Advice greatly needed!
-
japanese school teach sex education at a very young age, and most japanese girl lose their virginity at the age of 16Originally posted by aicuole:Few months ago, I've post on AA about the problem with my current gf now. This is the thread http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=282195 .
Now, after knowing each other for few months, and she came to singapore and spent 10 days with me. I can sense that she is really serious about this relationship and I wont want to it be ended up. A few example like, after she went back to the country to continue her study, she sent me stuff which is essential for me. Of course I told her not to but she insist.
We were really happy even though she was oversea and I'm here. She even agreed to come to singapore to live with me after getting her degree. Things were going really well except that her ex keep calling her. Well, she was being honest and told me that her ex called and she didnt reply or anything. She also wanted to change her number after her subscription end. Now the problem start... whenever her ex called, we will be engaging into a conversation about him... and i really mind! Alright, I may not be the super nice and open-hearted gentleman but I was able to accept her even though she had an abortion before.
But even so, what the f* that her ex keep calling her? Ok, i know.. he wanted to find her for sex! How I know it? I asked my gf to be frank with me, and she really did.. guess what? after her ex broke up with her for another girl, sometimes he still call her up for sex and she agreed!! OMG!!! I was really sad when she told me all these.. and what's the worst? They were having unprotected sex!!!! for fu*k sake!!! She even told me she did that 2 times!! I really duno what to say, how can a girl be like that?? She is really a nice girl.. i can feel it.. She told me she was really stupid and ignorancem she really regretted it and even wont blame me if i wanted a break up after hearing this. However, in my heart, im angry and sad at the same time. If i saw that guy, I wanted to kill him.. My words were really harsh when talking to her after knowing the truth, i told her this, 'that guy cause you so much pain, cause you to have abortion, and after the break, you still find him for sex?? an unprotected one?? what are you thinking?? Oh, so you got an abortion once, you think it's ok for the next abortion??" I said that in front of her face in webcam. She cried and said no... She told me that the reason why she had abortion was because she dunno anything in the first place, she had kept her virginity till 22 year old and gave it to that f*cker! And nobody had teach her about sex education... no even her parents.. (Her parent was country-side folk and duno much about this things too) In her school last time, they didnt teach as well... and I'm the one who tell her what's right and what's wrong, what can do and what cannot do. She told me that that's the past and she really devoted to me. since then, she really listen to what i say. She is not the type who go clubbing, drinking, smoking and such.
I really very sad after hearing her past.. even a normal girl who have the sense of diginty wont allow herself to be like that. But strangely, I know she suffered alot in the past, she is really a nice girl and it's the guy lost if he dont treasure her. In my heart, it's like thousand needle poking it... very painful.. Somemore, she used some of her saving and will be coming to singapore again before christmas, as she wanted to spend christmas with me. It's silly that she went to book the flight without telling me first because it is really waste of money... the money she would use to pay her school fees and give her family. You must know what taking flight during these time (Special occasion) cost a boom.. I was touched though...
Now the thing is... Im trying very hard to forgive her stupid past... and it's all started because of the stupid ex keep calling her. I know she would reject the call and she will definitely tell me that he called. But everytime she told me, my mind will be thinking alot... The thing is i really loved her.. if not, I would break up with her after she told me she had abortion and such..
I had already told her to change her number ASAP, and she will do it immediately after her subscription is over.. which is half a year time... Tell me fellow forumers... am I right to choose her? If she had met me in the first place, we will be really happy together... we are like so close and yet so far..
its true they subscribe for a certain period but they can change anytime they want their keitai, its just an excuse.
and this is this the things that she tells you , have you seen her mixi account?
dude as long as she is over there , you are in for more pain, sex is no big deal there -
... yes, sex to the Japs are just another part and parcel of life and is "no big deal".
... the 711 stores and almost every store that sells mags, sells porno mags...
... sex is just no big deal... -
fully agreeOriginally posted by Guardx:action speak louder than words.
change the number immediately, what's paying the penalty for an early termination like......i did that once & cost me more than $400 for 2 lines
last but not least, it ain't easy to forgive but will be a fantastic feeling if you can
-
one thing u can help her to do change the subscription for her
-
... it is a cultural thing... changing subscription will not help...Originally posted by icyboiz:one thing u can help her to do change the subscription for her -
You have a long distance relationship but you want to keep it close by chatting with her regularly but realistically, you only have a real chance at making it when you are both in the same country. A relationship is built, not on words coming out of screens and web cams, but when she is there beside you and you are watching her body language in your presence. I feel that you guys are advancing your relationship in the wrong way.
Why can't you guys stop talking about her ex boyfriend? Why did she even meet him at all? So she is in love with you, you are her boyfriend but your thoughts revolve around her sleeping with a man she got rid of - a man who called her and slept with her but hey you don't have to worry because although they had unprotected sex - you are the one she is deeply in love with.
Let's face it mate, when she met up with her ex boyfriend, the guy didn't exactly put a gun to her head, did he? He got to kiss her right? You mean she didn't turn her head when he went for her lips? She didn't push him away? Now that made sense doesn't it? Now do you know why her ex boyfriend is still calling her?
You spent all but 10 days with her. Have you kissed her? Has she made you laugh? Is she playing with your head or hopelessly in love? Is she latching on too soon? If you could not get over the fact that she was getting together with her ex then why do you keep going back for more? Does she have you right where she wants? As far as I Love Yous go, is it safer to keep it for the pet dogs at this point?
IMHO, maybe you guys should just stop talking about her ex boyfriend altogether, be quiet, keep your options open let your 'girlfriend' blab her guts out. You don't have to do anything mate, just sit there, type and smile. You don't have to come back with anything. Just wait for her to come over for Christmas. -
I read your first thread. Maybe it is better to "remain as friends" as she had suggested initially. I think your feelings for her maybe be of pity and wanting to protect her.
Until either of you can meet and interact regularly (not via phone or webcam) and get to know each other better, you should not over commit yourselves. The situation both of you are in right now is not conducive for any long-term plans. -
true by talking about her ex bf only makes her think about him and maybe the sex was good between them?Originally posted by soleachip:You have a long distance relationship but you want to keep it close by chatting with her regularly but realistically, you only have a real chance at making it when you are both in the same country. A relationship is built, not on words coming out of screens and web cams, but when she is there beside you and you are watching her body language in your presence. I feel that you guys are advancing your relationship in the wrong way.
Why can't you guys stop talking about her ex boyfriend? Why did she even meet him at all? So she is in love with you, you are her boyfriend but your thoughts revolve around her sleeping with a man she got rid of - a man who called her and slept with her but hey you don't have to worry because although they had unprotected sex - you are the one she is deeply in love with.
Let's face it mate, when she met up with her ex boyfriend, the guy didn't exactly put a gun to her head, did he? He got to kiss her right? You mean she didn't turn her head when he went for her lips? She didn't push him away? Now that made sense doesn't it? Now do you know why her ex boyfriend is still calling her?
You spent all but 10 days with her. Have you kissed her? Has she made you laugh? Is she playing with your head or hopelessly in love? Is she latching on too soon? If you could not get over the fact that she was getting together with her ex then why do you keep going back for more? Does she have you right where she wants? As far as I Love Yous go, is it safer to keep it for the pet dogs at this point?
IMHO, maybe you guys should just stop talking about her ex boyfriend altogether, be quiet, keep your options open let your 'girlfriend' blab her guts out. You don't have to do anything mate, just sit there, type and smile. You don't have to come back with anything. Just wait for her to come over for Christmas.
remember you are her and they are there together and its winter , everybody cold and need the warmth and hug together -
I like your post.Originally posted by soleachip:You have a long distance relationship but you want to keep it close by chatting with her regularly but realistically, you only have a real chance at making it when you are both in the same country. A relationship is built, not on words coming out of screens and web cams, but when she is there beside you and you are watching her body language in your presence. I feel that you guys are advancing your relationship in the wrong way.
Why can't you guys stop talking about her ex boyfriend? Why did she even meet him at all? So she is in love with you, you are her boyfriend but your thoughts revolve around her sleeping with a man she got rid of - a man who called her and slept with her but hey you don't have to worry because although they had unprotected sex - you are the one she is deeply in love with.
Let's face it mate, when she met up with her ex boyfriend, the guy didn't exactly put a gun to her head, did he? He got to kiss her right? You mean she didn't turn her head when he went for her lips? She didn't push him away? Now that made sense doesn't it? Now do you know why her ex boyfriend is still calling her?
You spent all but 10 days with her. Have you kissed her? Has she made you laugh? Is she playing with your head or hopelessly in love? Is she latching on too soon? If you could not get over the fact that she was getting together with her ex then why do you keep going back for more? Does she have you right where she wants? As far as I Love Yous go, is it safer to keep it for the pet dogs at this point?
IMHO, maybe you guys should just stop talking about her ex boyfriend altogether, be quiet, keep your options open let your 'girlfriend' blab her guts out. You don't have to do anything mate, just sit there, type and smile. You don't have to come back with anything. Just wait for her to come over for Christmas.
doko -
Thanks I like it too.Originally posted by dokono:I like your post.
doko -
The girl does have a rather sorry past. But the past is already history and there is nothing you can do to change what had been. If I were you, I'll focus on the present and the future as these are things in which you can determine.
Get the girl involved in making plans for both of you for the medium term (3 years) and the longer term (5 years)
By focussing on the present as you both work towards the future, you will be bsy living a life together. This will leave less time and opportunity to revisit the past.
The girl's sorry past could be taken as a powerful impetus to resolve to change for the better and not repeat the mistakes then....
Stay in the present and work together towards the future together! Good luck! -
aicuole,
I live in the USA. A BIG country.
Many of my friends married someone they found on the internet.
They chatted, they met up, they spend more time together flying hundred of miles acrosst he continent, several times a year. They get married, they have kids.
So which country is she from ? Knowing it might just shed plenty of light why she is behaving in certains you couldn't quite understand.
Culture plays a very important role in how women deals with sex and friendship with the opposite gender.
Look, women has physical needs too.
After tasting the forbidden fruit, do you really expect one to abstain from it totally ?
Isn't it better to have sex with someone you know, rather than someone she picks up off the streets ? C'mon, be realistic ok ?
Ignorant or not, don't judge her with her past, she may be just ignorant to the risk she is taking.
Now that you have 'informed"her, judge her by her FUTURE actions.
If she still behaves as bimbotic, then you know to leave for a smarter choice.
All in all, I perceive you as extremely conservative and narrow minded.
You may be too steep in emotion with this one, but your sanity and happiness lies in the hands of a virgin girl.
Do you know that there are men who are willing to marry prostitutes to be their wife and have their offsprings ?
If they don't deem them filthy and ignorant, why couldn't you ?
To wipe clean the slate, I suggest you insist she go for a HIV/STD tests.
If she is clean, you really shouldn't mind it anymore.
IF you really want this relationship to work, you need to look forward.
I believe the real issue is not her past, but the fact that you are not sure if you are ready to settle down or not.
You are still young, and to commit into a long term relationship where it is mostly the forte of older adults, you have fear and uncertainty.
And the fact that she is asking you for a life time commitment NOW scares the sh1t out of you. -
Ok thnx, I believe what you said is how I feel. Ok, the thing is.. as you know we met online, when our first chatting, (We dont know each other well, havent got into relationship yet).there were times where she received call from her ex and she angrily told him off in front of me. That is the problem I faced on my previous entry here http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=282195 .Originally posted by dokono:Everyone keeps saying give her a chance. But I don't agree.
It's not your fault or her fault. Everyone has the freedom to do what they want. Women are emotional creatures and they go by their feelings. And if they feel a lot like doing something, no amount of logic will help.
A lot of times, they(the wrong women) keep saying they will do this and that but they fail to deliver their promises 100%. Example: in your case failure to cut off contact with the ex to show commitment with you.
I know you really mind them having sex and unprotected somemore. That's the key issue here. Will she be having your child or his child?
Very important question: Did she have sex while in a relationship with you? If so, that's a cardinal sin of adultery. I won't forgive someone like that.
If not, it's her past and it's up to you to decide if you want to accept it. I suggest you ask her if she still likes him and take her time to think through this. Take time to be alone to think through all these and see if it's really worth it to let a woman screw up your life like this.
Ask yourself: are you happy throughout the course of the relationship or are you just simply insecure?
doko
While some say wait for her to come sg which is one month ago, we really into this relationship and indeed she didnt pick up any call from her ex. But her ex keep calling her though. And everytime when her ex called, she will told me as for being honest.
She didnt have sex while in a relationship with me. I did trust her for that and just the thing she do which she think is right let me feel insecure. She really comfirmed that she got no feeling for him anymore and made her more annoyed that he keep calling. Even though I'm happy with her in this relationship but... her ignorance in life scare me alot...
I know what you mean... im just saying the action that she do to show her devotion and wanting to make a commitment with a little engagment ceremony. Like i said, im not touched by her buying expensive stuff for me so that it gives her the right to sleep around. Im touched by her for doing things that even though she know it's silly but that's how she feel for me.Originally posted by Guardx:What I mean by action is not sleeping around and talking to ex anymore. Not buying some expensive gift for you and been touch by it.
Correct me if i am wrong if buying expensive presents gives someone right to sleep around, why borther taking it in the first place?
I can understand your love for her is very great, but this is reality not some fairy tale. Is your life and you must decide whether you seriously believe in her or not. No one can help you. Take some time off. You need it.
P.s I say it's not cheap, dosent mean it's expensive... it's just affordable price.
What gives is not about the value, it's about the feeling she put into it. Cause from what i see, as i said eariler, she is doing part time job while studying.. it's tough for a foreiger moreover a girl. I know her spending is unnecessary. The impression she gave is like even though i gave her a rock, she will treasure it that kind of thing.. you know?
And you're right, although i believe in her, i dunno why am i writing this for advise... I know human have problem.. even all my friends have love problem... I just want to hear the advise which i believe some of the people here might be facing love problem and the experience they got which they overcome.
Ok i wouldnt say you are wrong.. maybe im restictive, narrow and naive. But what i do and whatever i tell her is to protect her and prevent her from having any mishap... which break my heart more. Because with her over there, I cant do anything.. when anything happen, i cant be by her side in the shortest time, the only thing i believe i could do it to tell her how i feel. And i believe there's this phrase that says 'preventation is better than cure' do you agree?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:The words "correct mindset of doing things" and "not everything that I have to point out that what is right and wrong" could be the reason why you say "life is funny.. filled with sadness and grief ".
You have a philosophy of life that is "restrictive", "narrow" and maybe even "naive".
*sigh* you have big problems that stems from your philosophy of life.
Her mind is conservative to some extend... she believe that bastard which he told her that is the right thing to do. She stayed in japan for 3 years now and she had that relationship with that bastard after 2 years.Originally posted by Space1999:japanese school teach sex education at a very young age, and most japanese girl lose their virginity at the age of 16
its true they subscribe for a certain period but they can change anytime they want their keitai, its just an excuse.
and this is this the things that she tells you , have you seen her mixi account?
dude as long as she is over there , you are in for more pain, sex is no big deal there
I know i will have more pain... if not i wont be typing all these to seek for advise.
Ironically, I had asked her this before.. that have the guy used a gun to force her? No... that's what she replied. I know i dont need to know the detail.. but after all that, it's still the fact that she went over whenever he called. After that she told me she regretted and she feel that she is dirty... and apologised to me... but what the point of apologising now if she know had thought before. Such a simple thought like 'I know i wont be together with this man, how would my future man that i love sees me if i do this thing?' Simple right? in short, she just didnt think of the consequence...Originally posted by soleachip:Let's face it mate, when she met up with her ex boyfriend, the guy didn't exactly put a gun to her head, did he? He got to kiss her right? You mean she didn't turn her head when he went for her lips? She didn't push him away? Now that made sense doesn't it? Now do you know why her ex boyfriend is still calling her?
You spent all but 10 days with her. Have you kissed her? Has she made you laugh? Is she playing with your head or hopelessly in love? Is she latching on too soon? If you could not get over the fact that she was getting together with her ex then why do you keep going back for more? Does she have you right where she wants? As far as I Love Yous go, is it safer to keep it for the pet dogs at this point? -
Take this into consideration. Her past experiences probably prompted her to want to "make a commitment with a little engagment ceremony" just so that she can set her mind at ease that you'd be a more responsible guy than her previous guy.Originally posted by jojobeach:And the fact that she is asking you for a life time commitment NOW scares the sh1t out of you.
While it may not exactly be a lifetime commitment she's seeking now, your reservations are certainly well-founded if you think long-term. As you previously mentioned, you do have your reservations as to the viability of having a long-term future with someone whom you regard to be not very intelligent or possibly a little naive. Ultimately, the only thing you can - and should - do is decide rationally if there really is a future in this after all. If you can't see yourself with her at 70, there really isn't much point in trying to make a case for her just because of all the actions she has done to prove her love.
Fantasies, at the end of the day, never escape reality... -
she is not japanese?
wakarimasen... -
I hope so but sometimes things cant be controlled... It will be unfair to her if she committed so much and I didnt do my part. For commitment like coming to sg again in christmas and next year CNY, she suppose to go back to her country and visit her family, instead she told them that she cant go next year.. why? because she wanted to come sg again to visit mine instead. Of course, she still send money over for her family, she is filial though.Originally posted by sillyme:I read your first thread. Maybe it is better to "remain as friends" as she had suggested initially. I think your feelings for her maybe be of pity and wanting to protect her.
Until either of you can meet and interact regularly (not via phone or webcam) and get to know each other better, you should not over commit yourselves. The situation both of you are in right now is not conducive for any long-term plans.
But frankly speaking of me not committed myself to her, i wont want to let her down as she had gone through shit once.. i dont want to be the second one.
What if i tell you she suggest that we going to ROM to have our status of married there in term of law... cant say she didnt committed herself right? Though i felt that it's still early for us to say this... but let just see after 2 years she came to sg permanantly.
The thing is they live in different district, she have to go all the way by taking few hours bullet train in order to see him.. i dont see any need of getting warmth by traveling for few hours out in a cold... seriously i dunno what she is thinking at that moment...Originally posted by Space1999:true by talking about her ex bf only makes her think about him and maybe the sex was good between them?
remember you are her and they are there together and its winter , everybody cold and need the warmth and hug together
This wake me up in some sense... thnx for that.. Regardless the lecture I told her and some of my friend in their case of relationship, now i've been listening to lecture by u guys... which is great if you ask me...Originally posted by jojobeach:aicuole,
I live in the USA. A BIG country.
Many of my friends married someone they found on the internet.
They chatted, they met up, they spend more time together flying hundred of miles acrosst he continent, several times a year. They get married, they have kids.
So which country is she from ? Knowing it might just shed plenty of light why she is behaving in certains you couldn't quite understand.
Culture plays a very important role in how women deals with sex and friendship with the opposite gender.
Look, women has physical needs too.
After tasting the forbidden fruit, do you really expect one to abstain from it totally ?
Isn't it better to have sex with someone you know, rather than someone she picks up off the streets ? C'mon, be realistic ok ?
Ignorant or not, don't judge her with her past, she may be just ignorant to the risk she is taking.
Now that you have 'informed"her, judge her by her FUTURE actions.
If she still behaves as bimbotic, then you know to leave for a smarter choice.
All in all, I perceive you as extremely conservative and narrow minded.
You may be too steep in emotion with this one, but your sanity and happiness lies in the hands of a virgin girl.
Do you know that there are men who are willing to marry prostitutes to be their wife and have their offsprings ?
If they don't deem them filthy and ignorant, why couldn't you ?
To wipe clean the slate, I suggest you insist she go for a HIV/STD tests.
If she is clean, you really shouldn't mind it anymore.
IF you really want this relationship to work, you need to look forward.
I believe the real issue is not her past, but the fact that you are not sure if you are ready to settle down or not.
You are still young, and to commit into a long term relationship where it is mostly the forte of older adults, you have fear and uncertainty.
And the fact that she is asking you for a life time commitment NOW scares the sh1t out of you.
There's this saying 'Sometimes you have to walk through the darkness to fight for the light' How far do you agree? I know i can find happiness after going though sh1t.. but why ones have to gone through sh1t to know their happiness? like you say, isnt it a good ending if the men know the prostitute in the first place and give her happiness without her being though the sh1t of becoming a prostitute?
Well, she suggested me accompanying her for a check up when she come to sg this christmas... (by the way, will the hospital willing to do check up for foreigner? is there a need to bring any document along? I dont want to go for the illegal one though.)
In fact i dunno why im thinking this though.. I've seen the fact whereby my friend give up his relationship after knowing that his partner is not a virgin.. but why i asked. His reply was she was a bad girl. This is some thing that some people cant accept and i cant over talk him in this matter... now he's looking for school girl which he believe that they are still pure. Honesty, Im not like him, i can accept the fact that my girlfriend had gone through abortion because of the mistake she done... after having having relationship with me, she changed alot... from a ignorant kid to a more mature lady. But there are some things i cant see... im not god that can see everything and tell people what is right and what is wrong. Im young and there's still many things for me to see, many things for me to experience before i can said that i really grow up. However, regardless how i felt, I really do love her for what she is... and have think though this relationship seriously... just that dunno why the ex keep bothering me... -
aicuole,
All you need for a blood test is her passport/ID.
The blood test may take about 3-5 working days for processing.
And there is a chance of getting a false positive, which means she may have to retake it again.
So when she visits again, take this time frame into consideration.
You should call up the clinic to make an appointment early so both of you can go in once she arrived.
BTW, she will need to go for physical checkup anyway when she wants to apply for visa to stay in SG.
I don't enjoy bursting your bubble. But my feelings tells me that the person who is the naive one is you, not her.
She is smarter than you think. The fact that she ensures a solid commitment from you before taking a leap tells me that her intelligence is more than meets the eye.
For her to decide against using any protection during sex. Is perhaps not due to naivity, perhaps, she has some other motives in mind.
The fact that she went for abortion, may be that the guy is not willing to marry her after she gets pregnant.
I have to warn you tho, that sometimes, a woman will use pregnancy to tie their man down.
I sincerely hope that you will not end up like one of those men who got manipulated by very smart women who pretend to be stupid.
Is her ex a japanese guy ? or someone from her own country.
I see a red flag. -
Ok thnx for the hospital check up info.Originally posted by jojobeach:aicuole,
All you need for a blood test is her passport/ID.
The blood test may take about 3-5 working days for processing.
And there is a chance of getting a false positive, which means she may have to retake it again.
So when she visits again, take this time frame into consideration.
You should call up the clinic to make an appointment early so both of you can go in once she arrived.
BTW, she will need to go for physical checkup anyway when she wants to apply for visa to stay in SG.
I don't enjoy bursting your bubble. But my feelings tells me that the person who is the naive one is you, not her.
She is smarter than you think. The fact that she ensures a solid commitment from you before taking a leap tells me that her intelligence is more than meets the eye.
For her to decide against using any protection during sex. Is perhaps not due to naivity, perhaps, she has some other motives in mind.
The fact that she went for abortion, may be that the guy is not willing to marry her after she gets pregnant.
I have to warn you tho, that sometimes, a woman will use pregnancy to tie their man down.
I sincerely hope that you will not end up like one of those men who got manipulated by very smart women who pretend to be stupid.
Is her ex a japanese guy ? or someone from her own country.
I see a red flag.
Well, I have to object that her thought of using unprotected sex. She dosent know anything about sex.. needless to say of how to protect it. I believe it's the ex that want to tie with her... making use of her getting pregant and then told her that they should stop relationship for a while, while he sees his boss's sister.. if he failed in the relationship with the boss's sister, at least he still have her as an option. It's her decision of having the abortion... and she bores the abortion fees!! Look how bastard that guy can be and she know from this point that she wont have any happiness with him in future.. You can say that she is intelligent for taking the right choice... if she bore his child.. chances of us getting together is equal to zero. But then, as time goes by, she began to feel forgiveness for the guy? which is bs if you ask me.. hence agreed to be contact and doing the way he wanted... this is naive in thinking if you ask me.
Also, for the fact that the situation we are in now, it's not possible to plan for any children yet in term of financial capability. I love her so the basic rules of protecting her to prevent further trouble.. i know what im doing. At least i have the sense to know that.
Anyway, that bastard is from her country not japanese. -
Have you met her family yet ?Originally posted by aicuole:Ok thnx for the hospital check up info.
Well, I have to object that her thought of using unprotected sex. She dosent know anything about sex.. needless to say of how to protect it. I believe it's the ex that want to tie with her... making use of her getting pregant and then told her that they should stop relationship for a while, while he sees his boss's sister.. if he failed in the relationship with the boss's sister, at least he still have her as an option. It's her decision of having the abortion... and she bores the abortion fees!! Look how bastard that guy can be and she know from this point that she wont have any happiness with him in future.. You can say that she is intelligent for taking the right choice... if she bore his child.. chances of us getting together is equal to zero. But then, as time goes by, she began to feel forgiveness for the guy? which is bs if you ask me.. hence agreed to be contact and doing the way he wanted... this is naive in thinking if you ask me.
Also, for the fact that the situation we are in now, it's not possible to plan for any children yet in term of financial capability. I love her so the basic rules of protecting her to prevent further trouble.. i know what im doing. At least i have the sense to know that.
Anyway, that bastard is from her country not japanese. -
Nope but she had send the pic of us together when she was in sg before. Quite a positive comment on me by her family from what she say. After planning to come sg in next CNY to see my family, she also wanted me to see his family too.. but it's just the matter of time and more planning to come.Originally posted by jojobeach:Have you met her family yet ?
However, I heard that her family dislike that bastard and greatly oppose them getting together last time. Does it mean anything? -
Study her character and past, until she has proven able to change her behavior, all your energy and frustration are just going into waste. Like what Guardx said, words don't matter, only her actions count. If you want a person with integrity, then in my humble opinion you are picking the wrong one. There is no point in you pressuring her to stop contacting her ex boyfriend.Originally posted by aicuole:Ironically, I had asked her this before.. that have the guy used a gun to force her? No... that's what she replied. I know i dont need to know the detail.. but after all that, it's still the fact that she went over whenever he called. After that she told me she regretted and she feel that she is dirty... and apologised to me... but what the point of apologising now if she know had thought before. Such a simple thought like 'I know i wont be together with this man, how would my future man that i love sees me if i do this thing?' Simple right? in short, she just didnt think of the consequence...
Did you date her properly before getting all tangled up? Seems like you are buying into this way too fast. Jealousy may be a powerful emotion but don't let it suffocate you. Don't try to be the tough guy by hanging in there mate. Take a back seat and practice some self control (because you don't seem to know what you are doing at all). -
aicuole,Originally posted by aicuole:Nope but she had send the pic of us together when she was in sg before. Quite a positive comment on me by her family from what she say. After planning to come sg in next CNY to see my family, she also wanted me to see his family too.. but it's just the matter of time and more planning to come.
However, I heard that her family dislike that bastard and greatly oppose them getting together last time. Does it mean anything?
My suggestion to you , thread cautiously.
Her family haven't even met you in person yet. And they have positive comments on you already ? Red flag number 2.
Everything so far has been " she said". How much of what she said is truth / fabrications ?
So, the answer to your question is. No, it doesn't mean anything, other than the fact that, I see sugar coating every corner.
You... do know the meaning of "stepping stones"... right ?
Get to know her more... I suggest you drag out the time, a little just to be sure.
Tell her, you are not ready to settle down yet.
Ask her to give you another 5 more years. You need more time to know her better. -
to be brutally honest:
omg, it's internet again. how much do u understand her?
smhow, i agree with jojobeach, u might be the naive party here, not her.
and though i try not to sterotype, but is the ger from china?
perheps, u can try, take a step backwards, calm down and look at the whole story again to see if it make sense/logic.
sometimes... ppl blind their ownself, or convince themselves that this is so and so. (she is naive..etc) -
if the japanese are so open to sex as space1999 put it out to be, im sure she would have learned and heard things of sex and protected sex during her 3 years stay.
-
x2. Are you able to verify what she had said to you in a way or the other?Originally posted by jojobeach:I sincerely hope that you will not end up like one of those men who got manipulated by very smart women who pretend to be stupid.