknown territory. Do what you are good at when you are with her - support. Unless of course, she asks you to stop bothering her than that's a different story.
But please, support hor, not pester her with all the weird sms, phone calls
, gifts and sudden appearances - do not do things that you haven't been doing.
Be sincere and earnest.
I almost lost my wife to her admirer. Without a cool head and sincerity, we wouldn't have managed.
A man in the late 20s and early 30s is just starting out, so dun lose heart.
As a consolation, the Chinese zodiac says that the best spouse should have a 6 years difference in age. That is just a guide so also no need to take it to heart....but on hindsight, consider the maturity, physical attraction, financial support, and life's experience you can offer to someone 6 years younger!!!! -
Yes, this is very true in most cases especially losing steam in a relationship.Originally posted by jojobeach:I've noticed a common mistake men tends to make.
In times of adversity in the relationship, men calls for a "cool off" break.
Bear in mind that, you are in a relationship with a woman, NOT A MAN like yourself.
A woman is like a pendulum, when you see the swing losing it's speed, you give it another good swing. NOT ASK FOR A TIME OUT.
You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~.
The time out method works for men, I agree. BUT YOU ARE NOT DATING A MAN.
UNLESS your woman is so fugly, that no other man will want her.
The chances are, she WILL see greener pastures elsewhere.
Don't cry if you insist if she really loves you, she wouldn't leave you.
The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT.
A time out = abandonment. Women DO HAVE abandonment issues. OK ?
However, if there are fundamental differences between 2 parties, time out may not be such a bad idea to evaluate the relationship with a cool mind. -
forget about her. Is she truly loves u, u are the only one that she sees is her eyes...Originally posted by moletan2003:Hi I am having some problem with my girlfriend and need some advice. Recently, my girlfriend have been going out with this particular guy for about 5 times since may this year. I ask her why is it that she is going out with him? and she explained that it is because that she just wants to know more friends.
I understand that it is perfectly fine to know more friends, however I think that the guy is interested in her hence his persistence. And I did voice out my concern to my girlfriend and she promised me she will not go out with him again. That was 2 months ago. Yesterday, she went out with him again.
Today, I told her in person that we should stop seeing each other for a month and really decide on whether we should continue with this relationship. She agreed.
I have been with my girlfriend for about coming to 2 years. Currently I am a civil servant but come next year Jan I will be quitting my job and concentrate on my degree. I took this step to enhance my paper qualification so as to increase my chance of getting a better paid job. She is supportive but she also understand that I will not be able to be as stable as before when I quit my job.
I am sad that this has happened but I also need some assurance from her. Am i selfish in asking her to stop seeng this guy?? objectively there is nothing wrong with her seeing other guys. emotionally, i am actually quite bothered by her willingness to go out with him. I am very sad cause I have put in alot of effort in maintaining this relationship but she is just not being helpful. -
"The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT."Originally posted by jojobeach:I've noticed a common mistake men tends to make.
In times of adversity in the relationship, men calls for a "cool off" break.
Bear in mind that, you are in a relationship with a woman, NOT A MAN like yourself.
A woman is like a pendulum, when you see the swing losing it's speed, you give it another good swing. NOT ASK FOR A TIME OUT.
You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~.
The time out method works for men, I agree. BUT YOU ARE NOT DATING A MAN.
UNLESS your woman is so fugly, that no other man will want her.
The chances are, she WILL see greener pastures elsewhere.
Don't cry if you insist if she really loves you, she wouldn't leave you.
The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT.
A time out = abandonment. Women DO HAVE abandonment issues. OK ?
"You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~."
I almost died of lol. I was to shock to hear these words....
So am I right to say that TS never do anything that proves he loves her?
Come on! working harder for the relationship if the relationship is still worth saving I agree but not when the gal is going out with another man.
These are the very words that made me suffer so much in past!
What crap! Imagine listerning to these words and work even harder only to find the other party sleeping with another guy.
I challage you to ask the gal to do her part too.
If she wants this relationship she should fight too why only TS?
I was in TS shoes thats why I know how much hurt he is having.
If you were in his shoes will you do what you have just said? -
Love have no reason. Yr feeling say it all. If u have try yr best then u had answer to yrself and u won't regret next time. If she dun love u that much, she won't regret either.
Be a man, let go if ask to. Look at yrself and c wat went wrong.
If u think u r perfect then u won't improve, everyone learn from mistake. Take a step back and c wat u had done to her to made her drift from u. -
Tell us what happen to your story.Originally posted by Guardx:"The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT."
"You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~."
I almost died of lol. I was to shock to hear these words....
So am I right to say that TS never do anything that proves he loves her?
Come on! working harder for the relationship if the relationship is still worth saving I agree but not when the gal is going out with another man.
These are the very words that made me suffer so much in past!
What crap! Imagine listerning to these words and work even harder only to find the other party sleeping with another guy.
I challage you to ask the gal to do her part too.
If she wants this relationship she should fight too why only TS?
I was in TS shoes thats why I know how much hurt he is having.
If you were in his shoes will you do what you have just said?
There's probably a reason why it didn't work for you.
For a 2 years relationship to end like this, something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end.
So, due to your past experience, are you going to always assume that your girl is gonna go sleeping with another man, every time she brings up issues with the relationship ? -
... I know of people that do not mind their men sleeping around and men that do not mind their women sleeping with other people....
... there are no hard and fast rules.. you go with what you are comfortable with within reason.... -
nehpyh, erhh.... I may be wrong, but I think it's the best spouse is 4 years difference, but even then, there are exceptions. You need to look at the whole 8 characters to make a good judgement.Originally posted by nehpyh:
I totally agree with Jo.
Show support cos she's also into another unknown territory. Do what you are good at when you are with her - support. Unless of course, she asks you to stop bothering her than that's a different story.
But please, support hor, not pester her with all the weird sms, phone calls
, gifts and sudden appearances - do not do things that you haven't been doing.
Be sincere and earnest.
I almost lost my wife to her admirer. Without a cool head and sincerity, we wouldn't have managed.
A man in the late 20s and early 30s is just starting out, so dun lose heart.As a consolation, the Chinese zodiac says that the best spouse should have a 6 years difference in age. That is just a guide so also no need to take it to heart....but on hindsight, consider the maturity, physical attraction, financial support, and life's experience you can offer to someone 6 years younger!!!!
In fact, the worst is a 6 years difference, but of course there are exceptions, and you might have encountered some.